Susan Murphy Quotes in Monsters vs. Aliens (2009)

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Might we ask for your name, madam?

Susan Murphy: Susan.

B.O.B.: No, we mean like your monster name. You know, what do people scream when they see you coming? Like "Look out! Here comes...?"

Susan Murphy: Susan.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Really?

B.O.B.: [spookily] SUUUUSSAAANN! Ooh, I just scared myself! That is scary!

B.O.B.: So long, Derek! Good luck getting over me.

Susan Murphy: Uh, B.O.B., I'm the one Derek's not going to get over.

B.O.B.: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait? You were dating Derek too? That two timing jerk!

[Susan wakes up on board Gallaxhar's spaceship in a containment cell]

Gallaxhar: [enters on a personal hovercraft] You must be terrified. Waking up in a strange place, wearing strange clothes, imprisoned by a strange being floating on a strange hovering device. Strange, isn't it?

Susan Murphy: Hardly. It's not the first time.

Gallaxhar: [pause, deflated] Wow, you really get around.

The Missing Link: So, how was Derek?

[pause]

Susan Murphy: Derek's a selfish jerk.

B.O.B.: No!

Susan Murphy: Yes. All that talk about us - "I'm so proud of us", "Us just got a job in Fresno" - There was no us, it was just Derek. Why did I have to get hit by a meteor to see that? I was such an idiot!

[kicks roof of gas station, sending B.O.B. flying]

Susan Murphy: Why did I ever think life with Derek would be so great anyway? I mean, look at all I've done without him. Fighting a alien robot? That was me, not him! And it was amazing! Meeting you guys... amazing. Dr. Cockroach, you can climb walls, and build a super-computer out of a pizza box, 2 cans of hairspray...

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: And a paper clip!

Susan Murphy: Amazing! And you. You hardly need an introduction; you're the Missing Link! You personally carried off 250 co-eds off Cocoa Beach, and still had the strength to fight off the National Guard!

The Missing Link: And the Coast Guard. And also the Life Guard.

Susan Murphy: Amazing!

[B.O.B. lands]

Susan Murphy: B.O.B! Who else could fall from unimaginable heights and end up without a single scratch?

B.O.B.: Link?

Susan Murphy: You.

B.O.B.: Amazing!

[Insectosaurus roars]

The Missing Link: Good point, Insecto! Susan, don't shortchange yourself.

Susan Murphy: Oh, I'm not gonna shortchange myself.

[stands at full height]

Susan Murphy: Ever again!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: They called me crazy, but I'll show them. I'll show them all! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Susan Murphy: Dr. Cockroach, I would really appreciate it if you didn't do your mad scientist laugh while I'm hooked up to this machine.

[Insectosaurus roars]

The Missing Link: You're right Insecto. You've been letting this quack experiment on you for over a month.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: I'm not a quack! I'm a mad scientist. There is a difference.

Susan Murphy: Guys, what choice do I have? If he can make me normal, or even six-foot-eight, I can get out of here, go back to the life I'm supposed to have. I mean, I should be with Derek in...

The Missing Link: Let me guess? Fresno?

Susan Murphy: Well, Fresno is just a stepping stone. Next stop, Milwaukee, then New York, and finally, some day...

The Missing Link: Yeah, we know, Paris.

Susan Murphy: Throw the switch, doctor. But-but don't do the laugh.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Now, you're going to feel a slight pinch in the brain. Mwa-ha-ha... Sorry.

[turns on machine; Susan is shocked with electricity until she passes out; when she comes to, the others are standing over her]

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Susan! Yoo-Hoo!

Susan Murphy: Am I small again?

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: I'm afraid not, my dear.

[Susan sits up, her hair standing on end]

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: In fact, you may actually have grown a couple of feet.

Susan Murphy: It's okay. These are my new friends.

B.O.B.: [Grabs Susan's mom, Wendy] Oh, Derek! I missed you so much! Thinking about seeing you again was the only thing that got me through prison!

[Hugs Wendy so hard he absorbs her into his body]

B.O.B.: I love you! I love this man!

