Tom Servo Quotes in Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)


Tom Servo Quotes:

  • Cal Meecham: [after German scientist comments on Mozart at dinner] What do you think of Mr. Mozart, Exeter?

    Exeter: I'm afraid I don't know the chap.

    Tom Servo: "I'm not an alien!"

    Exeter: My mind must have been wandering. Your composer, of course.

    Cal Meecham: *Our* composer - he belongs to the world!

    Exeter: Yes, indeed.

    Mike: "I'm not an alien."

    Cal Meecham: That dinner, Exeter, was even more perfect than you promised. Now if you'll excuse me, I could do with some fresh air myself.

    Crow T. Robot: He's gonna get high!

    Cal Meecham: Would you care to join me, Dr. Adams?

    Tom Servo: "Uh, no!"

    Cal Meecham: You, Dr. Carlson?

    Mike: "Your turn to walk the Cal."

    Exeter: Why don't you? Show him the grounds.

    Crow T. Robot: "I dare ya!"

    Exeter: We won't start cracking the whip on Meecham until tomorrow.

    Tom Servo: "Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat, and lay my eggs in your chest! But I'm *not* an alien!"

  • Tom Servo: This Island Earth can be yours IF the price is right!

  • [as Cal and Joe assemble the Interositor]

    Crow T. Robot: Science and Industry!

    Tom Servo: See big men sticking screw drivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!

    Crow T. Robot: Build your very own Atom Storage Box!

    Mike: Bringing you state-of-the-art in soft-serve technology!

    Crow T. Robot: Removes lids off bottles and jars of all sizes - and it really, really works.

  • Benkitnorf: [the crew catches Benkitnorf in the shower on Tom Servo's interositer] Man, you guys scared the living daylights out of me!

    Mike: It's working! Hey! Hi, is Exeter there?

    Benkitnorf: Nah, him and Brack went down to Headbutt Days for Shelly. I gotta meet 'em in the beer tent in about fifteen minutes, so I gotta get going, 'kay?

    Tom Servo: No, wait! We're trapped in space! Can we use this thing to get back to Earth?

    Benkitnorf: I don't know. Geez... let's see, maybe this does something...

    [pushes button, zapping Servo]

    Benkitnorf: Crap. That's not it. Hang on...

    [gets manual]

    Benkitnorf: Okay. Did you use the Intensifier Disc?

    All: Yes.

    Benkitnorf: Turn the controls 18 degrees to the left?

    All: Did that.

    Benkitnorf: Are you in Europe? Do you need an adapter?

    All: No.

    Benkitnorf: Well, look. I don't know anything about this thing. Maybe this does something...

    [pushes button, zapping Servo again]

    Benkitnorf: Oops. That didn't work. Okay, well I'll be sure to tell Exeter to give you a call! Bye!

  • Tom Servo: When in California, be sure to visit beautiful...

    [the letters "Washington, D.C." appear on-screen]

    Tom Servo: Oh... Hm...

  • Tom Servo: Wow, that ringing! Now he knows what the world sounds like to Pete Townshend!

  • Tom Servo: Well what kind of shit-hole planet is this?

  • Crow T. Robot: Man, the universe is really cruisin'.

    Tom Servo: Hey, look, there's Taurus the bull.

    Mike: And right underneath him the constellation feces.

    Crow T. Robot: Hey, look, Orion's broke.

  • Joe Wilson: If there is any reason around here.

    Tom Servo: What with all the shenanigans and goings-on.

  • [as Tom Servo reads the opening credits:]

    Tom Servo: Okay, let's see here... Shatner, Shatner... no, doesn't look like he's in this one; we're safe.

  • Exeter: I beg your pardon, Mr. Wilson, your camera will pick up nothing but black fog.

    Tom Servo: Oh, it's a Goldstar.

  • Tom Servo: Space, the final frontier, these are the voyages of Babylon 5.

  • Tom Servo: Ah, they're going 65, so they'll be there in 3 BILLION years...

  • Tom Servo: Captain's log: a bunch of our ship fell off, and, nobody likes me.

  • Tom Servo: This isn't shot day-for-night. It's more like 4:30-for-5:15.

  • Crow T. Robot: [as ship descends into fantastic Metaluna landscape] Looks like Dr. Seuss designed their planet!

    Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.

    Crow T. Robot: They're very into "Yes" on this planet.

    Tom Servo: Hee hee!

    Mike: International flights always get the gate furthest from the terminal.

    Tom Servo: Remember, we're parked in the "Denubrian Slime Devil" lot!

