Kurt Buckman Quotes in Horrible Bosses (2011)

Kurt Buckman: [last lines - out take] Wouldn't mind bending her over a barrel and showing her the fifty states, right?

Nick Hendricks: I don't know what that means.

Kurt Buckman: It's a phrase.

Nick Hendricks: I don't know think so.

Kurt Buckman: Yeah it is. Certainly it is. Definitely it is.

Nick Hendricks: Really?

Kurt Buckman: Yeah, it's from a movie.

Nick Hendricks: [negative head shake] uh, uh.

Kurt Buckman: It is now.

[looking into camera]

Nick Hendricks: Beautiful.

[winks at the camera]

Kurt Buckman: Are you a businessman?

Dean 'MF' Jones: Yeah. Motherfucker Jones.

Dean 'MF' Jones, Kurt Buckman: [shake hands] What's that?

Dean 'MF' Jones: Motherfucker Jones.

Dale Arbus: Your first name is... Motherfucker?

Dean 'MF' Jones: Not "motherfucker". "Motherfuckah". White people say "-er", Negroes say "fuck-ah". You say "er", I say "ah".

Kurt Buckman: C'mon! Let's do this! Think about Gam-Gam! Wouldn't she want her favorite grandson to be happy?

Nick Hendricks: She wouldn't want me to kill him.

Kurt Buckman: You gotta forget about Gam-Gam. She's dead. Move on.

Dean 'MF' Jones: First thing first, we gotta handle business.

Kurt Buckman: Mm-hmm.

Dean 'MF' Jones: I need five thousand dollars.

Kurt Buckman: No!

Dale Arbus: No!

Nick Hendricks: There's gonna be no more money.

Dale Arbus: No!

Dean 'MF' Jones: Two thousand?

Dale Arbus: No.

Nick Hendricks: Absolutely not.

Kurt Buckman: No way, Motherfucker. No.

Dean 'MF' Jones: [sighs in defeat] All right, look... pay for my drinks.

Dale Arbus: Pay for his drinks? Yeah.

[to Nick]

Dale Arbus: Pay for his drinks.

Nick Hendricks: I'll do that.

Dale Arbus: Not a very good negotiator.

Kurt Buckman: [after seeing a picture of Harken's Wife] I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states.

Bobby Pellitt: You're three hours late. What's the deal?

Kurt Buckman: I was at your father's funeral.

Bobby Pellitt: Uh huh. Well, maybe that excuse would have flown when my dad was here, but I'm in charge now.

Dale Arbus: [about Bobby Pellitt] Why would you put his whole bathroom in your ass?

Kurt Buckman: I didn't know I had DNA in my butt!

Dale Arbus: You're lying! You *know* there's DNA in your butt! You just like shoving shit in your ass, you fucking pervert!

Nick Hendricks: We are lawyering up, man. That's it.

Dale Arbus: I don't have money for a lawyer, okay! I bought a very expensive ring that I can't afford, then I gave the rest of my motherfucking money to Motherfucker Jones!

Kurt Buckman: That's who we should talk to.

Nick Hendricks: Sure. Why not? He's covered us this far, right? Five grand?

Dale Arbus: Five thousand... forty, with the briefcase.

Kurt Buckman, Nick Hendricks: Shut the fuck up about that case!

Kurt Buckman: Your father told me very clearly that he would rather die than save money and hurt people.

Bobby Pellitt: Well guess what, looks like we're right on schedule then.

Dale Arbus: [Talking to man on NavGuide] Hey I always wondered these kinds of things, but is your real name Gregory?

Atmanand: [in Indian accent] Um, no, sir. Standard NavGuide protocol is to use names American people find easy to pronounce. My real name is Atmanand.

Kurt Buckman: You know what, buddy, I'm not gonna play by the rules. I'm gonna call you Akmantad.

Nick Hendricks: Atmonent.

Atmanand: [slowly pronouncing] At-man-and.