Susan Murphy: B.O.B., no! That's my mom! You're suffocating her!

[B.O.B spits her out]

Carl Murphy: Honey, are you all right?

Wendy Murphy: I taste ham.

Susan Murphy: Sorry Mom. He's just a hugger.

Gallaxhar: Now I can finally rebuild my civilization. Any thought on where I can set up shop? Your planet, perhaps?

Susan Murphy: You keep your slimy tentacles off my planet...

Gallaxhar: [Grabs Susan with one of his tentacles] Or what? If you wanted to stop me, you should have done it when you possessed the quantonium. Now you're nothing.

Susan Murphy: There are innocent people down there who didn't do anything!

Gallaxhar: [Throws Susan down to the ground] Bah! There were innocent people in my home planet when it was destroyed.

Susan Murphy: Look, I'm sorry your planet was destroyed.

Gallaxhar: Oh, don't be. I was the one who destroyed it. Confused? After I reveal my tale to you, everything will become crystal clear. Computer, begin cloning machine!

Computer: Yes, Gallaxhar.

[Gallaxhar gets on machine]

Computer: Many zentons ago, when I was just a squidling, I found out my parents had...

[Machine closes; after a moment, it opens again]

Gallaxhar: No child should have to endure that! So I went on the road, with a giant...

[Machine closes and opens again]

Gallaxhar: And soon thereafter was married! Things were going well, until...

[Machine closes and opens again]

Gallaxhar: ...And I was all "no way!", and she was all "yes way!", and I was like...

[Machine closes and opens again]

Gallaxhar: But I've told you too much already! Let the conquest of my new planet, now know as... Gallaxhar's Planet, begin!

Computer: Your busted, tired moves are no match for my security protocols.

Susan Murphy: We can't hold them off much longer!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: There's one thing you don't know about me, my dear. My PhD is in... dance!

General W.R. Monger: We had the prison psychologist redecorate your cell, try to keep you all calm like.

[the cell has a small "Hang in there" poster]

Susan Murphy: But I don't want a poster. I want a real kitten, hanging from a real tree.

Susan Murphy: [Fighting the robot] B.O.B.!

B.O.B.: What?

Susan Murphy: Help me!

B.O.B.: Sorry, I was just staring at this bird over there.

Susan Murphy: I can't believe it! Soon I'll be back in Derek's arms... or... he'll be in mine.

The Missing Link: Ahh I can't wait for spring break back at Cocoa Beach just... freakin' everybody out.

B.O.B.: And I'll go back to my lab and finally finish my experiments.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: No no, that's me, B.O.B.

B.O.B.: Then I'll be a really giant lady.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: That's Susan, B.O.B.

B.O.B.: Fine. Then I'll go back to Modesto and be with Derek.

The Missing Link: Yeah, that's still Susan B.O.B.

B.O.B.: I think I at least deserve a chance to be with Derek!

Derek Dietl: Wow, you're glowing.

Susan Murphy: Thank you.

Derek Dietl: No, Susan, you're really glowing! You're green!

Susan Murphy: [as she's growing, the others are running away] No, don't go! Please have some champagne while we sort this out!

General W.R. Monger: Woo-hoo! Now that's a robot!

Susan Murphy: It's huge!

General W.R. Monger: Try not to damage it too much, monsters. I might want to take it back to the farm.

Susan Murphy: No, wait! You didn't say anything about it being huge!

B.O.B.: You're doing great!

Susan Murphy: I'm doing everything!

Wendy Murphy: Susan, what happened?

Susan Murphy: I feel like I got hit by a meteorite.

Wendy Murphy: Oh, Susan. Every bride feels like that on her wedding day.

General W.R. Monger: I'm so proud of you monsters, I'd cry if I hadn't lost my tearducts in the war. But not crying will have to wait. The world needs you again.

Susan Murphy: What is it, general?

General W.R. Monger: Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As I speak, Escargantua is slowly making his way to Paris.

Susan Murphy: Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now, who's with me?

The Missing Link: What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?

[Insectosaurus roars]

The Missing Link: We're in.

B.O.B.: I'm in!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Count me in too.

