Trailer reader Quotes in Time Bandits (1981)

[from trailer - One man has supposedly been reading the trailer script, while the director has been correcting him. Now the frustrated director interrupts again]

Trailer director: What about the plot?

Trailer reader: The what?

Trailer director: The plot. What the film is about.

Trailer reader: Well I haven't *seen* it, have I?

Trailer director: Haven't seen it? You're sitting there telling millions of people to go and see a film you haven't even *seen*?

Trailer reader: Well, I can't see every film I do, now can I?

Trailer director: Oh, wonderful! Terrific! Look, give me that!

Trailer reader: What're you doing?

Trailer director: Taking over! You're out! O-U-T! Finished! Kaput! Finito!

Trailer reader: But what about the trailer?

Trailer director: *I'll* do it!

[clears throat]

Trailer director: Time Bandits is an awfully good film. We have worked ever so hard on it. It's a tremendous adventure story. We like it, and we're pretty sure you will.

Trailer reader: [snickers]

Trailer director: What's wrong with it? It's direct. Punchy. Honest.

Trailer reader: *Honest?*

[laughs]

Trailer reader: Honest shmonest! What's that got to do with anything?

[the trailer ends]

[from trailer]

[the following is heard over various scenes from the film]

Trailer reader: Remember my voice? I do trailers. All kinds of trailers. One day they'll put me in a film - the proper full-length job - until then I'm just stuck with this sort of stuff. "Go and see this," "don't miss that," "the most terrifying thing you ever saw is coming to baby-sit for you tonight."

Trailer director: Alright, cut it there. Look, just read what's on the script, will you?

Trailer reader: The what?

Trailer director: The script! Other way up!

Trailer reader: Ah!

[clears throat]

Trailer reader: Ready?

Trailer director: Yes. Yes.

Trailer reader: You flocked to see Brief Encounters for the special effe...

Trailer director: "Close"!

Trailer reader: Huh? Oh, "Close Encounters"

Trailer director: Close Encounters! The film.

Trailer reader: Oh, I never saw that.

Trailer director: Well forget that film, we're on about *our* film. Time Bandits.

Trailer reader: What?

Trailer director: Time Bandits! The one you are supposed to be promoting! Remember?

Trailer reader: [clears his throat again] You flocked to see Close Encounters for the special effects. You went to Superman to see a man fly. You went to Star Wars for the droids. You went...

Trailer director: Now what?

Trailer reader: Where's page 2, man?

Trailer director: It's under page 1! See?

Trailer reader: [mumbling to himself] ... you went to Star Wars...

[finds his place]

Trailer reader: Time Bandits can offer you much, much more. It's not the special effects, nor flying men, nor droids which makes Time Bandits a unique cinematique... cinema...

Trailer director: "Cinematic"! You know, pertaining to the cinema!

Trailer reader: ...cinematic experience. It's the make-up. Yes, folks, you've never seen anything like it: men made up to look like monsters! Monsters made up to look like men! Look-alike men made up to look different, different men made up to look alike! No expense has been pared... spared on the pan-shtick... pan-stick... No expense has been spared flying in the world's greatest make-up men...

Trailer director: Just a minute, just a minute. What about the plot?

Trailer reader: The what?