Dylan Quotes in Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Dylan: Sam, do as I said, she won't be harmed, you have my word.

Sam Witwicky: I'll kill you, you have my word.

Carly Miller: Do you want this to happen?

Dylan: I want to survive, I want forty more years! You think I asked for this? I inherited a client!

Carly Miller: Yeah? Well, when Cybertron's here and we're all enslaved, I guess they'll still need a human leader!

Dylan: Don't jinx me! You want to survive, you listen to me!

Megatron: Be gone, insect operatives! Your work is done!

Dylan: [bows] Your Excellency.

[Dylan takes Carly away]

Dylan: [out of Megatron's earshot] He's such a dick.

Sam Witwicky: [pointing a gun at Dylan Gould] Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?

Dylan: You've got some balls.

[during the Chicago massacre]

Carly Miller: I guess they didn't tell you about this part, did they?

Dylan: You think I'm at every meeting?... Look, I'm safe. They said I'm safe.

Dylan: NOOOO!

[pulls a gun on Sam]

Sam Witwicky: Dylan, you can't do this, okay?

Dylan: There's only one future for me!

Carly Miller: They said... they were shipping resources, to rebuild their planet.

Dylan: Yes. But they need one resource in particular, one native to our planet.

Carly Miller: ...Us?

Dylan: You're very smart. You see, they can't rebuild without a slave labour force. How many rocks out there offer six billion workers?

Carly Miller: What are you talking about? We can't transport people!

Dylan: They're not shipping people. They're shipping their planet here!

[as the Autobots leave in the starship Xanthium]

Sam Witwicky: You wanted an answer, you got it.

Dylan: I always get what I want, Sam. I just had to be sure.

Sam Witwicky: Sure of what?

Dylan: That they would go without a fight.

[signals Starscream, who blows up the Xanthium]

Dylan: We all work for the Decepticons now.

Dylan: You think you're a hero? YOU THINK YOU'RE A HERO?

Sam Witwicky: No, I'm just a messenger.

[knocks Dylan into the pillar]

Dylan: Prisoners? You're keeping prisoners?

Soundwave: Yeesss...

Dylan: You need to teach them about respect! This was all business, but now it's all personal, do you understand me?

Soundwave: [laughs] I understand. No prisoners, only trophies!

Que: Bee, I think they're going to kill us!

Dylan: [Sam spits on him] They will slaughter her. Do you understand me? In the time it takes you to blink, they will do it to her, and then they will do it to me!

[hits Sam]

Dylan: I liaise.

Dylan: If you want to survive a war, do business with the side that's gonna win.

Dylan: You chose sides - you chose wrong!

Chad: Is it the eggs?

Dylan: It's not the eggs.

Chad: Is it the boat?

Dylan: No, it's not the boat, I have to go though.

Chad: Is it the Chad?

Dylan: It might be the Chad.

Chad: The Chad... It's the Chad!

[Chad falls into the water]

[one of Alex's muffins is embedded in the door]

Bosley: What do you call this?

Dylan: Chinese fighting muffin.

Bosley: That's not funny. A friend of mine took a fighting muffin in the chest; they sent him home in four Ziploc bags.

[ordering at the drive through]

Dylan: I'll have three burgers, three French fries and three cherry pies. What do you guys want?

Charlie: Good morning, angels.

Dylan, Natalie, Alex: Good morning, Charlie!

Chad: Starfish, I would just like to say that I'm honored, honored to see you taking an interest in my work and I also think you're very pretty and... (sees girls getting scuba gear on) Starfish? Where are you going? Starfish are you going swimming? Where are you going? Where are you going again Starfish? Was it the Chad?

Dylan: No the Chad was great.

Chad: The Chad was great.

Natalie: Where's Knox? Is he OK?

Dylan: He's fine. He's the bad guy.

Alex: Your methodologies are antiquated and weak. Your procedures of approval ensure that only the least radical ideas are rewarded. Meanwhile your competition is innovating.

[whip]

Dylan: [quietly] Ow.

Alex: You. What was the last suggestion you made to your boss?

