Lt. Archie Hicox Quotes in Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Lt. Aldo Raine: You didn't say the goddamn rendezvous was in a fuckin' basement.

Lt. Archie Hicox: I didn't know.

Lt. Aldo Raine: You said it was in a tavern.

Lt. Archie Hicox: It is a tavern.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Yeah, in a basement. You know, fightin' in a basement offers a lot of difficulties. Number one being, you're fightin' in a basement!

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [in German] I must say, I grow weary of these monkeyshines.

[Maj. Hellstrom cocks his Walther pistol and aims it at Lt. Hicox under the table]

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Did you hear that? That was the sound of my Walther. Pointed right at your testicles.

Lt. Archie Hicox: Why do you have your Walther pointed at my testicles?

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Because you've just given yourself away, Captain. You're no more German than that scotch.

Lt. Archie Hicox: Well, Major...

Bridget von Hammersmark: Major...

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Shut up, slut! You were saying?

Lt. Archie Hicox: I was saying that that makes two of us. I've had a gun pointed at your balls since you sat down.

[Stiglitz takes Hellstrom by the shoulder and aggressively forces a gun against his crotch]

Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz: That makes three of us. And at this range, I'm a real Frederick Zoller.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Looks like we have a bit of a sticky situation here.

Lt. Archie Hicox: What's going to happen, Major... you're going to stand up and walk out that door with us.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think so. I'm afraid you and I... we both know, Captain... no matter what happens to anybody else in this room... the two of us aren't going anywhere. Too bad about Sergeant Wilhelm and his famous friends. If any of you expect to live, you'll have to shoot them too. Looks like little Max will grow up an orphan. How sad.

Lt. Archie Hicox: [In English] Well, if this is it, old boy, I hope you don't mind if I go out speaking the King's.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [In English] By all means, Captain.

Lt. Archie Hicox: [picks up his glass of scotch] There's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. Seeing as how I may be rapping on the door momentarily...

[drinks his scotch]

Lt. Archie Hicox: I must say, damn good stuff, Sir.

[sets his glass down and smokes his cigarette]

Lt. Archie Hicox: Now, about this pickle... we find ourselves in. It would appear there's only one thing left for you to do.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: And what would that be?

Lt. Archie Hicox: Stiglitz...

Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz: Say "Auf Wiedersehen" to your Nazi balls!

[Stiglitz fires his gun into Hellstrom's crotch]

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [Hellstrom is trying to guess the famous person on his forehead, which is King Kong]

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [in German; subtitled] I'll start, give you the idea. Am I German?

Bridget von Hammersmark, Lt. Archie Hicox: [in German] No.

Bridget von Hammersmark: Am I American?

Major Dieter Hellstrom, Lt. Archie Hicox: No.

Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki: Wait a minute, he goes to...

Bridget von Hammersmark: Obviously, he wasn't born in America.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: So, I visited America, aye?

Bridget von Hammersmark, Lt. Archie Hicox: Yes.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Was this visit fortuitous?

Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki: Not for you.

Sgt. Donny Donowitz: Speaking of Frau von Hammersmark, whose idea was it for the death trap rendezvous?

Lt. Archie Hicox: She chose the spot.

Sgt. Donny Donowitz: Well, isn't that just dandy!

Lt. Archie Hicox: Look, she's not a military strategist. She's just an actress.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Well, you don't got to be Stonewall Jackson to know you don't want to fight in a basement!

Lt. Archie Hicox: Lieutenant Archie Hicox reporting, Sir!

General Ed Fenech: General Ed Fenech. At ease, Hicox. Drink?

Lt. Archie Hicox: If you offered me a Scotch and plain water, I could drink Scotch and plain water.

General Ed Fenech: Attaboy, Lieutenant. Make it yourself like a good chap, will you? The bar's in the globe.

Lt. Archie Hicox: Something for yourself, Sir?

General Ed Fenech: Whiskey, straight. No junk in it.

Lt. Archie Hicox: What should we drink to, sir?

General Ed Fenech: Down with Hitler!

Lt. Archie Hicox: All the way down, sir.

Winston Churchill: [to Lt. Hicox] You say he wants to take on the Jews, at their own game? Well, compared to, say, Louis B. Mayer... how's he doing?

Lt. Archie Hicox: Quite well, actually. Since Goebbels has taken over, film attendance has steadily risen in Germany over the last eight years. But, Louis B. Mayer wouldn't be Goebbels proper opposite number. I believe Goebbels sees himself as closer to David O. Selznick.

[long pause, Churchill takes deep draw on his cigar then exhales slowly]

Winston Churchill: [satisfied, to General Fenech] Brief him.

General Ed Fenech: [reading Lt. Hicox's personnel file] It says here you speak German fluently?

Lt. Archie Hicox: Like a Katzenjammer Kid.

General Ed Fenech: And your occupation before the war?

Lt. Archie Hicox: I'm a film critic.

General Ed Fenech: List your accomplishments?

Lt. Archie Hicox: Well, sir, such as they are, I write reviews and articles for a publication called 'Films & Filmmakers.' As well as our sister publication.

General Ed Fenech: What's that called?

Lt. Archie Hicox: 'Flickers Bi-Monthly', and I've had two books published.

General Ed Fenech: Impressive. Don't be modest, Lieutenant. What are their titles?

Lt. Archie Hicox: The first book was called 'Art of the Eyes, the Heart, and the Mind: A Study of German Cinema in the Twenties.' And the second one was called 'Twenty-Four Frame Da Vinci.' It's a subtextual film criticism study of the work of German director G. W. Pabst.

Lt. Archie Hicox: [he hands the General a whiskey] What should we drink to, sir?

General Ed Fenech: Down with Hitler.

Lt. Archie Hicox: All the way down, sir.