Harper Decker Simmons Quotes in Parental Guidance (2012)

Artie Decker: For the record, I was never going to actually spank Barker.

Harper Decker Simmons: But you said you were.

Artie Decker: But I didn't.

Harper Decker Simmons: But he didn't know that.

Artie Decker: That's *why* it worked.

Harper Decker Simmons: Oh.

[from trailer]

Harper Decker Simmons: [with a mouthful of cake] Yogurt not like ice cream! You lied!

Harper Decker Simmons: [eating ice cream cake] Mom, you lied to me! Yogurt is not like ice cream!

Artie Decker: Harper, here're your sausages.

Harper Decker Simmons: Soy-sages.

Artie Decker: Soysages? Where are you, the Bronx?

Diane Decker: Bravo! Oh, wow! Harper, that was wonderful!

Harper Decker Simmons: I stunk.

Diane Decker: You most certainly did not!

[to Dr. Schveer]

Diane Decker: Wasn't she wonderful?

Dr. Schveer: No. This will *not* be good enough for your audition. You must practice more! When my daughter underperforms, I shun her. *This* girl should be shunned!

Harper Decker Simmons: Just type in 'get to school'.

Artie Decker: Why is that easier than you just telling me how to get there?