Red Star Systems Techie: I said the coke machine should be free.

Alex: Why?

Red Star Systems Techie: Because caffeine helps us program.

Dylan: And that's kicking your ass!

Dylan: Figures that I would find the perfect guy, and he would already have the perfect girl.

Chad: Good morning Starfish.

Dylan: Good morning Chad. Sweet Chad.

Dylan: Hold that thought.

Pasqual: You crazy bastard!

Dylan: [as Mr. Jones] I think you mean crazy bitch.

[mocking Eric Knox]

Dylan: I don't know how to make chicken... jerk.

[last lines]

Dylan: To Charlie.

Alex: To Charlie.

Natalie: To Charlie.

Bosley: To Charlie.

[falls over]

Bosley: Let me toast you ladies, with some ice cubes!

Dylan: [as Ian stands in the driveway in a white T-shirt and briefs] Nice underpants, Ian!

Doogal: I bet she's petrified.

Dylan: Pet? Fried? Whoa, bad karma.

Dylan: I know Kung Fu, John Woo, Wutang Klan, and... Chai Tea.

Brian: Dylan, can you beat them up?

Dylan: Call me Neo.

Dylan: Chill out guys, I've got something stashed that just might help.

Brian: Dylan, we don't have time to indulge in recreational activities...

[Zebedee is explaining Zebad's evil plan]

Zebedee: Nothing will grow. Not even grass.

Dylan: No grass? Right we've got a problem, man.

Dylan: Sorry, I don't believe in violence.

[Karate chops skeletons]

Dylan: ... Except in self defense.

Ermintrude: Surely it's only a short hop for such a brave bunny.

Dylan: More like a long drop for a dumb rabbit.

Dylan: So close, and yet so far out!

[Dylan is looking at the buttons on the train, and sees one marked with a spring]

Dylan: Hey, maybe this is some kind of anti-spring device.

[he presses button. Brian is catapulted upwards]

Brian: I can fly!

[looks down]

Brian: No, I can't.

Dylan: Or maybe it's an ejector seat.

Ermintrude: Well, there's no use crying over spilled milk.

Dylan: That's easy for you to say.

Ermintrude: Oh, the cruel hands of time!

Dylan: [teeth chattering because of the cold] But if it, if it wasn't for time, every- everything would hap- happen at once!

Dylan: Hey so, where's my science project?

Amy: Oh, I didn't do it.

Dylan: What? But it's due today!

Amy: Yeah. I know, I know. I'm so sorry, but you're going to actually have to start doing your own homework from now on.

Dylan: I am a slow learner, remember?

Amy: You're not a slow learner, you're just entitled... do you know what 'entitled' means?

Dylan: No. Because I'm a slow learner.

Amy: It means that mummy and daddy have been spoiling you, and now you think that the world owes you something, but it doesn't. And if you don't learn how to work hard now, then you're going to just grow up to be like another entitled little white dude who thinks he's awesome for no reason. And then you'll start a Ska Band and it'll be awful and you'll be mean to girls, and you'll grow this ironic moustache to look interesting but you won't actually be interesting, and I'm not okay with that so would you please, please just do your own homework?

Dusty Mayron: So the King raised his mighty sword and rained steel down upon the Step King.

Brad Whitaker: But the Step King blocked it with his shield. And swung his cat o'nine tails into the King's smug face.

Dusty Mayron: Which the King easily brushed aside like the feather of a gull. And then the King did counter with a barrage of slashes and thrusts so fast and precise the Step King had no way to party.

Megan, Dylan: Yay!

Dusty Mayron: But he did. He did. He parried all of them. Easily. It was no big deal.

Megan, Dylan: Aww.

Brad Whitaker: Then he grabbed the King's sword right out of his hand and smashed it over his knee.

Megan, Dylan: Boo!

Dusty Mayron: That's when the King pulled out a pump-action Mossberg shotgun!

Brad Whitaker: Which is completely anachronistic. So if we're gonna be doing any time period, then the Step King just happened to be wearing Kevlar body armor.

Dusty Mayron: Concussion grenade!

Brad Whitaker: Hand grenade.

