Patty Quotes in Harsh Times (2005)

Jim Davis: Hey, later, Patty! I hope you're not pregnant, but you know you wanted me to blow in you.

Patty: [gives him the finger] Fuck you!

Stacy: [Stacy, Patty and Jiminez look at Christie in her bathing suit] What the hell kind of place is this?

Patty: [while Jiminez is mesmerized by Christie's looks, she slowly enters the spa] Beat it, bitch!

Patty: How do you go to the bathroom in space?

Jim Lovell: Well, um... I tell you it's a very complicated procedure that involves cranking down the window and looking for a gas station.

[the sprinklers go off in the gym "cleaning" Pig-Pen, who is dancing with Patty]

Patty: Do I know you?

[In art class, Charlie Brown tries to make a flower out of a coat hanger, but ends up making a squiggle that looks like his one strand of hair]

Franklin Armstrong: Will you look at this? What a contemporary piece.

Patty: Nice use of space.

Lucy van Pelt: Have you all lost your minds?

Patty: Does anyone here know first aid?

Lucy Van Pelt: It's probably not serious. Second or third aid will do.

[Ronald walks the cool hallway for the first time and begin to talk to the girls]

Patty: Didn't you like, used to mow our lawn?

Ronald Miller: Yes, and you have the nicest pair of rhododendrons in town!

Patty: Rhodo-who's?

Cindy Mancini: Guys, I'll meet you at home.

Barbara: What did he say?

Patty: I don't care! I dig his shirt...

[the girls are in Cindy's car]

Barbara: Why wouldn't we go out with Ronald. I mean he's cute and sweet...

Patty: And good...

[Cindy and Barbara stares at her]

Patty: Come on, a lady never talks.

Cindy Mancini: Well I'll have to remember that the next time I see one.

Patty: I mean, he went from totally geek, to totally chic!

[Patty seducing Ronald in the car]

Patty: Are you into long distance relationships?

Ronald Miller: No.

Patty: Now, then why don't you reach out and touch someone?

[puts his hands on her breasts]

Patty: Like we're not supposed to know he's SPYING on us in his SPAZ-mobile.

Patty: Cool outfit!

Barbara: What a severe suede!

Cindy Mancini: You guys, it's no big deal. Bobby sent it to me from Iowa. You know they have fine leathers down there.

Patty: Oh, yeah. The best leathers come from Rome, Paris, and Des Moines!

Patty: [after taking off her top] I bet you've never seen two like these before.

Ronald Miller: Well, my parents do have cable.

Patty: Didn't you like, used to mow our lawn?

Ronald Miller: Yes, and you have the nicest pair of rhododendrons in town!

Patty: Rhodo-who's?

Cindy Mancini: Guys, I'll see you in home ec, OK?

Barbara: What did he say?

Patty: I don't care! Dig on his shirt...

Patty: Go shit in your hand.

Patty: You look just like someone I went to high school with.

Stainer: Oh yeah? What high school? Maybe it was me.

Patty: No, he's in a coma.

Stainer: Huh. Who brought the good news bear? Somebody give her some fucking honey.

"Plane Doctor": Excuse me. You're not supposed to be on your phone. It's bad for the plane.

Patty: Oh, excuse me? Are you a plane doctor? No? So shut the fuck up!

Kirk: Hello?

Patty: Who's this?

Kirk: I don't know, maybe the guy with the new iPhone. Who's this?

Patty: Ah, I don't know, maybe your worst fucking nightmare...

Patty: How the fuck did you get my number?

Susan: Patty, why don't you play with Justin?

Patty: I don't understand what he's doing.

Susan: Well, he's... spinning.

Patty: What for?

Susan: Uh... no reason, just for fun.

Patty: It doesn't look like fun.

Nathan: It isn't.

Susan: [gives Nathan a funny look] You tried it?

Patty: [reading a book] The Penal Colony, by Franz Kafka.

Gil: Hey, Nathan, Patty a doctor yet?

Nathan: Mock if you will.

Gil: All right.

Nathan: Our children are more capable of retaining and absorbing information than we are and yet we insist on treating them like adorable little morons.

Gil: What are you saying, Patty can learn things I can't learn?

Nathan: [lays out four cards with lots of red dots stuck on them] Patty, which one of these is the square root of 8,649?

Patty: [looks at the cards for a few seconds then points at one] 93.

