Mother Quotes in Batman Begins (2005)

[in the Narrows, a boy goes out onto the balcony to escape his parents' arguing; he sees Batman hanging on the side of the building, spying on a nearby one]

Little Boy: It's you, isn't it? Everyone's been talking about you.

Father: [from inside] Get in here!

Mother: [from inside] Don't you yell at him like that!

Little Boy: The other kids won't believe me.

[Batman folds the optic instrument he's been using, and tosses it to the boy]

[as Precrime cops barge through the different apartment rooms with their guns out, searching for John]

Mother: [referring to her children]

[furious]

Mother: They're crying their eyes out! You terrified them! You...

Knott: [growls] You don't want your kids to know terror, then keep them away from me.

[after hearing the name "Blue Monkey."]

Mother: How do you know about that thing that I've never heard of in my entire life?

DJ Drake: My dad told me.

Mother: Oh, what is the point of making them pinky swear?

Bugs Bunny: So this is Area 51?

Mother: No.

Bugs Bunny: The secret government base?

Mother: No.

Bugs Bunny: Where they keep all the aliens?

Mother: No. Area 51 is a paranoid fantasy we concocted to hide the true nature of this facility.

DJ Drake: Which is?

Mother: Area 52.

[in area 52, Daffy has been liquefied]

Kate Houghton: You are going to put him back, right? 'Cause I can't return to LA with duck soup.

Mother: We do have the resources to reconstitute the body. The mind, though, will remain a gooey mess.

Mother: DJ, I've known you since you were this big.

[holds fingers an inch apart]

Mother: That's... that's not really possible. Must have been a photo.

Mother: So, what were we discussing? Is this about those giant ants?

Kate Houghton: Giant ants?

Mother: Because they aren't really ants... anymore.

[last lines]

Mother: [raising champagne glass] A toast; to a job well done.

Emma Peel: To a narrow escape.

Mother: Macaroon?

Emma Peel: [shaking her head to Mother,] Thank you, Steed.

John Steed: No, no. Thank you, Mrs. Peel.

[All drink champagne as camera zooms off roof top]

Mother: Nothing is impossible, Father, I often think of 6 impossible things before breakfast.

Raymond Vilard: Long Beach Airport. 3 AM. Hangar Number seven. Keep the diamonds in a plastic bag. They will be weighed.

Franklin Hatchett: Kiss my ass, we meet when I say we meet, you French motherfucker.

[Hangs up phone]

Franklin Hatchett: He'll call back.

[Phone rings]

Franklin Hatchett: Alright, motherfucker, here's the deal...

Mother: Watch your mouth!

Franklin Hatchett: Mama! Mama! I didn't know it was you!

Father: So what makes you think you can locate my 4-by-4?

Abraxas: My box has VD, trust me.

Mother: Your what?

Abraxas: VD. Vibrational Detection.

[Fujino's Flashback remembering when she was a 4 years old girl]

Fujino Asagami: [Voice over] When I was little girl, one day I cut my hand while I was playing with the doll house, There was one real blade mixed with toy utensils...

Mother: [Concerned to see the young Fujino with blood on her clothes] Fujino! What are you doing? Oh my... So much blood. That must hurt you.

[the little girl begins to cry when she receives a hug from her mother]

Fujino Asagami: [Voice over] I did not understand her words, but I was quite happy that she hugged me...

Mother: [Moments later, after bandaging the young Fujino's hand] Fujino, the pain will disappear when the cut heals.

Fujino Asagami: [Voice over] I did not understand what her words meant... because in no time I felt any pain.

Mother: This is dinner? What, I ordered a child's portion?

Toby: Mama, this is an airline. It's not the Mulberry Street festival.

Mother: At least on Mulberry Street you get a little pasta, a little Gorgonzola, a hunk of pepperoni.

[first lines]

Mother: Car's here.

Father: It's nine o' clock already, we're going to miss our flight.

[Reflecting on their island paradise]

Mother: It's wonderful for today, but what about tomorrow?

Mother: Rob, are you sure you have enough underwear?

Rob: Mom, you packed enough underwear to stock the whole dorm.

Mother: Did you pack enough socks?

Rob: Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything, I'm going to college. It's just college.

Mother: Just give me something to worry about.

Rob: [talking over his mother] I'm your mother.

Mother: You can just take some of our things. Oh, this lamp will look so cute in your dorm room.

Chris: Go for it!

Rob: Well, what are you going to read by, then?

Mother: Oh, I'll buy some candles. I won't read. I'll go out.

Rob: Thanks, Mom, but I'm not taking any of your stuff. I'll just pick up some cheap stuff at some old appliance store like... whatever.

Black and White TV: That's right, folks! Appliances! Cheap appliances! Available now at Ernie's Disposal!

Rob: Where's a good bargain place around here?

Chris: You should have gone for the new stuff.

Hana: Since Ken died I'm like a canary... that's forgotten it's song.

Miyuki: You sing all the time!

Mother: So, Ken died did he?

[whispering]

Mother: AIDS?

Hana: He slipped on the soap.

Mother: Well, death is always a hair's breadth away.

Mother: Robert! Robert, wait! Now, Uncle Albert will meet you at the station.

Robert: Do you think he'll have model planes? Fighters, like the ones Dad will be flying?

Mother: I'm not sure, dear, but he does have a son called Horace who's about your age. He might.

Father: Cyril, you're in charge now. Children, you're all to listen to Cyril while we're away.

Robert: Why is he in charge? You're not in charge of me!

Cyril: Robert, I am.

Robert: Dad, is there any way I can come with you?

Father: Robert, who is the most important member of any mission?

Robert: You are. The pilot.

Father: No, it's the navigator. A pilot would be lost without one. Your mum and I need you to keep everyone on course.

Robert: You can count on me.

Father: [hands him a compass] So you always know where to find me.

Jane: Mummy, I can't believe you're home!

Robert: Mum, we didn't know you were coming!

Jane: Did you get my letter?

Mother: Yes, I did, precious.

Cyril: Something's wrong.

Mother: It's your father.

Robert: Is he here?

Mother: No, Robert. His plane went down behind enemy lines several days ago. He's missing.

Robert: No!

Mother: [to Robert about Horace] He's in shock. But he'll be okay. You did the right thing bringing him to me. Now... what happened?

Mother: Shhh...

Anthea: [about Horace] How is he?

Mother: Martha's been up with him all night. I told her to take a rest. I don't know what's wrong with him. He just keeps muttering about monsters and sand fairies.

Anthea: Maybe you should have a rest, too.

Leo: Earth Mother!

Mother: Leo, it's been so long.

Leo: Earth Mother, is there a problem on the mountain?

Mother: I'm afraid so. There's less and less food growing on Mount Moon these days. There's very little left to eat. I came to take some food back. It warms my heart to see all of you doing so well. I know it's hard work protecting the jungle all by yourself, but you need to believe in yourself to lead them. Their all in your care, Leo.

Coraline Jones: [blank] I almost fell down a well yesterday, Mom.

Mother: [typing] Uh-huh.

Coraline Jones: I would've died.

Mother: That's nice.

Mother: Coraline, why don't you visit downstairs? I bet those actresses would love to hear your dream.

Coraline Jones: Miss Spink and Forcible? But you said they're dingbats!

Mother: [smiling] Mm-hm.

Mother: How dare you disobey your mother!

Tim: [from trailer]

[about the baby]

Tim: Look at him! He wears a suit...

Mother: He's like a little man!

Tim: He carries a briefcase! Does no one else think that's, oh, I don't know, a little freaky?

