B.O.B. Quotes in Monsters vs. Aliens (2009)

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Might we ask for your name, madam?

Susan Murphy: Susan.

B.O.B.: No, we mean like your monster name. You know, what do people scream when they see you coming? Like "Look out! Here comes...?"

Susan Murphy: Susan.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Really?

B.O.B.: [spookily] SUUUUSSAAANN! Ooh, I just scared myself! That is scary!

B.O.B.: So long, Derek! Good luck getting over me.

Susan Murphy: Uh, B.O.B., I'm the one Derek's not going to get over.

B.O.B.: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait? You were dating Derek too? That two timing jerk!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: [about B.O.B] Forgive him, but as you can see, he has no brain.

B.O.B.: Turns out, you don't need one. Totally overrated! As a matter of fact, I don't even...

[starts gasping for air]

B.O.B.: I forgot how to breathe! Don't know how to breathe! Help me, Doctor Cockroach! Help! Help!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Suck in, B.O.B.

B.O.B.: [breathes normally] Thanks, Doc. You're a life saver.

The Missing Link: So, how was Derek?

[pause]

Susan Murphy: Derek's a selfish jerk.

B.O.B.: No!

Susan Murphy: Yes. All that talk about us - "I'm so proud of us", "Us just got a job in Fresno" - There was no us, it was just Derek. Why did I have to get hit by a meteor to see that? I was such an idiot!

[kicks roof of gas station, sending B.O.B. flying]

Susan Murphy: Why did I ever think life with Derek would be so great anyway? I mean, look at all I've done without him. Fighting a alien robot? That was me, not him! And it was amazing! Meeting you guys... amazing. Dr. Cockroach, you can climb walls, and build a super-computer out of a pizza box, 2 cans of hairspray...

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: And a paper clip!

Susan Murphy: Amazing! And you. You hardly need an introduction; you're the Missing Link! You personally carried off 250 co-eds off Cocoa Beach, and still had the strength to fight off the National Guard!

The Missing Link: And the Coast Guard. And also the Life Guard.

Susan Murphy: Amazing!

[B.O.B. lands]

Susan Murphy: B.O.B! Who else could fall from unimaginable heights and end up without a single scratch?

B.O.B.: Link?

Susan Murphy: You.

B.O.B.: Amazing!

[Insectosaurus roars]

The Missing Link: Good point, Insecto! Susan, don't shortchange yourself.

Susan Murphy: Oh, I'm not gonna shortchange myself.

[stands at full height]

Susan Murphy: Ever again!

B.O.B.: My, would you look at the size of that...

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Foot!

[Cockroach and Link jump out of the way, as the robot steps on B.O.B]

B.O.B.: [from the sole of the robot's foot, as it's walking] I got him you guys! I got...

[robot takes a step]

B.O.B.: Don't worry, I won't let go! I'm wearing him do...

[robot takes a step]

B.O.B.: Please tell me he's slowing down!

[robot takes a step]

B.O.B.: Please tell me he's slowing down!

B.O.B.: I may not have a brain, gentlemen, but I have an idea.

Susan Murphy: It's okay. These are my new friends.

B.O.B.: [Grabs Susan's mom, Wendy] Oh, Derek! I missed you so much! Thinking about seeing you again was the only thing that got me through prison!

[Hugs Wendy so hard he absorbs her into his body]

B.O.B.: I love you! I love this man!

Susan Murphy: B.O.B., no! That's my mom! You're suffocating her!

[B.O.B spits her out]

Carl Murphy: Honey, are you all right?

Wendy Murphy: I taste ham.

Susan Murphy: Sorry Mom. He's just a hugger.

The Missing Link: Halt! I, Gallaxhar, order you to release the prisoner at once!

Gallaxhar clone: Clearly, you are defective beyond repair. Guards, take this defective clone to the incinerator!

[pause]

Gallaxhar clone: Well, what are you waiting for? You and you!

[Points at Dr. Cockroach and B.O.B]

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Seriously?

Gallaxhar clone: Yes. Take the prisoner and the defective clone to the incinerator.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Uh, yes, of course.

