Tiffani von der Sloot Quotes in Eating Out: All You Can Eat (2009)

Tiffani von der Sloot: If you think going out on a fake gay date will make me jealous, you're dumber than a flock of Palins.

Ryan: I don't wanna make you jealous, I just wanna piss you off!

Tiffani von der Sloot: He's never volunteered before.

Harry: Oh, a virgin.

Tiffani von der Sloot: Only if you don't count anal.

Tiffani von der Sloot: Children are just abortions that eat.

Ernesto: I want to make many children.

Tiffani von der Sloot: Yes, children. Put children in me now!

Tiffani von der Sloot: [in the throws of passion] So help me God, if you stop, I'll rip off your dick and shove it in there myself!

Ernesto: Tiffany, we're in a coffin!

Tiffani von der Sloot: Shut up! You're ruining my fantasy!

Tiffani von der Sloot: Compliments will get you nowhere unless you're straight and hung like Mr. T.

Casey: Damn and damn.

Tiffani von der Sloot: [in Vietnamese] Pam, Candy, this is the fag who will clean for us and attract gay customers.

Candy: [in Vietnamese] He's too skinny. The gays want more meat on the bone.

Pam: [in Vietnamese] No. Some like to take a twig boy, spread his legs reeeeal wide and snap him in two.

Candy: Oh-ho.

Tiffani von der Sloot: [to Casey, in English] They just said they can't wait to get to know you.

Casey: Oh, cool. Uh, tell 'em I feel the same way.

Tiffani von der Sloot: [in Vietnamese to Pam and Candy] He says treat him nice or he'll call immigration on your asses.

[Casey questions the necessity of creating a fake Internet identity using pictures of Tiffani's sensuous ex-boyfriend Ryan]

Casey: Why would I want Zack to talk to someone way hotter than I am?

Tiffani von der Sloot: When's the last time you opened up to an ugly stranger? Besides, you just find out what you need to know then Ryan will disappear. A fake profile is the perfect wingman.

Casey: What kinda straight guy goes on a date with another man?

Tiffani von der Sloot: He was a stripper at a gay bar. He'd clean a toilet with his dick for a dollar.

Tiffani von der Sloot: [watching Casey and Zack after locking them in a house together] Are they fucking yet?

Ryan: Not even close. Is this gonna work?

Tiffani von der Sloot: Trust me. It's science. If you leave two dicks together, eventually one of them's going to need sucking... like prison.