Tiffany Quotes in Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Claire Miller: I'm sorry but first class is overbooked, but there is plenty of room to stretch out in coach which is only half-full.For the inconvenience we would like to offer you this travel voucher which is good on any date for any South Pacific Airlines flight.

Paul: Hmm, and this travel voucher won't help get me to my meeting on time, will it?

Claire Miller: Sir, I'm pretty sure that coach gets to Los Angeles about the same time that first class does.

Paul: Funny. Does my Senior Reward membership come with your sarcasm, or should I speak with your supervisor... Claire?

[walks into the plane]

Claire Miller: This had better be a matter of national security,

Mercedes Harbont: Did I just hear right that there's no first class?

Claire Miller: Yes, only coach.

Mercedes Harbont: Is it safe back there?

Tiffany: [after a pause] Yes, yes, it is totally safe there.

Leo Ross: Tiffany, sweetie. You remember Charlie, our driver?

Tiffany: Hello again, Mr. Cronin.

Charlie Cronin: [raspy voiced] Hello! Hello, hello?

Leo Ross: Charlie, you remember Tiffany, don't you?

Charlie Cronin: [raspy voiced] Yes! Yes. Oatmeal, I forgot to add the water.

Tiffany: You really want to win this thing, don't you?

Charlie Cronin: Oh, absolutely. I mean winning the Cannonball. That's something you tell your grandkids about.

Tiffany: You're a grandfather? You look so young.

Charlie Cronin: Oh no, I'm not a grandfather yet. I hope to have grandkids someday, but I'm not a grandfather yet.

Tiffany: Oh, I see what you mean. It's nice to have things in your life that are important. But to do the things you want to do, you have to do things you don't want to do.

Tiffany: [in helicopter as it lifts off in a tropical storm] Can you fly in this?

Jack: What?

Tiffany: Can you fly in this?

Jack: No.

Tiffany: Wonderful.

Drake: [after their helicopter lands on the island] Well, the chopper's out of commission.

Tiffany: Wonderful. So after all this shit, we're stranded too?

Drake: Mmm-hmm. We'll hike inland a little bit. See what's here. Maybe we'll find something.

Tiffany: Wonderful.

Dr. Dawn Porter: [hiking through jungle to escape the komodo] When the winds are right, it can smell carrion from up to four miles away.

Drake: What's carri-on?

Jack: Luggage.

Tiffany: Wonderful.

Tiffany: You gotta be kidding, that's like 2 miles from here.

Drake: Well if you're that thirsty honey, let's go.

Tiffany: I hate you all.

Tiffany: I do this! Time after time after time! I do all this shit for other people! And then I wake up and I'm empty! I have nothing!

Tiffany: Why did you order raisin bran?

Pat: Why did you order tea?

Tiffany: Because you ordered raisin bran.

Pat: I ordered raisin bran because I didn't want there to be any mistaking it for a date.

Tiffany: It can still be a date if you order raisin bran.

Tiffany: I was a big slut, but I'm not anymore. There will always be a part of me that is sloppy and dirty, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?

Tiffany: Can we get through one fucking conversation without you reminding me that my goddamn husband's dead?

Pat: How old are you?

Tiffany: Old enough to have a marriage end and not wind up in a mental hospital.

Tiffany: Humanity is just nasty and there's no silver lining.

Tiffany: I opened up to you, and you judged me.

[holding hands]

Pat: Wait, what's this?

Tiffany: I thought you were doing it.

Pat: I thought you were doing it.

Tiffany: You let me lie to you for a week?

Pat: I was trying to be romantic.

Tiffany: You love me?

Pat: Yeah, I do.

Tiffany: Okay.

[kisses him]

Tiffany: I'm just the crazy slut, with a dead husband! Fuck you!

Officer Keogh: Hey, aren't you Tommy's widow?

Tiffany: Yes, I'm Tommy's crazy whore widow. Minus the whore thing, for the most part.

Officer Keogh: You want to get a drink sometime?

[Tiffany turns around and walks away in disgust]

Pat: You shouldn't say that to her. She doesn't do that anymore.

Officer Keogh: What? What did I say?

Pat: She doesn't do that anymore.

Pat: You have poor social skills. You have a problem.

