Leo Quotes in Harsh Times (2005)


Leo Quotes:

  • Leo: [pointing firearm at Mike and Jim] Blink and die, scumbag!

  • [Butters is pointing a gun at Leo's head after being mistaken for a perp]

    Butters: License. Registration. Urine Sample.

    Leo: Hey, hey, hey, German Jews didn't have it any easier when we were kids, so don't think you're the only one, okay? Okay? Besides, I was just kiddin' with ya. I can smell a cop a mile away.

    Butters: Oh, I smell bad, what'chu trying to say?

    Leo: Well, stop turning everything around. You're so damned touchy. Hey, we might even work together, me and those two work together, I'm the bomb, they'll tell ya, I'm great.

    Butters: Yeah, we're gonna work together as soon as I open up a cereal factory, ya fucking leprechaun.

    Leo: Hey, I didn't call you names, ya fuckface! Don't start now!

  • [Leo tries to find his bags on Roger's boat]

    Leo: Okay, you said "aft," right?

    Roger Murtaugh: A-F-T. Aft.

    Leo: That's a fucking word?

    Roger Murtaugh: In the back of the cabin on the right side, Leo.

    Leo: Well, why didn't you say that in the first place, ROGER? I love these people. Put them around boats and water and all of the sudden everything becomes fucking nautical. "Astern. Avast you landlubbers. Man the bilge pumps." Pump your fucking ass.

  • Leo: [referring to Jin] I sacrificed three years for you. How could you love him after only three days?

  • Leo: [reaches for dagger in back]

    Yee: Do not pull this dagger out. I'm sending you back to keep spying for us. You will be more convincing with a dagger in your back.

  • Leo: Jin, you should know, there are more soldiers ahead.

    Jin: What!

    Leo: The general sent them. They don't know you either. You must stop them. There is nothing I can do. The order given to these soldiers is 'Fight to kill'. If you don't kill them they will kill you. Take care.

    Jin: I quit!

  • Leo: Look. I said fuckin' look at 'im! Look at what happened to ya friend 'cause you gotta go against the way the things go down. You treat what I try to do for you like shit? You don't wanna work for me, what's wrong with you? And then, you carry a piece, in my house! You one of those burned-out demolished wackos in the joint? You're scary, because you don't give a fuck. But don't come onto me now with your jailhouse bullshit 'cause you are not that guy, dont'chu get it, you prick? You got a home, car, businesses, family, n' I own the paper on ya whole fuckin' life. I'll put ya cunt wife on the street to be fucked in the ass by niggers and Puerto Ricans. Ya kids mine because I bought 'it. You got 'im on loan, he is leased, you are renting him. I'll whack out ya whole family. People'll be eatin' 'em in their lunch tomorrow in their Wimpyburgers and not know it. You get paid what I say. You do what I say, I run you, there is no discussion. I want, you work, until you are burned-out, you are busted, or you're dead... you get it? You got responsibilities - tighten up n' do it. Clean this mess up, get 'im outta here. Back to work, Frank.

  • Frank: You are making big profits from my work, my risk, my sweat. But that is okay, because I elected to make that deal. But now, the deal is over. I want my end, and I am out.

    Leo: Why don't you join a labor union?

    Frank: I am wearing it.

    Mitch: Frank, don't.

    Attaglia: Do it slick.

    Frank: My money in 24 hours, or you will wear your ass for a hat.

  • Leo: Plus, I've got a major score for you in Palm Springs in six weeks.

  • Michaelangelo: Who's trapped inside?

    Leo: Lord Norinaga!

    Donatello: Lord Norinaga?

    [hits the bell with his Bo staff]

    Donatello: Name rings a bell.

  • Lord Norinaga: Go ahead. Finish me.

    Leo: Okay.

    [forms his two swords like scissors and cuts off Norinaga's hair]

    Leo: There. Short enough for you?

  • Lodge: [narrating] Flynn is alone with the Grimmoire.

