Mr Applegate Quotes in The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

[Scrooge has thrown Mr Applegate out of the office]

Mr Applegate: Thank you for not shouting at me!

Mr. Applegate: With my help a lot of things come easy.

[lights a cigarette from within his hand and Joe looks shocked]

Mr. Applegate: Ohhhh, uh, do you smoke?

Joe Boyd: Hey... how'd you pull that off?

Mr. Applegate: I'm handy with fire.

Joe Boyd: What happens after I stop being a baseball player? Then where would I be?

Mr. Applegate: [laughs] Well now, of course that's fairly well known.

Joe Boyd: Yes, but I have...

Mr. Applegate: After all, there's nothing unusual about it. How do you suppose some of these politicians around town got started? And parking lot owners?

Mr. Applegate: Wives! They cause me more trouble than the Methodist church.

Mr. Applegate: Uh, if you will permit me to say a word, I happen to represent the Hannibal Bugle. And I'm telling you right now that everybody in our little ol' town is just as proud as pumpkins of little ol' Joe!

Gloria Thorpe: Well thank little ol' you, and thank little ol' Joe!

Mr. Applegate: Have a nice trip?

Lola: Perfect. The plane crashed in Cleveland.

Mr. Applegate: Good. Now about that job in Chicago.

Lola: Just dandy. I got the old boy to embezzle 100,000 dollars and lost it for him at the race track. Then his wife left him and he took to drink. I told him I was through and he jumped out the window... twenty second story.

Mr. Applegate: That's high enough, that's fine.

Lola: I wanna try the Empire State Building on this next one.

Mr. Applegate: I've got too much on my mind. I'm overworked.

Lola: Oh, I know, poor dear. Elections coming up.

Mr. Applegate: I've got thousands of Washington fans drooling under the illusion that the Senators are going to win the pennant!

Lola: Aw Chief, that's awfully good! When they lose there'll be suicides and heart attacks and apoplexy... just like the good old days!

Mr. Applegate: You should have seen a real artist at work! You couldn't get him away from his wife, huh? Well I could!

Lola: How? Is he crazy about you?

Mr. Applegate: Joe moved into a hotel because... Why did you move, Joe?

Joe Hardy: [dryly] To be near you.

Mr. Applegate: Well if you're referring to the rumor that in reality he is Shifty McCoy, I deny it emphatically.

Mr. Applegate: [to Gloria Thorpe] Oh, don't be so nosey, huh? Go home. Get married. Have children!

Mr. Applegate: Going a little far don't you think?

Lola: What's the matter? Didn't ya like it?

Mr. Applegate: I like it fine. Puff him up baby, I'll bring him down again.

Lola: You'll what?

Mr. Applegate: It's already started. Keep your eyes open, homewrecker. You'll find out who's got the pain in the mambo.

Mr. Applegate: I see it all now! Ya doped me. But why? Why?

Lola: Because I love him!