Eric Matthews Quotes in Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Eric Matthews Quotes:

  • Eric Matthews: This earpiece lets you hear anybody on our frequencies, and they can hear you.

    Gracie Hart: Don't need that, with all this foil in my hair I'm getting HBO.

  • Eric Matthews: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.

    Gracie Hart: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.

    Eric Matthews: Funny, me too.

  • Eric Matthews: Hart, listen to me. I've waited five years to run my own op. You think I'd blow it on the wrong girl?

    Gracie Hart: No no no, I know the only reason you picked me was because I was the only one who looked half decent in a bikini and wasn't on maternity leave.

    Eric Matthews: No, that's why they *let* me pick you. You wanna know why I picked you?

    Gracie Hart: Lost a bet?

    Eric Matthews: Because you're smart. Because you don't take any crap from people. You're funny. You're easy to talk to when you're not armed. Look, give yourself a break. Cut Vic and the other pagent ladies some slack cause if they ever get a chance to see what I see then... they're gonna love you.

  • Eric Matthews: Just imagine that she's me and there's something you wanna know but I don't wanna talk about it. What would you do?

    Gracie Hart: You want me to beat it out of her?

  • [arguing about Gracie's contract on providing a talent]

    Eric Matthews: Listen to me, you old fruitcake!

    Victor Melling: How dare you, you cupcake!

  • Eric Matthews: Operation "Thong" has commenced.

    Gracie Hart: Why don't you stun-gun yourself?

    Eric Matthews: I knew she'd like that one.

  • [Gracie pulls earpiece out of her ear]

    Eric Matthews: Wo wo wo. Wait a minute, what are you doing? Put that back in your ear.

    Gracie Hart: I can't talk girl talk with a guy in my head! I can't even do it with me in my head!

  • Eric Matthews: Maybe we could have dinner, you know?

    Gracie Hart: What? You, like, asking me on a date?

    Eric Matthews: No! Just casual dinner... If we happen to have sex afterwards so be it!

  • Eric Matthews: You took your earpiece out! Vic needs you, now!

    Gracie Hart: Eric, I haven't slept in two days!

    Eric Matthews: I'll give you a cookie.

    Gracie Hart: [mumbling to herself] It better be a big one.

  • Eric Matthews: Don't look at me like I betrayed you.

    Gracie Hart: No, betrayal implies an action, you just stood there!

  • Gracie Hart: Where am I gonna keep my gun?

    Eric Matthews: Nowhere I wanna know about!

  • Victor Melling: This woman has no talent!

    Eric Matthews: Geez Vic! You don't gotta shout it out in front of her!

  • Eric Matthews: What do you say, Hart?

    Gracie Hart: No freakin' way.

    Eric Matthews: Sparky, why not?

    Gracie Hart: Cause I'm not gonna parade around in a swimsuit like some airhead bimbo that goes by the name, what, Gracie Lou Freebush and all she wants is world peace?

    Eric Matthews: It won't be like that. Come on, you're an important member of the undercover team.

    Gracie Hart: Yeah, right, in a thong.

  • [after Eric pulls Gracie into the pool]

    Gracie Hart: Oh, Vic's gonna kill you. You in big trouble.

    Eric Matthews: You look good wet.

    Gracie Hart: Shut up!

  • Eric Matthews: Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it.

  • [after McDonald sees himself in a bikini on the computer]

    Eric Matthews: We were just looking for someone to go undercover at the pageant.

    McDonald: And I'm the best we have. That doesn't inspire much confidence.

  • Eric Matthews: All right, here's your new IDs. For pageant identity.

    Gracie Hart: [looking at hers] Gracie Lou Freebush?

    Eric Matthews: Yeah, remember, you like that name.

    Gracie Hart: Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped ten points.

  • Victor Melling: He's with me.

    Eric Matthews: I'm not "with him" with him, you know? It's not like...

    Victor Melling: Come on, muffin!

  • Gracie Hart: You know what...

    [grabs Eric in a headlock]

    Gracie Hart: Pull this off! What, is it because Macdonald hates me?