Dusty Mayron: Rocket launcher.

Brad Whitaker: Missile launcher.

Dusty Mayron: Air strike.

Brad Whitaker: Nuclear strike.

Dusty Mayron: Black hole.

Brad Whitaker: God.

Jamie: Why don't they ever a make a movie about what happens after they kiss?

Dylan: They do, it's called porn.

Tommy: You know what I discovered? It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with. Feel me, Felix?

Dylan: Yeah, but then it's every Saturday for the rest of your life...

Tommy: It's OK, you don't get it. It's no big deal. But you will. One day you'll meet someone and it'll literally take your breath away. Like you can't breathe. Like no oxygen to the lungs. Like a fish...

Dylan: Yeah, I... I get it, Tommy.

Tommy: Yeah, you don't.

Dylan: Why do women think the only way to get men to do what they want is to manipulate them?

Jamie: History, personal experience, romantic comedies.

Dylan: Breasts.

Jamie: Really? I think they're so tiny.

Dylan: They're still breasts.

Jamie: Thank you!

Jamie: Why do I get the feeling this is the first real commitment you've ever made?

Dylan: It's not. T-Mobile. Two years. And fuck do I regret that one!

Dylan: I'm supposed to meet up with Jamie.

Tommy: Who's that? That headhunter?

Dylan: Uh-huh.

Tommy: What, you guys going out now?

Dylan: No, no, no, we're just friends. We're... messing around a little bit.

Tommy: What do you mean?

Dylan: Sleeping together. But it's just sex.

Tommy: That never works, bro. She's a girl. Sex always means more to them even if they don't admit it.

Dylan: Jamie's different.

Tommy: Does she have a penis where most girls have a vagina?

Dylan: No penis.

Tommy: Then she's no different.

Jamie: Oh... my butt.

Dylan: What?

Jamie: My butt!

Dylan: Really?

Jamie: No! My butt is cramping. Can you grab a pillow?

Dylan: [puts a pillow in her low back] So... there is not butt?

Jamie: NO.

Dylan: [after he spills coffee on his pants, Dylan is asking another employee for a replacement pair] I'm your boss! Give me your pants!

Dylan: What do you know about women, anyway?

Tommy: Dude, I've turned down more tail than you'll ever have.

Dylan: Yeah, bro - you're gay!

Tommy: But the offers keep rolling in, naturally. Look at me! And hey, I love women. They're beautiful, majestic, mysterious, mesmerizing creatures. Smart, empathetic, far superior to men in every way. And if I had a choice, I would be with women to my dying day. But me likes cock, so I'm strickily-dickily.

[Tommy leaps over a wall into the Hudson River, and Dylan finds out... ]

Dylan: You have a boat?

Tommy: I live in Jersey. I ain't taking no ferry... Unless it's out to dinner and a show.

Dylan: So, it's always just about sex, then?

Tommy: No... I've been in love. I went down that rabbit hole.

Kirk: This is when you say Hi Molly.

Dylan: Who are you?

Kirk: She is Molly.

Ron: Why is she here?

Kirk: She came with me.

Dylan: Did you hit her car or something?

Kirk: Jesus... No but thank you for asking.

Dylan: Are you a social worker?

Molly: Nope

Dylan: Aw shit are we being evicted?

Dylan: Are you a hooker?

Debbie: Dylan!

Dylan: Or a prostitute I mean?

Ron: Come on in for a dip girl.

Molly: Oh no, I don't even have a bathing suit.

Dylan: You can wear your underwear. It's just like a bikini it covers all the good shit.

Ron: Yeah underwear is fine.

Marnie: RON!

Ron: It's like what they did in the old days.

Molly: Underwear would be fine if I were wearing any.

Dylan: Fuck it! This floor is slippery. These shoes are fucked for this.

Mr. Kettner: Dylan sportsmanship!

Dylan: Fuck You!

Mrs. Kettner: Timeout.

Dylan: You guys take a timeout for being assholes.

Yasmin: Watch where you're going! Are you blind? Hello?

[no audio]

Dylan: No, but I'm deaf.