Tiffany: I have a problem? You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things.

Tiffany: Hey!

Pat: What the fuck? I'm married!

Tiffany: So am I!

Pat: What the fuck are you doing? Your husband's dead!

Tiffany: Where's your wife?

Pat: You're crazy!

Tiffany: I'm not the one who just got out of that hospital in Baltimore.

Pat: And I'm not the big slut!... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.

Tiffany: I was a big slut, but I'm not any more. There's always going to be a part of me that's sloppy and dirty, but I like that. With all the other parts of myself. Can you say the same about yourself fucker? Can you forgive? Are you any good at that?

Tiffany: You know, for a while, I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me. But now I'm starting to think you're the worst.

Pat: Of course you do. Come on, let's go dance.

Tiffany: You know what, forget I offered to help you. Forget the entire fucking idea, because that must have been fucking crazy, because I'm so much CRAZIER than you!

Pat: [Indifferent] Keep your voice down.

Tiffany: I'm just the crazy slut with a dead husband!

Tiffany: [Tiffany laughs insanely]

Pat: [Still mostly indifferent] Shut the fuck up.

Tiffany: [Yelling] Fuck you!

Tiffany: [Tiffany sweeps everything off the table onto the floor]

Tiffany: [Walking away] You shut the fuck up!

Pat: You look nice.

Tiffany: Thank you.

Pat: Oh, I'm not flirting with you.

Tiffany: Oh, I didn't think you were.

Pat: I just see that you made an effort, and I'm gonna be better with my wife. I'm working on that. I wanna acknowledge her beauty. I never used to do that. I do now. Just practicing. How'd Tommy die?

[Tiffany looks shocked and sad]

Tiffany: You might not of had experienced the shit that I did, but you loved hearing about it, didn't you? You're afraid to be alive, you're afraid to live. You're a conformist. You're a hypocrite. You're a liar. I opened up to you and you judged me!

Pat: It's electric between us! Okay, yeah, we wanna change each other, but that's normal, couples wanna do that. I want her to stop dressing like she dresses, I want her to stop acting so superior to me, okay? And she wanted me to lose weight and stop my mood swings, which both I've done. I mean, people fight. Couples fight. We would fight, we wouldn't talk for a couple weeks. That's normal. She always wanted the best for me.

Tiffany: Wow.

Pat: She wanted me to be passionate and compassionate. And that's a good thing. You know? I just, look, I'm my best self today, and I think she's her best self today, and our love's gonna be fucking amazing.

Tiffany: It's gonna be amazing, and you're gonna be amazing, and she's gonna be amazing, and you're not gonna be that guy that's gonna take advantage of a situation without offering to do something back. So think about the dance thing.

[Tiffany turns and walks off]

Tiffany: Not that I give a fuck about football or about your superstitions, but if it's me reading the signs, I don't send the Eagles guy whose personal motto is "Excelsior," to a fucking Giants game, especially when he's already in a legal situation.

Tiffany: No walk, no letter. Walk to me like I'm Nikki. Do it, come on, I'm Nikki.

Pat: You're not Nikki.

[does the walk anyway]

Tiffany: Yes! Do you feel that? That's emotion.

Pat: I don't feel anything.

[to her sister and brother in law about Nikki being there]

Tiffany: You're killing me!

Tiffany: Listen, I haven't dated since before my marriage so I don't really remember how this works.

Pat: How what works?

Tiffany: I saw the way you were looking at me, Pat. You felt it, I felt it, don't lie. We're not liars like they are. I live in the addition around back, which is completely separate from my parents' house, so there's no chance of them walking in on us. I hate the fact that you wore a football jersey to dinner because I hate football, but you can fuck me if you turn the lights off, okay?

Tiffany: Calm down, Crazy.

Pat: We have a very unconventional chemistry, it makes people feel awkward, but not me. Alright? She's the most beautiful woman I've ever been with. It's electric between us! Okay, yeah, we wanna change each other, but that's normal, couples wanna do that. I want her to stop dressing like she dresses, I want her to stop acting so superior to me, okay? And she wanted me to lose weight and stop my mood swings, which both I've done. I mean, people fight. Couples fight. We would fight, we wouldn't talk for a couple weeks. That's normal. She always wanted the best for me.