    Leo: I stab it! Wait! I BACKSTAB it!

    Cass: Good call.

    Lodge: Y-y-you can't backstab it! You can't *sneak-attack* an inanimate object!

    Leo: Why not? It's PRONE!

    Lodge: It doesn't have a discernible anatomy!

    Leo: It's got a SPINE! Doesn't it?

    [Leo rolls a fumble, causing Flynn to stab himself]

    Leo: [in shock] Bards suck.

    Lodge: That... was unprecedented, Leo.

  • Gary: I'm a wild mage. WILD! But you losers can call me "sorceress". That's right. I'm playing a chick.

    Leo: Dude, you hot?

    Gary: Seventeen charisma.

    Leo: Wanna have sex?

    Gary: Totally.

    Leo: Great! I seduce him, uh her.

    [Leo rolls his die]

    Leo: Yes! I can totally seduce any homophobe with that roll!

    Lodge: We *haven't* started yet. You guys *haven't* met!

  • Joanna: [after Drazuul moves after Luster's announcement of spell] What happened to the spell?

    Gary: No good, Drazuul moves before me, blast me unless I have a barricade or something...

    Leo: [Leo looks up with great purpose and realization] Hide behind the pile of dead bards.

  • Flynn the Fine: [singing] Dear Goblin friends, dear Goblin friends, please hear my song...

    [Flynn gets shot with arrows by the Goblins]

    Lodge: [rolls] Yeah. Yeah, you're dead.

    Gary: [holds stopwatch] At 29 minutes, 42 seconds. New personal best, Leo.

    Leo: There are so many places I could put that stopwatch!

  • [Leo's employees are writing numerous copies of his character sheet]

    Game Store Employee: How many of these do you actually need?

    Leo: Let me answer that with another question: shut up!

    Game Store Customer: [to employee] Your boss is a dick!

  • Flynn the Fine: What is that heavenly music?

    Priestess: The Hymn to Therin. It calls to our goddess.

    Leo: [voice-over] I seduce the priestess!

    Lodge: [voice-over] She's taken a vow of celibacy!

    Leo: [voice-over] Dude, 20 ranks in seduction!

    Flynn the Fine: [to priestess] Hey, baby. Wanna tune my mandolin?

    [rolls and the priestess and Flynn leave the room]

    Daphne: [to Hierophant] Please understand the horny Bard does not represent us.

  • Leo: [playing a board game] Take that, Jesus! Who's the Messiah now?

  • Leo: Start out strong. Set yourself up for victory. There's a reason you're carrying three of these.

    Cass: Biggest Turnip?

    Leo: Quick 2 Renown.

    Cass: [incredulous] Biggest Turnip?

    Leo: Not every quest gets to be epic.

    Cass: Maybe I'm missing something... What exactly is the big heroic deed here? Growing a giant freak vegetable?

    Leo: More or less...

    Cass: And said mutant tuber has the potential to win you the game?

    Leo: I don't think turnips are tubers.

    Cass: So... your empire's at war, and regardless of the tactical or economic realities on the ground, you could theoretically win a military conflict by growing a turgid bit of purple stew-bait.

    Leo: [smiling] Hey. I have an idea how to end this flashback.

    Cass: Oh?

    [Leo slaps him]

  • Leo: The Meach has won four Gen Cons. He is arguably the best player in the game today.

    Cass: Great,so how am I supposed to beat him at Gen Con?

    Leo: With any luck, the Legacy will knock him out of the tournament.

    Cass: Okay... how am I supposed to beat the Legacy?

    Leo: With any luck, the Meach will knock them out of the tournament.

    Cass: You're not helping!

  • [Talking about She]

    Tanya: She's wicked I tell you.

    Leo: Aw, don't be too hard on her. She's strange - and wonderful.

  • Horace: No sledges, no food, and no way back.

    Leo: And no way forward.

  • Leo: Why you sad?