Dad, Mother: [singing "Blackbird"] Blackbirds singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive.

Dad: Look, they have a puppy pit.

Mother: [sarcastically] That is so hygienic.

Kid: Santa?

Jack Skellington: Merry Christmas! And what is your name?

Kid: Uh... uh...

Jack Skellington: That's all right. I have a present for you, anyway. There ya go, sonny! Ho ho ho! HEEHEEHEE!

[slips out the chimney]

Mother: And what did Santa bring you, honey?

[kid shows parents his present - a shrunken head; parents scream]

Jack Skellington: [flying away] Merry Christmas!

Mother: [singing] Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry / Mother's gonna make all of your nightmares come true / Mother's gonna put all of her fears into you / Mother's gonna keep you right here under her wing / She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing / Mama will keep baby cozy and warm / Ooooh babe, ooooh babe, oooooh babe / Of course Mama's gonna help build the wall.

Mother: Now, here is the story of the noble dog, who saved the king from the wicked wizard. Once upon a time...

Thumbelina: Oh, mother, please. Are there any stories about... about little people?

Mother: Well, as a matter of fact, there are, Thumbelina. Look.

[lifts her on to the book, which is opened to a picture of fairies]

Thumbelina: Why, they are little! Just like me!

[points to wings]

Thumbelina: But... but what are those?

Mother: Those are wings, Thumbelina. These are fairies and fairies have wings so they can fly.

Thumbelina: Mother, have you ever seen a fairy?

Mother: Well, I thought I did once.

Thumbelina: Really?

Mother: [laughs] Yes.

[puts reading glass on to picture to magnify the image]

Mother: And here, the fairy prince and princess are having a wedding.

Thumbelina: And they live... happily ever after!

Mother: [smiles] Usually, my dear.

Thumbelina: [crawls under glasses so she is by the picture of the prince] I... suppose it works best if two people are about... the same size.

Mother: [unsure] Yes, of course.

Thumbelina: [crawls out from underneath the glasses] Well... well, that's not fair. I... I must be the only little person in the world. I wish I were big.

Mother: Oh, no, Thumbelina. No. Don't ever wish to be anything but what you are.

Senior Manager of Ginei: Our new movie is in Manchuria, it will cheer our soldiers... and the people of our nation! Certainly... Chiyoko wants serve to her country!

Mother: Perhaps, but this girl is too shy to be an actress, she will find a husband and they will take care of our shop.

[the mother looks to Chiyoko]

Mother: Isn't so?

Senior Manager of Ginei: Is more important for you a candy store than serve to our nation?

Mother: Does a woman does not serve her nation better staying at home and taking care for her children?

Chiyoko Fujiwara: [in the 50's ,after seeing photographs of several men] I told you, Don't accept them.

Mother: You're not going to be the "madonna" that everyone knows forever.

Father: [after Sam saves Ella and Billie from a wolf, with Louie's warning] Thank goodness you are safe, my precious daughters. When I think of what could have happened with poor Louie here unable to cry out a warning! But I'm sure you tried your best, son.

Louie: I did try! Can't he see how hard I tried?

Mother: Darling, that human boy, he saved the lives of our children.

Father: He has my eternal gratitude.

Sam: Hey, it was no problem.

[last lines]

Father: Come on guys, get ready!

Laura: What for? Is something wrong?

Father: Oh, we thought perhaps you'd like to go to the countryside this weekend, to see our old house once more.

Laura: [gasps in surprise and delight, but runs to window and looks outside] Oh!

Max: [waves] Hi! Laura!

Laura: Uh, but, Dad, can we choose another weekend to go out in the countryside?

Mother: Why's that, then?

Laura: We've only just got here, Mom. Our new home.

Tommy: Home.

[giggles cheerfully]

Laura: [runs outside as ending theme "Touch the Sky" begins playing] Hey, Max!

[first lines]

Laura: [sighs and presses against her bedroom window] Ugh. Mom, Dad, where's the apple tree?

Mother: Oh, Laura, sweetheart. Has your spacecraft survived the move in one piece? And your flight? Come on, tell us a bit about it.

Laura: Mm. It was all a bit much, if you don't mind me saying. During our landing, we drifted slightly off course, as you all know. Then I opened my curtains and hard a good look around, and what did I see? My lovely apple tree's not there, nor my friends. The meadow has also disappeared and the birdhouse, my seesaw, my flowers and my absolutely favorite place in the hill, and...

Tommy: My Protect-Me-Dog!

Wladyslaw Szpilman: I'm not going anywhere.

Halina: Good. I'm not going anywhere either.

Mother: Don't be ridiculous, we've got to keep together.

Wladyslaw Szpilman: Look, look... If I'm going to die, I prefer to die in my own home. I'm staying put.

Halina: We could hide the money. Look here. We can hide the money under the flower pots.

Father: No, no, no, no, I'll tell you what we do. We use tried and tested methods. You know what we did in the last war? We made a hole in the table leg

[taps the leg]

Father: and hid the money in there.

Henryk Szpilman: And suppose they take the table away?

Father: What do you mean, take the table away?

Henryk Szpilman: The Germans go into Jewish homes and they just take what they want, furniture, valuable, anything.

Mother: Do they?

Father: Idiot, what would they want with a table, a table like this?

[rips a piece of wood off the table]

Mother: What on earth are you doing!

Halina: No, listen. This is the best place for it. No-one would think of looking under the flower pots.

Henryk Szpilman: No, no, no, listen, listen to me, I've been thinking...

Wladyslaw Szpilman: Oh, really? That's a change.

Henryk Szpilman: You know what we do? We use psychology.

Wladyslaw Szpilman: We use *what*?

Henryk Szpilman: We leave the money and the watch on the table, and we cover it like this, in full view.

Wladyslaw Szpilman: [amazed] Are you stupid?

Henryk Szpilman: The Germans will search high and low, I promise you, they'll never notice!

Wladyslaw Szpilman: That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen, of course they'll notice it. Look.

[takes the violin and a bill, folds it and slips it into the opening of the violin]

Wladyslaw Szpilman: Look here... idiot.

Henryk Szpilman: And you call me stupid?

Mother: No, that is very good, because that is the last place they will ever look.

Henryk Szpilman: This will take hours!

Mother: We're not in a hurry, we'll get it back...

Wladyslaw Szpilman: It won't take hours.

Henryk Szpilman: How will you get them out? Tell me that, tell me how, I'd like to know, how would you get them out. You take each one out individually...

Halina: No-one listens to me, no-one.

Mother: [crying] 20 zloty, that's all we have left, 20 zolty. What can I buy with 20 zloty? I am sick of cooking potatoes, potatoes, potatoes.

Father: What do you think? Should I, should I take Uncle Szymon's portrait?

Mother: Take it, don't take it, take what you like!

[sigh]

Mother: Can't you see I'm worried sick?

Wladyslaw Szpilman: Where are we going?

Mother: Phhhhh, out of Warsaw.

Wladyslaw Szpilman: [confused] Out of Warsaw? Where?

Regina: You haven't heard?

Wladyslaw Szpilman: [exasperated] Heard what?

Regina: Haven't you seen the paper?

Wladyslaw Szpilman: No!

Regina: Ah, where's the paper?

Halina: I used it for packing.

Regina: [incredulous] Ah, she used it for packing.

Mother: To commit suicide you need a strong will, my child. Something you certainly don't have. Accept it.

Mother: Men are like busses: If you miss one, you can be sure there'll be soon another one...

Mother: Your father was a wonderful man to love - but not to live with.