[Nathan picks up the card, checks the answer on the back then shows it to Gil. Patty is correct. Gil pulls an expression of disbelief and thumps his head with his palm]

Nathan: They're like sponges, Gil, just waiting to absorb.

Justin: [picks up one of the cards] I want this.

Nathan: You see? Take my advice, forget about Kevin and Taylor, it's too late. Work on Justin.

Gil: Actually, Justin is quite bright. In his preschool class, he was the only...

[Justin picks one of the red dot stickers off the card and puts it in his mouth]

Gil: Slow down, Justin. I'll get you some dip.

Marjorie: You're never going to get a tan wearing all of those clothes!

Hailey: Or Skin Cancer.

Patty: Please, we don't even smoke!

Patty: [after performing a spell to remove Jimmy's spirit from Gillian] I wonder if that would work on my ex-husband?

Sara: [to Officer Hallet] I don't know about the Bulgarian, but I would not be surprised if he turned up in a ditch somewhere.

Patty: Sara, that is not true! She's not saying they murdered him, just that maybe they shook his hand, and then... he died. It's very mysterious.

Diane Barrows: [after Alyssa, as Amanda, was 'adopted' by the Butkises] You were supposed to protect her! You should've done something. Y-Y-You could've slit their tires or something! Anything!

Jerry: They had the paperwork!

Diane Barrows: *What* paperwork?

Patty: [hands Diane the paperwork] We couldn't find you! Miss Van Dyke was here. What did you want us to do, lie in front of the van, for God's sake?

Diane Barrows: I would have!

[she drops the paperwork]

Diane Barrows: I'm takin' the Jeep!

[she takes the keys to the Jeep]

Jerry: Hey, that's the camp's!

Diane Barrows: [furiously] Oh, don't you even...!

Patty: There's a certain way a man stares at a woman he loves. The man looks like a boy on his birthday. And he treats the woman as if she were a gift that he's waited so long to open and now he can't wait to see what the treasure is inside.

[Patty notices Matt staring at her skirt]

Patty: You like my skirt, but you're thinking, "If her skirt were any shorter, she'd have another pair of cheeks to powder, and have to put gloss on another pair of lips."

Matthew: I... I wasn't thinking any of those things. I think you're a nice girl.

[voice-over]

Matthew: I was lying. I *did* think all of those things.

Patty: In High School, you would have called me a slut. Now, in College, you call me a good time.

[last lines]

Patty: Oh, sweet leaping Jesus!

Matthew: Hey, what are these? Are these... Are these stress balls? Like, you know to relieve tension, like uh... like Humphrey Bogart did in that old movie. What was it called? He was like, there are three ways to do things aboard my vessel. The right way, the wrong way and my way. If you do things my way, we'll get along just fine.

Patty: Those are my Ben Wa Balls.

Matthew: What?

Patty: Ben Wa Balls. You know, I put them inside of me, I rock my legs and I get off.

Matthew: Really?

Drew: Patty and I have a little business to attend to. The term papers are in- Eisonhower, Johnson, Kennedy...

Patty: Kennedy! Oh, he was so cute! How much?

Drew: A date with me.

Patty: I'll take Johnson.

Leanne: You were the best one up there. You had it won, but you took your eye off the prize. You gotta keep your eye on the prize, baby!

Patty: The prize is in the eye of the beholder.

Leanne: The only way to make it in this business, honey, is to be a triple threat. Look at Miley.

Patty: Great role model, mom.

Donald: Yeah, she's a triple threat. She can sing, dance and take off all her clothes!

Leanne: Well, she's got a great body. She works very hard for that. Why not show it off?

Leanne: Nobody's ever won America's Got Talent playing a fiddle.

Patty: It's not a fiddle, it's a violin!

Leanne: Okay, a violin. I mean, maybe you get to be a contestant, but you don't get to win.

Leanne: I was so scared, I don't know what I would ever do if I lost you!

Patty: Oh, you'd be on the news threatening the kidnappers, I'm sure.

Leanne: That's right! Nobody hurts my baby!

Patty: I do miss my parents and everything, but it's actually kind of nice to have a break from my life. It's the most downtime I've ever had.

J.T.: Downtime? You're a kid, what do you know about downtime?