    Mitchell: You wouldn't understand.

    Leo: 'Cause I am a retard?

  • Leo: Earth Mother!

    Mother: Leo, it's been so long.

    Leo: Earth Mother, is there a problem on the mountain?

    Mother: I'm afraid so. There's less and less food growing on Mount Moon these days. There's very little left to eat. I came to take some food back. It warms my heart to see all of you doing so well. I know it's hard work protecting the jungle all by yourself, but you need to believe in yourself to lead them. Their all in your care, Leo.

  • Lune: I agree with you, Dad. Fighting the humans is wrong. Some of them are nice. One of them even saved my life, so they must be good.

    Leo: Lune, I'm afraid Pagoola is not entirely wrong. Of course,some men have proven themselves to be kind. Then again, there are those humans who destroy the jungle, and pose a great threat to us.

    Lune: Hm?

    Leo: However, nothing is achieved through fighting. But if we can't trust them and don't want to fight them. Then what?

    Lune: Well... we should make friends with them.

    Leo: Uh?

    Lune: If we were friends, we could share the world! We could play with them! Isn't that a good idea Dad?

    Leo: [laughs] I just hope you get to see that world someday. A world where humans and animals can share their wisdom.

  • Annie: [singing with the caterpillar; Ode to Joy] La-la la-la buggy wuggy, la-la la-la la la-la.

    JuneLeoAnnieQuincy: [to the tune of Ode to Joy] la-la la-la la-la la-la, la-la la-la la la-la. La-la la-la la-la la-la, la-la la-la la la-la.

    Quincy: [giggling] WE'RE SINGING with the caterpillar!

  • Leo: [the gang is heading towards the Niagara waterfall] Rocket, look out! The waterfall!

    [Rocket is on the edge of the waterfall]

    Leo: Reverse paddles!

    Leo: [Rocket activates his reverse paddles, saving everyone] That was a close one.

    Annie: Well, we made it to Niagara Falls...

    LeoJuneAnnieQuincy: [everyone laughs]

  • Leo: But how will you find me? You don't know where I'll be... I don't know where I'll be.

    Chili Palmer: I'll find you, Leo, you leave a trail like a fuckin' caterpillar.

  • Chili Palmer: Leo, sit down. I don't know how you got this far, you're so fucking dumb. But you're through now, and let me explain why. Ray Bones is the man that you're dealing with now, and when Bones finds out what you did, he's gonna take everything, including the sporty little hat you got on your head. And then most likely he'll shoot you, so you won't tell on him. Now, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna hurt you. Now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag here. I'm gonna take the three hundred thousand that you scammed from the airline, and then the ten that's left over, I'm gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time.

    Leo: Wait, you take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?

    Chili Palmer: At eighteen percent. Now don't ask another fucking question, I'm leaving.

  • Leo: But you won't know where I am. I mean, I don't even know where I'll be!

    Chili Palmer: I'll find you, Leo. You leave a trail like a fucking caterpillar.

  • Chili Palmer: I never thought you'd be this dumb leaving three hundred grand in a bag in the closet under an extra blanket but I guess you are

    Leo: I didn't know where to put it where would you?

    Chili Palmer: How about a bank?

    Leo: They'd report it to the IRS

    Chili Palmer: You don't open an account you put it in a safety deposit box dip it in whenever you want

    Leo: How did you know I was here?

    Chili Palmer: I'll give you another tip, next time you write to your wife don't use hotel stationary

    Leo: It was Faye wasn't it? She told you about the money? Did she tell you my whole life history too?

    Chili Palmer: I'm here to save your ass

    Leo: How? By taking my money?