Gallaxhar clone: And here's a security pass in case you need it.

[Offering a laser gun to B.O.B]

Gallaxhar clone: Would you like a gun?

B.O.B.: Yes, I would. Hey, you guys, check this out.

[Gun goes off and hits clone]

The Missing Link: Okay...

The Missing Link: [about Susan] She's speechless!

B.O.B.: She?

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Yes. We are in the prescence of the rare female monster.

B.O.B.: No way! It's a boy; look at his boobies!

The Missing Link: We need to have a talk.

Susan Murphy: [Fighting the robot] B.O.B.!

B.O.B.: What?

Susan Murphy: Help me!

B.O.B.: Sorry, I was just staring at this bird over there.

The Missing Link: No monster has even gotten out of here.

B.O.B.: That's not true! The invisible man did.

The Missing Link: No he didn't. We just told you that so you wouldn't get upset.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: He died of a heart attack twenty-five years ago.

B.O.B.: NO!

The Missing Link: Yeah. In that very chair.

[motions towards an empty chair]

The Missing Link: He's still there.

Susan Murphy: I can't believe it! Soon I'll be back in Derek's arms... or... he'll be in mine.

The Missing Link: Ahh I can't wait for spring break back at Cocoa Beach just... freakin' everybody out.

B.O.B.: And I'll go back to my lab and finally finish my experiments.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: No no, that's me, B.O.B.

B.O.B.: Then I'll be a really giant lady.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: That's Susan, B.O.B.

B.O.B.: Fine. Then I'll go back to Modesto and be with Derek.

The Missing Link: Yeah, that's still Susan B.O.B.

B.O.B.: I think I at least deserve a chance to be with Derek!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: My, what a shindig. Your parents really know how to throw it down.

The Missing Link: Huh? Oh, yeah. That was the best party I've even been to since I left prison.

B.O.B.: I don't know what party you guys went to, because that's not how I interpreted it at all. I don't think your parents like me, and I think that Jello gave me a fake phone number.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: [as the ship is about to explode] It's been a pleasure knowing you, Link.

The Missing Link: The feeling's mutual, Doc.

B.O.B.: I will see you guys tomorrow, for lunch.

The Missing Link: That's right, B.O.B.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: And they'll be ice-cream and cake, and balloons.

B.O.B.: Cake and balloons for lunch? It's gonna be the best day ever! I love you guys!

B.O.B.: What happened to the " there isn't a jar in this world I can't open" stuff? Wait, did you really find a jar you couldn't open? What was in it? Were there pickles in it? Where's the giant jar of pickles?

B.O.B.: Oh! My back! Just kidding! I don't have a back! Hahahahaha!

[B.O.B. picks up a three from a deck of cards, Insectosaurus is standing behind B.O.B]

The Missing Link: Do you have any...

[Insectosaurus stomps three times]

The Missing Link: Threes?

B.O.B.: Yes! I do! How are you doing this? You're the luckiest guy I know!

The Missing Link: Luck ain't got nothin' to do with it.

B.O.B.: You're doing great!

Susan Murphy: I'm doing everything!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Poor Link. After all that tough talk, you were outmonstered by a girl. No wonder you're depressed.

The Missing Link: Hey, I'm not depressed. I'm just tired.

B.O.B.: Why are you tired? You didn't do anything.

The Missing Link: I haven't been sleeping well lately, all right? I have sleep apnes... apne... apnea. Whatever, it's not fun.

B.O.B.: [to a jello mold] Hi. I'm benzoid ostylezene bicarbonate, or you can call me B.O.B, whichever's easier. Do I come on too strong? I'm sorry, I'm a little rusty. I mean I've... been in prison my whole life. Ugh, why'd I mention prison?

[Slams fist on table, causing jello to shake]

B.O.B.: Oh, I didn't mean to scare you. I'll just go. I feel so stupid.

General W.R. Monger: I'm so proud of you monsters, I'd cry if I hadn't lost my tearducts in the war. But not crying will have to wait. The world needs you again.

Susan Murphy: What is it, general?