Tiffany: Wow.

Pat: She wanted me to be passionate and compassionate. And that's a good thing. You know? I just, look, I'm my best self today, and I think she's her best self today, and our love's gonna be fucking amazing.

Tiffany: It's gonna be amazing, and you're gonna be amazing, and she's gonna be amazing, and you're not gonna be that guy that's gonna take advantage of a situation without offering to do something back. So think about the dance thing.

[Tiffany turns and walks off]

Tiffany: You are afraid to be alive. You are afraid to live. You're a hypocrite. You're a conformist. You're a liar. I opened up to you and you judged me. You're an asshole. YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! Get off of me! He's harassing me! HE'S HARASSING ME!

Tiffany: You're not a standup guy today, Pat!

Nancy Huff: [During Christmas Dinner. Tiffany is 12] What about you Tiffany, what did you get for Christmas?

Tiffany: I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace, but next year I'm gonna ask Santa for breast implants because I'm impatient with my body.

Jake Hardin: This is my new apartment?

Tiffany: I know it's pretty amazing. Home theatre, satellite TV. And at night, with the lights down low, let's just say this place is pretty mind blowing.

Chucky: What would Martha Stewart say?

Tiffany: Fuck Martha Stewart! Martha Stewart can kiss my shiny plastic butt! Here I am, slaving a way over a hot stove, making cookies... making Swedish meatballs, and for what? A man who doesn't appreciate me! For a man that can't even wash one fucking dish! For a man who isn't even a man at all where it counts, if you get my drift! -to Jade- Take it from me honey, plastic is no substitute for a nice hunk of wood!

Chucky: I didn't hear her complaining last night. Any guy would need a hunk of plastic, probably battery operated to get a reaction out of you in bed. And by the way, where the hell did you learn to bake?

Tiffany: My mother always said love was supposed set you free. But that's not true, Chucky. I've been a prisoner of my love for you for a very long time. Now it's payback time.

Chucky: [stuck in playpen] You let me outta here right now!

Tiffany: Sweet dreams, asshole.

Tiffany: Ten years is a long time, Chucky. Besides, I was never actually with him. You know me. I'll kill anybody, but I'll only sleep with someone I love.

Tiffany: Have you got a rubber?

Chucky: Have I got a rubber? Tiff, look at me. I'm ALL rubber.

Tiffany: That's right... wait, I thought you were plastic?

Chucky: Tiff... kiss me

Tiffany: Ok.

Chucky: Hi. I'm Chucky, wanna play?

Damien: Where the hell did you get this thing?

Tiffany: Got it from the cops. It's the actual doll from those murders. I... stitched him together.

Damien: You've got to be kidding me.

Tiffany: No I'm not kidding you, I...

Damien: Oh come on, Tiffany. I knew you were obsessed, but...

Tiffany: I'm not obsessed.

Damien: Chucky? He's so... 80s.

Tiffany: No he's not.

Damien: He isn't even scary.

Tiffany: Yes he is.

Damien: Look at him. What are you lookin at punk? You lookin at me?

Tiffany: Alright, so, I was wrong. I thought he'd make an... interesting toy... Damien?

Damien: Yeah?

Tiffany: Wanna play?

Damien: ...Okay

Chucky: Tiffany! Where the fuck are you?

Jesse: You got company?

Tiffany: Nope, just babysitting. Foul-mouthed little fucker.

[laughs]

Jesse: How'd you end up like this?

Tiffany: It's a long story.

Chucky: Let me put it this way. If this were a movie, it would take three or four sequels to do it justice.

Tiffany: You know, Chucky, I still have the ring.

Chucky: What ring?

Tiffany: The ring. The one you left for me. I found it on the mantle the night you were killed. I've never taken it off.

Chucky: Oh, that. The one I got from Vivian VanPelt.

Tiffany: Vivian who?

Chucky: Vivian VanPelt. I dumped her in the river, remember? That ring is worth five or six grand easy.

Tiffany: You mean... you weren't gonna ask me to marry you?

Chucky: What, are you fuckin' nuts?

[laughs hysterically]

Tiffany: Barbie, eat your heart out.

