Missy Quotes in The Hills Have Eyes II (2007)

Missy: One good thing about being dead: wouldn't have to listen to all your bullshit.

Missy: Hi, Bill. Want a ride?

Bill: Sure, Missy.

[she draws a blank stare at Bill]

Bill: I mean, Mom.

[she smiles and puts on her Ray-Bans]

Ted: [whispering to Bill] Your stepmom's cute.

Bill: Shut up, Ted.

Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?

Bill: Shut up, Ted!

[during séance. Bill and Ted are floating above Missy]

Missy: Spirits, can you hear me?

Dead Ted: Yeah. And we can totally see down your...

Dead Bill: Ted! That's your mom, dude!

Courtney: Can she yell?

Torrance Shipman: We'll try an oldie.

[Torrance tests a standard cheer on her]

Torrance Shipman: Awesome, oh wow! Like, totally freak me out! I mean, right on! The Toros sure are number one!

Missy: [cheering] I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort!

[back to normal tone]

Missy: OK, so I've never cheered before. So what? How about something that actually requires neurons?

Missy: [Cliff is looking ahead at Torrance. Suddenly Missy blocks his view, her bikini-clad chest right in his line of sight] Hey, perv.

Cliff: Gahhh!

Missy: Hand over your fifteen bucks or get out of here.

Cliff: What are you doing?

Missy: Making money from guys oogling my goodies.

Cliff: Aww, I didn't need to hear that. That was an over-share.

Missy: See, I'm a hardcore gymnast. No way jumping up and down yelling "Go Team Go!" is gonna satisfy me.

Torrance Shipman: We're gymnasts too, except no beams, no bars, no vault.

Torrance Shipman: [Torrance is stressed after knowing they had stolen Clovers' routine] Do you know what this means? My entire cheerleading career has been a lie.

Missy: Well, look on the bright side - It's only cheerleading!

Torrance Shipman: I *am* only cheerleading.

Missy: You ripped off those cheers!

Torrance Shipman: Excuse me, Missy, our cheers are 100% original. Count the trophies!

Missy: Well, your trophies are bullshit, and you're a sadass liar.

Torrance Shipman: All right, that's it! Get out of the car, I'm gonna kick your ass!

Torrance Shipman: [about Cliff] He's your brother, you don't see him the way I do.

Missy: And that's a good thing because that would be a crime.

Torrance Shipman: Ever been to a cheerleading competition?

Missy: Oh, you mean like a football game?

Torrance Shipman: No, not a game, those are like practices for us. I'm talking about a tournament. ESPN cameras all around. Hundreds of people cheering.

Cliff: Wait a minute, people cheering... cheerleaders?

Torrance Shipman: That's right. Lots of people. Here's the deal, Missy. We're the shit, the best. We work hard, have fun, and win national championships. I'm offering you a chance to be a part of that.

Missy: [the squad is arguing about whether or not to stick with the Clovers' routine] You people are unbelievable! I mean, we're talking about cheating, here!

Courtney: Sorry, new girl, but *nobody* hit your buzzer!

Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: [Cheering at the game] Aaaaaaalllll right! We're sweet! We got the whip, we can't be beat. We're the best, our team's too cool. We got the class to rock this school. Aww...

Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred, Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: [Clovers join in, humiliating the Toros] Yeah! We bad, we got the team, we can't be had. We're the best, so score them points. You win the game, we'll rock this joint!

Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: Go Toros! Go Toros! Go, go, go Toros!

Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred: Go Clovers! Go Clovers! Go, go, go Clovers!

Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred, Courtney, Whitney, Darcy, Kasey, Missy, Torrance Shipman: Our game is fierce and we are hip, so get on back, you can't touch this! Our game is bad, we're without peer, so get that weakness outta here!

Isis, Lava, Jenelope, Lafred: Tried to steal our bit, but you look like shit! But we're the ones who are down with it!

Sparky: [the cheerleaders form a line for Sparky to inspect. To Kasey] You, you have weak ankles.

[to Whitney]

Sparky: One of your calves is bigger than the other.

[to next girl]

Sparky: Too much makeup.

[to next girl]

Sparky: Not enough makeup.

[to Courtney]

Sparky: What's with the skin? Say it with me; *sunlight*!

[to Jan and Les]

Sparky: Male cheerleaders, enough said.

[to Missy]

Sparky: Smile.

[She more grimaces than smiles]

Sparky: Don't smile.

Missy: [Under her breath] Jackass.

Sparky: [to Darcy] Good general tone and general musculature.

[Peeks around her to look at her butt]

Sparky: Report those compliments to your ass before it gets so big it forms it's own website!

[to Torrance]

Sparky: And you, I take you to be the captain, which means you'll probably need more work than anybody.

Missy: All right, we'll just get it over with. Hey, Torrance, get over here.

[Torrance comes over]

Missy: My brother wants to check out your rack.