Kurt Buckman: I'm just gonna call you Gregory cuz that name is a fuckin' nightmare, buddy, let me tell you.

Bobby Pellitt: You know what, I don't hear you giving... dickskin any shit.

Kurt Buckman: Dickskin? Nice.

Bobby Pellitt: Kiss ass.

Jack Pellit: Come on, come on.

Bobby Pellitt: Yeah, go on, in you go. Go on Gay boy!

Kurt Buckman: I'm not gay!

Bobby Pellitt: Please. I've seen gay boys. You're one of them.

Kurt Buckman: Yeah, where'd you see them.

Bobby Pellitt: In your house! Get in! I'm a green belt, motherfucker!

Nick Hendricks: I'm such a sucker! Harken was never gonna promote me...

Kurt Buckman: That coked up prick is gonna ruin Pellit Chemicals. He's just gonna fire everybody!

Dale Arbus: She stood there with her breasts, right in my face!

Kurt Buckman: ...Y'know, yours doesn't sound that bad.

Nick Hendricks: Where were you during the murder?

Kurt Buckman: I was making love. I was making love to a woman. You know... murdering some ass.

Kurt Buckman: Technically, I think it's immoral not to kill him.

Kurt Buckman: Oh shit! I broke a rock!

Kurt Buckman: You don't fucking punch the driver!

Nick Hendricks: Yeah, you don't punch the driver, man.

Dale Arbus: I'm coked out of my fucking head, I can punch whoever I want to!

Dale Arbus: Your ad said you do wetwork.

Wetwork Man: That is correct. I urinate on other men for money. Why else do you think my ad was in the "men seeking men" section?

Kurt Buckman: [to Dale] You fucking idiot!

Dale Arbus: We are MEN looking for another man!

[out take]

Kurt Buckman: [in reference to Bobby's house] This place is awful. It's like The Sharper Image took a shit in here.

Kurt Buckman: I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states.

Bobby Pellitt: [after tricking Kurt into firing Hank] This is an Accounting Department decision, my hands are tied. I'm sorry.

Kurt Buckman: [to Hank] This wasn't my idea.

Hank Preston: [dubious] Fuck... you... Kurt.

Kurt Buckman: Holy shit, he fight clubbed himself! We have a fight clubber!

Dave Harken: You options are.

Dale Arbus: Legal options.

Dave Harken: JACK SHIT.

Dale Arbus: I heard Jack Lebowitz is that an attorney I'm going to write that down Jack Lebowitz.

Kurt Buckman: Got to be can we get his contact info please.

Nick Hendricks: Well, we were all working at pretty terrible JOBS for some awful bosses and we just thought, if we ever got a chance to be our own bosses, that we'd do things differently

Kurt Buckman: Yeah, we came up with the Shower Buddy

Dale Arbus: I'm sorry, that name's not official yet. I wanted the Shower Daddy

Kurt Buckman: Shower Daddy is worse on pretty much every level so, yeah

Dale Arbus: Why would your buddy be in the shower with you?

Kurt Buckman: Why would your DAD?

Nick Hendricks: Don't scream on television.

Roz: Blanston, you don't have to say it.

Nick Hendricks: Roz, shut your mouth, please.

Julia Harris: Shut up and let him share. So you ate it.

Kurt Buckman: Please, say yes, please, say yes.

Nick Hendricks: You wanna know if I ate that dick?

Julia Harris: Did you suck that cock like a Bomb pop down to the blue?

Nick Hendricks: You want the answer?

Julia Harris: Give it to me!

Nick Hendricks: I ate that dick, I ate those balls and I licked that kid's sweaty asshole.

Julia Harris: Damn right you did because you are awesomely gay.

Nick Hendricks: I am super gay, never been straight. You know what else I've never been? Inside a woman!

Julia Harris: Meeting adjourned!

Nick Hendricks: Everybody out!

Roz: Son of a bitch!