Mother: They have thrown you out. They don't want you back because you are an idiot. You have been nothing but trouble since the day you got there - since the day you were born! What have you done this time? Tell me. Answer!

Mother: I broke a statue.

Mother: For breaking a little statue they throw you out like a dog?

Giuseppe: It wasn't little, it was big.

Mother: Giuseppe, Giuseppe. Do you think I kept you in school all these years for this piece of paper? Do you think it didn't break my heart to see you, a grown man, among school boys? But at least I knew where you were, a place to go every day where the Sisters could look after you. Now - what will I do with you? What will you do with yourself?

Mother: Connie, do you know why that little boy did those things? Because he likes you.

Mother: [Bruce drives up in his fancy car] What the heck is that?

Grace: Oh, Bruce's new car.

Mother: Ok...

Grace: [Bruce gets out of the car and walks towards her] I am mad at you.

Bruce: I know you are, and you have every right to be.

[He pulls out a bouquet of flowers]

Bruce: But I have flowers.

Grace: What are those?

Bruce: They're a hybrid of sunflowers and lilies. I call 'em "sillies". 'Cause they're a little mixed up like me.

[after they make a binder ring snap on a mother's finger]

Sally Owens: [to Gillian] Don't do that.

Gillian Owens: It wasn't me, it was you!

[Both giggling]

Mother: Oh I am so please to report this, and the top of the phone tree list is... wait a minute, it's Sally Owens.

[confused; flips through phone tree and finds Sally's name at the top of each list]

Gillian Owens: Wooo! Go, Sal!

[aside to Sally]

Gillian Owens: Now that was me!

Mother: Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass.

Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.

Navin R. Johnson: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?

Taj Jonson: Hey! Any of you bums heard of Navin R. Johnson?

Navin R. Johnson: I've heard of him.

Taj Jonson: Born in Mississippi? Inventor of the Opti-grab?

Navin R. Johnson: I was just telling these guys!

Mother: Navin!

Navin R. Johnson: Mommy, Daddy! How did you find me?

Father: We don't know. This is the first place we looked.

[Navin receives some farewell advice]

Mother: And remember: the Lord loves a working man.

Navin R. Johnson: Lord loves a working man.

Father: And Son: don't never ever trust whitey.

Navin R. Johnson: Don't trust whitey. Lord loves a working man; don't trust whitey.

Mother: And I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for...

Navin R. Johnson: I will, Ma... I know it's out there.

Taj Jonson: It's out there alright. And if you catch it, see a doctor and get rid of it.

Navin R. Johnson: See a doctor and get rid of it.

Taj Jonson: Good luck.

Navin R. Johnson: Lord loves a working man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

Mr. Parker: He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.

Mother: He does not!

Mr. Parker: He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.

Mr. Parker: That son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!

Mother: Little pitchers!

Mr. Parker: Thanks... hold it!

[the furnace conks out]

Mr. Parker: It's a clinker! That blasted stupid furnace dadgummit!

[he walks down a few stairs and falls the rest of the way down]

Mr. Parker: Damn skates!

[coughing]

Mr. Parker: Oh, for cripes sake, open up the damper will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? AGAIN! Oh, blast it!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

Mr. Parker: What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?

Mother: Ah... Victor! His name is Victor.

Mr. Parker: How the hell did you know that?

Mother: Everybody knows that!

Mr. Parker: [Mr. Parker's beloved leg lamp is broken] Get the glue.

Mother: We're out of glue.

Mr. Parker: You used up all the glue on purpose!

Mother: All right. Now, are you ready to tell me where you heard that word?

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master. But, I chickened out and said the first name that came to mind.

Ralphie: Schwartz!

[overdressed for winter]

Randy: I can't put my arms down!

Mother: Well... put your arms down when you get to school.

Mother: [gets on the phone] Hello, Mrs. Schwartz? Yes, I'm fine. Uh, Mrs. Schwartz, do you know what Ralph just said?

[Mrs. Schwartz's speech is inaudible]

Mother: No, he said...

[whispers it close to the receiver]

Mrs. Schwartz: [in a hysterical tone] NO, NOT THAT!

Mother: Yes, that! Do you know where he heard it?

Mrs. Schwartz: Probably from his father.

Mother: No! He heard it from your son!

Mrs. Schwartz: [screams hysterically] WHAT! WHAT! WHAAAAAAT!

[footsteps are heard followed by screaming and spanking]

Schwartz: [crying] Ah, no! What did I do, Ma? What, I didn't do nothing! AAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!

[Ralphie's mom hangs up the phone]

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice.

Mr. Parker: Dadgummit! Blow out!

[on the highway, the car has gotten a flat tire]

Mr. Parker: Ah ha!

[excitedly gets out of the car]

Mother: Not again.

Mr. Parker: Four minutes. Time me.

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Actually the Old Man loved it. He had always pictured himself in the pits of the Indianapolis Speedway in the 500. My old man's spare tires were actually only tires in the academic sense. They were round, they had once been made of rubber.

Mr. Parker: [unveiling his major award] Would you look at that? Would you look at THAT?

Mother: What is it?

Mr. Parker: It's a leg!

Mother: But what is it?

Mr. Parker: Well, it's... A leg, you know, like a statue.

Mother: Statue?

Mr. Parker: Yeah, statue.

Ralphie: Yeah, statue.

Mother: Ralphie!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My mother was trying to insinuate herself between us and the statue.

Mother: Randy, how do the little piggies go?

Randy: [oinks like a pig]

Mother: That's right. Oink, oink! Now show me how the piggies eat.

[points to his plate]

Mother: This is your trough. Show me how the piggies eat. Be a good boy. Show mommy how the piggies eat.

Randy: [plunges face into mashed potatoes, oinks, eats, and laughs]

Mother: [laughs] Mommy's little piggie!

Mother: Randy? What's wrong? Whatcha cryin' for?

Randy: Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!

Mother: No he's not...

Randy: Yes he is!

Mother: No, I promise, Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie!

Mother: Ralphie, you're lucky it didn't cut your eye! Those icicles have been known to kill people.

Ralphie: Mom, this is just the same dumb old parade as last year.

Mother: Ralphie, will you please calm down?

Ralphie: Mom!

Mother: Hush!

Mr. Parker: SHUT UP, Ralphie!

Mr. Parker: [after Mother "accidentally" breaks the Old Man's leg lamp] Don't you touch that! You were always jealous of this lamp.

Mother: Jealous of a plastic...

Mr. Parker: Jealous! Jealous because I WON.

Mother: That's ridiculous. Jealous. Jealous of WHAT? That is... the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire LIFE!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Now it was out.

Mr. Parker: Holy smokes. Do... Do you know what this is? This is... A lamp!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] It was indeed a lamp.

Mr. Parker: Isn't that great? What a great lamp.

Mother: I don't know...

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] The old man's eyes boggled...

Mr. Parker: Oh WOW!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] ... Overcome by art.

Mr. Parker: Get in the car. Get in the car.

[Mother runs back inside]

Mr. Parker: If we don't hurry, we're gonna miss all the good trees!

Mr. Parker: [to the kids] Go on, go on.

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating, as Mother switches off the leg lamp] My mother was about to make another brilliant maneuver in the legendary battle of the lamp. The epic struggle which follows lives in the folklore of Cleveland Street to this very day.

Mother: Don't want to waste electricity.

Mr. Parker: [mockingly] "Don't want to waste electricity."

Mr. Parker: So what else happened today?

Mother: Oh, nothing much. Ralphie had a fight?

Mr. Parker: A fight? What kind of a fight?

[Looks at Ralphie]

Mother: Oh, you know how boys are. I gave him a talking to...

