Tom Servo Quotes in Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)
Tom Servo Quotes:
Cal Meecham: [after German scientist comments on Mozart at dinner] What do you think of Mr. Mozart, Exeter?
Exeter: I'm afraid I don't know the chap.
Tom Servo: "I'm not an alien!"
Exeter: My mind must have been wandering. Your composer, of course.
Cal Meecham: *Our* composer - he belongs to the world!
Exeter: Yes, indeed.
Mike: "I'm not an alien."
Cal Meecham: That dinner, Exeter, was even more perfect than you promised. Now if you'll excuse me, I could do with some fresh air myself.
Crow T. Robot: He's gonna get high!
Cal Meecham: Would you care to join me, Dr. Adams?
Tom Servo: "Uh, no!"
Cal Meecham: You, Dr. Carlson?
Mike: "Your turn to walk the Cal."
Exeter: Why don't you? Show him the grounds.
Crow T. Robot: "I dare ya!"
Exeter: We won't start cracking the whip on Meecham until tomorrow.
Tom Servo: "Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat, and lay my eggs in your chest! But I'm *not* an alien!"
Tom Servo: This Island Earth can be yours IF the price is right!
[as Cal and Joe assemble the Interositor]
Crow T. Robot: Science and Industry!
Tom Servo: See big men sticking screw drivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!
Crow T. Robot: Build your very own Atom Storage Box!
Mike: Bringing you state-of-the-art in soft-serve technology!
Crow T. Robot: Removes lids off bottles and jars of all sizes - and it really, really works.
Benkitnorf: [the crew catches Benkitnorf in the shower on Tom Servo's interositer] Man, you guys scared the living daylights out of me!
Mike: It's working! Hey! Hi, is Exeter there?
Benkitnorf: Nah, him and Brack went down to Headbutt Days for Shelly. I gotta meet 'em in the beer tent in about fifteen minutes, so I gotta get going, 'kay?
Tom Servo: No, wait! We're trapped in space! Can we use this thing to get back to Earth?
Benkitnorf: I don't know. Geez... let's see, maybe this does something...
[pushes button, zapping Servo]
Benkitnorf: Crap. That's not it. Hang on...
Benkitnorf: Okay. Did you use the Intensifier Disc?
Benkitnorf: Turn the controls 18 degrees to the left?
All: Did that.
Benkitnorf: Are you in Europe? Do you need an adapter?
Benkitnorf: Well, look. I don't know anything about this thing. Maybe this does something...
[pushes button, zapping Servo again]
Benkitnorf: Oops. That didn't work. Okay, well I'll be sure to tell Exeter to give you a call! Bye!
Tom Servo: When in California, be sure to visit beautiful...
[the letters "Washington, D.C." appear on-screen]
Tom Servo: Oh... Hm...
Tom Servo: Wow, that ringing! Now he knows what the world sounds like to Pete Townshend!
Tom Servo: Well what kind of shit-hole planet is this?
Crow T. Robot: Man, the universe is really cruisin'.
Tom Servo: Hey, look, there's Taurus the bull.
Mike: And right underneath him the constellation feces.
Crow T. Robot: Hey, look, Orion's broke.
Joe Wilson: If there is any reason around here.
Tom Servo: What with all the shenanigans and goings-on.
[as Tom Servo reads the opening credits:]
Tom Servo: Okay, let's see here... Shatner, Shatner... no, doesn't look like he's in this one; we're safe.
Exeter: I beg your pardon, Mr. Wilson, your camera will pick up nothing but black fog.
Tom Servo: Oh, it's a Goldstar.
Tom Servo: Space, the final frontier, these are the voyages of Babylon 5.
Tom Servo: Ah, they're going 65, so they'll be there in 3 BILLION years...
Tom Servo: Captain's log: a bunch of our ship fell off, and, nobody likes me.
Tom Servo: This isn't shot day-for-night. It's more like 4:30-for-5:15.
Crow T. Robot: [as ship descends into fantastic Metaluna landscape] Looks like Dr. Seuss designed their planet!
Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.
Crow T. Robot: They're very into "Yes" on this planet.
Tom Servo: Hee hee!
Mike: International flights always get the gate furthest from the terminal.
Tom Servo: Remember, we're parked in the "Denubrian Slime Devil" lot!