Isis: Know what? She's right. See, then we'd be doing them a favor. Then they could feel good about sending raggedy Ann up here to jack us for our cheers.

Torrance Shipman: 'Raggedy Ann'?

Isis: Ugly redhead with a video camera permanently attached to her hand. Y'all been coming up here for years trying to steal our routines.

Lafred: And we just love seeing them on ESPN.

Torrance Shipman: What are you talking about?

Isis: 'Brr, it's cold in here, there must be some Toros in the atmosphere'? I know you don't think a white girl made that shit up. Our free cheer service is over as of this moment.

Jenelope: Over!

Lafred: Finito!

Isis: Every time we get some, here y'all come trying to steal it, putting some blonde hair on it and calling it something different. We've had the best squad around for years, but no one's been able to see what we can do. But you better believe, all that's gonna change this year. I'm captain, and I guarantee you we'll make it to Nationals. So just hand over the tape you made tonight, we'll call it even for now.

Torrance Shipman: We don't have any tape.

Missy: Really. We just came to see the show.

Jenelope: What? Come on, Isis! Let me do this!

Isis: You know what? Let's go.

Jenelope: Wait a minute. So that's it? We're just gonna let them go?

Isis: Yeah. Because unlike them, we have class.

Torrance Shipman: I swear I had no idea.

Isis: Well, now you do.

Jenelope: Huh! You been touched by an angel, girl!

Cheerleaders: [Cheerleaders from opposing team] Hey, Toros! / That's right / The red black and white / Guess What / Guess What / You really SUCK!

Torrance Shipman: Hey...

Torrance Shipman, Courtney, Whitney, Kasey, Darcy, Missy, Jan, Les: That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday! / That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday!

Missy: So is every game that eventful?

Torrance Shipman: No, thank God. We have a real situation on our hands. I mean, we were humiliated on our own turf.

Missy: We might have to have a rumble.

Torrance Shipman: This is a serious problem!

Missy: Oh, so is your breath.

Missy: I don't know what's scarier, neurotic cheerleaders or the pressure to win. I could make a killing selling something like Diet Prozac.

Torrance Shipman: Thank God you're here this season Missy. I couldn't have done it alone.

Missy: Aww, tear.

[she points to an invisible tear on her face]

Missy: What is your sexuality?

Les: Well, Jan's straight, and I'm... controversial.

Missy: Are you trying to tell me you speak fag?

Les: Oh, fluently.

Cooper: [jumps into the hot tub with Candy in it] Oh, crap! This isn't where I parked my car!

Candy: Cooper Harris, you're a pig!

[starts getting out]

Cooper: Wait, Candy. Before you go, you might want to clean that off.

Candy: Clean what off?

Cooper: It's like dirt or something. Go like this.

[shows her how to rub her breast]

Cooper: No, just cut it under. To the side, and under.

Candy: Is it off?

Cooper: No. I think your top is getting in the way.

Candy: Really?

Cooper: Trust me.

[Candy takes off her top]

Cooper: That's better. But keep rubbing it!

[she rubs]

Cooper: No, it's just not coming off.

Candy: [looks at her chest] Well, what is it?

Cooper: Oh, I'll do it. Come here.

[Cooper starts reaching for Candy's breasts]

Missy: [walks in with three jocks] Oh my God, Candy!

Candy: [covers herself] Cooper!

Cooper: [looks at the jocks] Hey. This isn't where I parked my car.

Missy: Oh my god, he just called Sissy 'Juggs'.

Chrissy: I'm on it.

[pulls out knife]

Jay: What's with the knife, we havin' cake or something?

Chrissy: Great, he's retarded to boot.

Jay: [to Silent Bob] Dude, she called you retarded.

Whillenholly: Why are you shooting at me? I'm just a Federal Wildlife Marshall.

Chrissy: Two reasons. One: we're walking, talking, bad girl cliches.

Missy: And two: because you're a man.

Whillenholly: Only on the outside.

Missy: Johnny, hi! Uh, listen, I think it's really great that you're back from the dead and all, but I've got gym.

Johnny: It's because I'm dead, isn't it. That's why you won't go out with me.

Missy: Don't insult me.

Johnny: You're afraid of what people might say, aren't you. Behind your back, everybody whispering, 'there goes Missy and the dead kid'!

Missy: Smolder. I like that. I like smolder in the shower. Okay, tongue, please. Tongue. Thank you. Nowwwww, down boy.

Missy: I hear they've got an assertive training class for southern women.

[looks puzzled]

Missy: Of course that's a contradiction in terms.

Teacher: When we think of romance and marriage, what is the first thought that comes into your mind?

Missy: [whispers to Evelyn] Divorce.

Missy: You can stay as long as you like.

Romy: Are you sure it's no problem?

Missy: If you don't treat us like Indians can see in the dark, speak to Damselflies, and make their life choices based on the shape of the clouds, we should be fine.