[Looks at the newspaper]

Mother: Uh I see that the Bears are playing Green Bay on Sunday.

Mr. Parker: What? Oh yeah! Zudock's got tickets I wish I had. Aw well, let him freeze his keister off out there.

Mother: This isn't one of those trees where all the needles falls off, is it?

Tree Man: No, that's them balsams.

Mother: Is this another one of your silly puzzles?

Mr. Parker: Yeah, another one of my silly puzzles. This one could be worth FIFTY THOUSAND BUCKS.

Mother: What is it this time?

Mr. Parker: Name the great characters in American literature.

Mother: Victor? The Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?

Ralphie as Adult: Immediately, my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies with a blue button eye stared sappily up at me.

Mother: Come down so I can see you better.

Ralphie as Adult: I just hope Flick would never spot them as a word of this humiliation could make easier in life at Warren G. Harding School a variatable Hell.

Mr. Parker: It could be a bowling alley!

Mother: How are they going to deliver a bowling alley here tonight?

Mr. Parker: They'll send the deed for cripesake. I didn't expect them to send a whole damn bowling alley.

Mr. Parker: [to Mother] You know, Zudock just bought one of those brand-new green plastic trees.

Tree Man: Oh no!

Mr. Parker: Darn thing looked like it was made of green pipe cleaners. Hee hee hee hee.

Mother: It's a very nice tree.

Tree Man: [quickly] I'll thrown in some rope and tie it to your car for you.

Mr. Parker: You got a deal.

Tree Man: Deal.

Ralphie as Adult: [regarding the note on his report] Oh, no! "You'll shoot your eye out!"?

Ralphie: Oh, no!

Ralphie as Adult: My mother must have gotten to Miss Shields! There could be no other explanation!

Miss Shields, Mother: [in Ralphie's fantasy, Miss Shields is dressed as the Wicked Witch and Ralphie's mother as a jester, both chanting] "You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ralphie as Adult: Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his peacemaker?

Ralphie as Adult: Round One was over. heh heh. Parents one, kids, zip. I can feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten. Maybe, what happened next, was inevitable.

Mother: Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas?

Ralphie as Adult: Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out!

Ralphie: I want a Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle.

[Realizing he's made a mistake]

Ralphie: Ohhhhhhh...

Mother: No, you'll shoot your eye out.

Ralphie as Adult: Oh no! It was a classic, mother BB-gun block. "You'll shoot your eye out!" That deadly phrase honored many times by hundreds of mothers was not surmountable by any means known to Kid-dom, but such as my mania, my desire for a Red Ryder carbine, that I immediately began to rebuild the dike.

Mr. Parker: [Explaining rather sheepishly to Mother why "Santa Claus" brought Ralphie the BB gun]

Mr. Parker: I had one when I was eight years old.

Mother: What if he hurts himself?

Mother: Is she your sweetheart?

Larry Gigli: Ma!

Mother: Remember you two, keep an open mind because you never know!

Whistler: Fellas, Janek's little black box is on his desk between the pencil jar and the lamp.

Mother: Uh, Whistler, I hate to tell you this, but you're blind.

Mother: Okay, boss, this LTX-71 concealable mike is part of the same system that NASA used when they faked the Apollo Moon landings. They had the astronauts broadcast around the world from a sound stage at Norton Air Force Base in San Bernadino, California. So it worked for them, shouldn't give us too many problems.

Mother: We got bupkis! We turn ourselves in now, they'll give us twenty years in the electric chair!

Crease: Now what are you saying, the NSA killed Kennedy?

Mother: No, they shot him but they didn't kill him. He's still alive.

Mother: They've even got photos of the guy leaving the embassy, through the back service entrance. Hey, Crease, you on?

Donald Crease: Yeah, I'm on.

Mother: Were you still in C.I.A. in '72?

Donald Crease: Yeah, why?

Mother: Did you know the Deputy Director of Planning was down in Managua, Nicaragua the day before the earthquake?

Donald Crease: Now what are you saying, the C.I.A. caused the Managua earthquake?

Mother: Well, I can't prove it, but...

[Crease and Mother are being held at gunpoint by two guards]

Donald Crease: Did I ever tell you why I had to leave the CIA?

Mother: No...

Donald Crease: My temper.

[Behind the guards, Whistler throws the van into reverse. One of the guards spins around to look, and Crease grabs his shotgun and knocks out both guards]

Mother: Wow...

Donald Crease: Motherfuckers mess with me, I'll split your head!

Mother: But the key meeting took place July 3rd, 1958, when the Air Force brought the space visitor to the White House for an interview with President Eisenhower. And Ike said, "hey look, give us your technology, we'll give you all the cow lips you want."

[Mother walks into the room and triggers the motion sensor]

Donald Crease: This is what's in Cosmo's office. Best motion sensor on the market.

Mother: And watch this.

[he breathes in front of the sensor, and it goes off]

Donald Crease: Also responds to thermal differentials.

Martin Bishop: Does this have a happy ending?

Mother: Oh, yeah. We can wrap you in a full-body suit of neoprene, heat-resistant rubber. Or we can raise the temperature in Cosmo's office to 98.6 degrees - which is probably what we'll have to do, because the neoprene would suffocate you. Either way, you've got a top speed of two inches per second. Any faster than that...

[alarm beeps]

Mother: and, uh, big guys with guns. But you'll probably do fine.

Martin Bishop: Since when am I the one who's...

Mother: This is the same model answering machine that Janek used for the shell of his box, now that's what you'll be carrying across the room at two inches per second. I got that for you because I figured you'd just, you know, want to practice. Remember to go real slow!

Martin Bishop: Slow.

[looks at Crease]

Donald Crease: You get all the *fun* stuff...

[Mother (the conspiracy theorist) is reading a tabloid]

Mother: Cattle mutilations are up.

Donald Crease: Don't.

Mother: Sorry.

Mother: Uh, could we maybe just go back to the "they might kill us" part?

Mother: Oh no!

Martin Bishop: What...? Don't say, "Oh no."

Crease: I can't believe we actually made it back.

Carl: I can't believe we pulled off the greatest sneak in history and can't tell anybody about it.

Mother: You know what I can't believe? I can't believe tomorrow's Thursday!

[while infiltrating Janek's office, his girlfriend enters unexpectedly; Martin grabs her, and in the van the others hear muffled screams]

Donald Crease: Who the hell is that?

Mother: Battle stations!

Mother: [as she watches anti-aircraft searchlights with husband during a World War II black-out] It's so beautiful. Boy, what a world... it could be so wonderful, if it wasn't for certain people.

Mother: I think you have these qualities that you demand and when you meet a nice man you disqualify him for the smallest fault.

Bea: That's not true.

Mother: So, what was wrong with Nat Bernstein?

Bea: He wore white socks with a tuxedo!

Narrator: Then there were my father and mother, two people who could find an argument in any subject.

Father: Wait, you think the Atlantic is a greater ocean than the Pacific?

Mother: No. Have it your way. The Pacific is greater.

Narrator: I mean, how many people argue over oceans?

Narrator: [about a therapist's radio show] I found the show silly and always imagined my parents on it airing their standard complaints.

Mother: He's a business failure. He never finishes what he starts. We're forced to live with my relatives and thank God for them. And I should have married Sam Slotkin.

Father: Sam Slotkin's dead.

Mother: Yes, but while he was alive, he was working.

Father: She'd be lost without her whole family around her all the time, and you should see 'em. They're like some kind of tribe. They're like the Huns. Maybe if I had married a more encouraging woman, who knows?

Mother: So who do you think is right?