    Eric Matthews: He doesn't hate you!

    Gracie Hart: Is it some woman thing?

    [Eric knocks her to the floor]

    Eric Matthews: Don't kid yourself! Nobody thinks of you that way!

    [Gracie trips him and sits on his back, holding him down]

    Gracie Hart: He's punishing me, isn't he?

    Eric Matthews: [under Gracie] Look, I had to beg him to let you do this!

    Gracie Hart: What?

    Eric Matthews: Yeah, like it or not you screwed up, pal!

    [they roll over attacking each other]

    Gracie Hart: [Sitting on Eric again] This may come as a shock to you but I've never been in a beauty pageant before! I don't even own a dress! I don't even own a brush!

    [They roll around again]

    Eric Matthews: [with Gracie's thighs squeezing his head] Which part o' that is supposed to shock me?

    [Gracie slams her thighs against his head and they roll over on the floor again]

    Gracie Hart: [Eric's feet squeezing her face] Jesus! Let's just swing reality for like a second! I have to do everything like the big hair, and the makeup...

    Eric Matthews: Damn right! The spinning, the twirling, the smiling...

    Gracie Hart: [out of breath] So you're saying... I have to wear... the bathing suit?

  • Agent Clonsky: McDonald called. He saw Hart's little anti-smoking commercial, he's on his way down.

    Eric Matthews: Oh, good, perfect, because I'd hate for him to fire me over the phone!

  • Eric Matthews: We recently discovered some information about the winner from New Jersey.

    Gracie Hart: And her performance in a little film called "Arma-get-it-on."

    Stan Fields: Was that her?

  • Eric Matthews: Why don't just you shut up?

    Gracie Hart: Why? You're shutting up enough for both of us.

  • Eric Matthews: You're not Jigsaw, bitch!

  • Jigsaw: And what about the other test subjects?

    Amanda: What about 'em?

    Jigsaw: Is that how you felt about them? Is that how you felt about Eric Matthews?

    Amanda: Eric Matthews? I'll tell you how I felt about Eric Matthews. Eric Matthews learned NOTHING from your test. He was the SAME person he was and he arrested me, and he framed me when he took me DOWN!

    [flashback]

    Eric Matthews: Where is he, you junkie bitch? You're not Jigsaw, bitch!

  • [first lines]

    Amanda: Game over.

    Eric Matthews: I'll fucking kill you! You fucking bitch! You fucking bitch! I'll fucking kill you!

    [screams hopelessly]

  • John: Those who don't appreciate life do not deserve life.

    Eric Matthews: My son appreciates his life.

    John: But do you appreciate yours? Do you appreciate your son's?

  • John: Can you imagine what it feels like to have someone sit you down and tell you that you're dying? The gravity of that, hmm? Then the clock's ticking for you. In a split second your awe is cracked open. You look at things differently - smell things differently. You savor everything be it a glass of water or a walk in the park.

    Eric Matthews: The clock is ticking, John.

    John: But most people have the luxury of not knowing when that clock's going to go off. And the irony of it is that that keeps them from really living their life. It keeps them drinking that glass of water but never really tasting it.

  • Eric Matthews: You seem to know a whole lot about me.

    John: I know you were once considered a fearless police officer. Do you feel a whole lot safer now that you only sit behind a desk?

    Eric Matthews: I feel a whole lot of things right now.

    John: But you feel alive. That's what you feel, and that's the point.

  • Amanda: What is the cure for Cancer, Eric? The cure for death itself. The answer is immortality. By creating a legacy, by living a life worth remembering, you become immortal. So now we find the tables are turned. It is I who will carry on John's work after he dies, and you are my first test subject. Now you are locked away, helpless and alone.

    [Appears at door frame]

    Amanda: Game Over.

    [She slams to door shut]

    Eric Matthews: [Screaming at Amanda] Daniel! Daniel! You Fucking Bitch! I'll Fucking kill you! You Fucking Bitch!... You Fucking Bitch! I'll fucking kill you! Noooooooo, Nooooooo! Help! Nooooo...