    Chili Palmer: No, you get to keep the money you won today that's yours

    Leo: It's all mine

    Chili Palmer: I don't know how you got this far, your so fucking dumb but your through and I'm going to explain why and I hope you're not so dumb you won't understand, Ray Bones is the man your dealing with now when Bones finds out what you did his going to take everything including the sporty little hat you got on your head and most likely he'll shoot you so you won't tell on him but I'm not going to do that I'm not going to hurt you now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag I'm going to take the three hundred grand you scammed from the airlines and the ten that's left over I'm going to borrow from you and pay back at another time

    Leo: [Confused] Wait, your taking all my money but borrowing part of it?

    Chili Palmer: At eighteen percent and don't ask another question I'm leaving now

    Leo: What's this eighteen percent shit? You want to borrow ten the vig is three bills a week that's fifteen for the vig plus the ten that's twenty five big ones you go the whole year buddy, you hear me?

  • [Leo is timing Chester for the 60 seconds he has to explain to Ted about the whole situation]

    Leo: Begin.

    Chester: Okay, Ted, pay attention here. I'm going to make two piles on the bar. One pile which is yours. And another pile which *could* be yours. And what you have to realize is we're gonna do this thing one way... or the other. Whether it's *you* who holds the axe or a Mexican maid or some bum we yank off the street.

    Norman: [about the money on the bar] You could buy a whole lot of soup with that pile.

    Chester: Shh! I'm the closer here. All right, I'm a little me - um, I've lost count. How much is on the bar here?

    Group: Six hundred.

    Chester: Okay, Ted, do you know how long it takes the average American to count to 600?

    Ted the Bellhop: [Thinks for a bit]

    Angela: It's a rhetorical question, Ted.

    Ted the Bellhop: No, sir.

    Chester: About one minute less than it takes to count to 700. Now Ted, a person's life is filled with a zillion little experiences. Some which are insignificant, have no meaning, and, you know, you forget them. Others which you remember for the rest of your natural life. Now, since what we're proposing here is so unusual, so outside the norm, this is a good bet that is going to be one of those incidents that sticks. So, since you're gonna be stuck remembering this for the rest of your life, you have to decide what that memory will be. So, Ted, are you going to remember for the next 40 years, give or take a decade, that you *refused* a $1000 for one second's worth of work? Or that you *made* $1000 for one second's worth of work?

    Leo: Time!

    Chester: So, Ted, what's it gonna be?

    Ted the Bellhop: Okay.

  • [Leo is on the phone with his wife]

    Leo: Yes, it's my job. Yes, it's my fucking job, you know that. He wanted to stay out late. I can't fucking - I went to the Monkey Bar, all right? Don't yell at me - I'm not yelling. I'm not yelling. You're the one that's fucking yelling! Fuck! Don't hang up on me! Ellen, please don't hang up on me. Please don't hang up on me. Goddamn it, I swear to fucking God, if you hang up on me, that fuckin' call better be genuine, 'cause I'm gonna get a fuckin' divorce!

    Norman: Yo, Leo?

    Leo: [shouts] Fuck!

    Chester: Another fucking "Honeymooners" going on in there.

    [Leo tosses throws down his cellphone and begins throwing things around in a violent tantrum]

    Leo: Fuckin' shit, man! Man, what the fuck is wrong with this fuckin' bitch, man? I'm gonna take the fuckin' car, I'm gonna drive up to fuckin' Mulholland, I am gonna fuckin' drag her fuckin' ass and throw it down Benedict fuckin' Canyon, man!

    Norman: You still married, man?

    Leo: Yeah. I don't fuckin' know any more, I swear to Christ, Norman. I fuckin' swear to God. What the fuck is wrong? I treat this fuckin' bitch like a queen, you know that, man!

    Chester: I know that.

    Leo: So I had a little fuckin' too much to drink. It's fuckin' New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve. I can't fuckin' drive home. Okay, Ellen, I'm sorry, I'm fuckin' sorry about that. What am I gonna do? Get in a fuckin' car and go run over six or seven fuckin' kids? That'd be really fuckin' nice! Man, what the fuck is the matter with this bitch? FUCK!