Tom Servo: [Zagon bomb explodes en route to thought-transference chamber] "Golly, those doggone Zagons are really licking us, huh! Well, let's go get your brains scrambled..."
Exeter: [a MutAnt blocks their path to escape] He appears badly hurt - stay close to me.
Tom Servo: *Ahem* "Guten Tag! Zigaretten? Wir wollen ein Auto mieten!"
Exeter: They're concentrating all their attention on Metaluna. Those flashes of light - they're meteors. Hundreds of them! The intense heat is turning Metaluna into a radioactive sun. The temperature must be thousands of degrees by now.
Crow T. Robot: Cooler by the lake.
Exeter: A lifeless planet. And yet...
Tom Servo: Rents are reasonable!
Exeter: Yet, still serving a useful purpose, I hope. Yes... a sun, warming the surface of some other world - giving light to those who may need it.
Mike: "Still, your whole family died. That's a bummer, huh?"
Mike: Boy, the landlady's gonna be mad.
Tom Servo: Are you boys cooking up there?
Tom Servo: Are you making an interositor?
Tom Servo: See, all rights are reserved, Callahan.
Mike: [in a Clint Eastwood voice] Yeah, but what about the rights of that little girl?
Tom Servo: If not satisfied with this movie, please return unused portion for a full refund.
Tom Servo: I could've sworn we parked at the... Oh shit!
[as entire mountain explodes]
Tom Servo: That's what happens when you leave a potato in the microwave!
[alien spaceship catches plane in tractor beam]
Mike Nelson: I'm beginning to think they're not from around here.
Tom Servo: No, I bet you they're English, or Canadian.
Plane Voice: Good morning, Dr. Meecham.
Tom Servo: Good morning, Voice.
Plane Voice: Hope you slept well.
Mike Nelson: 'Cause it's time to die.
[Cal and Joe are looking in an interositer catalog]
Joe Wilson: Here's something my wife could use in the house...
Crow T. Robot: A man?
Joe Wilson: ...an interositer incorporating an electron sorter.
Cal Meecham: She'll probably gain twenty pounds while it does all the work for her.
Tom Servo: Cal, you bitch!
Exeter: Into the converter tubes. Ruth, you take the first tube. Cal, you take the second.
Cal Meecham: What about you?
Exeter: I'll take the third tube.
Tom Servo: [as Cal] Oh, right. Stupid question.
Dr. Cal Meecham: [after Ruth's tube opens and the mutant is attacking] Run, Ruth, Run!
Tom Servo: Brilliant strategy, thanks Napoleon!
Joe Wilson: You're too darned smart.
Tom Servo: And handsome!
Cal Meecham: I may just be the dumbest man who ever lived.
Mike: No argument here.
Tom Servo: Suddenly I have a refreshing mint flavor.
Tom Servo: Crow you big dope, you can't tunnel through space!
Tom Servo: Self cleaning mutant. Leaves only the fresh scent of pine.
Tom Servo: It's the amazing technicolor cheese wedge!
Tom Servo: Captain's log: I've lost my toupee and girdle, and I can't leave my room!
Tom Servo: I'm experiencing a sensation altogether new to me, and frankly I love it!
Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.
Crow T. Robot: They're very into Yes on this planet.
[after Mike damages the Hubble]
Crow T. Robot: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
Tom Servo: Don't *do* that!
Crow T. Robot: [as Ruth] Oh, Carl.
Tom Servo: [as Cal] Er, Cal.
Crow T. Robot: [as Ruth] Oh, Cal.
[Watching the credits, Eastman productions comes up]
Tom Servo: EASTMAN! He came from the east, to do battle with the amazing RANDO!
[as Exeter's flying saucer crashes]
Tom Servo: Oh, don't mind me, I'm just a weather balloon!
Mike: Just some swamp gas.
Tom Servo: Let go of my hand, Joe!
Tom Servo: Sort this, deliver that, I'll make them all pay.
Tom Servo: Hope you like cyanide!
Tom Servo: Come on, you couple of single-stomach, micro-cephalic bilobes.
Tom Servo: Left, right, left... Left, right, left... Ouch! A door.
Crow T. Robot, Mike, Tom Servo: NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIIEEEEW!
Joe: Cal! Pull up!
Cal Meecham: I can't. I'm too low.
Tom Servo: I got the blues, so bad, uh huh.
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