Mama Dietl: There's my future daughter-in-law. It's like a fairy tale. The weatherman and the weatherman's wife. How romantic.

Susan Murphy: I know. At this time tomorrow, I'll be with Derek in Paris. And we won't just be honeymooning there. Maybe Derek will become a foreign correspondent, and we'll travel the world together.

Mama Dietl: Honey, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

[Susan notices Mama Dietl's abnormally small right thumb]

Mama Dietl: One thumb is smaller than the other. It runs in the family.

Susan Murphy: Derek doesn't have it.

Mama Dietl: It skips a generation. Your kids are gonna have it!

Susan Murphy: [Susan sees a "Hang in There" poster with a kitty on it] But I don't want a poster. I want a real kitty hanging from a real tree.

[on the verge of tears]

Susan Murphy: I want to go home.

General W.R. Monger: Oh come on little darlin' don't cry, it makes my knees hurt.

Susan Murphy: I can't fight that thing! I never... I can't even...

[gasping]

Susan Murphy: I'm hyperventilating... Does anybody have a giant paper bag?

Derek Dietl: Susan!

Susan Murphy: Derek?

Derek Dietl: I've been thinking long and hard about what happened last night, and I just want to to know, I forgive you.

Susan Murphy: You forgive me?

Derek Dietl: Of course. It wasn't your fault you got hit by a meteorite and ruined everything. And I say maybe you didn't ruin everything, because I just got a call from New York. They offered me network. All I have to do is give them an exclusive interview with you.

Susan Murphy: Really?

Derek Dietl: Yes. I get my dream job, and you get your dream guy. It's a win-win for Team Dietl.

Susan Murphy: Derek, that's... amazing. Is the camera running?

Derek Dietl: Of course.

Susan Murphy: [Picks up Derek] Good, because I wouldn't want any of your fans to miss this. This is Susan Murphy saying goodbye, Derek!

[Flicks him up in the air]

Susan Murphy: B.O.B., could you...?

B.O.B.: [after catching Derek] Derek, you're a selfish jerk, and guess what? I've met someone else. She's lime green, she has 14 little chunks of pineapple inside of her, and she is everything I deserve in life! I'm happy now, Derek, without you. It's over!

B.O.B.: [to cameraman] Turn it off.

Derek Dietl: What's going on? What's happening?

Susan Murphy: You're all shrinking!

Derek Dietl: No, Susan! You're growing!

Susan Murphy: Well, make it stop!

Susan Murphy: Oh, thank goodness. A real person. You are a real person, right? Not one of those half person, half machine, whatever you call those things?

General W.R. Monger: A cyborg?

Susan Murphy: Oh, no! You're a cyborg!

Susan Murphy: But I'm not a monster! I'm just a regular person. I'm not a danger to anyone or anything!

[accidentally hits a helicopter with her hand, causing it to crash]

Helicopter Pilot: Don't let her get me!

Susan Murphy: Sorry.

Susan Murphy: Three weeks ago, if you were to ask me to fight a giant robot, I would have said "no can do". But I did it! Me! I'm still buzzing! Did you see how strong I was? There probably isn't a jar in this world I can't open!

Susan Murphy: [Aims weapon at Gallaxhar] Now open the doors!

Gallaxhar: I can't even if I wanted to! That's what happens when you put the ship to self-destruct! Now we're all gonna die, and there's nothing you can do about it, Suuusan!

Susan Murphy: I wouldn't be too sure. And the name is Ginormica.

[fires weapon into radiation container, letting it fall on her]

Susan Murphy: Now remember, these people are not used to seeing anything like... like you, or... or you, or... or you. So just be, you know, cool, just be... follow my lead.

[Susan accidentally steps on a fence, then the monsters destroy the fence]

Susan Murphy: [Right before the monsters attempt to destroy a car with fence posts] Stop! That was an accident. Don't destroy anything.

[B.O.B. throws the fence post away and it destroys something else]

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Hello.

Susan Murphy: Eww!

[Swats at Dr. Cockroach with her spoon]

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Will you stop... Careful!

