Realtor Quotes in A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)

Aunt Josephine: I hate it here.

Violet Baudelaire: Well, maybe, Aunt Josephine, you should think about moving.

Aunt Josephine: Oh, I could never, ever sell this house.

[pause]

Aunt Josephine: I'm terrified of realtors.

[flashback]

Realtor: Is this a bad time?

Aunt Josephine: Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

[after telling the children how Ike died]

Aunt Josephine: Oh, God, I hate it here.

Violet Baudelaire: Well, Aunt Josephine, have you ever thought of, maybe, moving someplace else? Maybe, if you moved away from Lake Lachrymose, you might feel better.

Aunt Josephine: Oh, I could never, never, never, never sell this house.

[pause]

Aunt Josephine: I'm terrified of realtors.

Lemony Snicket: There are two kinds of fears. Rational and irrational. Being afraid of realtors is an irrational fear.

[in a flashback]

Realtor: [shows her card to a tentative Josephine] Is this a bad time?

Aunt Josephine: [screams at the top of her lungs]

[in the present]

Klaus Baudelaire: [to Violet] We gotta get her out of the house.

[first lines]

Anna: Good morning, gentlemen.

[smacking with her glove]

Anna: Feet!

Realtor: [cut to high-rise apartment] Anna Brady, I'm so happy to have you here. This is the third open house and not one bite.

Anna: Don't worry. I have everything under control.

Jerome: [cut to lobby] Anna, you are realtor?

Anna: I'm a stager. I stage apartments *for* realtors. I transform ordinary spaces into something special. Most people don't know what it is they want until I show them, and so many places need my help. - Not the Davenport, course.

Anna: [cut to dress fitter] It's just a very thin line between elegant and daring. I think just a quarter inch higher. Less than an eighth of an inch? We'll get it right.

[stabbed with a pin]

Anna: Ouch! You did it on purpose, knock it off.

[first lines]

Isabel Bigelow: [Outside a house at which Isabel has just landed and made available for rent, furnished, with an open house today] It's perfect!

Realtor: Oh, great!

Isabel Bigelow: I'll take it.

Realtor: You may want to decorate this house differently.

Arlo Pear: [Looking at a nude statue] Oh yes, we'd get bigger penises.

Realtor: Everybody tells you they hate the upper East Side. They wanna live on the West Side. But believe me, when it's resale time, the East Side moves all the time. I mean what do you got on the West Side? Sean and Madonna?

George Lutz: Uh... this, this is a mistake.

Realtor: How's that?

George Lutz: No, I mean your ad in the paper. Uh... this is a... It's gotta be a misprint, cause I'm a contractor, and I know what a place like this should cost. And, you know, if this is... Well, if this is true, then this is a... the deal of a lifetime.

Realtor: And what is wrong with that?

George Lutz: So, look, I gotta ask what's the catch? There's always a catch.

Realtor: There was a tragedy, a crime... a murder.

Realtor: We're happy?

Kathy Lutz: Yes, we're happy.

George Lutz: [pointing to Kathy] She's happy. I'm broke.

Elliot Moore: [shots are heard firing in the distance] Oh no...

Alma Moore: What "oh no"?

Elliot Moore: The toxin? The toxin's affecting them?

Woman in Group: Are those people killing themselves?

Realtor: You were with the Private, what do we do?

Alma Moore: We need to do something!

Elliot Moore: Just let me think...

Alma Moore: [as shots continually fire in the background] They're dying!

Elliot Moore: I need a second...

Realtor: They released it? We're not near the roads!

Alma Moore: We can't just stand here as uninvolved observers!

Elliot Moore: I need a second okay? Just give me a second!

Alma Moore: We're not gonna be one of those assholes on the news who watches a crime happen and not do something! We're not assholes!

Elliot Moore: Just a second!

Woman in Group: There were children in that group!

Alma Moore: Elliot please tell us what to do!

Elliot Moore: I need a second okay? Why can't anybody give me a goddamn second?

[talks to himself]

Elliot Moore: All right, be scientific, douchebag. Identify the... rules... design the experiment... careful observation, measurements, that's what I'm trying to do, interpret the experimental pattern, interpret... What if it IS the plants? That group was larger than ours. This thing's been escalating all day. Smaller and smaller populations have been setting this off. They react to human stimulus. Maybe people are setting off the plants?

Alma Moore: What are you saying? That guy was crazy! We have to save them!

Elliot Moore: They're already dead! What if they're targeting us as threats? This part of the field may not have been set off. Something in this field could be releasing the chemical into the air when there's too many of us together. Let's just stay ahead of the wind!

Eddie Morra: What's the asking price?

Realtor: $8.5 million.

Eddie Morra: I'll take it.