Tim Quotes in Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Tim: Your foster parents are kinda dicks, huh?

Kelly O'Brien: You know, when I was your age, I used to have these awful nightmares.

Molly: It was real.

Tim: [walks up to window] See? No monster.

[an Alien jumps through the window and attacks Tim]

Tim: [referring to EDI] He a... downloads songs from the web.

Lt. Ben Gannon: Yeah, how many?

Tim: All of them.

Lt. Ben Gannon: [laughs] Well you're in a pack of trouble with the record companies there, son.

[Gil takes a bat and begins to head down to his son in the batters box]

Gil Renard: [Gil looks for a bat talking to himself] Look at this, the bat is too heavy.

Tim: [Tim tries to stop Gil from going on the field] Come on.

Gil Renard: [Gil turns around and holds the bat up at Tim] Don't fuck with me! I'll send your head into the outfield!

[Gil picks up his son and says hi to Ellen's boyfriend]

Tim: Hey, Gil.

Gil Renard: Hey, Ted. Lose your job?

Tim: [Tim smiles] It's my day off. And it's Tim.

Tim: Shit! What the hell are those?

Tim: You're in trouble. You're in trouble.

Rufus: Do you think we're playing games kid? This is for real.

Tim: So is this.

Reggie: Thanks kid, I owe you one.

Tim: Two. By my count you owe me two.

Tim: Well I'd rather be partnered up with a foreigner, than with a butt-pirate.

[Kerry flips Tim off]

Deke: Well at least you know a butt-pirate's gonna watch your ass.

[They all laugh]

Tim: That means they only eat vegetables, but for you, I think they'd make an exception.

Tim: [after climbing down the tree to escape the falling car] I hate trees!

Lex: They don't bother me.

Tim: Oh yeah? Well, you weren't in the last one!

Tim: [after the tour car falls upside down on them at the bottom of the tree] Well... we're back... in the car again.

Dr. Alan Grant: Well, at least you're out of the tree.

Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Dr. Alan Grant: I don't know. What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus.

Dr. Alan Grant: Ha ha. Good one.

Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?

Dr. Alan Grant: You got me.

Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus Rex.

Dr. Alan Grant: [finding egg shells] Oh my God. Do you know what this is? This is a dinosaur egg. The dinosaurs are breeding.

Tim: But Grandpa said all the dinosaurs were girls.

Dr. Alan Grant: Amphibian DNA.

Lex: What's that?

Dr. Alan Grant: Well, on the tour, the film said they used frog DNA to fill in the gene sequence gaps. They mutated the dinosaur genetic code and blended it with that of a frog's. Now, some West African frogs have been known to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment. Malcolm was right. Look...

[we see a trail of baby dinosaur footprints]

Dr. Alan Grant: Life found a way.

Dr. Alan Grant: [Grant throws a branch at the inert perimeter fence] I guess that means the power's off.

[Grant grabs the fence, pretending to be electrocuted and Lex and Tim scream]

Lex: [Grant smiles at Lex and Tim] That's not funny.

Tim: [laughing] That was great.

Lex: He's gonna eat the goat?

Tim: Excellent!

Donald Gennaro: What's the matter, kid? You never had lamb chops?

Lex: I happen to be a vegetarian.

Lex: [Grant and the kids are climbing the perimeter fence] Timmy, I bet I can climb over the top and get on the other side before you can even get to the top.

Tim: What would you give me?

Lex: Respect.

Dr. Alan Grant: [looking at a dinosaur herd] Tim. Tim, can you tell me what they are?

Tim: They're, Gal... uh... uh, Galli... uh, Gallimimus.

Lex: Are those... meat-eating... uh, meatasauruses?

Dr. Alan Grant: [the dinosaurs change direction] The wheel uniform changes just like a flock of birds evading a predator.

Tim: They're, uh... they're flocking this way.

Donald Gennaro: [Tim pops up wearing a pair of night vision goggles] Hey, where'd you find that?

Tim: In a box under my seat.

Donald Gennaro: Are they heavy?

Tim: Yeah.

Donald Gennaro: Then they're expensive, put 'em back.

Tim: I threw up.

Dr. Alan Grant: Oh, well that's OK. Give me your hand.

[Tim refuses to move from the car]

Dr. Alan Grant: Tim, I won't tell anyone you threw up, just... just give me your hand.

Lex: I'm a hacker!

Tim: That's what I said: you're a nerd.

