General W.R. Monger Quotes in Monsters vs. Aliens (2009)

General W.R. Monger: Say hello to Insectosaurus.

[a woman screams]

General W.R. Monger: Miss Ronson, please. Nuclear waste turned him from a harmless grub into a 350 foot tall monster that attacked Tokyo. Here we have the Missing Link.

[Ronson screams again]

General W.R. Monger: A frozen fish man frozen for 20000 years that scientists defrosted. He escaped and went back to his old watering hole. This handsome fellow is Dr. Cockroach, PhD. The most brilliant scientist in the world he invented a machine to give humans the cockroach's ability to survive. Unfortunately there was a side effect.

[Ronson screams again]

General W.R. Monger: We call this thing B.O.B.

[Ronson screams again]

General W.R. Monger: WILL SOMEONE GET HER OUT OF HERE?

[off-camera sound of Ronson being taken away, china set cracking]

General W.R. Monger: Thank you! A genetically altered tomato was combined with a ranch flavored desert topping - the resulting mass gained consciousness.

General W.R. Monger: And her we have our latest addition, Ginormica.

[Another scream the same as Ronson's is heard, and it turns out to be the President's]

The President of the United States: [composing himself] General, continue.

General W.R. Monger: Her entire body radiates with pure energy, giving her enormous strength and size.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: [Building an atom bomb out of Legos] Oh, Susan. Might you happen to have a little uranium on you? Just a smidge.

General W.R. Monger: [On walkie-talkie] Revoke Dr. Cockroach's toybox privileges, immediately.

General W.R. Monger: We had the prison psychologist redecorate your cell, try to keep you all calm like.

[the cell has a small "Hang in there" poster]

Susan Murphy: But I don't want a poster. I want a real kitten, hanging from a real tree.

General W.R. Monger: This place is an X-file, wrapped in a cover-up and deep-fried in a paranoid conspiracy.

General W.R. Monger: Don't think of it as prison. Think of it as a hotel that you can never leave, 'cause it's locked from the outside.

The Missing Link: You see what I mean? No one's leaving. No one's ever getting out.

General W.R. Monger: Good news, monsters! You're getting out!

The Missing Link: Until today.

General W.R. Monger: Her entire body radiates with pure energy, giving her enormous strength and size.

[He accidentally makes the "Huge Breasts" gesture, then hides his hands when he notices it]

General W.R. Monger: Woo-hoo! Now that's a robot!

Susan Murphy: It's huge!

General W.R. Monger: Try not to damage it too much, monsters. I might want to take it back to the farm.

Susan Murphy: No, wait! You didn't say anything about it being huge!

[last lines]

The President of the United States: Everyone, I'd like to welcome my new Joint Chiefs of Staff, General W.R. Monger.

General W.R. Monger: Thanks, Mr. President. What a great way to celebrate my ninetieth birthday.

The President of the United States: Very good, Warren. So, let's get it started in here. Nerd!

Advisor Wedgie: Gentlemen, I have here the preliminary budget for rebuilding San Francisco.

The President of the United States: Zoinkers! This is gonna be a boring one. Good time for a cup of joe. Warren, how do you take it?

General W.R. Monger: Hit me with an organic venti chocolate brownie caramel mochacchino, extra hot with one inch of foam, non-fat.

The President of the United States: You got it, black it is.

[Pushes the nuke button by mistake, despite all the advisors shouting at him not to]

General W.R. Monger: My God, man! What have you done?

The President of the United States: Time to wave the white flag and head to the bunker, boys. Let's look at the situation again in 500 years. Who wants to freeze my head?

General W.R. Monger: I'm so proud of you monsters, I'd cry if I hadn't lost my tearducts in the war. But not crying will have to wait. The world needs you again.

Susan Murphy: What is it, general?

General W.R. Monger: Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As I speak, Escargantua is slowly making his way to Paris.

Susan Murphy: Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now, who's with me?

The Missing Link: What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?

[Insectosaurus roars]

The Missing Link: We're in.

B.O.B.: I'm in!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Count me in too.

General W.R. Monger: For the last fifty years, I've been your prison warden, but that it's no longer the case. For what it's worth...

[Salutes]

B.O.B.: Well, that's rude. What did we do?

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: No, B.O.B., that's not rude. It's a sign of great respect.

Susan Murphy: [Susan sees a "Hang in There" poster with a kitty on it] But I don't want a poster. I want a real kitty hanging from a real tree.

[on the verge of tears]

Susan Murphy: I want to go home.

General W.R. Monger: Oh come on little darlin' don't cry, it makes my knees hurt.

Susan Murphy: Oh, thank goodness. A real person. You are a real person, right? Not one of those half person, half machine, whatever you call those things?

General W.R. Monger: A cyborg?

Susan Murphy: Oh, no! You're a cyborg!

General W.R. Monger: I'm not gonna kid you, Mr. President. These are dark times. The odds are against us. We need a Hail Mary pass! We need raw power! We need... monsters!

General W.R. Monger: Monsters, I'm so proud of you, I could cry, if I hadn't lost my tear ducts in the war. But not crying will have to wait. The world needs you again.

Susan Murphy: What is it, General?

General W.R. Monger: Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As we speak, Escargantua is slowly making it's way to Paris.

Susan Murphy: Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now who's with me?

The Missing Link: What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?

[Butterflyosaurus roars, saying *yes*]

The Missing Link: We're in.

B.O.B.: I'm in!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Count me in too.