Tiffany: [after Chucky stabs her] My mother always told me love would set me free.

Chucky: [pushes her back] Get off my knife.

Tiffany: I was thinking about what you said about wanting to get married...

Chucky: Yeah?

Tiffany: I think it would be time for you to settle down!

Chucky: Babe, you made the best choice ever! You won't regret this, I promise. I'm going to treat you like a princess.

Tiffany: [rips off wrapping paper and places Bride doll into Chucky's cage]

Chucky: What's that?

Tiffany: Your bride!

Bride doll: With this ring I thee wed...

Tiffany: Oh, Chucky! She's beautiful!

Tiffany: [throws rice at Chucky and laughs]

Chucky: You are so dead!

Chucky: Face it, Tiff. You need me, otherwise you're stuck like this for good.

Tiffany: [Reading the book on "Voodoo For Dummies"] I don't need you, I'll look it up myself.

Chucky: Oh, go ahead. Chapter six. Page two-seventeen.

Tiffany: 'The heart of Dambala'... what's that?

Chucky: An amulet! We need it to transfer our souls into human bodies.

Tiffany: OK. And where the hell is it?

Chucky: [Holding up newspaper clipping of his death] I was wearing it around my neck the night those bastards gunned me down. It was buried with my corpse, in Hackensack, New Jersey.

Tiffany: All right. Let's go.

Chucky: Oh, sure. I'll steer and you can work the peddles. We're DOLLS ya dope!

Tiffany: [Begins to cry] Oh my god, what are we gonna do!

Chucky: Aye aye aye.

[Tiffany continues to cry]

Chucky: Shut up!

Tiffany: [Stops crying] You shut up.

[Warren is trying to get into Jesse's van, and goes off for a crowbar]

Tiffany: Who the hell's this bozo? What's he doing?

Chucky: Screwing with our ride, that's what.

[pulls out knife]

Chucky: Ahh, what the hell, I need the exercise.

Tiffany: Were you born with that knife superglued to your hand or what?

Chucky: What are you talking about?

Tiffany: For god's sake Chucky, drag yourself into the 90s. Stabbings went out with Bundy and Dahmer. You look like Martha Stewart with that thing.

Chucky: Who the fuck is Martha Stewart?

Tiffany: My idol. And what does Martha tell you to do when friends drop by for dinner and you haven't had time to shop? You improvise.

Tiffany: God, was Chucky an incredible lover! He was the best I ever had.

Damien: Oh, come on, Tiff. He ain't big enough to handle a woman like you?

Chucky: It ain't the size that counts, asshole - it's what you do with it.

Tiffany: What are we gonna do?

Chucky: [Sarcastically] I don't know, what would Martha Stewart do?

Chucky: [looking at his knife] Huh! A true classic never goes out of style!

Tiffany: [to Chucky] That was good!

Damien: Come on, let me in or I'm likely to catch my death out here.

Tiffany: Promises, promises.

Damien: Hey, how was your day?

Tiffany: Same old same old.

Damien: [takes a photo out of his back pocket] Oh, hey, check it out.

Tiffany: What?

Damien: Check it out.

Tiffany: [takes the photo] What is it?

Damien: You mean *who* is it.

Tiffany: *Who* is it?

Damien: You mean who *was* it.

Tiffany: [looks at the photo - it's a dead man with blood covering his face] Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you really did a number on him, didn't you?

[Damien laughs]

Tiffany: What did you use? Was it really bloody? Did he scream a lot? Was he half... you know, Damien, this guy looks awfully familiar. I recognise the nail polish.

Damien: [looks at his black nails - the photo was of him] Shit!

Tiffany: You never really actually killed anybody, did you? Did you! Did you, you pathetic worm!

[hits Damien over the head with the photo]

Damien: Come on Tiff, I'm workin' up to it.

Tiffany: Oh, my God. I'm crying. I wonder if all the plumbing works.

Chucky: Well, I don't know about you but I'm starting to feel a bit like Pinocchio here. And I am anatomically correct.

Tiffany: Hold still honey or I'm going to poke you in the eye again.

Jade: What are you gonna do to us?

Chucky: Funny you should ask.

Tiffany: These bodies are okay. But they're like apartments were just renting. But now we're movin' on up.