Lex: I am not a computer nerd. I prefer to be called a hacker!

Dr. Alan Grant: Its just like climbing down from a treehouse. Did your Dad ever build you a treehouse?

Tim: No.

Dr. Alan Grant: No, dammit!

Lex: [after being sneezed on by a Brachiosaur] Yuck!

Tim: Oh, great. Now she'll never try anything anymore. She'll just sit in her room, and never come out, and play on her computer.

Tim: [Tim hears a distant rumble] You feel that?

Donald Gennaro: [Gennaro can hear it now, and sees the interior mirror in the tour car quiver with each rumble] Maybe its the power trying to come back on?

Lex: [another rumble] What is that?

[Tim looks through the goggles and sees the goat in the T-Rex paddock is gone, the chain still swinging]

Lex: Where's the goat?

[a leg from the goat lands on the roof of the car]

Donald Gennaro: [the T-Rex is holding onto an inert electric fence, than swallows the remainder of the goat and looks at the tour car] Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!

[Gennaro gets out the car]

Lex: He left us! He left us!

Lex: I like cows.

[to a Brachiosaur]

Lex: Come on, girl. I'm here, girl. Come on.

[the Brachiosaur sneezes on Lex]

Tim: God bless you!

Lex: [a Brachiosaur eats from the tree Grant, Lex and Tim are sleeping in] Go away!

Dr. Alan Grant: It's OK. It's OK. It's a Brachiosaur.

Tim: It's a veggiesaurus Lex! Veggiesaurus!

Lex: Veggie!

Lex: [Brachiosaurs hearing Grant imitate they're singing look up in his direction] Sh. Sh. Don't let the monsters come over here.

Dr. Alan Grant: They're not monsters, Lex. They're just animals. And these are herbivores.

Tim: That means they only eat vegetables, but for you I think they'd make an exception.

Tim: I read your book!

Tim: Look at all the blood!

Tim: [a Brachiosaur] It looks like it has a cold.

Dr. Alan Grant: Yeah, maybe.

Gru: I have accepted a new job.

Margo: Whoa! Really?

Gru: Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!

Edith: You're gonna be a spy?

Gru: *That's* right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!

Edith: [amazed] Awesome!

Agnes: Are you really gonna save the world?

Gru: [coolly] Yes.

[puts on a pair of sunglasses]

Gru: Yes, I am.

Dave: [copies him] Mocha!

Tim: [wearing an old Dutch beard and tie] Cacao!

Stuart: [dresses like Pippi Longstocking] Papadum? Eh,

[chuckles]

Tim: There he is!

King Arthur: Where?

Tim: There!

King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit?

Tim: It *is* the rabbit!

King Arthur: You silly sod!

Tim: What?

King Arthur: You got us all worked up!

Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.

King Arthur: Ohh.

Tim: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!

Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.

Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?

Sir Robin: You manky Scots git!

Tim: I'm warning you!

Sir Robin: What's he do? Nibble your bum?

Tim: He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!

King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

King Arthur: Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder?

Tim: There are some who call me... Tim.

Sir Galahad: Zoot!

Dingo: No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.

[He tried to get past her]

Dingo: Where are you going?

Sir Galahad: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!

Dingo: Oh, no! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!

Sir Galahad: What is it?

Dingo: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I've just remembered, is Grail shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.

Sir Galahad: It's not the real Grail?

Dingo: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a bad person, and she must pay the penalty!

[Turns to camera]

Dingo: Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now we're glad! It's better than some of the previous scenes I think.

Left Head: At least ours was better visually.

Dennis: At least ours was committed, it wasn't just a string of pussy jokes.

Bridgekeeper: Get on with it.

Tim: Yes! Get on with it!

Army: Yeah! Get on with it!

Dingo: Oh, I am enjoying this scene!

God: Get on with it!

Tim: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor! For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it... and lived! BONES of full fifty men lie *strewn* about its lair! So! Brave knights! If you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth...

[Makes fangs with his fingers and holds them in front of his mouth]

King Arthur: What an eccentric performance.

[after Bors is killed by the killer rabbit]

Tim: I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little *bunny*, isn't it?

[to Tim who's in a tree]

Geronimo: You're gonna have to come down sometime.

Tim: I'm gonna have to pee sometime and I know where I'll be aimin'.

[the Carrick boys back away]

Tim: They're off.

Tim: What happened?

Fishy: Geronimo. He said I looked too pleased with myself.

