Eric Lamonsoff Quotes in Grown Ups 2 (2013)

Eric Lamonsoff: You're a genius? My boy's a genius.

[burpsnarts]

Eric Lamonsoff: Your dad's also a genius.

Frat Boy Andy: This is Kappa Eta Sigma property. So you might want to quit perving on our ladies and get back to your trailer homes.

Lenny Feder: Okay, easy there, Abercrombile. I think it's... I think we've been around here longer than you. Been swimming here since we were eight years old, so you just calm down a little bit.

Frat Boy Andy: I'm sure it was the bomb! Cranking to your Al Jolsson tunes on your transistor radio. But it's the 21st century now. And Thicky Thick and the Flabber Bunch should never take their shirts off. Never.

Lenny Feder: That hurts.

Eric Lamonsoff: Okay, I guess I'm Thicky Thick.

Lenny Feder: Yeah, well, I don't like being in the Flabby Bunch, either.

Eric Lamonsoff: Hold up. Hang on. I got a burpsnart coming up.

[burps, sneezes and farts]

Lenny Feder: You got to teach me how you do that.

Eric Lamonsoff: A burpsnart? It's simple. You just start with a burp, then you sniff with a sneeze, you get the going, and that triggers a fart, always.

Eric Lamonsoff: Okay, Bean, what's 7 plus 9?

Bean Lamonsoff: 79.

Eric Lamonsoff: Is he a little boy or a computer? 'Cause I can't figure it out.

Sally Lamonsoff: Don't destroy his confidence.

Bean Lamonsoff: Confidence. K-O-B-R-Q-V-Y. Confidence.

Eric Lamonsoff: Well, we're not gonna have to pay for college. That's for sure.

Eric Lamonsoff: Whoa. Okay, you sure you want to go with those boots, honey? I know you bedazzled them yourself. I'm just wondering if they'll attract too much attention, you know, from outer space.

Donna Lamonsoff: It's the last day of school, and Mom said I'm free to express myself.

Eric Lamonsoff: Oh, building the confidence right there with R2-D2.

[from trailer]

Bean Lamonsoff: Mommy, I want some milk.

Sally Lamonsoff: Come here. I'll give you a little something.

[starts breastfeeding Bean]

Roxanne Chase-Feder: Your son is so cute. How old is he?

Eric Lamonsoff: 48 months.

Kurt McKenzie: [pause] That's 4.

Eric Lamonsoff: [pause] Yeah.

Lenny Feder: You see that? You just aim for a spot and shoot the ball there?

Eric Lamonsoff: It's true. Your dad has won over 50 games with that shot.

Greg Feder: Really? Because that shot doesn't work on the Wii.

Eric Lamonsoff: Well, you should Wii-turn that Wii and get yourself a Wii-fund. Tim Duncan has had over a hundred game winners with that shot.

Eric Lamonsoff: I gotta make a sissy.

Kurt McKenzie: Come on, you made three already.

Rob Hilliard: It must be oozing out at this point.

Eric Lamonsoff: Shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.

Kurt McKenzie: It's taking a piss, not the SATs.

Lenny Feder: Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?

Marcus Higgins: Listen to hamper bottom. I think he's sending a message in Morse code. Getting old. Stop. Can't pee. Stop. Reek like an asparagus. Stop. Even though I didn't have any. Stop.

Bean Lamonsoff: I want mommy's milk!

Eric Lamonsoff: No more mommy's milk.

Bean Lamonsoff: I want mommy's milk.

[a kid walks by with a milk carton, which Eric takes]

Milk Kid: Hey!

Eric Lamonsoff: Here's a dollar, get out of here. Now drink it.

Bean Lamonsoff: I don't know if mommy will like that.

Eric Lamonsoff: Just watch me drink it.

[Bean drinks the milk carton]

Bean Lamonsoff: I'm just like daddy.

Kurt McKenzie: Yay! More for us!

Kurt McKenzie: [while seeing Rob talk to his daughter] How do you get that from that?

Eric Lamonsoff: 95% of that has to be from the mother, and I am lowballing.

Lenny Feder: Lamonsoff, it's 5 in the morning. Can you kill the dog now?

Eric Lamonsoff: Thinking about it.

Donna Lamonsoff: Dad, hurry up. I want to go on the other rides.

Eric Lamonsoff: Just a minute. Don't worry, we'll get to ride all of them.

Donna Lamonsoff: Are you making a sissy? You know they make a chemical that turns urine blue.

Eric Lamonsoff: No, that's just a myth.

Eric Lamonsoff: [as the urine is turning blue] Oh my gosh, you're embarrassing me!

Sally Lamonsoff: See that? Now he won't even drink from me.

Roxanne Chase-Feder: That's what men do. They take and take, and then give you up for some cow.

Sally Lamonsoff: Well now I don't know what I'm going to do with these.

Eric Lamonsoff: I do.