Yasmin: What?

Dylan: I'm deaf.

Yasmin: You don't look deaf.

Dylan: Yeah, well you don't look ignorant. But I guess you can't judge a book right?

Brooke: Sometimes I look like I have fat arms.

Dylan: I like fat arms.

Dylan: Whatever you're doing, it's working.

Brooke: No, it isn't.

Dylan: I just learned what case-sensitive meant, like seriously, yesterday.

Dylan: If you started the restaurant, you would be back here in a year asking for *five* times this.

Brooke: Not if it was successful.

Dylan: What are the odds?

[Everybody is reading Tracy's story. Brooke starts to turn the page. Everyone at once]

Karen: Just...

Tony: Yes please.

Dylan: No...

Mamie-Claire: Wait, it hasn't done yet.

Dylan: Never date a woman who pays her rent in singles.

Lila: You know what they say about cello players- they like to do it in a chair with their legs spread wide.

Dylan: Ma'am, we have a dog in our presence!

Dylan: I found him down by the pier.

Lila: Oh you bad dog! I should spank you.

Dylan: Ooh, hey, I was down by the pier too.

Dylan: I'll need it by tomorrow.

Jeweller: That will cost extra.

Dylan: And isn't it great how that works out for you. 'Cause it really could have gone either way.

Dylan: [Ubermann hangs up the phone] Never have I seen anyone kiss ass like that.

Dylan: I know I'm no Neil Diamond, but happy birthday anyway.

Dylan: Remember what I said about conquering your fears up here? I was wrong. This place would scare me shitless! Look at all those seats!

[first lines]

Paul Reynolds: Okay people, let's remember what Aristotle said. The aim of art is to represent, not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance. Alright, does anybody have any questions?

[kids fidgeting, one raised hand]

Paul Reynolds: Dylan?

Dylan: Where do babies come from?

Dylan: We're about to become the proud possessors of 2 million quid in useless notes because the queen doesn't like her picture. Jesus Christ, it's self, self, self for some people!

Dylan: Would you allow me the pleasure of taking you to the theatre on Saturday night?

Georgie: Do you ask all your secretaries to go to the theatre with you on their first date?

Dylan: Actually, it's something of a tradition. Yes, I do.

Georgie: Oh. Well, who am I to deprive an American of what little tradition he can get?

[inside the night-club]

Dylan: [seductively] I want to pleasure you with my tongue.

[Georgie walks away in disgust. She sees Jez who has been waiting for her outside the night-club, dressed in his shorts after escaping from his "quick-release trousers"]

Georgie: Hello.

Jez: Hi.

Georgie: This is a surprise.

Jez: Yeah, isn't it.

Georgie: What are you doing here? Was it Scouts tonight?

Jez: No, no. I was just passing. Are you OK?

Georgie: [unconvincingly] Yeah.

Jez: Did he try to "pleasure you with his tongue"?

Georgie: Is it that obvious?

Jez: It's kind of a compulsion with him. He has to exchange fluids with everyone he meets. That's why we never have pets.

Dylan: Now *that* is a thing of beauty.

Jez: Who you're flirting with.

Dylan: You fallen?

Jez: No I haven't.

Dylan: Jez, you've got a little bit of a crush? You're wasting your time.

Jez: I know: you're good looking and I'm too technical.

Dylan: Jez, you've got to stop punishing yourself. You're not too technical, just ugly, gross ugly.

Friend of Lady Georgina: Well done! Marvellous race, Lady Georgina.

Georgie: Oh thank you. Oh, I forgot to mention that.

Jez: *Lady* Georgina?

Georgie: You're not cross, are you? No, you're pleased.

Dylan: Doctor, peer of the realm and with secretarial skills? Who'd be cross?

Georgie: How long have you been in England?

Dylan: Five years.

Georgie: And you still stay 'bucks' and 'babe'?

[filling in "complete the following phrase" coupons for prize draws]

Jez: "In not more than eight words, explain why you buy Zappy Nappies."

Dylan: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids..." Shit, I've run out of words.