[hangs on to the spoon]

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Madam, please!

Derek Dietl: Wow, You really are big.

Susan Murphy: Yeah, but I'm still me. I'm still the girl you fell in love with.

Derek Dietl: Except you just destroyed the Golden Gate Bridge.

Susan Murphy: Well, it was the only way I could stop the giant robot. Did you ever thing I could do something like that.

Derek Dietl: No, Susan. I can honestly say that it had never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever occured to me.

Susan Murphy: Look, I know this is all a little weird - okay, it's a lot weird - but I'm sure we can get through this. Together, we can find a way to get me back to normal.

Derek Dietl: Susan, try to see it from my perspective. I have an audience that depends on me for news, weather, sports and heart-warming fluff pieces. So you expect me to put all that on hold while you try to undo this thing that happened to you, that I had absolutely nothing to do with?

Susan Murphy: Of course. That's exactly what I expect. What about the life we always wanted? Don't you still want that?

Derek Dietl: Of course I do, but I can't see how I can have it with you.

Susan Murphy: [On the verge of tears] Derek, please. Don't do this.

Derek Dietl: Oh, Susan, it's time you faced facts, and please don't crush me for saying this, but I'm not looking to get married just to live in someone else's shadow, and you're casting a pretty big shadow. It's over. Good luck, Susan.

Gallaxhar: Are you crazy? You could have killed me!

Susan Murphy: Then we understand each other. Now open the doors and let my friends go.

Gallaxhar: Or what? Did you really think you could take me?

Computer: Quantonium has been diverted to the bridge. Escape pod is now ready.

Gallaxhar: Like I said before, you should have stopped me when you possessed the quantonium. Have fun exploding!

Gallaxhar: To the extraction chamber!

Susan Murphy: Look, what is it you want from me?

Gallaxhar: You have stolen what is rightfully mine.

Susan Murphy: I didn't steal anything from you.

Gallaxhar: Your enormous, grotesque body contains quantonium, the most powerful substance in the universe. Did you really think you could keep it from me?

Susan Murphy: This is what this is all about? You destroyed San Francisco, you terrorized millions of people? You killed my friend just to get to me?

Gallaxhar: Ya-ka-ka-ka-ka! Silence! Your voice is grating in my earnubs. Too bad you won't be around to see what the power of quantonium can do in the tentacles of someone who knows how to use it.

Susan Murphy: I know how to use it, just fine!

[Punches at force field]

Gallaxhar: Don't bother. That forcefield is impenetra...

[Suddenly, Susan breaks through the force field and nearly knocks Gallaxhar off his hovercraft]

Gallaxhar: Oh! What the flagnar!

Susan Murphy: Where's Derek?

Wendy Murphy: He's at the TV station.

Carl Murphy: You know how he is about his work.

Susan Murphy: Well, we can't celebrate without him.

Wendy Murphy: Susan, what about your little friends?

Susan Murphy: Just leave out some snacks. They'll eat anything.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: [diving into a trashcan] Oh, ambrosia!

Susan Murphy: Oh, please, God, please tell me none of this is real. Please tell me I had a nervous breakdown at my wedding and I'm in a mental hospital and I'm on medication that's giving me hallucinations.

General W.R. Monger: Monsters, I'm so proud of you, I could cry, if I hadn't lost my tear ducts in the war. But not crying will have to wait. The world needs you again.

Susan Murphy: What is it, General?

General W.R. Monger: Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As we speak, Escargantua is slowly making it's way to Paris.

Susan Murphy: Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now who's with me?

The Missing Link: What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?

[Butterflyosaurus roars, saying *yes*]

The Missing Link: We're in.

B.O.B.: I'm in!

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.: Count me in too.

Wendy Murphy: Au revoir, sweetie! Have a safe flight!

Carl Murphy: Yeah, and hang on!

B.O.B.: [as Butterflyosaurus flies our heroes into the sunset] Goodbye, Derek! Good luck getting over me.

Susan Murphy: B.O.B., it's me he's never going to get over.

B.O.B.: Wait, wait! You were dating Derek too? That two-timing jerk!