Patty: Well, let's see... So, I go to school at 7 o'clock, and by the time I come out at 2, I have either dance class, show rehearsal, acting classes or singing lessons. And then most days I have two classes back-to-back. So that means I come home around 7-ish. Then it's dinner, homework, and my mom hounding me to practice with her 'til I'm ready to pass out. Oh, and let's not forget all the neverending competitions and pageants I have the pleasure of being forced to do.

J.T.: Oh, your mom's one of THOSE moms.

Patty: She means well, I guess.

J.T.: When do you see your friends?

Patty: Well, friends? No, friends aren't in the schedule.

Patty: Why don't you have any friends?

J.T.: I don't know, I guess I'm just uncomfortable around people.

Patty: My mother kidnapped me.

Patty: [through clenched teeth] : Let's try Patty up the middle, ONE MORE TIME.

Patty: Seems to me it's all this cheap little tart's fault.

Elvira: Cheap. Who are you callin' cheap? What's that perfume you're wearing, catch of the day?

Patty: Trash does not compete with class.

Virus: [speaking rapidly, pointing gun into mirror] You laughin' at me, huh? Huh? You laughin' at m- What am I, a clown? Do I amuse you? I'm what, I'm funny now? Huh? You must be laughin' at me; I don't see anybody else around here!

Patty: You're mixing your movies, dipshit.

Virus: What?

Patty: You're mixing your movies.

Virus: No I'm not.

Virus: [back to mirror] How the *fuck* do I amuse you, huh?

Patty: That's Joe Pesci.

Virus: No, Pesci wasn't in Taxi Driver.

Patty: That's what i'm saying. You're mixing your movies.

Virus: No I'm not.

Patty: [disgusted] Whatever.

Virus: "Whatever." Good response; I guess you win.

Patty: What do you want?

Elaine: I want you to get this lousy bank to lend me some money, or at least extend my MasterCharge limit. Oh, Patty, You've got to help me! I'm broke, flat busted broke. The house and car payments are due on Monday, I need money.

Patty: You know how banks operate. They only lend money to people who don't need it.

Patty: Have you seen my little Muffy?

Zampano: Who hasn't?

Patty: I mean my kitten, musclehead!

Ray: I need you to work the late shift tonight.

Patty: I can't. I got a date with an old flame.

Ray: You have more flames than hell.

Patty: A woman's place is in the home... making money!

Patty: As my broker always says, the first million is always the hardest.

Patty: I'm in the puddin' club. I'm going to be a mother.

Patty: There. That's better. Now you don't look like you've just come in from milking the cows.

Eilis: Is that what I looked like?

Patty: Just a bit. Nice clean cows. Let's go.

Mrs. Keogh: Have they told you what day for the nylons sale, Ellis? Never had a Bartocci's girl in here. Might get some inside information.

Eilis: I haven't been told anything.

Diana: I bet you wouldn't let on if you had.

Patty: She's that sort. More aligned to her bosses than to her friends.

Diana: Like a red spy.

Sheila: Oh, dear God.

Mrs. Keogh: I'll thank you to keep His name out of a conversation about nylons. He might be everywhere, but He's not in Bartocci's on sale day.

Mrs. Keogh: Patty, did you happen to look at that cold cream?

Patty: No, Mrs. Keogh. I asked Miss Tyler in cosmetics and I showed her the advertisement.

Mrs. Keogh: I don't want to have to travel all the way to Manhattan just for a jar of cold cream.

Diana: Have you told Tony yet, Ellis?

Eilis: Of course.

Sheila: Is he taking you out to celebrate?

Eilis: We're going to Coney Island at the weekend.

Patty: Oh, boy.

Eilis: What does that mean?

Patty: Well, do you have a bathing costume?

Eilis: No, I was going to...

Diana: Do you have sunglasses?

Eilis: No.

Sheila: You need sunglasses. I read that if you don't have them on the beach this year, people will talk about you.

Mrs. Keogh: And what will they say, exactly, Sheila?

Dolores: That's the thing, Mrs Kehoe. You'd never know, because they'd never say it to your face.

Rusty James: Hey, my brother's the coolest.

Patty: Well, you're better than cool. You're warm.

Patty: Look, I don't want to keep you from your school work...

John Baker Jr: I drop out of school Patty, or at least I tried to... God, are you always like this?

Patty: Ya, I'm always like this.

John Baker Jr: You make everything look so different to me Patty...

Patty: Oh yeah... like what?

John Baker Jr: Like everything... everything else just seems pointless comparing to being with you, like... what am i doing in school? I don't know... I'm afraid I might never see you again... will I?

