Major Dieter Hellstrom Quotes in Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [in German] I must say, I grow weary of these monkeyshines.

[Maj. Hellstrom cocks his Walther pistol and aims it at Lt. Hicox under the table]

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Did you hear that? That was the sound of my Walther. Pointed right at your testicles.

Lt. Archie Hicox: Why do you have your Walther pointed at my testicles?

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Because you've just given yourself away, Captain. You're no more German than that scotch.

Lt. Archie Hicox: Well, Major...

Bridget von Hammersmark: Major...

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Shut up, slut! You were saying?

Lt. Archie Hicox: I was saying that that makes two of us. I've had a gun pointed at your balls since you sat down.

[Stiglitz takes Hellstrom by the shoulder and aggressively forces a gun against his crotch]

Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz: That makes three of us. And at this range, I'm a real Frederick Zoller.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Looks like we have a bit of a sticky situation here.

Lt. Archie Hicox: What's going to happen, Major... you're going to stand up and walk out that door with us.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think so. I'm afraid you and I... we both know, Captain... no matter what happens to anybody else in this room... the two of us aren't going anywhere. Too bad about Sergeant Wilhelm and his famous friends. If any of you expect to live, you'll have to shoot them too. Looks like little Max will grow up an orphan. How sad.

Lt. Archie Hicox: [In English] Well, if this is it, old boy, I hope you don't mind if I go out speaking the King's.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [In English] By all means, Captain.

Lt. Archie Hicox: [picks up his glass of scotch] There's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. Seeing as how I may be rapping on the door momentarily...

[drinks his scotch]

Lt. Archie Hicox: I must say, damn good stuff, Sir.

[sets his glass down and smokes his cigarette]

Lt. Archie Hicox: Now, about this pickle... we find ourselves in. It would appear there's only one thing left for you to do.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: And what would that be?

Lt. Archie Hicox: Stiglitz...

Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz: Say "Auf Wiedersehen" to your Nazi balls!

[Stiglitz fires his gun into Hellstrom's crotch]

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [Hellstrom is trying to guess the famous person on his forehead, which is King Kong]

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [in German; subtitled] I'll start, give you the idea. Am I German?

Bridget von Hammersmark, Lt. Archie Hicox: [in German] No.

Bridget von Hammersmark: Am I American?

Major Dieter Hellstrom, Lt. Archie Hicox: No.

Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki: Wait a minute, he goes to...

Bridget von Hammersmark: Obviously, he wasn't born in America.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: So, I visited America, aye?

Bridget von Hammersmark, Lt. Archie Hicox: Yes.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: Was this visit fortuitous?

Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki: Not for you.

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [in German] Might I inquire... Like our young newly christened father here... I, too, have an acute ear for accents. And like him, I, too, find yours odd. From where do you hail, Captain?

Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki: Major, this is highly...

Major Dieter Hellstrom: [cutting him off] I wasn't speaking to you, Lieutenant Munich. Or you either, Lieutenant Frankfurt. I was speaking to Captain I-don't-know-what.