    [Leo suddenly notices all of the items sitting at the bar]

    Leo: What the fuck is all this?

    Ted the Bellhop: Block of wood, bucket of ice and a hatchet, sir.

    Leo: Get the fuck outta here. Chester, talk to me. Norman?

    Chester: We now return you to "The Man From Rio" already in progress.

    Leo: Oh, my fucking dick is hard already. Tell me, Norman, you're gonna do this shit.

    Norman: [laughs] I am gonna do it.

    Leo: Oh, you are my fucking hero.

  • Chester: Let me explain what we're talking about here.

    Ted the Bellhop: No, sir, you don't have to explain anything to me. Whatever constitutes a good time as far as you guys are concerned, well, that's your business.

    Chester: Well, no, it's your business, too, Ted, because we want you to take part.

    Ted the Bellhop: Take part in what, sir?

    Leo: Chester, your way of breaking the news to him gently is scaring the fuck outta him.

    Chester: You think so?

    Angela: Just spit it out.

    Chester: Okay, you might be right. Okay, here we go, here we go, okay. Thing is, Ted, first off, there's nothing homosexual about what we want you to do. I mean, I was thinking you might be thinking we want you to do some like, weird sex thing, like suck us off, pee on us, shit like that, you know. Nothing! Nothing could be further from the truth!

  • Mark: When my grandfather died, there was one candle next to his bed. And the candle started flickering. We all thought it was him going to Heaven, you know?

    Leo: You don't pass through fire to get to Heaven. I think he went to Hell.

  • Mark: Don't put me in this position where I have to fuck my way out of a corner!

    Leo: He'll do it too. I've seen him.

  • Leo: If you put "cute kitten" in the title of your YouTube video, you're gonna get a million hits. And then I link that to my website and you can see my stand-up on my website. It's genius.

    Ira Wright: Why don't you just call it like, "Megan Fox Blows Someone"? And then more people would Google that.

  • Leo: I just came back from the new Harry Potter movie. Harry's getting old. He's like older than my dad. They should start calling him Harold Potter. And that Hermione had some big, ole, tit-tays!

  • Leo: I wanna put my eye-glasses on your asshole so it looks like you're blowing me when I fuck you in the ass, you *jerk*.

  • Leo: It's not my fault your grandpa is playing backgammon with Hitler.

  • Leo: Go lose 20 more pounds, you son of a bitch!

  • Leo: You son of a bitch! Why didn't you tell me George Simmons wanted us to write jokes for him?

  • Leo: Why don't you go suck George Simmons's cock?

  • Leo: I can't believe George Simmons is dying. I grew up on his movies.

  • Leo: Interesting jeans, Lena.

    Lena: Oh... Yeah. It's a long story.

    Leo: I like long stories... Well, maybe you could tell me over dinner sometime.

    Lena: I like dinner.

    Leo: Yeah?

    Lena: Yeah.

    Leo: Great.

  • Leo: [to Lena when they met] I'm guessing you're a virgin.

  • Leo: Put him in the back seat, with the windows open. They gotta have a lot of fresh air, the gills, or something like that.

    Clark Kellogg: He doesn't have any gills?

    Leo: Whatever. That's what I was told: fresh air.

  • Charlie Bellow: On the reasons to stop seeing her side we have: One, on going physical danger. Two, high likely-hood of a broken heart. Three, uh career sabotage. Four, she is clinically insane. Five, she seems to enjoy my pain. Six, fourteen piece matched set of Louis Vuitton emotional baggage. Seven, I haven't even kissed her yet, for God's sakes. Uh eight, she's ruining my life.

    Leo: And the reasons to keep seeing her?

    Charlie Bellow: I'm in love with her.

  • Leo: If you hide your whole life, you'll forget who you even are.

  • Malte: [returning to camp after targeting Schorschi] His straight days are over. I'm giving him one more day, maybe two. His crotch was bulging. Next week is harvest time.