General W.R. Monger: Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As I speak, Escargantua is slowly making his way to Paris.

Susan Murphy: Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now, who's with me?

The Missing Link: What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?

[Insectosaurus roars]

The Missing Link: We're in.

B.O.B.: I'm in!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Count me in too.

General W.R. Monger: For the last fifty years, I've been your prison warden, but that it's no longer the case. For what it's worth...

[Salutes]

B.O.B.: Well, that's rude. What did we do?

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: No, B.O.B., that's not rude. It's a sign of great respect.

[B.O.B. is stuck to the sole of a robot; it passes by a hot dog cart]

B.O.B.: Hot dogs!

[grabs the hot dog cart; is about to eat it when the robot takes a step]

B.O.B.: I think he sees us.

B.O.B.: [to alien robot] Hey! Hi! How you doing! Welcome! We are here to destroy you!

Derek Dietl: Susan!

Susan Murphy: Derek?

Derek Dietl: I've been thinking long and hard about what happened last night, and I just want to to know, I forgive you.

Susan Murphy: You forgive me?

Derek Dietl: Of course. It wasn't your fault you got hit by a meteorite and ruined everything. And I say maybe you didn't ruin everything, because I just got a call from New York. They offered me network. All I have to do is give them an exclusive interview with you.

Susan Murphy: Really?

Derek Dietl: Yes. I get my dream job, and you get your dream guy. It's a win-win for Team Dietl.

Susan Murphy: Derek, that's... amazing. Is the camera running?

Derek Dietl: Of course.

Susan Murphy: [Picks up Derek] Good, because I wouldn't want any of your fans to miss this. This is Susan Murphy saying goodbye, Derek!

[Flicks him up in the air]

Susan Murphy: B.O.B., could you...?

B.O.B.: [after catching Derek] Derek, you're a selfish jerk, and guess what? I've met someone else. She's lime green, she has 14 little chunks of pineapple inside of her, and she is everything I deserve in life! I'm happy now, Derek, without you. It's over!

B.O.B.: [to cameraman] Turn it off.

B.O.B.: It's just legs? Why did they capture a giant pair of legs?

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Silence, B.O.B! She'll hear you!

B.O.B.: How? Legs don't have ears.

General W.R. Monger: Monsters, I'm so proud of you, I could cry, if I hadn't lost my tear ducts in the war. But not crying will have to wait. The world needs you again.

Susan Murphy: What is it, General?

General W.R. Monger: Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As we speak, Escargantua is slowly making it's way to Paris.

Susan Murphy: Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now who's with me?

The Missing Link: What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?

[Butterflyosaurus roars, saying *yes*]

The Missing Link: We're in.

B.O.B.: I'm in!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Count me in too.

Wendy Murphy: Au revoir, sweetie! Have a safe flight!

Carl Murphy: Yeah, and hang on!

B.O.B.: [as Butterflyosaurus flies our heroes into the sunset] Goodbye, Derek! Good luck getting over me.

Susan Murphy: B.O.B., it's me he's never going to get over.

B.O.B.: Wait, wait! You were dating Derek too? That two-timing jerk!

V.I.N.CENT: We have to go!

B.O.B.: Nope, I can't make it! My main circuits are gone, my anti-grav-systems blown, and both backup systems are failing.

V.I.N.CENT: You *can* make it!

B.O.B.: It's no use, V.I.N.CENT! My useful days are finished! But part of me goes with ya. You'll never be obsolete.

[starts to shut down]

B.O.B.: Carry on the tradition. We're the best...

[shuts down and falls back]

V.I.N.CENT: [V.I.N.CENT's eyes slowly look down at his comrade in arms, then turns towards the probe ship, turning his head backwards to look at B.O.B. once more as he leaves]

V.I.N.CENT: [the little robot enters the Parts Storage warehouse on the Cygnus. Old B.O.B. floats in one of the corners and comes out upon V.I.N.CENT's entry]

B.O.B.: My name's B.O.B., Bio-Sanitation Batallion. I couldn't talk freely before, but I have a whole lot to tell ya. If Maximilian knew you were here, it would be the end for the both of us.