Patty: Well yeah, you see me... I'm right here...

John Baker Jr: I knew this will happen...

Patty: what will happen?

John Baker Jr: that i get turn out

Patty: you get turn out the school?

John Baker Jr: not yet... but I look at you and I knew that I would be...

John Baker Jr: Will you marry me?

Patty: What?

John Baker Jr: I know that sounds ridiculous to you, but I'm do it. I would I do anything for you...

Patty: Well... do you hopefully left?

John Baker Jr: If you left, Ya... I'm hopefully left

Ricky: [Grabs Tammy's bra strap] So tell me, is this synthetic leather?

Tammy: We got it at Lacey's in Baton Rouge.

Patty: No, *you* go it at Lacey's. I was in Barnes & Noble flipping through Janes. Do not make me a part of your felony.

Ricky: You stole it?

Tammy: Well, I wasn't gonna buy it! It was too ugly! And I felt bad taking a nice one. I *have* a conscience.

Patty: You're still a crook.

Tammy: [Pulls her shirt down] Yeah, a crook with a nice rack.

[to Ricky]

Tammy: Don't you think?

Ricky: [Looks at Ray in his truck, watching them] You may not wanna pull those out too often.

Tammy: Some people are just born rotten.

Patty: Or gay!

Ricky: Or bitchy?

Patty: Or bitchy!

Patty: You're taking a dead man's air. You know that, right?

Tammy: Air is free!

Patty: I'm gonna pee!

Tammy: You're using a dead man's toilet, you know that right?

Patty: Aw, I promise to flush!

Patty: Eh, what happened to Mike and Harriet?

Howard Landers: [smiling devilishly] ... Maybe Harry Warden got 'em!

Patty: Stop it!

Sarah: Oh, I don't know. T.J. won't talk to me! He just sulks all day long! He ends up making me feel guilty when he's the one who owes me the apology! And Axel is NOT behaving any better... oh Patty, I don't even know if I wanna go to the dance on Saturday night.

Patty: Oh, but you gotta go! It'll be alright, just stick with Hollis and me! Besides, you've gotta see the dress I bought. Cut down to here, slit up to there, I may not get out alive!

Rizzo: Look who's coming. Patty Simcox, the bad seed of Rydell Hi-

[to Patty]

Rizzo: Hi.

Patty: Oh I just love the first day of school, don't you?

Rizzo: [sarcastically] It's the biggest thrill of my life.

Patty: Hey, they just announced the nominees for student council this morning and guess who's up for vice president?

Rizzo: Who?

Patty: ME. Isn't that the most? To say the least?

Rizzo: The very least.

Patty: Oh you MUST think I'm a terrible clod for not introducing myself to your friend!... Hi, I'm Patty Simcox...

[moves to sit down]

Patty: Welcome to RydELL OH!

[sits on Jan's apple. Jan removes it as Patty sits down and shoots dirty look at Rizzo and Marty]

Patty: ...well I hope you'll be at cheerleader tryouts. We'll have so much fun and get to be life-long friends!

Patty: ...you making a movie?

Killer: Somethin' like that.

Guard: I understand you're having a hard time making a decision.

Patty: How would you know that?

Wenda: You know, the medic at the hospital seemed to know an awful lot about us, also.

Guard: Some of your friends are kind of concerned about your future. I think maybe you should hear what they have to say.

[Sandy, Jerry and Diane approach them. They notice that Sandy has a mark on her right hand]

Guard: .

Patty: Sandy!

Wenda: Oh, Sandy!

Patty: You're a Christian!

Sandy: Oh, Patty. Anyone can say they're a Christian.

Patty: But I thought that Jonathon...

Diane: Jonathon was one of us, but he had nothing to do with the trap that Sandy set for you.

Wenda: Sandy, why didn't you stay with us all day?

Jerry: She was trying to keep those fanatics from encouraging you into making a foolish decision.

Diane: Yeah. Actually, it's simple. You can lose your head

[glances at the guillotine]

Diane: , or you can go free. To work, to buy, to eat. To live a normal life, just like before.

Jerry: If those theological authorities are such authorities, how come they didn't go up with the rest? That's what blows holes in this theory that only the Christians went. How come there're still so many religious people here?

Patty: Maybe they didn't believe in UFOs.

Sandy: Well just because you have an understanding of the Bible in your head, doesn't necessarily mean you have Jesus in your heart.