  • John: The jigsaw piece that I cut from my subjects was only ever meant to be a symbol that that subject was missing something. A vital piece of the human puzzle. The survival instinct.

    Eric Matthews: This is all really, really interesting, John. But right now I'd really like for you to talk to me.

    John: I am talking to you. You're not listening.

  • Eric Matthews: Okay. Let's talk.

    John: Sit down, Eric.

    [coughs]

    John: I want to play a game. The rules are simple. All you have to do is sit here and talk to me. Listen to me. If you do that long enough you will find your son in a safe and secure state. We haven't been properly introduced. My name is John.

    Eric Matthews: Thought you liked to be called Jigsaw.

    John: No.

    [laughs]

    John: It was the police and the press who coined the nickname Jigsaw. I never once encouraged or claimed that. The jigsaw piece I cut from my subjects was only ever meant to be a symbol that that subject was missing something. A vital piece of the human puzzle. The survival instinct.

    Eric Matthews: This is all really, really interesting John. But right now I's really like for you to talk to me about...

    John: [interrupts] I am talking to you! You're not listening. Don't forget the rules.

  • John: Since when has force been a problem for you? Why are you so desperate to get your son back?

    Eric Matthews: 'Cause he's my son...

    John: What's the last thing you said to him before you left him?

    Eric Matthews: [flashback]

    [shouts]

    Eric Matthews: Well, then, go!

    John: Seems to me that the knowledge of your sons impending death is causing you to act... Why is that we're only willing to do that, when a life is at stake?

    Eric Matthews: I've always loved my son, it has never changed

    John: No... no... It's changed now. You see, the knowledge of death... changes everything. If I were to tell you the exact date and time of your death... it would shatter everything.

  • Eric Matthews: Where to now?

  • Eric Matthews: [to John] You think cancer is an excuse for what you do?

  • [last lines]

    Eric Matthews: You fucking bitch! I'll fucking kill you! you fucking bitch! I'll fucking kill you!

    [screams hopelessly]

  • Eric Matthews: Hey, is this close enough?

    Rigg: Get his ass out of here...

    John: Actually, I will need to remain here while you deal with your problem, Detective Matthews

    Eric Matthews: What problem?

    John: The problem in that room.

  • Eric Matthews: You mother fucker where is he? Where is he?

    John: Where is he? That's a problem you're going to have to solve before it's too late. He has about, two hours, until the gas creeping into his nervous system begins to break down his body tissue, and he begins to bleed from every orifice he has. Oh yes, there will be blood.

  • Eric Matthews: I swear, if I don't see my son. I'll rip your fucking head off!

    John: I don't intend to mock you officer but I'm a cancer patient. How could YOU possibly put me in more pain than I'm already in?

  • John: [as Eric is destroying Jigsaw's drawings and blueprints] How will you get a conviction without all this evidence?

    Eric Matthews: I don't need this shit to convict you.

    John: Go ahead. Destroy it. We both know the sort of person you are. The sort of person who guns down an unarmed suspect. The sort of person who plants evidence in order to obtain a conviction. The sort of person whose wife leaves him and whose son hates him.

    Eric Matthews: Shut the fuck up!

  • Kerry: I am the one who has been working on this case from day one. I have been spending every waking moment piecing it together.

    Rigg: Maybe that's why you ain't got a goddamn family for yourself and you can't understand what this man is going through.

    Eric Matthews: I don't want to talk to him.

    Kerry: You already lost your son one time before because you got involved with me. It's not going to happen again.

    Rigg: This is bullshit! What are we going to do?

    Kerry: Just humor him. Buy us a little more time. You can win this Eric. You can beat him.

  • Eric Matthews: Where is this goddamn tech team?

    Kerry: They'll be here any second.

    Rigg: I'm not listening to this anymore. Another second is too fucking long!

    Kerry: I know how this guy works, okay? He's playing a game. Eric just needs to stay in it a little bit longer.

    Rigg: Take a look at the clock.

    [points to the timer]

    Rigg: You need to start thinking out the box or else his son is going to end up in one.

Browse more character quotes from Miss Congeniality (2000)

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