Chucky: Like George and Weezy.

Tiffany: And we're lookin' to buy.

Chucky: And you know what they say about real estate - Location, location, location. Well, you guys are in the right place at the wrong time.

Chucky, Tiffany: [both giggle]

Chucky: I'd imagine at this point you two must have a lot of questions! You do know who I am?

Jesse: Chucky...

Chucky: And this...

[points to Tiffany]

Chucky: is Tiffany!

Tiffany: [to Jesse] I believe we already met, haven't we, sweet-face?

Jesse: [Jesse stares at Tiffany] S-s-so, how-how did you end up like this?

Chucky: Well, it's a long story.

Tiffany: It sure is.

Chucky: In fact if it were a movie, it would take three or four sequels just to do it justice!

Tiffany: Jesse, honey, could you give me a hand with this?

[referring to trunk with Damien's body in it]

Jesse: [washing van] Yeah, okay, uh, just a second.

Jesse: Thanks, sweet face. I owe you one.

Tiffany: Well, hello, dolly.

Tiffany: [thinking she failed to resurrect Chucky] What a crock.

Tiffany: Oh, Chucky look at us. We belong dead. I'll see you in hell, darling.

Tiffany: [Chucky has just transfered Tiffany's soul into a doll] You son of a bitch! What have you done to me?

[Punches Chucky]

Tiffany: You got your wish. You're mine now doll. And if you know what's good for you, you are going to love, honor, and obey!

Tiffany: I wouldn't marry you if you had the body of G.I.Joe

Chucky: Hey, Raggedy Anne, you looked in the mirror lately? Now's not the time to get picky

[first lines]

Tiffany: [on phone] Hello.

Bailey: Hey I'm on my way. And don't forget my money.

Tiffany: See you soon. And Bailey, don't you forget.

[Bailey nearly gets into an accident from glancing at the bag]

Tiffany: Curiosity killed the cat.

[she laughs]

Tiffany: Auday duay dumbalar. Give me the power, I beg of you. Auday duay dumbalar. Give me the power, I beg of you. La mwar de sway de pwa de yo. Se swa seten de pwa de mor. Auday deway dum balar. Awake!

Tiffany: You never really actually killed anybody, did you? Did you? Did you, you pathetic worm!

Tiffany: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Back on your knees. Crawl. Good boy. Stay down on the floor where you belong. That's right.

Tiffany: Now you watch me.

[looks at Chucky]

Tiffany: Both of you.

Tiffany: A woman spends all day over a hot stove slaving away for her man. The least he can do is the dishes.

Chucky: Everybody, JUST SHUT UP! I have had it! That's it! There's a limit to how much I can take!

Tiffany: What are you talking about?

Chucky: Look around you, Tiff! This is nuts! And I have a very high tolerence for nuts. If this is what it takes to be human, I'd rather take my chances as a supernaturally possessed doll; it's less complicated.

Chucky: You can't be serious.

Chucky: As a heart attack! Think about it, what's so great about being human anyway? You get sick, you get old, you can't get it up anymore. I'm not looking forward to that!

Tiffany: Hun, I want to be Jennifer Tilly. I want to be a star.

Chucky: And I don't wanna be your chauffeur! As a doll, I'm fucking infamous! I'm one of the most notorious slashers in history! And I don't wanna give that up. I am Chucky, the killer doll! And I dig it!

Tiffany: [Tiffany and Glen look shocked]

Chucky: I have everything I want! A beautiful wife! A... multi-talented kid. This is who I am, Tiff! This is me!

Tiffany: Chucky... I don't know what the fuck you're talking about? I don't know who you are anymore? But... it's not enough for me. I want more.

Chucky: What are you saying?

Tiffany: It's over.

Chucky: [Chucky looks horrified; Tiffany turns to Glen]

Tiffany: We gotta get out of here, sweetface.

Tiffany: [Tiffany looks back at Chucky]

Tiffany: I'm leaving you, Chucky, and I'm taking the kid.

Chucky: [Chucky looks extremely pissed off]

Chucky: NOBODY leaves ME... NOBODY!

[talking to Glen]

Tiffany: Where are your mother and father?

