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All my life there's always been an ex-wife or a girlfriend. -- Ronnie Wood
I still love my former wife, I won't call her my ex-wife. -- Dave Pelzer
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. -- Shelley Winters
You may have even an ex-wife or an ex-husband, but you can never have ex-children. -- George Foreman
It helps to be able to be alone. 'Cuz writing is done alone, unless you collaborate, but I don't do that. Ask my ex-wife. -- Dirk Benedict
The drink? Yes, I've had tough times in my life, especially the last year, regarding my ex-wife, my kids, I nearly broke my neck, I was on death row with pneumonia. -- Paul Gascoigne
I play, in real life, Kim, who is actually Marshall Mathers ex-wife as of now. She lies and says she is pregnant because she really wants to keep him and he figures her out. -- Taryn Manning
Someone called all the newspapers in New York and told them I'd died. I've been told by almost everyone it was an ex-wife - I've had a few so it's hard to pinpoint which one - but who knows for sure? -- Richard Pryor
I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife. -- Jarod Kintz
I built my ex wife a Castle of Love, and she dug a moat and filled it with sharks and lawyers. Oh well, at least I got to keep the unicorn. -- Jarod Kintz
I'm on a search for my future ex-wife. -- Richie Sambora
I want my ex-wife and children to be happy. -- Scott Weiland
I love my wife to death. I mean my ex-wife. -- Stewart Rahr
I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order. -- Sam Kinison
You don't particularly want to stay close to your ex-wife. Or why would she be your ex-wife? -- Ian McShane
Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him. -- David Letterman
I can't go too much into my domestic life because there are ex-wives ready to do me in. -- Frank McCourt
Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife. -- Bruce Lansky
Losing is like my ex-wife... it's a b****, and it takes a bigger man than me to live with it. -- Don Frye
A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. -- Woody Allen
A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. -- Woody Allen
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. -- Lee Trevino
I'm somebody's ex-wife, and I did things that drove him nuts. And now I'm somebody's girlfriend, for many years, and I've got different things that drive him nuts. -- Nicole Holofcener
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My father's very public life as Famous Amos was the opposite of that of his ex-wife, my mother Shirley, who was fighting a very private, solitary battle with mental illness. -- Shawn Amos
What women look for in a man: Breathing, IQ over 80, weight under 550 pounds, fewer than six ex-wives. What men look for in a woman: Pia Zadora as she was ten years ago. -- Cathy Crimmins
You ask me about my ex-wife? That is not polite. But I will answer. I got another wife now. Much younger, much nicer, much prettier. And so much more intelligent than Benetton.' -- Oliviero Toscani
You will not easily get a man to believe that his carnal love for the woman he has made his wife is as high a love as that he feltfor his mother or sister. -- D. H. Lawrence
And me having kids, with my family history? My mom: mentally ill, shot and killed her last husband. My father: six ex-wives, four heart attacks. Both of my parents think alcohol is a food group. -- Christopher Titus
My parents, my teachers, my friends, my ex-wife-everybody held up a mirror and I accepted the image that came back. Well, it finally dawned on me that my reflection in others' eyes was the truth once removed. -- Richard Moran
Tonight was the CNN primary debate with the four remaining candidates. It was kind of a change for Newt Gingrich. Usually when he's arguing with three people at once, it's his wife, his ex-wife, and his mistress. -- Jay Leno
For me, my films are not like my children. They are like my ex-wife. They gave me so much; I gave them so much; I loved them so much; we part ways, and it's OK, we part ways. -- Alfonso Cuaron
When you gotta go out and make a movie to pay for the kid's private school and for the three ex-wives, don't talk to me about your artistry. It's their job. It's not my job. It's my calling. -- Quentin Tarantino
I talked to ex-wives of musicians of the '70s for research. They're the funniest people in the world, yet there is this sad, beautiful thing in their eyes that says they've seen more than they could ever possibly tell you -- Kate Hudson
I've always been a person who tries to build bridges and not walls. Whether it's my ex-wife and my step-son, or my daughter and my ex, I'm that guy in the middle, and I try to make sure we all stay together. -- Chad Coleman
I had one of the best days of my life. I spent the afternoon with my two kids and my ex-wife at Serendipity. Then I came to the theater, and you know, I think I did the play the best I've ever done it. -- Gabriel Byrne
I had one of the best days of my life. I spent the afternoon with my two kids and my ex-wife at Serendipity. Then I came to the theater, and you know, I think I did the play the best Ive ever done it. -- Gabriel Byrne
My wife - an ex journalist and current TV producer - has a rule that she taught me at the start of B3ta. Does the item make you laugh, or does it make you go, 'Oh my God?' If you score on either count, then you have something that is worth sharing. -- Rob Manuel
There was a man named Robert Dear who in court said he was a warrior for the babies, whose ex-wife talked about his Christian beliefs motivating his desire to attack and murder three people, including a police officer, in Colorado.That man is a Christian. He`s an avowed Christian. He appears to have acted on those Christian beliefs to undertake that act of violence. -- Chris Hayes
She (my ex-wife) wanted me to stop being Evel Knievel. I am who I am. I'm not going to change. I'll settle down the day they put me in a six-foot pine box. -- Evel Knievel
She sounds like a screeching ex-wife. -- Rush Limbaugh
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife -- Shelley Winters
I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. -- Woody Allen
There is no fury like an ex-wife searching for a new lover. -- Cyril Connolly
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud. -- Rodney Dangerfield
If a tree falls in the forest and kills your ex-wife, what do you do with the lumber? -- Neil S. Plakcy
My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf. -- Bruce Lansky
An ex-wife is a woman with a crick in the neck from looking back over her shoulder at her matrimony. -- Ursula Parrott
My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez. -- James Woods
An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country. -- Helen Rowland
My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist. -- Woody Allen
I said, "It seems like you have fond feelings towrd your ex-wife. Are you two still close?" "Nah," he said casually. "She thinks I changed my name to motherfucker. -- Elizabeth Gilbert
Apparently, there's something hinky about the new iPhones. They're not hooked up right. There's a problem with the antenna. They don't like to be held - like my ex-wife. -- David Letterman
To his ex-wife in court, he said I lost interest in you when the Botox lost its effect and you looked like a plastic doll that escaped from a fire. -- Peter Jackson
If you really want to know why atheists resent religion so much, try lying to someone for 10-20 years. If you don't have that kind of time, just ask my ex-wife. -- Captain Perverto

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