Jez: We could try that: "I buy Zappy Nappies for my kids' shit." I've got it: "Weighs less that a bun. Holds more than a ton."

Dylan: That's completely disgusting.

Jez: But it's honest.

[Georgie is fast asleep next to Jez in the car]

Dylan: You know, I can see it now - she's a stunningly attractive woman.

Jez: It means she's relaxed in our company.

Dylan: If she relaxes any more it could get very messy.

Jez: Don't. She might hear you.

Dylan: Jez, look at her. She's wasted. God only knows what she was up to last night.

Jez: You're twisted. She's got charm and warmth and...

Dylan: ...and neat little sit-up breasts.

Jez: I was wondering... would you... perhaps you'd might consider... or... or think about... possibly...

Dylan: I think he's trying to ask you if you'd like to kiss him.

Georgie: Oh, go on then.

[Jez and Georgie kiss passionately]

Dylan: Has the British aristocracy lost all sense of decency?

[sees Floss approaching]

Dylan: I certainly hope so.

Annoying Lady: Don't we get any cake? Who has coffee without cake?

Dylan: I don't know... skinny people!

Dylan: [while cradling Jim's dead body] I can't believe you committed suicide. I cannot believe you committed suicide. How could you have done this? How could you have committed suicide?

Dylan: I'm going to stay with you for as long as it takes

Grandpa: [Giving Dylan a present] I, uh... thought you might like something to remind you of home if you're missing us.

Dylan: Oh, you're still my favourite living fossil!

Patrick: Hey! It's Dylan, right?

Dylan: Yeah. Yeah.

Patrick: Think you're gonna win tomorrow?

Dylan: I don't know. But I really, really want to.

Patrick: Yeah? Why is that?

Dylan: Well... You know, everyone loves a winner. Right? And if... if I go home a winner, maybe my dad... might want to hang out with me.

Patrick: Well, you know what? He's family, mate. And sometimes... Sometimes they take a little while to come good. But, uh, if you stick with them, they will, eventually.

Dylan: Well, I hope you're right. Thanks, Mr Jones.

Dylan: Look! Look at this. There's a world out there, alright?

Jack: I don't get it?

Dylan: You don't get it, Dad! You don't get it. I'm 12 and I get it. She's dead. She's not gonna come back. Ever. We're never gonna see her again...

Decko: My father always said, "You can only really tell a man's character by who shows up at his funeral."

Dylan: That's a little late by THAT point.

Decko: One of life's great fuckin' ironies.

Dylan: [prepping for his fake death] What if someone wants to touch my hands? I'll be warm.

Decko: The fuck's sake, Dylan, it isn't a petting zoo!

Leonard Marliston: Ben, I know you have a very different point of view on this tragedy, so go ahead.

Ben: Well, I would like to know if this killer removed any body parts or sexually defiled any orifice of the victim.

Cindy: You're tragically sick.

Ben: I wanna know because if he didn't, this loser deserves a thumbs down!

Heather: How can you be so insensitive?

Ben: Oh what, when you're like Mother Teresa? You're the one who told him to drop dead.

Dylan: You're only fooling yourself with this display of indifference.

Ben: Hey jackhole, you're not playing DeathQuake now, *this* is the real world!

Dylan: Fuck you.

Dylan: Annette, it's always a compliment when a guys says you can suck a mean dick.

Annette: You're a shit-sucking liar!

Dylan: It's better than a cock-sucking liar!

Dylan: May be cause it's an old car, it gets old stations...

Dylan: Things could be different.

Blake: Not this time.

[last lines]

Dylan: I know who you are.

Dylan: Alright, when you stand at a bar, it's casual. One arm up, one arm down. A thousand yard stare. People will look at you. Alright. You don't look at them.

Topher: [after positioning himself in the wrong kind of formation] Like this, Dylan?

Dylan: [laughs; sarcastically] Yeah.

Topher: Really?

Dylan: No! You look like a frickin' retard!

Dylan: I mean, haven't you ever thought you might be worthwhile, or good enough, or whatever, just how you are- just being you?

Emily: Not even once.

Dylan: Me neither.