Motorcycle Cop Quotes in Stolen (2012)

[last lines]

Motorcycle Cop: Look I don't give a damn about your father...

[the Motorcycle Cop pulls Osterman over]

Bernard Osterman: What's the trouble?

Motorcycle Cop: Can I see your license, please?

Bernard Osterman: Yeah, I wasn't speeding though. I've given that up. You know I've cut, I've cut way back on speeding. I've cut, cut it way down.

Motorcycle Cop: Yeah I thought that was you, you write for TV, don't ya?

Bernard Osterman: Yeah that's me. Yeah I'm, I'm on my way to catch a plane though, right.

Motorcycle Cop: Oh, don't worry, you'll make it. I like your stuff, Mister Osterman. Only sometimes I think you tend to be a little strident, ya know.

Bernard Osterman: Strident? Are you giving me a ticket for strident writing are you? That means the death penalty for Beverly Hills parking violations is coming back too, huh?

Motorcycle Cop: [smiles] Have a nice day.

Bernard Osterman: Yeah.

Motorcycle Cop: Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state?

Clark: No, sir, I don't.

Motorcycle Cop: Well... it's probably pretty stiff.

Aunt Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. You've been exeeding the speed limit for thousands of miles!

Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to...

Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty!

Rusty Griswold: No he wasn't, Mom. He...

Clark: Rusty! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. I was driving like a maniac. We can all be grateful for this man for stopping us. You see kids...

[the motorcycle cop appears at the car window with the dog leash]

Motorcycle Cop: Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.

[Clark has just been pulled over by a Colorado motorcycle cop]

Clark: Hi officer, what's the problem?

Motorcycle Cop: Get out of the car!

[Clark exits from the car]

Clark: I don't think I was speeding. Was I weaving or something?

Motorcycle Cop: Shut your mouth, sir! You know, if I weren't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver faster than you can say, "police brutality!"

Clark: Well whatever I did, I'm sure I can explain...

[the motorcycle cop forcibily takes Clark by the arm and leads him to the rear of the car, which has a dog leash still tied to it]

Motorcycle Cop: Explain this, you son-of-a-bitch!

Clark: Oh my God...

Clark: Oh, you can't think I'd do this on purpose? Look... I tied him to the rear bumper while I was packing the car. It was very confusing. I must have forgot. I'm very sorry, I feel terrible.

Motorcycle Cop: How do you think that little dog feels?

Clark: Look, I told you I was sorry. It really was an accident.

Motorcycle Cop: Well, I guess I can buy that, sir. But it is a shame. I had a pooch like this when I was a kid.

[both Clark and the motorcycle cop sorrowfully look at the empty road behind them]

Motorcycle Cop: Poor little guy. Probably kept up with you for a mile or so.

[tearing up]

Motorcycle Cop: Tough little mutt...

[after stealing a car and escaping from Ivan Stark's henchmen, John Edwards is pulled over for speeding]

Motorcycle Cop: Going to a fire?

John Edwards: Well, don't stop me, man. I just escaped from a gang of cutthroats. I'm on my way to government headquarters to protect my invention.

Motorcycle Cop: Well, if that isn't a new one.

Bob Wiley: [Leo is pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding after leaving Bob on the side of a road and is mumbling incoherently. Bob passes by in a pickup truck] Ahoy! Excuse me officer, can you make sure he's home by 7?

[Bob displays 7 fingers for the direction]

Motorcycle Cop: Hey, didn't I see that guy on TV?

[Motorcycle Cop tears off ticket for Leo, who then snatches it angrily]

Motorcycle Cop: Whatcha got in the trunk?

J. Frank Parnell: Oh... You don't wanna look in there.

Motorcycle Cop: Could you take him through here a little faster than seven miles per hour, Officer...

Mike: Meoff, Jack.

[turns to Steve and mouths "Jack Meoff"]

Motorcycle Cop: I'd like to stick my whole head in your mouth and let you suck out my eyeballs!

Motorcycle Cop: Mrs. Gravel, I'd like to examine your underpants!

Motorcycle Cop: No need, I'm already here.

Motorcycle Cop: I want to see everybody's license! I want to see your driver's license, pilot license, transport license, hangar license, building license and see your license license. And everybody everywhere is under arrest!

[Dwight has been pulled over by a policeman on a motorcycle, with Jackie-Boy slumped over dead in the passenger seat]

Motorcycle Cop: Your buddy there... Partied a little too hard tonight?

Dwight: [staring coldly at the cop] I'm the designated driver.

Motorcycle Cop: [pause] Well, you're driving with a busted tail light.

[another pause]

Motorcycle Cop: I'll let you off with a warning.

Dwight: [after the cop leaves] What next?

Motorcycle Cop: [Pulls Dallas over for speeding] Where's the fire?

Dallas: [Lying] This kid fell off his motorcycle, I'm taking him to the hospital.

Motorcycle Cop: Is he hurt bad?

Dallas: How should I know? I ain't no doc.

[Cop goes away]

Dallas: Sucker.

Motorcycle Cop: Calm down, ma'am.

Kim Lee: I am calm.

Motorcycle Cop: I need to see your registration and insurance.

Kim Lee: Why? Not my fault! It's her fault! She do this!

Ria: [approaching] My fault?

Motorcycle Cop: Ma'am, you really need to wait in your vehicle.

Ria: [appraoching] My fault?

Kim Lee: Stop in the middle of street! Mexicans! No know how to drive! She blake too fast!

Ria: I "blake" too fast? I "blake" too fast? I'm sorry, you no see my "blake lights"?

Motorcycle Cop: [to Ria] Ma'am...

Ria: [to Kim Lee] See, I stop when I see long line of cars stop in front of me. Maybe you see over steering wheel, you "blake" too.

Motorcycle Cop: [to Ria] Ma'am...

Ria: Officer, can you please write down in your report how shocked I am to be hit by an Asian driver?

Sergeant Prendergast: Lucky you caught me.

Motorcycle Cop: I am?

Sergeant Prendergast: Yeah. Today's my last day as a cop.

Motorcycle Cop: Lucky me.

[while pursuing Harriet, The Runt is pulled over by a cop for running a red light]

The Runt: I'm chasing a woman.

Motorcycle cop: A woman, eh? Someday you'll thank me for this. (He arrests The Runt.)

[last lines]

Motorcycle Cop: You Don Young?

Don Young: Yes, sir? What's this for?

Motorcycle Cop: Don't know, Harrigan's orders.

Motorcycle Cop: Where do you think you're going, to a fire?

The Great Man: Ah... Ah... maternity hospital.

Motorcycle Cop: Okay, Tomato-Puss, follow me.