Aunt Josephine Quotes in A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)

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Aunt Josephine Quotes:

  • [about Aunt Josephine's deceased husband, Ike]

    Klaus Baudelaire: Did Ike die in a fire?

    Aunt Josephine: No, no, silly boy... he was eaten by leeches.

    Sunny: [non-subtitled] Okay

  • Aunt Josephine: I hate it here.

    Violet Baudelaire: Well, maybe, Aunt Josephine, you should think about moving.

    Aunt Josephine: Oh, I could never, ever sell this house.

    [pause]

    Aunt Josephine: I'm terrified of realtors.

    [flashback]

    Realtor: Is this a bad time?

    Aunt Josephine: Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

  • Aunt Josephine: The children are going to serve puttanesca.

    Count Olaf: [gasps] The very meal I ate before they took me leg!

  • Klaus Baudelaire: You know, Curdled Cave is for sale.

    Aunt Josephine: So?

    Klaus Baudelaire: So, pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors.

    [Aunt Josephine gasps]

  • Aunt Josephine: Where's your brother?

    Violet Baudelaire: Kitchen.

    Aunt Josephine: Klaus! What are you doing?

    Klaus Baudelaire: Napkins.

    Aunt Josephine: Napkins. Oh, napkins are here. Come away from the fridge. If it falls it'll crush you flat.

  • Aunt Josephine: [the children have gasped at recognizing Count Olaf] The black plague! Is it the black plague?

  • [after telling the children how Ike died]

    Aunt Josephine: Oh, God, I hate it here.

    Violet Baudelaire: Well, Aunt Josephine, have you ever thought of, maybe, moving someplace else? Maybe, if you moved away from Lake Lachrymose, you might feel better.

    Aunt Josephine: Oh, I could never, never, never, never sell this house.

    [pause]

    Aunt Josephine: I'm terrified of realtors.

    Lemony Snicket: There are two kinds of fears. Rational and irrational. Being afraid of realtors is an irrational fear.

    [in a flashback]

    Realtor: [shows her card to a tentative Josephine] Is this a bad time?

    Aunt Josephine: [screams at the top of her lungs]

    [in the present]

    Klaus Baudelaire: [to Violet] We gotta get her out of the house.

  • Aunt Josephine: Come in quickly children...

    [the children rush in; she freaks out]

    Aunt Josephine: Aah! Not that quickly! You could trip over the welcome mat and decapitate yourselves.

  • Aunt Josephine: Haven't.

    Count Olaf: What?

    Aunt Josephine: You said hadn't. That's bad grammar. You should have said, "You haven't been a trustworthy person."

    Count Olaf: Thank you... for correcting me.

  • Count Olaf: [as Captain Sham] I's the boy who runs the boat down near the pier there!

    Aunt Josephine: Oh... what happened to Captain Sam?

    Count Olaf: Uhhhh... he's me third cousin on me father's side. He's afeared of that big gale comin' in. Said he started to get that sinkin' feelin'.

    [cut to Captain Sam being thrown into the water, chained to an anchor]

    Count Olaf: ...Sure he'll turn up sooner or later.

  • Aunt Josephine: You're putting your head right in the lion's mouth.

    Dr. Carole Nelson: That's what I've got to do.

Browse more character quotes from A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)

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