    Leo: Forget it. He's a hardcore straight.

    Malte: So what? I've cracked even the hardest of nuts. That Bavarian piggy's no exception. Straight boys make great toys.

  • Leo: [to Malte] You're so compulsive. Does anything else count for you but sex?

  • Leo: [to Tobi] Why don't you stay?


    Leo: I'd really like that.

  • Tobi: How was it with you?

    Leo: It wasn't easy.

    Tobi: But then it got easier?

  • Leo: A sex offender on the team will get you disqualified.

    Tobi: No way. Ferdl's our equipment manager.

    Malte: Either way, you'll lose. We're the best.

  • Pest: So, you started a few wars. a-ite? Okay, you actually you started every war, but I mean who's counting; it's not like you ever won one, right?

    [laughs and pulls Leo's pants down]

    Leo: Ve kicked France's ass.

    Pest: Oh please, like who hasn't?

  • Leo: Ah, the tracking device I placed in his underwear seems to be working.

    Himmel: Why does Leo get all the good jobs?

  • Leo: Who's this guy?

    Corky: That's Brick Davis

    Peter: Is he the guy with the muscular thighs and the nice tan?

    [All look at him]

    Peter: What?

  • Leo: The family needs you!

  • Leo: Par, par, bogey, bogey, par, par.

  • Leo: [to Claudia, when he gets into the car with some difficulty, as he is trying to stuff a lamp in as well] It's mine; you can't have it. She gave it to me.

  • Leo: Walter, when you say "cash is king," what's that mean?

    Walter: Cash is the fossil fuel that keeps our economic pistons pumping.

  • Mary: Do you know the story of Sisyphus?

    Leo: Who?

    Mary: Sisyphus. It's a myth about this guy who had to roll or push this incredibly huge rock up this steep mountain. Every time he would get to the top of this mountain the rock would roll down again. he would watch this and walk back down the mountain and do it all over again. Forever.

    Leo: Drag.

    Mary: It's a metaphor for life, Leo. It's famous. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

    Leo: Bullshit. He's miserable.

    Mary: He doesn't have to be. He accepts his fate.

    Leo: You're telling me if you name is Syphilis and you spend your life lugging a fucking rock up a hill you wouldn't be miserable?

  • Rene: Imitate a cat puking.

    Leo: [makes puking noises]

    Rene: [holds up a flier with imitate a cat puking printed on it] It's the name of a band.

  • Steve Coogan: [Steve is hanging upside down in the model womb] How about filming the other way around, the right way up, and then just flip the image?

    Leo: Well, maybe, but I'd have to have a word with Mark about that. I mean, I think he wanted the realism.

    Steve Coogan: He wants realism?

    Leo: Yeah.

    Steve Coogan: Yeah, I'm a grown man, talking to the camera, in a fucking womb!

  • Steve Coogan: I've got to be able to kick and stretch. That's what foeti do.

    Leo: Yeah, but not when they're full term.

    Steve Coogan: He wants realism. Yeah. I'm a grown man, talking to the camera, in a womb.

  • Nick: I can imitate the voice of Alexander Hamilton. I do Alexander Hamilton, and Murray does a terrific Thomas Jefferson. We got the voices just right.

    [Murray and Nick speak to each other in normal tones throughout]

    Murray: [to Nick] Hi, Alex, how're you doing?

    Nick: Fine. Say, Tom, you should have been in Congress today.

    Leo: This is ridiculous! You can't do an imitation of Alexander Hamilton, nobody knows what he sounds like!

    Nick: That's the funny part.

    Murray: You missed the funny part, Leo.

  • Leo: There's the little guy. I've got a Chuckles statue for you.

    Nick: Thank you, Mr. Herman. Imagine how pleased I am to receive it.

  • Leo: Ik ben heel even met m'n vrouw in gesprek, pisvlek!

  • Leo: Dude... Get lost with your Smurfs juice.

  • Leo: Who is it?

