Assistant Director Quotes in Miss Congeniality (2000)

Karen "New York": I just want to let all the lesbians out there know: if I can make it to the top ten, so can you! Big out to Brooklyn! Yo!

Dave the Pageant Director: Get her off of there! Go to Stan!

Karen "New York": [to a girl in the audience] Tina, I love you, baby!

Tina: Oh, Karen! I love you, Karen!

Karen "New York": Yo, Tina! I love you, baby!

[Gracie, watching the scene, applauds, whoops, and nods in approval]

Stan Fields: And we'll be right back with our final five lesbians - interviews!

Dave the Pageant Director: Bumper, commercial, can we say lesbians?

Assistant Director: You got a problem with that?

Assistant Director: [after dismissing Harlow while on the phone wuth the casting director] Next time gimme a girl who isn't ashamed of her body.

[last lines]

Assistant Director: And... action!

Mark: Now, what about Richard? Historically we know that Richard was born with severe curvature of the spine. Thus giving the impression that he was hunch backed. There was some paralysis of the right foot and the left hand, Olivier chose to play the left foot and the right hand, God knows why. As well as nerve damage to the right cheek and the eyelids. I mean, the man was your basic gimp let's face it. All of which bring us, thanks to the wise and rich Mrs. Estelle Morganwise, to this production. Is that the way we want to play Richard? If you do then this director would just as soon do a six week stint on the Sonny and Cher Show. Richard the third was a flaming homosexual. So was Shakespere for that matter. But that angry mob at the Globe Theater wasn't about to plunk down two shillings to see a bunch of pansies jumping about on the stage. It was society that crippled Richard not childbirth. I mean, read your texts. He sent those two cute little boys up to the tower and nobody ever saw them again. I mean, we all know why, don't we? What I want to do here is to strip Richard bare, metaphorically. Let's get rid of the hump. Let's get rid of the twisted extremeties and show him for what he would be today. The queen who wanted to be king.

Mark: [sees Elliot raising his hand] Yes?

Elliot Garfield: Question. Are you serious?

Mark: Now, what's the objection Elliot?

Elliot Garfield: Well, number 1 I have to play it. Number 2 I like the hump and the club foot and number 3 I've been working on the part for 3 months.

Mark: And I respect that. I mean, that's why were here, isn't it? To exchange ideas. So, how do you see Richard, Mr. Macho?

Elliot Garfield: No, I don't think the guy's a linebacker for the Chicago Bears. But let's not throw away one of his prime motivations.

Mark: Oh, and what's that?

Elliot Garfield: He wants to hump Lady Anne!

Mark: Oh, yes. I've heard that before. Well, look, I'm not going to try and pressure you but let's just try it my way. Let's read through the first act. Trust me, please.

Assistant Director: Act one scene one...

Elliot Garfield: Uh, excuse me. Sorry. Just how far off the diving board do you want me to jump?

Mark: Well, don't give me Bette Midler, but let's not be afraid to be bold.

Elliot Garfield: Bold.

Mark: Bold.

Assistant Director: Act one, scene one, enter Richard Duke of Glochester.

Elliot Garfield: Now is the winter of our discontent... Sorry, one minute. Now is the winter...

Elliot Garfield: [Very effeminate] Now ith the winter of our dithcontent... may I have a 5 minute break please?

Mark: Five minutes.

Assistant director: [Seeing an extra having a false beard applied by a make-up man] Is that beard supposed to be Russian? It looks like an ad for cough drops!