Crow T. Robot Quotes in Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)


Crow T. Robot Quotes:

  • [Everyone is being sucked into the vacuum of space]

    Crow T. Robot: Hey, Mike, you think you can toss me my calculations? Thanks! Ah, here it is. "Breach Hull - All Die." Even had it underlined.

  • Carl Meecham: Relocation? To where?

    The Monitor: To your Earth.

    Exeter: A PEACEFUL relocation...

    Crow T. Robot: After the genocide, of course.

  • Cal Meecham: [after German scientist comments on Mozart at dinner] What do you think of Mr. Mozart, Exeter?

    Exeter: I'm afraid I don't know the chap.

    Tom Servo: "I'm not an alien!"

    Exeter: My mind must have been wandering. Your composer, of course.

    Cal Meecham: *Our* composer - he belongs to the world!

    Exeter: Yes, indeed.

    Mike: "I'm not an alien."

    Cal Meecham: That dinner, Exeter, was even more perfect than you promised. Now if you'll excuse me, I could do with some fresh air myself.

    Crow T. Robot: He's gonna get high!

    Cal Meecham: Would you care to join me, Dr. Adams?

    Tom Servo: "Uh, no!"

    Cal Meecham: You, Dr. Carlson?

    Mike: "Your turn to walk the Cal."

    Exeter: Why don't you? Show him the grounds.

    Crow T. Robot: "I dare ya!"

    Exeter: We won't start cracking the whip on Meecham until tomorrow.

    Tom Servo: "Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat, and lay my eggs in your chest! But I'm *not* an alien!"

  • Joe: You know what my kids would say?


  • [as Cal and Joe assemble the Interositor]

    Crow T. Robot: Science and Industry!

    Tom Servo: See big men sticking screw drivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!

    Crow T. Robot: Build your very own Atom Storage Box!

    Mike: Bringing you state-of-the-art in soft-serve technology!

    Crow T. Robot: Removes lids off bottles and jars of all sizes - and it really, really works.

  • [as Exeter's flying saucer catches fire]

    Crow T. Robot: "Service engine soon" I wonder what that's all about.

  • Crow T. Robot: Man, the universe is really cruisin'.

    Tom Servo: Hey, look, there's Taurus the bull.

    Mike: And right underneath him the constellation feces.

    Crow T. Robot: Hey, look, Orion's broke.

  • Crow T. Robot: Into the weenie mobile, weenie man away!

  • Crow T. Robot: Puppet wranglers? There weren't any puppets in this movie.

  • Crow T. Robot: Hey! Who sneezed on the credits?

  • Crow T. Robot: They're forcing him to visit Branson, Missouri.

  • Cal Meecham: Check rate of radioactive decay.

    Crow T. Robot: Increase the Flash Gordon noise and put more science stuff around!

  • [after breaching the hull in an escape attempt]

    Crow T. Robot: Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway.

  • Crow T. Robot: He's flown into a Flemish painting.

  • Crow T. Robot: [gazing at the stars] I feel so insignificant... then again, I ALWAYS feel insignificant.

  • Exeter: Now place your hands above the rail

    [hands suddenly attach to the rail]

    Exeter: ... they're magnetized.

    Crow T. Robot: And if your hands were metal, that would mean something.

  • Crow T. Robot: [as ship descends into fantastic Metaluna landscape] Looks like Dr. Seuss designed their planet!

    Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.

    Crow T. Robot: They're very into "Yes" on this planet.

    Tom Servo: Hee hee!

    Mike: International flights always get the gate furthest from the terminal.

    Tom Servo: Remember, we're parked in the "Denubrian Slime Devil" lot!

  • Exeter: They're concentrating all their attention on Metaluna. Those flashes of light - they're meteors. Hundreds of them! The intense heat is turning Metaluna into a radioactive sun. The temperature must be thousands of degrees by now.

    Crow T. Robot: Cooler by the lake.

    Exeter: A lifeless planet. And yet...

    Tom Servo: Rents are reasonable!

    Exeter: Yet, still serving a useful purpose, I hope. Yes... a sun, warming the surface of some other world - giving light to those who may need it.

    Mike: "Still, your whole family died. That's a bummer, huh?"