    Darren: I'm not sure, but his voice washed over me like a dark, powerful river.

  • Leo: Why do I have to have such a complicated sex life?

    Darren: It's because you give off complicated vibrations. Simplify your vibrations, your sex life simplifies itself.

  • Leo: [Reading from dust jacket] "Margaret Thatcher put the C back in conservatism."

  • Darren: What else do you want? He's gorgeous, he's charming and he made breakfast.

    Leo: I mean the man is on the rebound, you know from women in general. I mean, he wants me because I'm not a woman.

    Darren: It seems a very good reason to want someone.

    Leo: But it's a negative reason, Darren. He wants me for what I'm not, not for what I am.

    Darren: Any good in bed?

    Leo: Yeah, yeah, he was, but...

    Darren: [interrupting] Well then keep him.

  • Leo: What did you talk about?

    Lenny: About films, I think...

    Leo: About films?

    Lenny: Yes...

    Leo: So you did not talk at all?

    Lenny: Yes, we did.

    Leo: No, you talked about film. You have not talked at all. It's not normal. Did you fuck her? You have not fucked her. You have not touched her. Is that the way you see girls? That you talk to them, and then you don't fuck. them? That's not normal.

  • Leo: Have you seen this one?

    Lenny: What?

    Leo: [Pulls a gun]

    Lenny: Is it real?

    Leo: Yes.

    Lenny: No, it's not...

    Leo: Hold it. Real. It is loaded. With sharp rounds.

    Lenny: Is there something in it?

    Leo: Yes.

    Lenny: What are you going to do with it?

    Leo: I don't know.

    Lenny: Where does it come from? You got it from Lois, didn't you?

  • Leo: What are you glaring at?

    Louis: On you.

    Leo: Watch the movie instead.

    Louis: I have a wonderful view from here. A little comedic, mayby.

    Leo: Do you have a problem?

    Louis: Who are you to ask me?

    Leo: Yeah. What is you problem?

    Louis: You...

    Leo: Me?

    Louis: Yes, you!

    Leo: Are you not going to watch the film?

    Louis: I am watching a cartoon movie here.

    Kitjo: [Leo stands in front of the screen] Move. Hello! We are watching the movie. Hey... Hey, Leo, we can't see anything. Can you move?

    Leo: [Leo pulls a gun on Louis] What are you doing? You think you are a big-shot, ain't you? You are trash. Do not stick your nose into in my life... You are going to don't give a fuck about mine and Loise's lifes! Do you understand me? You are a psychopath! You are fucked! Fucked! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Fucked!

    Louis: Go home and change your diapers.

    [Leo cocks the gun]

    Lenny: Pull the... Can you stop now?

    Leo: Do not get involved.

  • Leo: Just don't get too complicated, Eddie. When a man gets too complicated, he's unhappy. And when he's unhappy, his luck runs out.

  • Leo: Troy!

    Troy: Leo... I am gonna HAVE to cut your dick off. Okay?

  • Leo: How do you look at the woman you love, and tell yourself that its time to walk away?

  • Paige: I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.

    Leo: I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other.

  • Leo: Life's all about moments, of impact and how they changes our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them?

  • Leo: The moment of impact. The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you've never thought you've found them. That's the thing about moments like these. You can't, no matter how hard you try, controlling how it's gonna affect you. You just gotta let the colliding part goes where they may. And wait. For the next collision.

  • Paige: I hope that one day I can love you the way you love me.

    Leo: You figured it out once. You'll do it again.

  • Leo: It's not fair? I see the way you look at him. I know, because you used to look at me that way.

  • Leo: I need to make my wife fall in love with me again.

  • Leo: If we were meant to be together, we would be together.

  • Paige: Thank you.

    Leo: I didn't do anything.

    Paige: You did everything. You accepted me for who I am, and not for what you wanted me to be.

    Leo: I just wanted you to be happy. That's all.

