Mortimer Snerd Quotes in Fun & Fancy Free (1947)


Mortimer Snerd Quotes:

  • Edgar Bergen: Now, Luana, how would you like another piece of cake or some ice cream?

    Luana Patten: No, thank you. I'm full up.

    Edgar Bergen: Some candy?

    Charlie McCarthy: Care for a cigar?

    Luana Patten: Me?

    [everyone laughs]

    Edgar Bergen: How about you, Mortimer?

    Mortimer Snerd: Uh... I don't smoke.

    Edgar Bergen: I don't mean that.

  • Mortimer Snerd: [referring to giant footprints] Oh, gosh! Who made them?

    Charlie McCarthy: Well, it wasn't Cinderella.

  • Charlie McCarthy: Well, Donald may be nuts, but he's got the right idea. Kill the cow.

    Luana Patten: Oh, no, Charlie! The cow was their best friend.

    Charlie McCarthy: Well, a friend in need is a friend indeed.

    Edgar Bergen: So what?

    Charlie McCarthy: So, they need some steak.

    Mortimer Snerd: No! If you're gonna kill the cow, I don't wanna hear the rest of the story!

  • Luana Patten: But why did the giant want to steal the harp?

    Edgar Bergen: Because he was cruel and selfish. He didn't care what happened to the valley. He just wanted someone to sing him to sleep.

    Mortimer Snerd: Well, why didn't he turn on the radio?

    Edgar Bergen: Well, they didn't have radios in those days.

    Charlie McCarthy: Yeah. That's why they called it Happy Valley.

  • [Willie is sniffing around his table while Mickey and the others are trying to avoid getting caught]

    Charlie McCarthy: Hey, giant! You're getting warm!

    Mortimer Snerd: Well, don't tell him!

    Charlie McCarthy: Behind the jar, stupid!

    Luana Patten: Charlie!

  • Luana Patten: What happened to all the people?

    Edgar Bergen: Well, suppose we look in on these humble peasants.

    Mortimer Snerd: Is that a peasant?

    Charlie McCarthy: That's a cow, stupid.

    Luana Patten: Well, at least they had milk.

    Edgar Bergen: Well, she used to be a good milker, but now...

    Charlie McCarthy: She's an udder failure.

  • Edgar Bergen: Are you listening, Mortimer?

    Mortimer Snerd: Uh... Happy Valley?

    Edgar Bergen: That's right, yes. Now, just try to imagine it. Can't you just close your eyes and see it?

    Mortimer Snerd: Well, I can't see very good with my eyes closed. My eyelids get in the way.

    Edgar Bergen: Well, you create a picture in your mind's eye.

    Mortimer Snerd: Oh.

    Charlie McCarthy: That's not easy for him. His mind gets in the way.

  • Willie the Giant: [lifts the roof off of Edgar Bergen's house] Hey, has anybody seen anything of a teensy-weensy, little mouse?

    Edgar Bergen: No, I-I-I...


    Luana Patten: Oh, Mr. Bergen!

    Charlie McCarthy: Bergen, speak to me! Speak to me!

    Willie the Giant: What's the matter with him? Something he ate?

    Mortimer Snerd: No, it's uh, it's a fig... fig... figmentation of his imagination.

    Willie the Giant: No!

    Mortimer Snerd: Yeah. Well, good night, Willie. Don't slam the roof. You might wake Mr. Bergen.


  • Luana Patten: What did the giant look like?

    Edgar Bergen: Well, he was, oh... I'll try and show you.

    [He turns on a lamp and aims it at the wall]

    Edgar Bergen: He looked something like this.

    [Makes a shadow puppet of a pig]

    Mortimer Snerd: Looks like my pig, Snedly.

    Charlie McCarthy: Never mind the self-portraits.

    Edgar Bergen: Well, no, that isn't right. He looked more like... More like this.

    [Makes shadow puppet of Willie the Giant]

    Edgar Bergen: There he is now. And the giant came home for dinner, roaring...

    Charlie McCarthy: [Steps in front of spotlight] ... drunk.

    Edgar Bergen: [as Willie] I was not!

    Edgar Bergen: [Normal] I mean, he was not.

    Edgar Bergen: [as Willie] No.

    Edgar Bergen: Down the castle hall he came, roaring..."Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!"

  • Edgar Bergen: [Mortimer is crying because Willie got killed] What I'm trying to explain, Mortimer, is that Willie the Giant didn't actually exist.

    Mortimer Snerd: No?

    Edgar Bergen: No. He's a metaphysical phenomenon of your subconscious mind, a phantasmagoria of your mental faculties.

    Mortimer Snerd: Yeah?

    Edgar Bergen: In other words, just a figment of your imagination.

    Mortimer Snerd: No!

    Edgar Bergen: Yes. So there's nothing to be upset about.

  • Mickey Mouse: How'd you get here?

    Singing Harp: I was kidnapped by that wicked giant!

    Mickey Mouse: Oh. What? A giant?

    Mortimer Snerd: A giant?

    Luana Patten: A giant?

    Jiminy Cricket: A giant?

    Edgar Bergen: Bigger than forty men!

    Mortimer Snerd: Oh, no!

    Edgar Bergen: An ogre who had the power to turn himself into anything, man or beast!

    Jiminy Cricket: That calls for a drink!

  • Edgar Bergen: Yes, it was one of nature's garden spots, nestled among the green, rolling hills. Can't you see the lovely brook as it flows through the valley?

    Mortimer Snerd: Mmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    Edgar Bergen: The winding roads, line with stately trees.

    Mortimer Snerd: Trees. Yeah.

    Edgar Bergen: Lush fields and prosperous farms dot the landscape.

    Mortimer Snerd: L-Landscape. Yeah.

    Edgar Bergen: And high on a hilltop overlooking the valley, shining like a jewel, stands...

    Mortimer Snerd: My red barn.

    Edgar Bergen: No, no. It was something much nicer. It was a majestic castle.

  • Ophelia: Well, good night, Luana.

    Luana Patten: Good night, Ophelia.

    Ophelia: Bonne nuit, Mortimer.

    Mortimer Snerd: Uh... ma'am?

    Ophelia: Bonne nuit.

    Mortimer Snerd: Oh, yes, ma'am. Yeah, yeah. Bunny. Uh bunny, bunny wee, bunny wee. Bun-Uh... uh, I don't know no bunny wee.

Browse more character quotes from Fun & Fancy Free (1947)