Fergus: Have you finished scrubbin' the paint off the old chaple board?

Geronimo: And what would you know about scrubbin'? You dirty bunch of knackers.

Gorilla: Knacker socks.

Carrick Boy: Does our mammy still wash your socks in the kitchen sink?

Carrick Boy: He doesnt have a kitchen sink.

Gorilla: Here come over to Carrickdowse and we'll lend you a bath.

Fergus: A bath, does it have your rubber ducky in it Gorilla?

Tim: Does your mommy still powder your bum? You big girl's blouse.

Arthur: [pulling potions from his backpack] What the...? They're all purple!

Natalie: I mixed in Kool-aid.

Arthur: No!

Natalie: I didn't open the black one.

Tim: You don't just mix Kool-Aid with potions! That's how you tell, like, uh, which one's which!

Natalie: Ever heard of labels?

Arthur: We'll split up.

Tim: Can I go with you?

Arthur: Yeah, except that will kind of ruin the whole "splitting up" thing.

Tim: I gotta get home. I'm behind in my science fair project, and I've got a book report due tomorrow, and this is...

Arthur: Wait-wait-wait. What's the book?

Tim: Um... Oh, Watership Down.

Arthur: And how far did you get?

Tim: There's a rabbit on the cover.

Arthur: I read that book last year.

Tim: Yeah?

Arthur: Yeah. It's about these rabbits. They live in a hotel.

Tim: You mean it?

Arthur: Yeah, and they're twins. Their names are Zack and Cody.

Tim: Whadda you think it is? A werewolf? A vampire? Maybe... maybe a minotaur?

Natalie: There's no such thing as minotaurs. They're mythological.

Tim: My myth-take.

[Shane mentions having vivid dreams of trolls and dragons back when he was in rehab]

Tim: Maybe you had ESP.

Shane: Kid, they didn't have cable.

Tim: I suppose you'll be needing a room.

Nicci Lopez: Yes, I will.

Tim: I didn't get the name, sir.

Nicci Lopez: Oh, Lopez.

Tim: Oh-Lopez. O'Lopez! Another Irishman.

Tim: [about "Blackbird"] That's my special song! My parents wrote it just for me.

Boss Baby: Your parents are Lennon and McCartney?

Tim: Who ARE you?

Boss Baby: I'm the *boss*.

Tim: Long Island doesn't know how to make an iced tea.

Tim: [from trailer]

[about the baby]

Tim: Look at him! He wears a suit...

Mother: He's like a little man!

Tim: He carries a briefcase! Does no one else think that's, oh, I don't know, a little freaky?

Tim: You can talk!

Boss Baby: Ah, goo goo ga ga.

Tim: No, you can really talk!

Boss Baby: Fine! I can talk. Now let's see if you can listen. Give me a double espresso and find a place around here with good sushi, I KILL for a spicy tuna roll right about now.

[gives Tim some money]

Boss Baby: Get yourself a little somethin'.

Tim: Can't we just share?

Boss Baby: You really didn't go to business school, did you?

Boss Baby: I can't do this without you.

Tim: Yeah, we DO make a pretty good team.

Boss Baby: No really... I can't reach the doorknobs.

Tim: [regarding Baby Corp] So this whole place is run by babies?

Boss Baby: Yep.

Tim: My dad says "Those who can, do. And those who can't, supervise."

Boss Baby: Your father was a hippie.

Tim: You can't be fired from your own family. Can you?

Tim: [to Boss Baby] What if you go baby again?

Boss Baby: Don't worry. I'll be fine.

[Goes into normal baby mode]

Boss Baby: Fine, fine, fine...

[Slaps]

Boss Baby: ... fine!

Tim: [voiceover] We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride.

Tim: [voiceover] And in the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did. The truth is I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day. I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.

Tim: [voiceover] And so he told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two-part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.

Tim: [voiceover] But then came part two of Dad's plan. He told me to live every day again almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time noticing. Okay, Dad. Let's give it a go.

Tim: [voiceover] There's a song by Baz Luhrmann called Sunscreen. He says worrying about the future is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life will always be things that never crossed your worried mind.

Tim: Mum, this is Mary.

Mum: Mary! Good Lord, you're pretty.

Mary: Oh, no. It's just... I've got a lot of mascara and lipstick on.

Mum: Let's have a look.

Mary: [presents her face]

Mum: Oh, yes. Good. It's very bad for a girl to be too pretty. It stops her developing a sense of humor. Or a personality.