Mr. Abercrombie: I think you both deserve each other.

Mother: What does that mean?

Father: Look, we didn't come here to be insulted.

Mother: I love him, but what did I do to deserve him?

Mother: He'll go and he'll fight, and I hope they will put him in the front lines.

Boris: Thanks a lot, Mom. My mother, folks.

[Struck by lightning, Old Nehamkin is a pile of ashes]

Mother: What is it, Old Nehamkin? You are not looking well.

Mother: What are you, an astronaut?

Jugs: I held a bloody baby in my arms and watched the mother...

[pause]

Mother: And what you witnessed was a massive hemorrhage that NO doctor in the world coulda stopped with the equipment we carry in that rig. Ya did your best, ya saved the kid. But that doesn't count?... Ya know, if every driver that lost two patients in one day quit, we wouldn't have any drivers. You go stompin' around demanding rights and responsibility... well, you got it. And this is as good as it gets.

Harry Fishbine: This is STILL the United States of America, god damn it! Los Angeles, California! Land of the free, home of the...

Mother: Rams and the Dodgers!

Mother: [At the golf course] Put him down idiot!

Dermatologist: It's okay. I'm a doctor.

Mother: Christ! Today's Wednesday, you must all be doctors!

Mother: [to Harry, after Harry yells at him on the radio to take a call] Yes'm, Massa Harry, you son of a bitch.

Murdoch: You know Mrs. Fishbein, you are a hell of a good-looking woman.

Mother: [overhearing on the radio] He really IS stoned.

Dermatologist: I happen to be the finest dermatologist in this city!

Mother: Well, if acne breaks out, we'll let you know.

Mother: One of these days, Murdoch, we're gonna pool together and get you something that won't fight back. Like a quadruple amputee.

Mother: [talking into ambulance radio] Tell Harry...

[belches]

Albert: Damn, Mother! You ain't gonna shaft this nigga twice in one week!

Mother: Please, Albert. Not in mixed company.

Mother: [repeated line when about to drive off] Showbusiness!

Mother: [takes his order from restaurant counterman Barney] So where's the mayo?

Barney: On the side.

Mother: Why don't you put it on the burger?

Barney: I lied four times in my life; I stole apples when I was a kid; I cheated on my wife once; I even prayed for the death of my in-laws. But putting mayonnaise on a bacon cheeseburger with peanut butter and onions is a sin you alone will have to be responsible for!

Mother: Ike, you better bolt that door good tonight.

Ike: Ma, there's nobody out there...

Mother: Now you just do what I say! Queenie's out there, I just know it.

Mother: Addley, you tell your brother Ike a hound dog that comes home with nothing in his mouth should keep it closed.

Addley: [can't remember it all] Ike, ma says a hound dog who comes home... em -- empty handed should keep... keep your big fat mouth shut!

Mother: My son is alive? Who the fuck did I kill?

Mother: You couldn't cook you way out of a Ziploc.

Penny: Mom!

Mother: No wonder you could never hold on to a man. You're gonna end up a lesbian, if you're not one already.

[first lines]

Mona Gray: [narrating] I used to love my dad's stories, until the one he told me on my tenth birthday.

Dad: There once was a kingdom where everybody lived forever. But the problem with nobody ever dying was that the kingdom got very crowded. And so the king, getting squeezed out of his own castle by his endless royal lineage, issued a decree.

King: [still-life cartoon] Everybody in my kingdom, please pick one person from your family to die. We will have a mass execution that will bring forth much-needed space. Sorry to bum everybody out, but that's the way it goes.

Dad: And each family showed up with their martyr, all except one family.

Father: Sire, we can't decide. We love each other so much that we would all like to die together.

Baker: Oh, no, they can't all die. They run the bakery. They make the best cinnamon buns in all the land.

Father: What if we each cut off a piece of ourselves? And with all of these pieces combined, it will be as if one less person lived in town.

King: Interesting. Hmm. Continue.

Dad: But the daughter refused.

Daughter: But, Dad, I like my limbs.

Father: Don't be selfish. Would you rather one of us die?

Son: You can have my arm.

Mother: I'll give my right ear.

Baker: I see no problem losing some of my fingers.

Father: I'll throw in my nose.

King: Guarantee me a leg, and it's a deal.

Daughter: Well, I do have another one. Okay, I'm in.

Dad: After the executioner had done the deed, the family made an unsightly sight and business went bad. So the family started selling their cinnamon buns by mail order to the next kingdom. And since no one had to look at them, they were a huge hit, and they made heaps of dough. And the father said to the daughter, "You see what we can accomplish if we all stick together?"The end.

Mona Gray: [party guests all staring at Mona's Dad] It was the last birthday party I ever had.

Mother: Did you understand the moral of the play, my dear?

Little Girl: Oh,sure, ma. Did you see how he kissed her?

Mother: Yes! I hardly thought that was in the best of taste!

Elaine: See that? These here are my tickets for freedom. These say I can get on a plane, get out of here and leave. These say I can leave, why can't you?

Mother: I've never put my foot down with you, girl. Never.

Elaine: Mum,I don't care what you say or how you are trying to bully me, but my mind's made up. I'm going and that's that. Sovwhy don't you just sit down, get your wool out and knit yourself an iron curtain?

Mother: And I don't know what that lot next door must be thinking with all the f'ing and blinding goin' on in 'ere, so fucking pack it in alright?

Mother: Why are you smiling?

Art: I got a surprise for you and dad.

Mother: Don't say that dear.

Art: I've moved back in. For a while. Back home.

Mother: Well, it was just a matter of time. Look, I really got to go. Please try to not make a mess of things.

Mother: Just use your own judgment.

Daughter: You tell me where to go.

Harold: [muttering] I'd like to tell you both where to go.

[first lines]

Mother: [walking in a busy market square] You really will have to rethink your lifestyle, you know?

Pregnant Daughter: What lifestyle are you taking about, mum?

Mother: Wine only on Fridays. And try to think about dark green vegetables.

Young Man on Cellphone: [appearing another video monitor] So really, that's the same as saying we'll never see each other again. Well it is. It just is.

Woman on Cellphone: [on another monitor] How can I do anything if I don't know what you want?

Teenage Girl: [in the background] She was so upset about it, and I said to her, "Look," I said, "you've got boobs. They're there, look." Staying in is pathetic when she could be out having a good time.

Mother: Everybody predicted great things for Ian. He's so nice looking and personable. Now, it's a mystery to me why he's not more successful.

Father: Because he's not content with what he has. He sees himself like Howard, with a fancy life. Always got some scheme. Always waiting for his ship to come in.

Mother: Well, his ship won't come in at the restaurant. He does that out of a son's love for his father.

Father: Like the poet said, "The only ship certain to come in has black sails."

Mother: [Philip Marlowe is escorting a fifteen year-old runaway girl from a dance hall to her parents' waiting limousine] Do you realize we had to give up a marvelous dinner party and drive all the way down here from Carmel to pick you up?

Philip Marlowe: Look, can't you settle that on the way home? Right now there's the small matter of twenty five dollars plus five dollars in expense money.

Mother: Pay the man, Charles. And give him a tip.

Philip Marlowe: I don't accept tips for finding kids. Pets, yes. Five dollars for dogs and cats; ten dollars for elephants...

Mother: [to her daughter] Get in the car.

[Girl turns to Marlowe, knees him in the groin, and jumps in the car]

Mother: [shouting at Martha from the window of the rest home she's been dumped at] Goddamn you, goddamn you! I hope you end up like this! I hope someone does this to YOU!

Mother: Why you no bring mango from country?

