Benson Quotes in Time Bandits (1981)

Evil: Oh, Benson... Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.

Benson: Oh, you say such nice things, Master.

Evil: Yes I know, I'm sorry!

Evil: Oh, Robert, Benson! I feel the power of evil coursing through my veins, filling every corner of my being with the desire to do wrong! I feel so bad, Benson!

Benson: Good! Good!

Evil: Yes, it is good, for this is the worst kind of badness that I'm feeling!

Evil: If you're wrong, Benson, my revenge will be slow and unpleasant. I will turn you inside out over a very long period of time.

Benson: Oh, thank you, master, thank you!

Benson: We can make beans into peas!

[Alex is about to touch Hector's storage tube]

Benson: No taction contact!

Alex: You mean, "Don't touch?"

Benson: Yes, you have a great body. May I use it?

Benson: I wish you would talk! You know you can; why won't you talk?

Hector: NOT YET READY

Benson: Why not? What have I done wrong?

Hector: MURDER

Benson: Not that! Blank that; that's not what I meant.

Hector: BLANKED AS ORDERED

Benson: That was an improper thought leakage. - What have I done wrong?

Hector: YOU FAILED COURSE

Benson: Don't get smart.

Hector: WHAT SHALL I GET

Benson: Are you aware of Alex?

Hector: AFFIRMATIVE

Benson: What do you think?

Hector: BEAUTIFUL

Benson: What do YOU know about it? Don't get ideas about your station, Hector.

Hector: KILLER

Benson: Now tell me. Can you talk? Or are you malfunctioning?

Hector: I AM NOT MALFUNCTIONING - YOU ARE

Benson: Saturn 3. When they want to give the Solar System...

Adam: give the Solar System an enema, that's where they stick the tube in. We've heard that one!

Alex: Haven't you even had a dog?

Benson: A few times.

Alex: Well, didn't they have names?

Benson: Just something to eat.

Lord Foxley: Benson, do you hate me with every fiber of your body?

Benson: Most definitely, sir.

Lord Foxley: [laughs] You see! Deaf as a bloody doorknob!

Benson: [to Lady Foxley] Not every fiber, Your Ladyship.

Kerwin: Have you got anything you can change into?

Benson: Why?

Kerwin: So you look sexy! Well, I mean, you're all we've got!

Benson: Let me ask you something Sir. Why did you choose me for this job?

Chief Wilkins: Because you're a good cop, Benson, a real good cop. And because of your cute ass.

Baron Wolf von Frankenstein: That's enough Benson. Left ventricle. And look here Benson, look at this. Do you know what those are?

Benson: No, Sir.

Baron Wolf von Frankenstein: Bullets. Crude bullets in his heart but he still lives.

Benson: [mumbles]

Dr. John Ellis: [operating on Benson] What was that?

Dr. Robert Morris: Patient.

Dr. John Ellis: You all right, Mr. Benson?

Benson: [groggily] Fine... fine...

Dr. John Ellis: Any pain?

Benson: No...

Dr. John Ellis: Good. Just relax now.

Benson: You too doctor...

[Benson is describing what he smells before he has a seizure]

Benson: It smells like pig shit in turpentine.

Benson: [Receiving continuous stimulations from his brain implant] LET IT STOP! LET IT STOP! LET IT STOP! LET IT STOP! LET IT STOPPP! LETTTT ITTTT STOPPP!