Tim: [voiceover] No one can ever prepare you for what happens when you have a child. When you see the baby in your arms and you know that it's your job now. No one can prepare you for the love and the fear.

Mary: Actually, I look like Kate Moss.

Tim: Really?

Mary: No, I sort of look like a squirrel.

Tim: Do you like Kate Moss?

Mary: I absolutely love her! In fact, I almost wore one of her dresses here tonight. You?

Tim: No, no. Her clothes look terrible on me.

[Tim has just learned his dad is dying of cancer]

Tim: It's just... I though with the time thing...

Dad: No, I never said we could fix things. I specifically never said that. Life's a mixed bag, no matter who you are. Look at Jesus: he was the son of a God, for God's sake and look how that turned out.

Tim: I know... You must see I feel a bit cheated.

Dad: Don't. In fact, feel the opposite. The only people who give up work at 50 are the time travelers with cancer who want to play more table tennis with their sons.

Tim: [voiceover] Lesson Number One: All the time traveling in the world can't make someone love you.

Tim: I thought this phone was old, and suddenly it's my most valuable possession.

Mary: You really like me? Even my frock?

Tim: I love your frock.

Mary: And, um, my hair. It's not too brown?

Tim: I love brown.

Mary: My fringe is new.

Tim: Your fringe is perfect. Fringe is the best bit.

[first lines]

Tim: [voiceover] I always knew we were a fairly odd family. First there was me. Too tall, too skinny, too orange. My mum was lovely, but not like other mums. There was something solid about her. Something rectangular, busy and unsentimental. Her fashion icon was the queen. Dad, well, he was more normal. He always seemed to have time on his hands. After giving up teaching university students on his 50th birthday, he was eternally available for a leisurely chat or to let me win at table tennis.

Tim: [voiceover] And then there was mum's brother, Uncle Desmond. Always impeccably dressed. He spent the days just, well, being Uncle Desmond. He was the most charming and least clever man you could ever meet. His mind was on other things, though we never found out what. And then, finally there was Catherine. Katie. Kit Kat. My sister. In a household of sensible jackets and haircuts there was this, well, what can I call her - nature thing. With her elfin eyes, her purple T-shirts and her eternally bare feet. She was then, and still is to me, about the most wonderful thing in the world.

Tim: [voiceover] All in all it was a pretty good childhood. Full of repeated rhythms and patterns. By the time I was 21, we were still having tea on the beach every single day. Skimming stones and eating sandwiches, summer and winter, no matter what the weather.

Tim: [voiceover] And every Friday night a film, no matter what the weather. And then once a year, the dreaded New Year's Eve party...

Tim: What do you think of her?

Dad: I like her more than you already.

Tim: Oh look! I've forgotten this. Jimmy Fontana, Il Mondo.

Dad: Greatest record ever recorded by an Italian who looks like he's got a dead badger on his head.

Harry: [Points at photo] That is my daughter.

Tim: Oh.

Harry: Have sex with her if you like. Apparently everyone else has.

Uncle D: Your father, I think, is not so well. Cancer.

Tim: Yes.

Uncle D: I'm very unhappy about it, Tim. At your wedding he said he loved me.

Tim: He does. I know.

Uncle D: That was the best day of my life. So this is probably the worst.

Tim: [voiceover] No one can prepare you for the love people *you* love can feel for them, and nothing can prepare you for the indifferences of friends who don't have babies.

Tim: [voiceover] For me, it was always going to be about love. And that summer, I walked into the eye of the storm. Her name was Charlotte - cousin of Kit Kat's handsome but nasty boyfriend, Jimmy. And she was staying two whole months.

Tim: [voiceover] And so I woke up the next morning. Hungover. Ashamed of myself and not realizing it was the day that would change my life forever.

Tim: Never trust a blueberry.

Tim: I know you've probably suspected this, but over the last month, I've fallen completely in love with you. Now, obviously this was going to happen because you're a goddess with that face, and that hair. But even if you didn't have a nice face, and even if you had absolutely no hair because of some bizarre medical reason, I'd still adore you. And I wondered if, by any chance, you might share my feelings?

Charlotte: Wow. Tell you what. Why don't we see how the summer goes, and you ask me again on my last night.

Tim: Your last night?

Charlotte: Yes. Try me on the last night. See what happens then, shall we? It's exciting.

Tim: Right. That's a perfect plan. That's absolutely perfect - last night.