  • Tom Servo: [Zagon bomb explodes en route to thought-transference chamber] "Golly, those doggone Zagons are really licking us, huh! Well, let's go get your brains scrambled..."

  • Exeter: [a MutAnt blocks their path to escape] He appears badly hurt - stay close to me.

    Tom Servo: *Ahem* "Guten Tag! Zigaretten? Wir wollen ein Auto mieten!"

  • Exeter: They're concentrating all their attention on Metaluna. Those flashes of light - they're meteors. Hundreds of them! The intense heat is turning Metaluna into a radioactive sun. The temperature must be thousands of degrees by now.

    Crow T. Robot: Cooler by the lake.

    Exeter: A lifeless planet. And yet...

    Tom Servo: Rents are reasonable!

    Exeter: Yet, still serving a useful purpose, I hope. Yes... a sun, warming the surface of some other world - giving light to those who may need it.

    Mike: "Still, your whole family died. That's a bummer, huh?"

  • Mike: Boy, the landlady's gonna be mad.

    Tom Servo: Are you boys cooking up there?

    Mike: No.

    Tom Servo: Are you making an interositor?

    Mike: No!

  • Tom Servo: See, all rights are reserved, Callahan.

    Mike: [in a Clint Eastwood voice] Yeah, but what about the rights of that little girl?

  • Tom Servo: If not satisfied with this movie, please return unused portion for a full refund.

  • Tom Servo: I could've sworn we parked at the... Oh shit!

  • [as entire mountain explodes]

    Tom Servo: That's what happens when you leave a potato in the microwave!

  • [alien spaceship catches plane in tractor beam]

    Mike Nelson: I'm beginning to think they're not from around here.

    Tom Servo: No, I bet you they're English, or Canadian.

  • Plane Voice: Good morning, Dr. Meecham.

    Tom Servo: Good morning, Voice.

    Plane Voice: Hope you slept well.

    Mike Nelson: 'Cause it's time to die.

  • [Cal and Joe are looking in an interositer catalog]

    Joe Wilson: Here's something my wife could use in the house...

    Crow T. Robot: A man?

    Joe Wilson: interositer incorporating an electron sorter.

    Cal Meecham: She'll probably gain twenty pounds while it does all the work for her.

    Tom Servo: Cal, you bitch!

  • Exeter: Into the converter tubes. Ruth, you take the first tube. Cal, you take the second.

    Cal Meecham: What about you?

    Exeter: I'll take the third tube.

    Tom Servo: [as Cal] Oh, right. Stupid question.

  • Dr. Cal Meecham: [after Ruth's tube opens and the mutant is attacking] Run, Ruth, Run!

    Tom Servo: Brilliant strategy, thanks Napoleon!

  • Joe Wilson: You're too darned smart.

    Tom Servo: And handsome!

    Cal Meecham: I may just be the dumbest man who ever lived.

    Mike: No argument here.

  • Tom Servo: Suddenly I have a refreshing mint flavor.

  • Tom Servo: Crow you big dope, you can't tunnel through space!

  • Tom Servo: Self cleaning mutant. Leaves only the fresh scent of pine.

  • Tom Servo: It's the amazing technicolor cheese wedge!

  • Tom Servo: Captain's log: I've lost my toupee and girdle, and I can't leave my room!

  • Tom Servo: I'm experiencing a sensation altogether new to me, and frankly I love it!

  • Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.

    Crow T. Robot: They're very into Yes on this planet.

  • [after Mike damages the Hubble]

    Crow T. Robot: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!

    Tom Servo: Don't *do* that!

  • Crow T. Robot: [as Ruth] Oh, Carl.

    Tom Servo: [as Cal] Er, Cal.

    Crow T. Robot: [as Ruth] Oh, Cal.

  • [Watching the credits, Eastman productions comes up]

    Tom Servo: EASTMAN! He came from the east, to do battle with the amazing RANDO!

  • [as Exeter's flying saucer crashes]

    Tom Servo: Oh, don't mind me, I'm just a weather balloon!

    Mike: Just some swamp gas.

  • Tom Servo: Let go of my hand, Joe!

  • Tom Servo: Sort this, deliver that, I'll make them all pay.

  • Tom Servo: Hope you like cyanide!

  • Tom Servo: Come on, you couple of single-stomach, micro-cephalic bilobes.

  • Tom Servo: Left, right, left... Left, right, left... Ouch! A door.

  • Crow T. RobotMikeTom Servo: NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIIEEEEW!

  • Joe: Cal! Pull up!

    Cal Meecham: I can't. I'm too low.

    Tom Servo: I got the blues, so bad, uh huh.

Browse more character quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)


Characters on Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)