Airport Security Officer Quotes in This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

[Derek Smalls sets off a metal detector at the airport]

Airport Security Officer: Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?

Derek Smalls: Er, not really.

Narrator: Was it ticking?

Airport Security Officer: Actually throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.

Narrator: Sorry, throwers?

Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.

Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?

Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while...

[whispering]

Airport Security Officer: it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

Narrator: I don't own...

[Officer waves Narrator off]