Jenny: [reading] 'Therefore, be also ready, for in such an hour as you think not, the Son of Man cometh'. It'll happen just that quick, Patty, the Bible says like a thief in the night.

Patty: Jenny, I believe that God is love, and it really upsets me when people go around scaring everyone with this Jesus coming in the clouds and tribulation stuff. That's what I hate about religion, God makes all this elaborate plan to send us all to hell.

Jenny: Patty, God made a perfect plan that none shall perish. He sacrificed His own Son to keep you from hell.

Jenny: [reading The Biography of a Great Planet] Listen, when I'm done with this book you've just got to read it. There's a really neat paragraph in here, here it is: Others will gather around them in great numbers of teacher, to say what their itching ears want to hear. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, and a whole list of other things.

Patty: That's sure happening today.

Jenny: Well the Bible also says that when these things happen, the believers can look for the blessed hope, and redemption for the Christian draws nigh.

Patty's Grandmother: Well you understand don't you, that Jesus will come and take His own in the Rapture.

Patty: Yeah you told me that.

Patty's Grandmother: Well after the Rapture, a world leader will emerge as a hero. He'll be most convincing, yet deceiving, but people will love him.

Patty: Will he be the beast?

Patty's Grandmother: For the first three and a half years, he will appear to be a savior, a hero; miraculously solving world problems, but in the middle of the 7 years' tribulation, the evil becomes apparent in him.

Patty: What about the mark?

Patty's Grandmother: Open my Bible honey, to Revelation chapter 13 verse 16.

Patty: Okay, 13:16, 'And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand or in their foreheads. And that no man might buy or sell, save he that have the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.' Does that mean that people will have to wear the mark?

Patty's Grandmother: Oh my yes. People can't buy food or clothes or anything, gasoline.

Patty: Well that sounds like Dad's credit card.

Patty's Grandmother: Well to a lot of people it will seem like a new kind of credit card, and people will welcome it.

Patty: Well what about the people that don't want to take the mark?

Patty's Grandmother: The only people who won't want the mark are those who become believers, and a lot of them will be killed by the beast or the Anti-Christ.

Patty: You mean a person can become a Christian AFTER the Rapture?

Patty's Grandmother: The 144,000 sealed missionaries from Israel will be responsible for leading multitudes to receive Christ as their Messiah.

Patty: Well what happens to the people that take the mark?

Patty's Grandmother: Look up Revelation, I believe it's chapter 14, verse 10 or 11.

Patty: 'The same shall drink', that's not it. Okay 11 says 'And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up forever and ever, and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast in his image, and whosoever receives the mark of his name.

Patty's Grandmother: So the time to accept Jesus Christ is now, not then.

Patty: Granny whatever happened to God is love that you and Grandpa always taught us?

Patty's Grandmother: God is love, honey, but He is also holy, and He hates sin, and He cannot allow sin in His presence or in His kingdom.

Patty: But we all sin.

Patty's Grandmother: That's right, and we deserve judgment. But God loves us so much He sent His son Jesus to die for our sins as full payment, and offers life eternal for anyone who believes Christ and wants Him as their Savior.

Patty: You know what bugs me? You have waited until now to scare us out of our wits! Why didn't you tell us all this before it was too late?

Reverend Matthew Turner: Patty, do you have a Bible?

Patty: Well yes.

Reverend Matthew Turner: What does it say?

Patty: What?

Reverend Matthew Turner: Does it say that Christ died for your sins? Does it say that if you ask for forgiveness and receive Him into your heart, that you'll be saved?

Patty: Yes.

Reverend Matthew Turner: Then why are you blaming me?

Patty: Because you could've preached it! You never even talked about prophecy and you even criticized the evangelist for using scare tactics! I would rather have been scared into Heaven than have to go through this.

Reverend Matthew Turner: You could've received Christ the night the evangelist was here. He gave an invitation.

Patty: Well I might've if I'd heard it more than just once.

Reverend Matthew Turner: Didn't you often say to me that your grandmother spoke to you about Jesus? You're right in a way, Patty, I am partly to blame. I preached my own philosophy, I loved the security here. People didn't want to be threatened with the word of God so I went along. But let me say that if you had a Bible and it conflicted with what I as your preacher had to say, then you should've challenged me. Since I refused to preach the word of God, it was your duty to find a church where the gospel was preached.