  • [one of the aliens is firing on the humans]

    Crow T. Robot: Eat my photons, small heads!

  • Crow T. Robot: Shall I compare thee to a summers daaaaaaaa...

  • Crow T. Robot: You killed the Hubble!

  • Crow T. Robot: [as Cal beats a MutAnt in the head] Oh, I'm very vulnerable there! Oh, there go the piano lessons! I can't remember my dad!

  • [Cal and Joe are looking in an interositer catalog]

    Joe Wilson: Here's something my wife could use in the house...

    Crow T. Robot: A man?

    Joe Wilson: interositer incorporating an electron sorter.

    Cal Meecham: She'll probably gain twenty pounds while it does all the work for her.

    Tom Servo: Cal, you bitch!

  • Dr. Cal Meecham: This isn't paper. It's some kind of metal.

    Crow T. Robot: Uh, no, that's paper, sir.

  • Crow T. Robot: [in a scene where the brain creature enters a room looking all around] Uh, is the manager here? Hello?

  • Mike: Crow!

    Crow T. Robot: [stops swinging pick-axe] Huh?

    Mike: Crow, listen, you've gotta stop!

    Crow T. Robot: Oh, hi, Mike! I've found the perfect spot. Once I've breached through this wall we'll tunnel our way right back to Earth. URG!

    [returns to swinging pick-axe]

    Crow T. Robot: Crow, you big dope! You can't tunnel through space.

    Crow T. Robot: [British accent] Come, come, boy. We must confound Gerry at every turn!

  • [Inside the environmental tubes]

    Crow T. Robot: Wow this must be what its like inside a bong! Whehue!

  • Dr. Clayton Forrester: Say, come to think about it, I don't believe you bowed down before me recently.

    Mike: Sure we have - last week.

    Dr. Clayton Forrester: No, no, no, I think that was more of a curtsey than a bow. So why don't we all just bow down now?

    Mike: I don't see any reason to make us...

    [suddenly kneels, choking]

    Crow T. Robot: [scared] Bowing, sir!

    [Tom bows and prays to Dr. Forrester, speaking in tongues]

  • Crow T. Robot: C'mon! Give Uncle Scrotor a hug!

  • Tom Servo: Oh, they're flying into a Roger Dean album cover.

    Crow T. Robot: They're very into Yes on this planet.

  • [after Mike damages the Hubble]

    Crow T. Robot: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!

    Tom Servo: Don't *do* that!

  • Crow T. Robot: [as Joe comes down the stairs] This is a job for "Weenie man!"

  • Crow T. Robot: [as Ruth] Oh, Carl.

    Tom Servo: [as Cal] Er, Cal.

    Crow T. Robot: [as Ruth] Oh, Cal.

  • Mike: Geez, Dr. Forrester!

    Crow T. Robot: What a dickweed!

  • Crow T. Robot: The secret government Eggo Project!

  • Crow T. Robot: Don't leave me with the Germans!

  • [as Brack watches the interositer]

    Crow T. Robot: and now it's time for The Brack Show! Da da da-da-da DA! It's the Brack show! Staring me, I'm Brack!

  • Crow T. Robot: Oh, my god! My waffle! Oh the humanity!

  • Crow T. Robot: G.I. Joe action set. Nerdy Joe not included.

  • Crow T. Robot: I'm gonna curl up in his sock drawer, and sleep for days.

  • [as Joe is talking, Cal ruffels through his desk]

    Crow T. Robot: Where's my gun?

  • Crow T. RobotMikeTom Servo: NORMAL VIEW! NORMAL VIIEEEEW!

  • Crow T. Robot: [as a crewman pushes a lever] This oughta kill them!

  • Dr. Cal Meecham: "Complete line of iterociter parts, incorporating greater advances than hitherto known in the field of electronics." What exactly is an iterociter?

    Joe Wilson: I don't know, and I don't want to know.

    Crow T. Robot: Just love me!

  • Crow T. Robot: [Bashing jauntily at the hull with a pickaxe, singing "It's a Long Way to Tipperary"] Goodbye to Noah Beery, Hello Harold Lloyyyyd...

  • Crow T. Robot: [on the Mu-tant] Nuts! It's Ted Kennedy in a Barney suit!

Browse more character quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)


Characters on Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)