Charlotte: Last night.

Tim: Thanks very much.

Charlotte: Night, night, Timmy.

Tim: So, what do you do?

Mary: I'm a reader at a publisher.

Tim: No! You read for a living?

Mary: Yes. That's it, I read.

Tim: Oh, that's so great. It's like someone asking, "What do you do for a living?" "Well, I breathe. I'm a breather. I get paid for breathing." How did you get that job?

Mary: Okay, smart-ass, what do you do?

Tim: I am a lawyer. Sort of... Sort of.

Mary: That's sexy.

Tim: Is it?

Mary: I mean, I think so. In a suit, in a court, saving people's lives. Kinda sexy.

Tim: I guess it is. Although it's not as sexy as reading. Sitting there in an office in a little chair reading. Ooh!

Mary: Okay, stop. Just wait right there mister, because you know a lot of books get submitted to my publisher. So it's an immense responsibility.

Tim: I bet it is. But when you're doing normal reading,

[they both laugh]

Tim: is it ruined because it's your job? You know, like prostitutes? I always worry that when they stop being prostitutes that they can't enjoy sex anymore.

Mary: You always worry about that?

Tim: No, I sometimes worry about that.

Mary: Oh, okay, good. Because someone who always worried about that would be a bit of a worry.

Tim: When you read a newspaper do you think, "Forget this, it's work"?

Mary: Have you interviewed a lot of prostitutes?

Tim: When you read a menu, do you think, "No, I'm not reading this, unless you pay me hard cash"?

Mary: How many prostitutes will you need to talk to before this issue is solved?

[Mary is trying on one dress after another, and can't decide which one to wear to a party]

Mary: How about the blue one?

Tim: The first one that you tried on, that was boring and lumpy, but that wasn't actually boring and lumpy, that one?

Mary: Yeah, which do you prefer?

Tim: I don't know. I'm actually starting to go mad.

Mary: I think I like the blue one.

[Tim and Mary are in bed]

Mary: So not such a bad day after all?

Tim: No. It was pretty good, really. Very good day, actually, as it turns out.

Mary: Well, that's a relief. Because it had been a very bad day, I thought I might have had to have had sex with you to make up for it.

[she turns the light out]

Mary: Goodnight.

Tim: [he is lying blatantly and Mary knows it] It was a very, very bad day. It went very badly. I got fired from my job. And then I killed a man.

[she turns the light back on]

Mary: That is a very bad day.

Tim: It's terrible.

Mary: Yeah, the worst day ever. I'm so sorry.

[they start to make love]

[Mary wants another baby]

Mary: I just thought that maybe it was time for the insurance baby.

Tim: What?

Mary: In case one of them is really smart. We don't want the other one to feel stupid their whole life. And if we had a third one then we could have *two* happy dummies. What do you think?

[Tim realises that once another baby is born, he will never be able to go back to a time before that]

Tim: [voiceover] It was the toughest decision of my life. Saying "yes" to the future meant saying "goodbye" to my dad - forever.

Pat Finley: Did you talk to child services?

Julie: Yeah, they said they'd like to come out and investigate but they can't come for two weeks.

Pat Finley: That's too long. Tim, what did your lawyer say?

Tim: He said it's dicey, we don't have any hard evidence.

Pat Finley: Hard evidence? Tony's hard evidence, just look at the guy!

Tim: It's what the lawyer said.

Tim: [sees the kids have locked Tony up] Oh good God!

Pat Finley: This is insane!

Julie: This is great!

Gerry: So, what was you guys' plan?

Pat Finley: What do you guys think you're doing?

Gerry: Taking over the camp.

Tim: Guys, you can't kidnap the owner of a camp! They give people the *chair* for things like this.

Gerry: It was self defense, you have to believe us.

Julie: I believe you.

Roy: Pat, you know what? He snapped!

Josh: He was going to make us climb a thousand foot mountain!

[all the campers start talking at once about Tony's insane antics]

Tim: [to Mark's mom, Carol] I had a lovely evening.

[to Andrew]

Tim: By the way, it says BALLS on your face.

Tim: [Klingon phrase] qIrq HoH.

Carol: It means I like to mate after battle.

Tim: That's not what I said.

Carol: Yeah...

Tim: No, no. That wasn't the one I said. This one means Kill Kirk... And also, hallelujah... Depending on the context.

Tim: By the way, it says 'balls' on your face.

