Crow T. Robot Quotes in Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)
Crow T. Robot Quotes:
[Everyone is being sucked into the vacuum of space]
Crow T. Robot: Hey, Mike, you think you can toss me my calculations? Thanks! Ah, here it is. "Breach Hull - All Die." Even had it underlined.
Carl Meecham: Relocation? To where?
The Monitor: To your Earth.
Exeter: A PEACEFUL relocation...
Crow T. Robot: After the genocide, of course.
Cal Meecham: [after German scientist comments on Mozart at dinner] What do you think of Mr. Mozart, Exeter?
Exeter: I'm afraid I don't know the chap.
Tom Servo: "I'm not an alien!"
Exeter: My mind must have been wandering. Your composer, of course.
Cal Meecham: *Our* composer - he belongs to the world!
Exeter: Yes, indeed.
Mike: "I'm not an alien."
Cal Meecham: That dinner, Exeter, was even more perfect than you promised. Now if you'll excuse me, I could do with some fresh air myself.
Crow T. Robot: He's gonna get high!
Cal Meecham: Would you care to join me, Dr. Adams?
Tom Servo: "Uh, no!"
Cal Meecham: You, Dr. Carlson?
Mike: "Your turn to walk the Cal."
Exeter: Why don't you? Show him the grounds.
Crow T. Robot: "I dare ya!"
Exeter: We won't start cracking the whip on Meecham until tomorrow.
Tom Servo: "Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat, and lay my eggs in your chest! But I'm *not* an alien!"
Joe: You know what my kids would say?
Crow T. Robot: YOU'RE NOT MY REAL FATHER?
[as Cal and Joe assemble the Interositor]
Crow T. Robot: Science and Industry!
Tom Servo: See big men sticking screw drivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!
Crow T. Robot: Build your very own Atom Storage Box!
Mike: Bringing you state-of-the-art in soft-serve technology!
Crow T. Robot: Removes lids off bottles and jars of all sizes - and it really, really works.
[as Exeter's flying saucer catches fire]
Crow T. Robot: "Service engine soon" I wonder what that's all about.
Crow T. Robot: Man, the universe is really cruisin'.
Tom Servo: Hey, look, there's Taurus the bull.
Mike: And right underneath him the constellation feces.
Crow T. Robot: Hey, look, Orion's broke.
Crow T. Robot: Into the weenie mobile, weenie man away!
Crow T. Robot: Puppet wranglers? There weren't any puppets in this movie.
Crow T. Robot: Hey! Who sneezed on the credits?
Crow T. Robot: They're forcing him to visit Branson, Missouri.
Cal Meecham: Check rate of radioactive decay.
Crow T. Robot: Increase the Flash Gordon noise and put more science stuff around!
[after breaching the hull in an escape attempt]
Crow T. Robot: Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway.
Crow T. Robot: He's flown into a Flemish painting.
Crow T. Robot: [gazing at the stars] I feel so insignificant... then again, I ALWAYS feel insignificant.
Exeter: Now place your hands above the rail
[hands suddenly attach to the rail]
Exeter: ... they're magnetized.
Crow T. Robot: And if your hands were metal, that would mean something.
Crow T. Robot: [as ship descends into fantastic Metaluna landscape] Looks like Dr. Seuss designed their planet!
Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.
Crow T. Robot: They're very into "Yes" on this planet.
Tom Servo: Hee hee!
Mike: International flights always get the gate furthest from the terminal.
Tom Servo: Remember, we're parked in the "Denubrian Slime Devil" lot!
Exeter: They're concentrating all their attention on Metaluna. Those flashes of light - they're meteors. Hundreds of them! The intense heat is turning Metaluna into a radioactive sun. The temperature must be thousands of degrees by now.
Crow T. Robot: Cooler by the lake.
Exeter: A lifeless planet. And yet...
Tom Servo: Rents are reasonable!
Exeter: Yet, still serving a useful purpose, I hope. Yes... a sun, warming the surface of some other world - giving light to those who may need it.
