Morton Quotes in Horton Hears a Who! (2008)

Horton: I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.

Morton: [sighs] An elephant's faithful one hundred percent.

Horton: That's my code, my motto.

Morton: Just this once, be faithful 99 percent of the time! I mean, I've never gone 99 percent on anything, and I think I'm awesome.

Morton: Horton, the kangaroo has sent Vlad!

Horton: Vlad? Vlad, Vlad... I know two Vlads. There's the bad Vlad... And then there's bunny Vlad, the one that makes cookies!

Morton: ...Yeah, Horton, she's sending you a bunny with cookies. I think it's safe to say it's the bad Vlad.

Horton: Yeah, good call.

Horton: [thanking people] And Morton, for being the only one who stood by me. Well not right by me; he hid in the bushes sending me good thoughts. He's small.

Morton: Dude, you are a warrior poet.

Morton: Gathering, gathering! Nigel, that includes you.

[Nigel looks up, disturbed]

Morton: Beaks closed, ears open!

Cecil: Friends, wanderers, marabous! When those Zambezians flocked together, they created an inside!

Morton: [Supporting every word] Inside!

Cecil: And an outside!

Morton: Outside!

Cecil: And if you hadn't noticed, we are on the outside.

Morton: Here we are!

Cecil: The Cold, lonely, Desolate, outside.

Morton: Hooo Hooo Hooo Hooo Hooo Hooo,

[Pretends to be chilly]

Morton: Frigid Africa.

Cecil: And why?

Morton: Don't know, it's a mystery!

[Gets slapped by Cecil]

Cecil: Because, they didn't like the look of us.

Marabous: And what is wrong with what we look like?

Cecil: They just want their little tree-house all to themselves! How sporty is that!

Morton: Very sporty!

[Gets slapped again]

Cecil: Not very!

Morton: No! terrible!

Cecil: Not very in my book. Which is precisely, why we should accept Budzo's proposal.

Marabous: Since when a Marabou servants to a lizard?

Morton: He's got a point!

Cecil: We will be working with Budzo, thickhead, not FOR Budzo! We are partners in this great endeavour!

Morton: Teamwork!

Cecil: We help Budzo get on the island, we share all the goodies!

[Cecil Laughs, so does Morton]

Morton: I am getting hungry just thinking about it.

[Gets slapped by Cecil]

Marabous: Ummm, question! Could those hurricanes be a problem?

Cecil: Hurricanes, huh!

[Making a trifling gesture]

Morton: Don't make him laugh!

Cecil: Budzo possesses unrivaled brut strength. With his help a new wind will blow across this valley.

[Morton pretends that there is a heavy wind]

Cecil: A wind of change-uh!

[Slaps Morton]

Marabous: I say, good shot! Give us another!

[Gets slapped by the Marabou next to him]

Morton: You're going to shoot us, ain't you Chisum?

John Simpson Chisum: I thought about it. Then I thought about something Henry Tunstall once said. He watched a man walk to the gallows... saw him hang. He said it was ghastly. Well, I've seen men hang, and that's the word - ghastly. You two are going to hang.

Morton: And lose that tie. You look like you robbed a dead clown.

Morton: I'm gonna be watching you, Simms, and the minute you screw up you're gonna be working mail fraud in east Cleveland. You understand me? OR AM I YELLING AT TOO HIGH A FREQUENCY?

Sam Simms: No, Sir, I got my ear piece in.

Morton: Praying now?

Krug: Oh Lord! Won't you grant me an empty mayonnaise jar to piss in.

Morton: You know Krug, considering the rather notorious nature of the prison you're headed to, I think I'd pray for something a little more substantial.

[car suddenly gets hit by truck]

[first lines]

Morton: [telling joke to Giles] So the next week, he's even hornier. And this time, he's got twenty bucks instead of ten. He goes back to the whorehouse, he slaps down the twenty, and tells the madam he needs to get off, but he ain't going to screw no goddamn chicken this time. She says it still ain't much, but she can help. She tells him to go to the room at the top of the stairs. This time there's just a bunch of guys jerking off, but one of the jerk off guys assures him "oh hey, it's cool, it's cool" and he waves him over to this whole toilet they're all looking through...

Krug: Oh, can we stop please? I really gotta take a piss.

Morton: Fuck you.

Morton: John.

Constable John Harris: Aye.

Morton: I just found one of my horses dead. At least, I think it's one of my horses. It's all soft and flabby.

Morton: Not bad. Congratulations. Tell me, was it necessary that you kill all of them? I only told you to scare them.

Frank: People scare better when they're dying.

Morton: You'll never succeed in becoming like me.

Frank: Why?

Morton: Because there are many things you'll never understand.

[Frank draws on Morton as he pulls out money from a drawer]

Morton: This is one of 'em. You see, Frank, there are many kinds of weapons, and the only one that can stop that is this.

[Morton's train stops as Frank's men ride up to it]

Morton: Now, shall we get back to our little problem?

Frank: My weapons might look simple to you, Mr. Morton, but they can still shoot holes big enough for our little problems.

[Frank sits at Morton's desk]

Morton: How does it feel sitting behind that desk, Frank?

Frank: It's almost like holding a gun... only much more powerful.

[Frank knocks Morton off of his crutches]

Morton: Is that sufficient to make you feel stronger?

Frank: I could squash you like a wormy apple.

Morton: Sure, but you won't do it... because it's not to... your advantage.

Frank: Hmm. Who knows how far you'd have gone with two good legs, huh?

Frank's lieutenant: [seeing Morton deal out 500 dollars each to four of Frank's men as if they were playing cards] How do you, uh... how do you play this game, Mr. Morton?

Morton: It's very simple. As long as you use your head, you never lose.

Morton: [to Wobbles] Hm. You should learn to live as if you didn't exist.

Morton: I got on board within sight of the Atlantic, and before my eyes close I want to see the blue of the Pacific outside that window.

Frank: I know where you got on. I was there too remember? To remove small obstacles from the track you said. Well there were a few.