Andrew Largeman: [to Mark] Asshole!

Mark: What? My mum did it.

Tim: Anybody wanna go fly a kite with me tonight? I hear it's great weather for flying KITES! I wonder if there's any KITES around here we can fly!

Brian Schwartz: Hey listen, Cavanaugh. It's not kite, it's KIKE! K-I-K-E, "kike." You know, you're too stupid to even be a good bigot!

Mr. Cavanaugh: Look's like I'm gonna make a man out of you yet, boy.

Tim: A man? If being a man means being what you are, I'd rather be queer.

Tommy Turner: [to the rest of the guys at Cherry Forever's house] Okay, Cherry's ready. Everyone get their clothes off.

Tim: Wait. What's this bullshit?

Billy: She's got to make sure everybody clean. No VD.

Steve: How's she going to tell that by looking at us?

Tommy Turner: She's done this so many times, she's practically a doctor.

Tim: Yeah, and who's going to inspect her?

[murmurs of agreement from the rest of the guys]

Billy: Look, you guys want to get laid or have a debate?

Pee Wee Morris: Okay, I'm ready!

[they turn to see Pee-Wee wasted no time stripping down, then laughter of all kinds go through the crowd, which Pee-Wee ignores]

Pee Wee Morris: I'm gonna get laid. Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus.

Tim: [pushing Brian out of his father's site and taking his place] Get outta here.

Mr. Cavanaugh: What?

Tim: You heard what I said.

Mr. Cavanaugh: Well, who ya talking to, boy?

Tim: [relaxing] Trash. Pure trash.

Mr. Cavanaugh: Now, son, that's no way to talk to your pa.

Tim: [looks back at everyone else watching then back at him] You know, I really wish you hadn't said that, because you don't know how humiliating it is to have anyone even know you're my pa.

[get's smacked hard across the face. Meat is now trying to get at Tim's father but is being held back by everyone. Yelling back to Meat]

Tim: Stay out of this!

[back to his father]

Tim: You make sure you're finished, because this is going to be the last time you ever lay a hand on me again, you SON OF A BITCH!

[is taken up against the wall and smacked repeatedly]

Sheriff Wallace: Well, it looks like to me we got five Angel Beach assholes here. Yes, sir. Five walkin' talkin' rectums.

[Sheriff chuckles; to Mickey]

Sheriff Wallace: Where's your car, boy?

Mickey: [points to his Ford pick-up truck] Right there.

Sheriff Wallace: You from Seward County?

Mickey: Yeah.

Sheriff Wallace: Well, I don't know much about the laws in Seward County, but we got laws here about driving with busted headlights.

Mickey: I don't have a busted headlight.

Sheriff Wallace: Don't have a busted headlight?

[the Sheriff smashes the right-side headlight of Mickey's truck; Porky and his goons laughs]

Mickey: [shocked] Shit!

Sheriff Wallace: That's a $35.00 fine. Thirty-five bucks or a night in jail!

Tommy Turner: I've got fifteen bucks.

Pee Wee Morris: I've got-I've got five.

Sheriff Wallace: You got five, you got fifteen, huh?

Meat: I've got twelve.

Tim: I think I got three.

Porky: [to his goons] Watch this.

[the Sheriff then smashes the rear right-side taillight]

Mickey: [grows angry] Goddamn it!

[Porky and his goons laughing]

Sheriff Wallace: You got a busted taillight, too. That's 20 more dollars. Can you cover it?

Mickey: I've got ten.

Sheriff Wallace: Give it to me! Give me all you got.

[the Sheriff starts collecting the boys money, but stops midway]

Sheriff Wallace: Well, I guess I can show a little leniency for first offenders. Whadaya say, Pork? Should I give these nice lads a break?

Porky: Oh, they seem like a nice bunch of clean-cut Angel Beach pussies. A little smelly. Yeah, give 'em a break.

Sheriff Wallace: You heard the man. You get your candy-asses back over to Seward County and you keep 'em there. This here's a "man's" county. Go on, get the fuck out. Go on. Go on!

[the boys pile up in Mickey's truck]

Sheriff Wallace: Go on. Here we go! Here we go! Goin' home now, ain't we?

Porky: [to his goons] I don't think they'll be comin' back. Let's go back inside and get some beer.

Tim: Why is it that when one person picks up their phone, everybody else has to?

Cornelia: I just have a quick thing...

Tim: Each of us is so certain that we've got the most important thing to do right now.