Chucky: [whispering] Judging by that face, my guess is they're hiding.

Tiffany: Shut up, you asshole.

Tiffany: I'm not getting pregnant again, I'll tell you that much. My mother always said, "Once is a blessing, twice is a curse."

Chucky: Well, that would explain your sister.

Tiffany: I figured it out, I'll possess Jennifer Tilly and you'll possess Redman

Chucky: [drinking liquor] I'm down with that.

Tiffany: They're executing Martha Stewart this morning.

Chucky: I don't think I can take 9 months of this shit.

Tiffany: Silly Chucky. It's a voodoo pregnancy. It's accelerated.

Chucky: How "accelerated"?

[a very pregnant Jennifer Tilly walks into bathroom mirror; screams]

Chucky: Oh.

Tiffany: [while dragging Jennifer Tilly's unconscious body] Fuck, she's fat!

Tiffany: What the hell is goin' on in here?

Chucky: She came on to me!

Tiffany: No wonder her career's in trouble.

Tiffany: Hi, my name is Tiffany Ray. Um, you don't know me but, a few years ago I killed your husband, and I am SO sorry.

Tiffany: She's so wonderful!

Chucky: ...You mean HE's so wonderful.

[they both look at Glen]

Glen: Don't look at ME.

[they remove off his pants, revealing ambiguous genitalia]

Tiffany: ...Um, see? She's a beautiful girl.

Chucky: W-what are you talking about? That's, uh... my boy.

Glen: Everything's always about what YOU two want! What about what I want?

Chucky: Um... that's new.

Tiffany: Ok, sweetie? What do YOU want to be?

Glen: Well... I think... I want to be a boy.

Chucky: [to Tiffany] Ha! In your face!

Glen: But... being a girl would be nice too. Sometime I feel like a boy... and sometimes I feel like a girl... Hey! Can't I be both?

Tiffany: Killing is an addiction like any other drug. But we're parents now. We have to set an example.

Chucky: Tiff?

[taps her on back]

Chucky: [GLENDA turns around revealing that he/she is wearing makeup, GLENDA laughs manically]

Chucky: Gah! Glen...?

Glen: [singsong voice] Guess again, daddy...

Chucky: Glenda?

Glen: That's my name, don't you wear it out.

[examines nails]

Glen: Oh... shit.

Tiffany: [drops glass on floor, shattering it] What did I miss?

Glen: Oh, nothing much... I just *fired* Joan.

[laughs maniacally]

Chucky: Looks like you won after all, Tiff. Congratulations.

Glen: Oh, you *both* win. I'm a real... ladykiller, if you catch my drift. I'm a bonafide bonus baby!

[laughs maniacally]

Tiffany: Jesus Christ, Chucky. What did you do to him?

Chucky: What did I do? Atleast I spend time with the kid.

Tiffany: [talking to Glenda] Glen? Wake up.

Glen: Stop it, mommy. You'll wrinkle my dress. Oh, and how do you like it? I made it meself. Like mother, like daughter right?

[laughs maniacally]

Glen: Like mother, like daughter! Get it? Mother and daughter, mother and daughter!

[laughs]

Tiffany: I said wake up! Right now!

[slaps Glenda]

Glen: [wakes up] Mom? Dad?

[turns to mirror, gasps]

Glen: What am I?

[cries]

[knocks Redman out]

Tiffany: Pig.

[turns to Jennifer Tilly]

Tiffany: And you. You should be ashamed of yourself. Where's your self-respect? You know what my mother used to say about dirty girls? She said, "You can always smell it on girls who sell it."

[holds up a pen and a sheet of paper]

Tiffany: Oh, by the way, Miss Tilly, can I have your autograph? I'm a big fan.

Tiffany: What's your name?

Glen: Shitface.

Chucky: [snort]

Tiffany: I want a girl!

Chucky: I want a boy!

Glen: You're tearing me apart! What about what I want?

Chucky: ...what?

Tiffany: What?

Glen: Doesn't what I want mean anything at all?

Tiffany: Oh.

Chucky: OK. Interesting. Tell us.

Tiffany: What do you want, sweetface?

Glen: I think... I want to be a boy.

Chucky: YESSS! IN YOUR FACE, LADY!