Ivan Martin: Mango season bad this year.

Mother: She's on the phone now? Charlie, you've got to break up with her.

Charlie: I can do that?

Grandpa: You know, Ralf, your mother really is sick. She's been talking about this visit for weeks.

Mother: Maybe that's what's made her sick.

Father: [from trailer] I'm a solider. Soldiers fight a war.

Mother: That's not war!

Father: It's a vital part of it!

[first lines]

Mother: Hello, sweetheart.

Bruno: Mum, what's going on?

Mother: We're celebrating.

Bruno: Celebrating?

Mother: Mm, your father's been given a promotion.

Gretel: That means a better job.

Bruno: I know what promotion is.

Mother: So we're having a little party to celebrate.

Bruno: He's still going to be a soldier though, isn't he?

Mother: Yes, my lamb. Just a more important one, now. I have some even more exciting news, but I think dad wanted to tell you about that himself.

Father: [Elsa has just discovered the true nature of the camp] Elsa I was sworn to secrecy.

Mother: From your own wife?

Father: I took an oath upon my life, do you understand? Elsa you believe in this too. You want this country to be strong...

Mother: No Ralph! No not THAT! How could you?

Father: Because I am a solider! Soliders fight wars!

Mother: That isn't WAR!

Father: That is a part of it, it's a vital part of it! The Fatherland we all desire, all of us, you included cannot be achieved without work such as this!

[Elsa begins to break down]

Father: Elsa, Elsa!

Mother: Get away from me! GET AWAY FROM ME!

[Begins to cry]

Bruno: [Enters Ralph's office] Grandpa's here!

Father: We'll be through in a moment.

[to Elsa]

Father: Who told you about this?

Mother: Ralf, you promised: You said it was miles away... One of them was in our kitchen.

Mother: No Ralph No, not that... That isn't war!

Father: The fatherland we all desire cannot be achieved without work such as this.

Mother: Don't touch me!

Older Daughter: Mom, what is a "cunt"?

Mother: Where did you learn that word?

Older Daughter: On a case on top of the VCR.

Mother: A "cunt" is a large lamp. Example: The "cunt" switched off and the room got all dark.

[first lines]

Mother: The new words of the day are: "Sea", "Highway", "Road trip" and "Shotgun".

Jim: I was dreaming about God.

Mother: What did he say?

Jim: Nothing.

[smiles]

Jim: He was playing tennis.

Narrator (Old Sayuri): The winter I turned fifteen I saw the chairman again, but that wasn't the only surprise fate brought me that season. Along with the snow came a most unexpected visitor.

Mother: Why is she here? Chiyo, Chiyo, open the gate!

[motioning for her to open the door and straigtening herself before going to her table]

Mameha: Now that your beloved granny has gone you have no need for a maid.

Mother: I would never question the great Mameha, but you could choose anyone in the Hanamachi.

Mameha: You flatter me, truly.

[bowering her head in compliment]

Mother: I would give you my pumpkin if she weren't already tied to Hatsumomo.

Mameha: Please I would never dream of asking

Mother: Besides, I can always sell Chiyo to Mrs. Tetsuyo.

[smoking her cigerette]

Mameha: With your eye for beauty and nose for talent,surely you can see what a terrible waste that would be.

Mother: If you were not the kind hearted Geisha I know you to be, then I might think that you werescheming against Hatsumomo.

[looking towards the door where Chiyo and Pumpkin are listening]

Mameha: Then I'm grateful Mrs. Nita that you don't have a suspicious mind.

Mother: Perhaps you can pique my interest with... your offer.

Mameha: I will cover Chiyo's schooling, all her expenses, until after her debut.

[proposing as she slides her cup across the table]

Mother: Now I am confident that you are teasing.

[pouring more tea]

Mameha: I could not be more sincere. If Chiyo has not repaid her debt within six months after her debut.

Mother: [scoffing] Impossible, too little time!

Mameha: Then I will pay you twice over.

[uping the offer]

Mother: What...? No Geisha could ever...

[pushing the tea towards Mameha]

Mameha: And I am certain you will not object to one trivial condition.

Mother: Uh yes...?

[puts down pipe, listening intently]

Mameha: If Chiyo erases her debt in the time allowed, You will not have any part in her future earnings.

Mother: [smirks in acceptance]

Mother: Stop crying, your face will run!

Mother: We do not display our naked feet like monkeys.

Mother: [to Chiyo, dressed as a geisha] Hurry up! You're not making money standing there gawking at yourself.

Mother: [tallying up little Chiyo's costs, after her fall] Doctor Mora is very expensive. You seem to be racking up quite a debt. Kimono, destroyed. Train ticket, Mr. Bekku, rice and pickles, geisha school, and on top of the money I paid Mr. Tanaka. And for what?... And now I hear your sister has run away. She didn't wait for you and now she can never come back. You must forget you ever had a sister.

[handing her a bundled package]

Mother: We are your only family now.

Mother: You should say goodbye, Cal.

Cal: No.

Mother: Come on, love, it's important.

Cal: It might make her die.

Mother: Tessa, promise me you'll always use a condom. I know the smell of rubber can be off-putting, but then, so is gonorrhea.

Tessa Scott: Please stop. My panic attack is having a panic attack.

Mother: And don't have casual sex.

Tessa Scott: Really?

Mother: No, darling. You must always, always try as hard as you can.

Father: You have no business leavin' this house, you're always sneaking around! You're a Goddamn sinner!

Mother: Shut Up, you don't care about me.

Father: Don't I, keep the heat on?

Mother: I don't like it here, you never talk to me.

The Kid: Dad, please.

Father: What's the matter, with this house?

Mother: You're Crazy.

Father: Shut up!

[smacks Mother]

The Kid: Dad!

Mother: No.

[sobs]

Mother: I'm just, trapped here.

Father: You always, have a roof over your head.

Mother: You won't let me have, any fun.

Father: I can make you, happy. If you just believe in me. Yeah, if you just believe in me.

Mother: You never.

Father: I will die for you.

Father: Listen to me! You come home, when I say come home. You've got no business, in the streets!

Mother: Just leave me alone.

Father: Come here!

Mother: No!

Father: I said now! Do you hear me?

The Kid: Mom! Dad!

Father: You keep this place, clean!

The Kid: Please, Dad she's heard you.

Mother: He wants to kill me, he's crazy.

The Kid: Dad please!

Mother: Look, what he's doing to me.

Father: [Slaps The Kid]

Cathy: Why are you just standing there, Mother? Cory needs to be taken to a hospital there is no other decision to make

[the mother just stands there looking and quivering]

Cathy: What's wrong with you mother? Are you going to just stand there and think about yourself and your money while Cory lies there and dies? Don't you care what happens to him? Have you forgotten that you're his mother?

Mother: Always it's you.

[slaps Cathy]

Cathy: [slaps her mother back]

Chris: Cathy!

Cathy: [shouts] Damn you to hell, Mama, if you don't take Cory to a hospital right now! You think you can go on doing whatever you want with us and nobody will ever find out? If Cory dies, Mama, you'll pay for it! One way or another, I will find a way. I promise you that.

Cathy: Look at us, Mother! Do we look like you with your rosy cheeks and your bright eyes? Look at the twins, Mother! Cory has stomach cramps almost every day, and Carrie has little sores growing on her skin! Do you know or even care that the grandmother has stopped feeding us for more than a week?

Mother: Stop it! You have no right to talk to me like that! Do you think I've had pleasure while my children have been in pain? You are heartless. When you're ready to treat me with love, I'll be back.

Cathy: [coming up behind their mother at the wedding] Mother!