Mike: "Still, your whole family died. That's a bummer, huh?"
[one of the aliens is firing on the humans]
Crow T. Robot: Eat my photons, small heads!
Crow T. Robot: Shall I compare thee to a summers daaaaaaaa...
Crow T. Robot: You killed the Hubble!
Crow T. Robot: [as Cal beats a MutAnt in the head] Oh, I'm very vulnerable there! Oh, there go the piano lessons! I can't remember my dad!
[Cal and Joe are looking in an interositer catalog]
Joe Wilson: Here's something my wife could use in the house...
Crow T. Robot: A man?
Joe Wilson: ...an interositer incorporating an electron sorter.
Cal Meecham: She'll probably gain twenty pounds while it does all the work for her.
Tom Servo: Cal, you bitch!
Dr. Cal Meecham: This isn't paper. It's some kind of metal.
Crow T. Robot: Uh, no, that's paper, sir.
Crow T. Robot: [in a scene where the brain creature enters a room looking all around] Uh, is the manager here? Hello?
Crow T. Robot: [stops swinging pick-axe] Huh?
Mike: Crow, listen, you've gotta stop!
Crow T. Robot: Oh, hi, Mike! I've found the perfect spot. Once I've breached through this wall we'll tunnel our way right back to Earth. URG!
[returns to swinging pick-axe]
Crow T. Robot: Crow, you big dope! You can't tunnel through space.
Crow T. Robot: [British accent] Come, come, boy. We must confound Gerry at every turn!
[Inside the environmental tubes]
Crow T. Robot: Wow this must be what its like inside a bong! Whehue!
Dr. Clayton Forrester: Say, come to think about it, I don't believe you bowed down before me recently.
Mike: Sure we have - last week.
Dr. Clayton Forrester: No, no, no, I think that was more of a curtsey than a bow. So why don't we all just bow down now?
Mike: I don't see any reason to make us...
[suddenly kneels, choking]
Crow T. Robot: [scared] Bowing, sir!
[Tom bows and prays to Dr. Forrester, speaking in tongues]
Crow T. Robot: C'mon! Give Uncle Scrotor a hug!
Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.
Crow T. Robot: They're very into Yes on this planet.
[after Mike damages the Hubble]
Crow T. Robot: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
Tom Servo: Don't *do* that!
Crow T. Robot: [as Joe comes down the stairs] This is a job for "Weenie man!"
Crow T. Robot: [as Ruth] Oh, Carl.
Tom Servo: [as Cal] Er, Cal.
Crow T. Robot: [as Ruth] Oh, Cal.
Mike: Geez, Dr. Forrester!
Crow T. Robot: What a dickweed!
Crow T. Robot: The secret government Eggo Project!
Crow T. Robot: Don't leave me with the Germans!
[as Brack watches the interositer]
Crow T. Robot: and now it's time for The Brack Show! Da da da-da-da DA! It's the Brack show! Staring me, I'm Brack!
Crow T. Robot: Oh, my god! My waffle! Oh the humanity!
Crow T. Robot: G.I. Joe action set. Nerdy Joe not included.
Crow T. Robot: I'm gonna curl up in his sock drawer, and sleep for days.
[as Joe is talking, Cal ruffels through his desk]
Crow T. Robot: Where's my gun?
Crow T. Robot, Mike, Tom Servo: NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIIEEEEW!
Crow T. Robot: [as a crewman pushes a lever] This oughta kill them!
Dr. Cal Meecham: "Complete line of iterociter parts, incorporating greater advances than hitherto known in the field of electronics." What exactly is an iterociter?
Joe Wilson: I don't know, and I don't want to know.
Crow T. Robot: Just love me!
Crow T. Robot: [Bashing jauntily at the hull with a pickaxe, singing "It's a Long Way to Tipperary"] Goodbye to Noah Beery, Hello Harold Lloyyyyd...
Crow T. Robot: [on the Mu-tant] Nuts! It's Ted Kennedy in a Barney suit!
Browse more character quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)