Stan Fields Quotes in Miss Congeniality (2000)

Stan Fields: Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a perfect date.

Cheryl "Rhode Island": That's a tough one. I'd have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.

Stan Fields: What is the one most important thing our society needs?

Gracie Hart: That would be harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan.

[crowd is silent]

Gracie Hart: And world peace!

[crowd cheers ecstatically]

Stan Fields: Thank you, Gracie Lou.

Gracie Hart: And thank *you*, Stan.

[Gracie walks offstage]

Victor Melling: That was charming. Are you drunk?

Gracie Hart: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go unscrew my smile!

Kathy Morningside: Of course he had a gun. This is Texas, everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun!

Stan Fields: I don't have a gun. My ancestors were Quakers.

Karen "New York": I just want to let all the lesbians out there know: if I can make it to the top ten, so can you! Big out to Brooklyn! Yo!

Dave the Pageant Director: Get her off of there! Go to Stan!

Karen "New York": [to a girl in the audience] Tina, I love you, baby!

Tina: Oh, Karen! I love you, Karen!

Karen "New York": Yo, Tina! I love you, baby!

[Gracie, watching the scene, applauds, whoops, and nods in approval]

Stan Fields: And we'll be right back with our final five lesbians - interviews!

Dave the Pageant Director: Bumper, commercial, can we say lesbians?

Assistant Director: You got a problem with that?

Stan Fields: Prepare for what promises to be a day of astounding musical, theatrical, and dancing talent. And after I'm finished you can see the ladies!

Kathy Morningside: I would much rather cancel the show than have my girls blown up.

Stan Fields: Especially without their knowledge.

Stan Fields: And we'll be right back with our five final lesbians - interviews!

[at the pageant breakfast]

Stan Fields: As you know, I'll be retiring this year.

[everyone moans in sympathy]

Mary Jo Wright, Miss Texas: Oh, he's not retiring. I spoke to him this morning, the poor man blurted out the whole thing. They're firing him. Going for someone newer and younger. I hope it's Ricky Martin.

Eric Matthews: We recently discovered some information about the winner from New Jersey.

Gracie Hart: And her performance in a little film called "Arma-get-it-on."

Stan Fields: Was that her?

Stan Fields: [trying to escape the Treasure Island Ship] There's a cannon in my porthole!

Gracie Hart: I've got you. Can you swim?

Stan Fields: Can I swim? I made junior lifesaver at Camp Mondago. I was captain of the miniature golf team.