[Corrine turns around]

Cathy: Do you like my dress? I thought it was appropriate for the occasion.

Mother: Who are you? How did you get in here?

Cathy: Have you forgotten us already?

Carrie Dollanganger: Mama?

Bart Winslow: Who are you children?

Cathy: We're the children of the bride!

Mother: Nonsense, you know I don't have any children. Get out. I'll not have my wedding day ruined by a cruel, evil prank.

Cathy: YOU'RE the one who's cruel and evil, Mother, you kept us locked up in that attic and you said you'd come for us after your father died. YOU NEVER CAME!

Chris: You couldn't let anybody find out about us, because if you did you'd be disinherited.

Mother: It's not true! No, what proof do they have?

Chris: [holds up a dead mouse] It died from eating the same cookies that Corrie ate.

Mother: Who's Corrie?

Chris: He was your son and my little brother! And you killed him.

Cathy: Just like you tried to kill us! Look at us, Mother, how could you do this to us?

Grandmother: No child in this house will shout or scream or show defiance! Do you hear me? Do you? Now, remove your blouse, daughter. And show them how punishment is given in this house.

Mother: If you're cruel to my children, I'll take them away tonight.

Grandmother: Take them, Corrine! Take them now. Do you think I care?

[laughs as Corrine cries]

Grandmother: Take off the blouse, Corrine. Take it off!

[Corrine takes off her blouse]

Grandmother: Look closely, children. 17 lashes. One for each year she lived in sin with your father. So that you understand me now, I will give you food and shelter, but never kindness or love. For it is impossible to feel anything but disgust for what is not wholesome.

Cathy: Why didn't you ever take us to see the grandparents before?

Mother: I suppose because we were never penniless before... many years ago I did something that angered your grandfather, and his punishment was to disinherit me.

Chris: So, why are we going back there if he won't give us any money?

Mother: Because he will. Your grandfather is dying. He's not expected to live much longer, and in that time, I'm going to win back his love... and then, darlings, I'll be an heiress to a fortune beyond your imaginations. And through me, all your wildest dreams will come true.

Mother: [after poisoning her son and telling the children of the death] Cory had pneumonia. The doctors did all they could. There won't be a funeral, he's already been buried.

[leaves silently]

Mother: [Pretending not to know her children] Who's Cory?

Chris: He was your son and my little brother, and you killed him.

Cathy: Just like you tried to kill us.

[Referring to their ragged appearance]

Cathy: Look at us mother. How could you do this to us?

Chris: So what's to become of us, Mom? How much longer do we continue living in this prison?

Mother: Prison.

Chris: You come back with gifts for us, Mom, do you think they can make up for what we've lost?

Mother: Christopher, if you stop loving me...

Chris: I haven't stopped loving you, Mom, I MAKE myself keep loving you every day, despite what you do to us.

Mother: Let him be guided by the wishes of the creative power of life itself, because that is what has spoken through me here today.

Mother: What you don't understand is, it's positive energy on this planet. It's what we do with it that makes it negative.

Daddy: Darlin', don't go off to the fourth dimension, alright?

Mother: Anyone with any common sense can be sexy.

Mother: It's wrong to give all your love to only one person, Grandpa. If you don't have potatoes, you eat turnips. When the turnips are gone, you eat gruel. But every girl loves her one and only. He goes to war; five months later he's dead, and you mourn the rest of your life. Does that make sense to you, Grandpa? It drowns you.

Mother: He kept me warm on those cold nights after the war.

Wetzel: Oh, really?

Mother: He always brought me firewood.

[first lines]

Mother: [in overlapping voices and moods like memories] I'm doing this because I love you. John. You know what happens... I warned you. I warned you, John. This is what you'll turn into. I warned you. Don't talk to anyone. Why would you keep things from me! Look at me. Look at me, John. Look at me. John! Don't look at me unless I tell you to. You ruined it. Don't talk to anyone. Don't talk to anyone. Don't you keep things from me! I'm doing this because I love you. Don't move a muscle unless I tell you.

Mother: I don't love you any more.

Father, Mother: Son, this may not be the best life, but it's all we know.

Jonathan: There's got to be more to life than fighting for fish heads!

Mother: I tell you what. Next Sunday, we're all going to get out into the air. I'm gonna take you to Coney Island.

Lucy: Do you know that vampires stay together for 5 years and after that they decide if they want to stay together for another five years. During the five years they can't split up even if they really want to. Do you think that's a good idea?

Mother: Well I don't know. I think that if one vampire isn't very happy where they are then maybe it isn't such a good idea for both of them to stay together because you know if two people don't want to be together then they'll just make each other miserable.

Lucy: But if you split up straight away, how do you know that you're going to be miserable?

Mother: Are you talking about me and your Dad?

Lucy: If you're both blood sucking vampires maybe.

Mother: You pay too much attention to your granny. She knows a lot but she doesn't know everything. And if there's a beast in men, it meets its match in women too.

Mother: [to the villagers about to shoot Rosaleen as a wolf] DON'T SHOOT! DON'T SHOOT!

Mother: Will you not shed a tear on my tomb?

Mother: God has poisoned my existence!

mother: [first lines - family riding in car] We don't have to rush. We can relax... be fresh tomorrow.

Daniel Bennett: That's fine with me, I just don't want Henry to...

Henry: It's cool if we leave tomorrow.

Daniel Bennett: Nah, I don't want to take any chances with the tryouts.

Henry: The coach said he'd make time for me if I was late.

Daniel Bennett: No, no. You're too good for a makeup day. Don't wanna risk it.

mother: Hey, drive now, talk later. Or drive and talk now, eyes on the road. Talk about all that non-school stuff next weekend when Henry comes to see us.

Daniel Bennett: *If* he'll be coming to visit us anytime soon.

mother: He'll be coming to visit, or I'll come to visit him.

Daniel Bennett: I *do* love an in-state school.

[Ripley has tried to disengage the Nostromo's self-destruct sequence]

Ripley: Mother! I've turned the cooling unit back on. Mother!

Mother: The ship will automatically destruct in T minus five minutes.

Ripley: You... BITCH!

[smashes computer monitor with flamethrower]

Mother: [over PA] Danger. The emergency destruct system is now activated. The ship will detonate in T minus ten minutes.

Otis: I'm the one who brings the Christmas candy. Now tell me, who's your daddy? I'm the one who brings the devil's brandy.

Mother: Who's your daddy?

Otis: I'm the one who beats you when you're bad.

Baby: Who's your daddy?

Mother: Who's your daddy?

Otis: [walking to Denise, while wearing her father's skin] Come on, sweetie. Give the old man some sugar.

Denise Willis: Daddy, Daddy.

Otis: [taking off his robe] And I'm the one who loves ya when you're fucking dead!

Otis: Hey, happy boy, step your ass up here.

Baby: Take his gag out. It's more fun with the screaming.

Mother: I like that too. That screaming is much more exciting that way.

[They remove Jerry's gag]

Jerry Goldsmith: Please don't kill us, please don't kill us.

Baby: [imitating Jerry] Please don't kill us... nah... please don't kill us.

Otis: Shut your mouth and get your shit in the box. Get in now.

Mother: Wait, wait, wait... I wanna say goodbye.

[Mama Firefly grabs Jerry by the collar and gives him a big kiss]

Mother: Goodbye, sweetie. We could've been great.

Otis: Ain't we just having a fucking hoot?

Jerry Goldsmith: Just let us go, I swear to God we won't tell anyone. I swear...

Mother: Honey, you know I can't do that.

Otis: Ain't we just having a fucking hoot?