V.I.N.CENT: Can you permanently re-arm my lasers?

B.O.B.: Yeah, I can. V.I.N.CENT, you and your friends are in grave danger. Reinhardt only turned the lights on to prevent any damage to the Cygnus. This is a death ship.

V.I.N.CENT, B.O.B.: [the two robots float in the hospital, to observe drones being programmed. Two rotating turntables are seen, with cavity cut-outs in the shape of humanoid forms on each turntable, which rotate under a 5-point triangular beam and focus on the cranial area of each cutout]

B.O.B.: These poor creatures are what's left of the crew. Kept alive by means I don't pretend to understand.

V.I.N.CENT: Humans?

B.O.B.: They're more robot than human. Let's get out of here before we're discovered.

V.I.N.CENT: [the hospital door opens to reveal two armed sentry droids] Too late! Watch it!

[a firefight ensues. V.I.N.CENT and B.O.B. manage to destroy both droids]

V.I.N.CENT: Think there are any more?

B.O.B.: All clear. Let's get rid of the evidence.

V.I.N.CENT: [the two robots put the remains of the sentry droids behind the control console table] How long before they'll start searching for these two?

B.O.B.: It depends on their duty schedule. It could be anytime.

V.I.N.CENT: Then we'll have to move fast.

[Outside the Palimino's docking area, B.O.B. and V.I.N.CENT brief Charlie, Captain Holland and Harry about the real story regarding the Cygnus]

B.O.B.: The officer the men trusted most was Frank McCrae.

Lieutenant Charles Pizer: Kate's father.

B.O.B.: They turned to him when Dr. Reinhardt ignored the orders to return home. He tried to take control of the Cygnus. Reinhardt called it mutiny and killed Mr. McCrae.

Captain Dan Holland: What became of the crew?

B.O.B.: They were captured by the sentry robots and are still on board.

Harry Booth: What?

Lieutenant Charles Pizer: Where?

B.O.B.: In the command tower, and the power center.

V.I.N.CENT: *Robots*, Mr. Pizer. *Humanoid* robots!

B.O.B.: The most valuable thing in the universe, intelligent life, means nothing to Dr. Reinhardt. Without their wills, the crew became things he could command.

Captain Dan Holland: That explains the funeral.

Lieutenant Charles Pizer: Right!

Captain Dan Holland: [looks to Harry] And the limping robot you spotted.

Harry Booth: [turns B.O.B. around to face him] Do you mean to tell me that there is actually a human *body* under that clothing?

B.O.B.: Exactly, Mr. Booth.

Captain Dan Holland: We can't just take off and leave these poor devils behind. Harry, looks like we're going to have to try your plan.

Harry Booth: What? And end up just like the rest of the crew? Why, if they couldn't pull it off, what chance do *we* have?

B.O.B.: Cap'n, the damage is irreversable. Death is their *only* release.

Harry Booth: That's right! For God's sakes, Dan! We can't take on that mechanical army!

V.I.N.CENT: Captain, I was forced to destroy two sentry robots. The others are searching *now*. If they're found...

Captain Dan Holland: Gotcha, V.I.N.CENT. Charlie, start the countdown.

Lieutenant Charles Pizer: Right!

Captain Dan Holland: V.I.N.CENT, tell Kate I want her and Alex back here on the double!

V.I.N.CENT: [the little robot turns to the camera. We see his eyballs glowing; he is communicating via ESP with Kate]

[as Captain S.T.A.R moves toward B.O.B]

B.O.B.: Oh, Lordy, he wants a rematch!

V.I.N.CENT: As an old war hero once said, "Damn the torpedos! full speed ahead!"

B.O.B.: He also said something about going in harm's way.

B.O.B.: [after helping to defeat the sentry robots] First fighting I've done in thirty years! I just wish it'd been Reinhardt and Maximilian out there!

Captain Dan Holland: [begins to float upward as a result of a meteor damaging the ceiling of the arboretum] I gotcha, B.O.B.!

B.O.B.: Let go, Cap'n! Save yourself!