Glen: But... being a girl would be nice, too.

Tiffany: Hmph.

Chucky: Whoa... which is it?

Glen: I'm not sure. Sometimes I feel like a boy. Sometimes I feel like a girl. Gasp! Can I be both?

Tiffany: Well, some people...

Chucky: EH-EH! NO WAY!

Chucky: Wait a minute! I'm not gonna let you poison our son's mind with your touchy-feely 12 steps bullshit. If you two don't wanna kill anymore, that's your loss. But don't look down your noses at me. I'm not ashamed to be a killer; I'm proud of it! It's not an addiction; it is a choice! And it's not something that you should have to hide in the closet!

[opens the closet door and finds Redman's eviscerated body inside]

Chucky: Well, well, well... looks like Miss. High And Mighty ain't so perfect afterall!

[sobbing]

Tiffany: It was a slip! Rome wasn't built in one day, you know?

[stops sobbing]

Tiffany: Besides, the fucker had it coming.

Tiffany: [as Jennifer gets ready to have a baby] Push, Miss Tilly, push!

Jennifer Tilly: [shouts in pain] I AM PUSHING, YOU LITTLE STAR-FUCKER!

Tiffany: [to Stan] Pay no attention to Little Miss Potty Mouth. She's hormonal.

Tiffany: [after Chucky has axed her]

[to Glen]

Tiffany: Be A Good Girl... Or Boy... Whatever. Don't make the same mistakes your mum and dad made... Especially your dad.

Tiffany: [talking with Glen] Where are your parents?

Chucky: Judging from that face, my guess is they're hiding.

Tiffany: Shut up, you asshole.

Chucky: Well, c'mon! It looks like the kid fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!

[repeated line]

Tiffany: Rome wasn't build in a day, you know.

Tiffany: [sees a picture of Chucky and Glen with Pete Peters bloody carcass, gasps] What the hell is this? We had an agreement, Chucky! We decided for the sake of our child, WE WEREN'T GONNA DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE!

Chucky: No, YOU decided, just like YOU decided our son was a girl!

Tiffany: HE IS A GIRL!

Chucky: He is a BOY, goddammit! And he's the most promising killer I have ever seen! You should've been there, Tiff. You would've been so proud of him.

[Tiffany/Jennifer takes the "Tiffany" doll down from the shelf ]

Fulvia: I'm afraid of her.

Tiffany: It's just a doll.

Fulvia: I was talking about Glenda.

Tiffany: Oh. Well, if that's the way you feel, then we'll miss you here.

Fulvia: Thank you. God bless

[Tiffany/Jennifer bashes Fulvia to death with the doll, she then smiles evilly as her eyes turn green]

Tiffany: God bless.

[Francesca's father introduces another young bimbo]

Francesca's Father: Francesca, Tiffany. Tiffany, this is my daughter Francesca.

Tiffany: Hi.

Francesca: Peace.

Tiffany: Peace.

[Francesca leaves the house, then turns around]

Francesca: Oh, no. P-I-E-C-E - You.

Arthur: Tiffany, this is my nanny Hobson, my best friend in the whole world.

Tiffany: Your nanny?

Hobson: Hes merely shaped like an adult.

Tiffany: You guys are weird and racist.

Drew: [At The Court] You'd be great at a game called Tune in Tokyo. Now you must put your hands behind your head and say, beep, beep, beep... and twist at the waist

Tiffany: beep... beep... beep

[as she moves waist from side to side]

Drew: Picture this: it's WWII and our ship is going down in the middle of the Pacific and our only hope is the short wave radio.

[Drew puts his hands on Tiffany's breasts and twists them as if they were radio knobs]

Drew: Tune in, Tokyo! Tune in Tokyo!...

Tiffany: [Tiffany hits him with her purse and stomps off]

Will: What is this?

Tiffany: Uh, a video camera.

Will: VHS?

Tiffany: You know what VHS is?

Will: Yes, I once heard my forefathers speak of such a device.

Tiffany: I am pregnant! We are pregnant! Oh shit, how did this happen?

Will: Maybe we should watch the tape and find out.