Rufus 'R.J.' Firefly Jr.: Get your fucking ass up, boy.

Otis: Come on, we ain't got all night.

[Rufus grabs Jerry and body slams him into the coffin while Mary breaks free and runs off]

Otis: Where does she think she's gonna run to? She gonna run all the way home?

Baby: No, let me get her.

Otis: All right, go get her.

Mother: My baby boy gets shy around new people, but he'll warm up to you, especially the girls!

[laughs]

Mother: He's a real lady KILLER!

Mother: Otis! There's cops outside!

Grandpa Hugo: What? How many?

Otis: Oh, don't worry about it! How many were there?

Mother: I only saw one.

Otis: Fucking pigs always come in packs. Here take this go down stairs and play nice, I'll go around back and take control like I always fuckin' do!

[Grandpa Hugo flips Otis off]

Mother: [From trailer] I'm proud of my boys, they never forget their momma.

Mother: This is unacceptable. I swear, sometimes you boys are just little savages.

Mother: Please get up, make yourselves comfortable.

Mother: When my children were growing up, they occasionally misbehaved. What child doesn't, after all. But I taught them that their behavior had consequences. Not just for themselves, but also for their brothers and sister.

Gina Jackson: I'm really sorry.

Mother: You'll see, if you ever become a mother. Punishment is never easy. But if you want them to understand and respect the rules, you can never back down. You see, rules are what make order out of chaos. We must follow the rules.

Mother: We simply need a little time, and then we'll be out of your hair.

[looks at Dave]

Mother: No pun intended.

Mother: Now George, it's important that you listen. I understand rage, but rage can get you killed. It can throw you off your focus, and you need to focus, George. Because if my son dies, then you die. And so will all your friends.

George Barnum: You understand this, lady. If you hurt anymore of my friends, I'm gonna let your baby boy die right in front of you.

Mother: You've got gumption. Good for you.

Mother: [to Annette when she is forced to have sex with Johnny] Stop your whining and do what you know how to do!

Addley Koffin: You told me bark loud. Show them who's boss.

Mother: No. I said don't bark. Wait... and then bite.

Mother: [to Gina] God, defend me from my friends. My enemies I can handle on my own.

Gina Jackson: He's not our friend.

Mother: My boys!

Mother: There's a reason for rules, Ike. I didn't teach you them because I like to hear myself talk. I teach them because they work!

Mother: You didn't do anything wrong.

Addley Koffin: I didn't do anything wrong?

Mother: No. You did what had to be done. You did it for the family.

Mother: My boys messed up. It's in their nature to huff and puff and wave things around and think that's being strong. But real strength... that's knowing where you stand, and guiding others to that position.

Mother: This is a private show for my boy.

George Barnum: You know, none of them look like you. And they don't look alike. They're not even your kids.

Mother: [holding a knife to George's throat] Those children are mine! You have no idea what I've been through for them!

George Barnum: Let me guess, you're infertile.

Mother: Those children are everything to me!

Beth Sohapi: You tortured your children with your demented rules!

Mother: Like I was taught!

Beth Sohapi: You taught them to be killers!

Mother: I taught them to survive.

[last lines]

Mother: [gently singing] Hush little babby, don't you cry. Momma's gonna sing you a lullaby.

Mother: That girls needs me just as much as I need her. It's a cruel world we live in. Especially for a woman. And she is not strong enough.

George Barnum: That's because you made her that way.

Mother: [panting] If my family can't live in this house, you sure a hell can't either.

Mother: I taught them to be strong... not weak like YOU!

Mother: Your father is home!

Son: Are we gonna go skinny dipping?

Mother: Why would we do that?

Son: I don't know.

Daughter: [Dramatically] Oh, the good lord sent me back!

[Winks at audience]

Daughter: There I was at the pearly gates and St. Peter said to *me*... Oh Mouthface, there is a fool family who is lost without you!

Mother: Did, uh, ahem... did you just fake dying of dysentery?

Daughter: [Smiles] Gotcha.

Mother: [sings] Slippery When Wet and I'm a mother of two / Could have been a banker, guess a farmer will do / Why did you get to choose?

Father: Well, I don't know if you know this about me, but... I wrote the show. It's how this one goes.

Mother: Well we aren't gonna get very far as a bunch of fucking farmers.

Mother: Now, you see that girl right there? I made her out of my blood and my flesh, my sweat and my tears. And I love her more than the waking world. But I will smother her in her sleep before I see her ruin herself with some *thing* like you. So you better just run along now 'cause you'd have better luck sticking your pecker in a cactus.

Mother: I did not love that banker and I did not love that carpenter. I loved the third kind of a person. A farmer.

Mother: This ox doesn't have any teeth. Or eyes.

Father: That's right, honey. That way he can't eat us or watch us undress. We do have a young daughter to think of. Now don't get any ideas, you horny ox.

Father: All right, on three. What's this trip all about? One, two, three!

Mother: Dying.

[Said at the same time]

Daughter: Eating grass.

[Said at the same time]

Son: Skinny dipping!

[Said at the same time]

Horny Ox: I'm a monster!

[Said at the same time]

Mother: We are setting our rations to bare bones, and our pace to grueling. We are not stopping for nothing. We are gonna blaze this trail all the way to Oregon! We're gonna do... a speed run.

Mother: Oh, the good lord sent me back! Why, there I was at the pearly gates and St. Peter said to me... Oh Slippery When Wet, your work on Earth is not done. There is a fool child down there who is lost without you. And I said, Oh no no, please let me in, you don't know how she treats me!

Mother: Look, we are out here starving in the middle of the woods and you wanna crawl up on me and inject me with your filth? Blegh.

Father: Why you gotta say it like that?

Mother: Now kids, say a few words for your poor, foolish father, please.

Daughter: Pepperoni...

Son: And... cheese?

Mother: [pause] Yep. Y - yeah... couldn't have said it better myself. Pepperoni and cheese, amen.

Father: Honey. I just want to double check... if we're talking about a literal, actual dog? Then yeah, to hell with the dog, family first, I won't ask for a dog again! But we're talking about me...

Mother: Yes, we're talking about you.

Father: Then my opinion of that dog's completely different!

Mother: If given the chance to kill any one of us, who would choose one of the children?

Mother: And you, Jack Bauer. This is your family now. You have to lead them without me. And you can do it, you have changed.

Father: Really, I have?

Mother: Well... kind of. Uh, a little bit... well you know, enough to make me believe in you. But I swear if you backslide I will fly down from God's heaven and I will smack you into the devil's hell.

Mother: [sings] Come on, Jack Bauer, the water's just right...

Father: Be right there, honey.

[last lines]

Mother: [On being shown her own death certificate by the nurse] Well, you can't argue with it. I thought I was alive, but there it is in black and white... Do I lie down or something?

Mother: Get your hands out of my drawers!

Mother: I wish there were more people her own age on the Circle Line.

[last lines]

[David is playing a video game that uses graphics similar to those in Dr. Rothman's experiments]

Mother: David. David! David, do you hear me? Dinner is ready! Come down here right now!

[David turns with a demonic look on his face]

Twelve year old boy: I'll be right there, *Mother*!

Mother: Were you talking to someone in here?

Little Jimmy: ...No.

Mother: [to Anthony] The last thing you need is meeting strange men in hotel rooms. You already have enough trouble sticking with one woman, don't you?

[first lines]

Mother: [leaving a message] Hello, darling, it's your mother. Thank you for showing me your new apartment. I'm worried about you. I mean, how can you live like that? Anyway, would you call me back? Let's get together again. I love you.