Cornelia: [still using her phone] I know, it's so rude.

Barry: In the words of John Lennon, "you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not."

Tim: ...the only one.

Barry: The only what?

Tim: No, that's the lyric: "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

Barry: Oh, OK Tim.

Tim: Any one of you would throw me under the bus for a bigger bonus, but Barry would throw himself under a car to protect a mouse... that was already dead.

Julie: Kieran, You remember Tim?

Kieran: [nods] ... the stock broker.

Tim: No, no. I work for a private equity firm that specializes in distressed assets.

Kieran: So, kind of a stock broker.

Tim: Almost nothing like a stock broker.

Tim: [yelling in pain] My back! My back! My back!

Barry: Is it your back?

Frank: Today we become men.

Evan: Or vampires.

Tim: Or dead.

Eddie: Did you get it? Did you get it?

[Tim throws Eddie's severed penis onto his lap]

Tim: Don't say I never did anything for you.

Eddie: What's with the books?

[Tim holds up a book and tries to light it on fire]

Eddie: You're gonna burn a book?

Tim: It's not like this is great fucking literature or anything. I'm doing the world a favor.

Tim: Dude, you just broke my box.

Eddie: Yeah, you're mom told me that last night.

Mark: [referring to Eddie's penis] Tim, it's been cut off!

Tim: So they can reattach it.

Mark: Well how the fuck are they gonna do that?

Tim: What am I, a surgeon? They use leeches and shit.

Mark: This is so stupid! What about the cops?

Tim: Just be here when I get back.

Tim: [after repeated phone calls from Johnny] Excuse me, Johnny, I've got to hang up. We're expecting a call from you any minute

[doorbell rings]

Tim: Are you expecting someone?

Frankie: No.

[doorbell rings again]

Frankie: Hello, who is it?

Johnny: Frankie?

Frankie: Johnny?

Tim: Ooh, I just got goosebumps.

Johnny: [Waiting for Frankie] I have a cousin who's gay, by the way.

Tim: Oh, most people do.

Frankie: Ready!

Johnny: He's a really great guy.

Tim: I'm sure.

Johnny: He just found out he was gay a couple of months ago.

Tim: Well, I'll look him up in the directory. Under the new entries.

Frankie: I don't date, by choice.

Tim: Too bad, because I love your choices. We went from Mr. Abuse You to Mr. Use You, plus a Christmas fling with a cross-dresser that I blew the whistle on, thank you very much.

Paige: Great, now you are just being a dick.

Tim: Maybe I just found my dick.

Paige: Whatever, you know, I deserve to be with somebody who appreciates me the way that I am and if you can't do that, then...

Tim: Gotcha

[slams door behind him]

Tim: You don't get to choose who you fall in love with.

Jude: Sure you do. What you don't get to choose is who loves you back.

Tim: You need some help. You need help and you need to *not screw* the help when you get the help.

Tim: Yeah! Life, Liberty and getting away with shit - Ray!

Eva: Oh what, you don't want Kareenah to make a good impression on the book club?

Tim: No.

Kareenah: Excuse me?

Tim: Yes.

Lloyd: And God said, "Where the Hell is Tim?" And there the Hell was Tim. And God said, "Let there be doors that open when they open, and close when they close."

Tim: Do something?

Lloyd: Doors!

Tim: I was getting the bananas for the sardines.

Lloyd: DOORS!

Tim: Doors?

Lloyd: I bet God had a stage manager who understood English, too!

[Tim has had to go on for Freddy]

Dotty: Who the hell are you?

Tim: [bad British accent] I'm Phillip.

Dotty: What happened to you?

Lloyd, Tim, Selsdon: When I think, I used to do banks. When I remember, I used to do boullion vaults.

[everyone except Poppy and Tim are on-stage and have no idea where they are or what to do now]

Lloyd: I've got to get the 8:40 to New York!

Poppy: [Lloyd opens the door to find Poppy wrapped in sheets, playing Freddy's part] Ah! House of heavenly peace! I rent it.

Dotty: Oh! It's the other one! And in her wedding dress.

Belinda: Yes, yes, it's their wedding day!

All: Oh!

Belinda: What a happy ending... to the... to the first act!... Of their new life together! And they just want to be alone in their new home... if only someone would pull the shades!

[Indicates that the curtain should come down]

Tim: [Tim enters in the black sheets, prepared to play Brooke's part] Come in?