Bill Beauchanon: [raising a shot of tequila for a toast] Here's to you - you two dizzy faggots. And Tiffany, to your alcoholism... and you playing Beethoven on my skin flute tonight? Ha, cheers!

Tiffany, Tommy Bush, Chubs Murphy: [toasting their shot glasses] Cheers!

Tiffany: [grabbing Bill by the shirt] Okay then, Bill... you beautiful piece of shit.

Tiffany: Why are we volunteering at this place?

Danielle: Because it looks good for our community service project, and so that Drew will like me. When I get what I want, I'm happy. And when I'm happy, I'm not a bitch.

Tiffany: You're all sweaty.

Dorian Lagatos: I'm sorry.

Tiffany: It-it's all right.

Dorian Lagatos: Oh, I have deodorant on, just not anti-perspirant.

Jun Ni: If I like a cornrow, I wear cornrow.

Tiffany: The only reason why you wear cornrow is cuz you got a brother on your arm, if you ain't have no brother you wouldn't have no cornrow.

Jun Ni: Brother on my arm, no brother on your arm.

Tiffany: At least I know how to fry chicken!

Jun Ni: I know how to fry chicken!

Tiffany: No you don't know how to fry noodle!

Jun Ni: I do, I can make all things. I make corn on the cob...

Tiffany: No corn on the cob.

Jun Ni: I do! And I make the potatoes and the greens!

Tiffany: A true classic never goes out of style.

Tiffany: They never learn.

[to Chucky in the plastic evidence bag]

Tiffany: So, who's next?

Post Office Worker: Next.

Tiffany: Good afternoon.

Post Office Worker: Three-day, two-day, or overnight?

Tiffany: Overnight. It's extremely urgent.

Post Office Worker: Fragile?

Tiffany: Surprisingly not.

Post Office Worker: Approximate value?

Tiffany: Well, my mother always used to say you can't put a price on love.

Post Office Worker: Under 250, then. Would you like to insure the package?

Tiffany: Oh, that won't be necessary.

Post Office Worker: It protects you and it protects the recipient.

Tiffany: I doubt that.

[chuckles]

Post Office Worker: Perishable goods? Live animal?

Tiffany: Just put "other."

Channard Cenobite: The doctor is in.

Tiffany: [speaking for the first time] Holy shit!

John: [driving behind slow truck] Ah, come on!

Rachel: John, just go around him.

John: I'll try - he's all over the place.

[he passes truck; later, truck passes him; after this, the scene has numerous horn sounds between dialogues]

John: You have to be fucking kidding me.

[he passes truck again]

Rachel: He's picking up speed.

Tiffany: Oh my God!

John: What? Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

[pause]

John: He let us pass.

Rachel: John, he is getting really close.

John: Yeah, I see him. Maybe he'll just go around. Never mind.

Rachel: What does he want? What did we do?

John: I don't know.

Jenn: John?

John: Yeah, I see him!

Jack: [truck slams in the back of them] Ugh! What the fuck is going on?

John: [looking in side mirror] Shit, alright, we've learned our lesson!

Jenn: John, just pull over.

John: Aw, come on, you fucker. The road's wide open. Maybe I can make him hit this car.

Rachel: [they get hit again] Seriously, John, we have to pull over now.

John: All right; all right. So unless anyone else has anything to say, or any suggestions, then I'm gonna pull over.

Rachel: What?

John: I really hope this is a good idea.

Tiffany: Someone needs to get out and apologize.

John: For what?

Tiffany: I don't know! Clearly we pissed him off!

John: I'll take care of this.

Jenn: No, no, you've done plenty!

Tiffany: I've got Sissy's blood all over me.

Ryan: Well... the shower works...

Tiffany: Well, it looks like you're on your own with the decorations and stuff.

Michael: Why? Where are you goin'?

Tiffany: I told you I have that algebra test to study for.

Michael: That's right, I keep forgetting that you're still in high school.

Ryan: Pretty cool house!

Tiffany: Yeah, if you're in Amityville.

Tiffany: I guess conversion therapy never works.

Diego Campos: Don't say that. It worked for Mr. Martínez and Mr. Gonzáles.

Tiffany: Not really. I heard they left their wives and ran away together. They're opening up a bed and breakfast... in Ensenada.

Tiffany: God, I hate men.