Dale Arbus Quotes in Horrible Bosses (2011)

Kurt Buckman: Are you a businessman?

Dean 'MF' Jones: Yeah. Motherfucker Jones.

Dean 'MF' Jones, Kurt Buckman: [shake hands] What's that?

Dean 'MF' Jones: Motherfucker Jones.

Dale Arbus: Your first name is... Motherfucker?

Dean 'MF' Jones: Not "motherfucker". "Motherfuckah". White people say "-er", Negroes say "fuck-ah". You say "er", I say "ah".

Dale Arbus: [walks into Julia's office, notices she is wearing nothing but heels, panties and her white jacket covering her breasts] Oh, shit!

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: [pushes a lock button on her desk to prevent Dale from leaving]

Dale Arbus: Uh, oh.

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: [motions to the chair] Will you have a seat, Dale?

Dale Arbus: Do I have to?

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Please.

Dale Arbus: Sure.

[slowly and awkwardly takes his seat]

Dale Arbus: This is a little ridiculous, but...

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Look, Dale, you know... I know I like to fool around at work, right? And I might even, you know, I might even cross the line a bit. But the last thing I wanna do is-is make you uncomfortable. I mean, it's just not professional, you know? And I pride myself on being a professional. So from now on, what I would like you to do is just tell me, you know... when and if, uh, I cross the line. Okay?

Dale Arbus: Okay. Now.

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: What?

Dale Arbus: Well, now, you're kinda crossing a line... because you're naked.

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Uh... I'm not naked, Dale. Can you *see* my pussy?

Dale Arbus: [nervously] Hmm... true. Um... but I think, uh, even really saying the word..."pussy", that's...

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: That's crossing the line?

Dale Arbus: Little bit.

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: You're starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.

Dale Arbus: There we go! That one's another one. Probably illegal thing to say, too.

Dean 'MF' Jones: First thing first, we gotta handle business.

Kurt Buckman: Mm-hmm.

Dean 'MF' Jones: I need five thousand dollars.

Kurt Buckman: No!

Dale Arbus: No!

Nick Hendricks: There's gonna be no more money.

Dale Arbus: No!

Dean 'MF' Jones: Two thousand?

Dale Arbus: No.

Nick Hendricks: Absolutely not.

Kurt Buckman: No way, Motherfucker. No.

Dean 'MF' Jones: [sighs in defeat] All right, look... pay for my drinks.

Dale Arbus: Pay for his drinks? Yeah.

[to Nick]

Dale Arbus: Pay for his drinks.

Nick Hendricks: I'll do that.

Dale Arbus: Not a very good negotiator.

Dale Arbus: [Dale finally has leverage on Julia] This is what's gonna happen. I'm going to take a two-week-long, very expensive holiday with my fiancee. Let's call it a honeymoon. And YOU'RE going to pay for it! Then I'm going to return to a nice, rape-free workplace from now on. Because if you so much as LOOK at my *sexy little ass*, Julia, I will have yours *locked the fuck up* you CRAZY BITCH WHORE! Man, that felt GOOD!

Dale Arbus: [about Bobby Pellitt] Why would you put his whole bathroom in your ass?

Kurt Buckman: I didn't know I had DNA in my butt!

Dale Arbus: You're lying! You *know* there's DNA in your butt! You just like shoving shit in your ass, you fucking pervert!

Nick Hendricks: We are lawyering up, man. That's it.

Dale Arbus: I don't have money for a lawyer, okay! I bought a very expensive ring that I can't afford, then I gave the rest of my motherfucking money to Motherfucker Jones!

Kurt Buckman: That's who we should talk to.

Nick Hendricks: Sure. Why not? He's covered us this far, right? Five grand?

Dale Arbus: Five thousand... forty, with the briefcase.

Kurt Buckman, Nick Hendricks: Shut the fuck up about that case!

Dale Arbus: [Talking to man on NavGuide] Hey I always wondered these kinds of things, but is your real name Gregory?

Atmanand: [in Indian accent] Um, no, sir. Standard NavGuide protocol is to use names American people find easy to pronounce. My real name is Atmanand.

Kurt Buckman: You know what, buddy, I'm not gonna play by the rules. I'm gonna call you Akmantad.

Nick Hendricks: Atmonent.

Atmanand: [slowly pronouncing] At-man-and.

Kurt Buckman: I'm just gonna call you Gregory cuz that name is a fuckin' nightmare, buddy, let me tell you.

Dale Arbus: You don't put a playground next to a bar. That's entrapment.

Dale Arbus: Why did you put his entire bathroom in your ass?

Dale Arbus: What is "deliberately" undressed. You accidentally get undressed?

Nick Hendricks: I'm such a sucker! Harken was never gonna promote me...

Kurt Buckman: That coked up prick is gonna ruin Pellit Chemicals. He's just gonna fire everybody!

Dale Arbus: She stood there with her breasts, right in my face!

Kurt Buckman: ...Y'know, yours doesn't sound that bad.

Dale Arbus: [after Julia just showed him pictures of her cavorting him while he was unconscious] Rape. Rape, rape, this is what raping is. You're a raper, you've raped me. That's a rape! RAPE!

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: Oh, just relax there, Jodie Foster. Your dick wasn't even hard.

Dale Arbus: That does not give me any relief.

Dale Arbus: No one's going to pay you to be a husband, unless you marry Oprah.

Dale Arbus: So you took the penis foods as an invitation to fuck her?

Kurt Buckman: You don't fucking punch the driver!

Nick Hendricks: Yeah, you don't punch the driver, man.

Dale Arbus: I'm coked out of my fucking head, I can punch whoever I want to!

Dale Arbus: Your ad said you do wetwork.

Wetwork Man: That is correct. I urinate on other men for money. Why else do you think my ad was in the "men seeking men" section?

Kurt Buckman: [to Dale] You fucking idiot!

Dale Arbus: We are MEN looking for another man!

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: You're gonna give me that dong, Dale.

Dale Arbus: What?

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.: You are going to fuck my slutty little mouth.

Dave Harken: You options are.

Dale Arbus: Legal options.

Dave Harken: JACK SHIT.

Dale Arbus: I heard Jack Lebowitz is that an attorney I'm going to write that down Jack Lebowitz.

Kurt Buckman: Got to be can we get his contact info please.

Dale Arbus: Just because your dad called the cops doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.

Nick Hendricks: Well, we were all working at pretty terrible JOBS for some awful bosses and we just thought, if we ever got a chance to be our own bosses, that we'd do things differently

Kurt Buckman: Yeah, we came up with the Shower Buddy

Dale Arbus: I'm sorry, that name's not official yet. I wanted the Shower Daddy

Kurt Buckman: Shower Daddy is worse on pretty much every level so, yeah

Dale Arbus: Why would your buddy be in the shower with you?

Kurt Buckman: Why would your DAD?

Nick Hendricks: Don't scream on television.