Bertram Quotes in The Sandlot (1993)

Smalls: I was gonna put the ball back.

Squints: But it was signed by Babe Ruth!

Smalls: Yeah, you keep telling me that! Who is she?

Ham Porter: WHAT? WHAT?

Kenny: The sultan of swat!

Bertram: The king of crash!

Timmy: The colossus of clout!

Tommy: The colossus of clout!

All: BABE RUTH!

Ham Porter: THE GREAT BAMBINO!

Smalls: Oh my god! You mean that's the same guy?

All: YES!

Benny Rodriguez: Smalls, Babe Ruth is the greatest baseball player that ever lived. People say he was less than a god but more than a man. You know, like Hercules or something. That ball you just aced to The Beast is worth, well, more than your whole life.

Smalls: [Falls to the ground and clutches his stomach, groaning] I don't feel so good.

All: [Fanning Scott with their caps] Give him air, give him air.

[the Sandlot Kids and their arch-rivals come face-to-face]

Phillips: It's easy when you play with rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez.

Benny: Shut your mouth, Phillips!

Ham Porter: What'd you say, crap face?

Phillips: You shouldn't be allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game.

Ham Porter: Come on! We'll take you on, right here! Right now! Come on!

Sandlot Kids: Yeah!

Phillips: We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats.

Ham Porter: Watch it, jerk!

Phillips: Shut up, idiot!

Ham Porter: Moron!

Phillips: Scab eater!

Ham Porter: Butt sniffer!

Phillips: Pus licker!

Ham Porter: Fart smeller!

Bertram: [sniffs] Ahh.

Phillips: You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek!

Ham Porter: You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!

Sandlot Kids: Yeah!

Phillips: You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!

Ham Porter: You play ball like a giiirrrrrrrrl!

[entire group stands in shocked silence]

Phillips: What did you say?

Ham Porter: You heard me.

Phillips: Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath.

Ham Porter: Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!

Ham Porter: [mimicking Babe Ruth with a cigar in his mouth; can't understand him] Check this out. I'm the Great Bambino.

Sandlot Kids: What?

Ham Porter: [still can't understand him] I'm the Great Bambino!

Sandlot Kids: What?

Ham Porter: [takes cigar out of mouth] I'm the Great Bambino.

Sandlot Kids: Oh!

Smalls: Who's that?

Smalls: [narrating] I had no idea what they were talking about.

Ham Porter: What did he say?

Bertram: What? Were you born in a barn, man?

Yeah Yeah: Yeah yeah, what planet are you from?

Smalls: [narrating] But there was no *way* I could let them know.

Squints: You've never heard of the sultan of swat?

Kenny: The titan of terror.

Timmy: The colossus of clout!

Tommy: The colossus of clout!

Benny Rodriguez: The king of crash, man.

Smalls: [narrating] So, I lied.

Smalls: Oh! The Great Bambino. Of course. I thought you said the great Bambi.

Ham Porter: That wimpy deer?

Sandlot Kids: [after Wendy Peffercorn pulls Squints from the pool] Squints! Come on Squints!

Ham Porter: Come on Squints. Squints!

Timmy: Come on, Squints, come on!

Scotty Smalls: [shouts] Come on, Squints. You can do it! Pull through, bud!

Benny Rodriguez: Come on, man, come on!

Yeah Yeah: Yeah yeah, he looks pretty crappy.

Tommy: Squints! Come on man!

Bertram: My God, he looks like a dead fish.

Sandlot Kids: [Squints opens his eyes and smiles] *What*?

Wendy Peffercorn: [Squints kisses Wendy]

[muffled scream]

Wendy Peffercorn: *Ugh!* *Little pervert!*

Timmy: Aww, man, he's in deep *shit!*

Squints: the kid is a L7 weenie.

Yeah Yeah: yeah yeah, Oscar Myer even, footlong, dodger dog, a weenie!

All: ohhh haha

Benny Rodriguez: what are you laughing at Yeah Yeah? you run like a duck!

Yeah Yeah: kay kay, but I'm... I'm...

Benny Rodriguez: Part of the game right?

Yeah Yeah: mmm... Yeah?

Benny Rodriguez: Now how come he don't get to be?

Bertram: hes a geek man

All: he can't catch.

Benny Rodriguez: [looks back at smalls] Man base up you blockheads.