  • Leo: Oh my god.

    Paige: What?

    Leo: First date and you're already inviting yourself to stay the night?

  • Leo: How do you look at the person you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away.

  • Leo: I've been driving myself insane, making a complete ass of my self.

    Leo: Literally trying everything possible to save what we have.

  • Paige: Who's the President?

    Leo: Of the country?

    Paige: Yeah.

    Leo: Obama.

    Paige: The senator?

    Leo: Yeah. You voted for him, actually.

  • Leo: Dad says there's nothing to do then. Nowhere to hide.

    Justine: If your dad said that, then he's forgotten about something. He's forgotten about the magic cave.

  • Leo: [reading] It is a planet that has been hiding behind the Sun. Now it passes by us. It's called flyby.

  • Nolan Mack: It just can't be nothing, you know? It can't. Because you're here for a reason. You came in for a reason.

    Leo: [trying to leave] No...

    Nolan Mack: NO! You gave me that videotape, you told me about your mother, about leaving. It can't be nothing, Leo. Look at me. Just look at me. It can't be nothing.

    Leo: It can be, alright. It can be. Cause it's nothing. Cause it means nothing.

  • Leo: Wanna give me a ride?

    Nolan Mack: Yes.

  • Whitey: [saying goodbye to his friends] Well, Leo,

    [shakes his hand]

    Whitey: see ya.

    Leo: See ya.

    Whitey: Hoodoo...

    [shakes his hand]

    Hoodoo Henderson: Yeah.


    Whitey: Now don't you go bawling!

    Hoodoo Henderson: Bawling? Why would I go bawling? I'm thirteen years old!

  • Hoodoo Henderson: Leo, do you think the patch is dry yet?

    Leo: Uh-uh.

    Hoodoo Henderson: Whatta we do?

    Leo: Watch I guess.

  • Whitey: [Whitey is saying goodbye to his friends] Well Leo,

    [shakes his hand]

    Whitey: see'ya.

    Leo: See'ya.

    Whitey: Hoodoo...

    [shakes his hand]

    Hoodoo Henderson: Yeah.


    Whitey: Now don't you go bawling!

    Hoodoo Henderson: Bawling? Why would I go bawling? I'm 13 years old!

  • [Nicole lights her cigarette]

    Leo: Second-hand smoke kills, you know.

    Nicole: [blowing smoke in Leo's face] Not reliably.

  • Jess Robin: Leo, why don't you go ask Tillie to dance?

    Leo: I'm resting.

    Jess Robin: Just go ask her to dance, please.

    Leo: There's no music.

    Jess Robin: Leo, please! Go ask Tillie to dance!

    Leo: I'll dance.

  • Leo: You know, I remember being a freshman. It was the two best years of my life.

  • Leo: Fuckin' rich people.

  • Leo: Fuckin' rich people.

    Charlie: Yeah. Fuckin' rich people.

  • Leo: Sarge, this guy here says he's seen some of your flying saucers.

    Fred 'Sarge' Dobbs: You've seen those flying critters. Feisty little things aren't they?

    Greg: Yeah, they attacked our van.

  • Leo: All right, here's the new rule, since the toilet's broken no more pooping.

  • Leo: Well, can I get a quarter?

    Marc: I got your quarter right here!

    [Grabs his crotch]

  • Leo: How are you Reagan?

    Reagan: Pissed! What don't I have?

    Leo: What's with her?

    Seth: Hell if I know.

    [Cups his hands and speaks to Reagan, right next to him]

    Seth: Bitching about something!

  • Leo: Things are bound to get a lot stranger.

  • Leo: Remember I told you I'd met someone?

    Juan: Yes, I remember.

    Leo: Well, the thing is...


    Leo: The thing is... his name is Seba. Sebastian.

    Juan: So? Why are you crying? Don't you like the name? Sebastian is a beautiful name. What's the problem?

Browse more character quotes from Harsh Times (2005)