Dotty: Oh, and it's the mother of the bride.

Tim: Go out?

All: Pull the shades!

[Tim runs out to lower the curtain]

Selsdon: Last line?

All: Last line!

Selsdon: I'll tell you one thing, Vicky.

All: [Dotty slaps Vicky, who loses a contact lens and goes looking for it] What's that, Dad?

Selsdon: When all around is strife and uncertainty, there's nothing like an old fashioned plate of, uh... curtain!

Old Man Dunphy: What are you two knuckleheads up to?

Tim: Going out.

Old Man Dunphy: What you gonna do?

Tim: Hang around.

Old Man Dunphy: When you gonna come back?

Tim: Later.

Old Man Dunphy: Now, was that so hard?

[Ellen speaking with her children, whom she hasn't seen since they were babies]

Chinch: Are you a lady or a man?

Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve: Well, I used to be a lady...

Tim: Are ya a sailor?

Chinch: A lady sailor?

Ellen Wagstaff Arden aka Eve: Well...

Tim: My mother was practically a sailor - she went down in a shipwreck.

Chinch: Oh, he's always boasting.

Tim: I think you're just... great. Because you know what's so great about you? You're real. You don't pretend like you've got it all figured out, like everyone else walking around life. You're real. You're genuine, and you notice things, too. You pay attention. Like the monkeys. I don't know. I look at you, and... I can see you. I see you. I don't know. I just think you're great.

Hal Baker: Why'd you choose to do this robot thing...

Tim: Why'd I choose to do it, Umm. It just happens to be my talent. And I feel like, I also thought, you know, it might be something to brighten people's lives up.

Hal Baker: Whaddya mean?

Tim: I guess I feel that modern life can be alienating, and it can be like you're mindlessly walking through it. Like a robot. And you can feel lost. I guess I just want people to know that they're not crazy, that everybody at home and everybody watching the show today, you're not crazy. I mean life is crazy, right? Maybe if you see a giant mechanical man, you know, wandering down the street toward you, maybe that it could put it into perspective for you, you know?

Tim: Sometimes I have dreams that my teeth are falling out.

Janice: Are you serious? I have that dream. I just had that dream.

Mitch's Sidekick: So it's 50 inches. How much that cost you?

Mitch: Like, three grand.

Mitch's Sidekick: Oh, that's not bad.

Tim: You're kidding, right?

Mitch: Excuse me...

Tim: Three thousand dollars for a TV? Ever heard of books?

Mitch: No, we didn't have those at Harvard.

Tim: It's depressing.

Janice: What do you mean?

Tim: I mean, human beings evolved out of millions of years out of the swamp, and stood up, made fire, built shelter, invented the wheel... For what, so you could stand in a funny hat and sell grape juice gorillas?

Janice: I'm kinda trying not to think about it like that.

Tim: What do you do?

Janice: I sell these little plastic gorillas filled with grape juice.

Therapist: George, we have a nice man coming by to take you to the theater, the musuem, help you re-introduce yourself to the world. Are you ready for that, George?

George: I don't know.

Therapist: What did you tell me the other day? You said, I'm a Ready Teddy Yo! What did you say yesterday?

George: I'm a ready teddy yo.

Therapist: Are you afraid, George? That you'll go out there and start lying again?

Phil: [in a crazy English accent] No, No. He's just afraid of lyin. Isn't that right, Pinoch?

[means pinocchio]

Phil: Ya Ha Ha Ha Ha! He starts lyin', then his nose starts growin', I hate it when that happens. Ya Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Therapist: Now that's enough Phil, you let him talk.

Brad: Nah, he's afraid he'll see his old girlfried, and he won't be able to get it up.

Therapist: Is that true George?

George: No! Anyway, she dumped me.

Therapist: Why did she dump you, George?

Male patient: [stands up and points at George] She dumped you because you told her you were a brain surgeon!

Therapist: Did you tell her that, George?

George: No.

Therapist: What did you tell her?

George: Told her I was a paratrooper in the navy seals.

Phil: [in a Peter Falk Columbo voice] Wait! Are you saying that this man is not in our armed service? Did you know this? I didn't know this! I have egg on my face!

Therapist: George, George why did you feel like you had to lie to her?

George: Oh! She never would have looked at me twice if I had told her I was a Volvo Salesman for Horsch Muller!

Therapist: The guys put a little something together for you George, to help give you confidence in your new life.

Phil: [in William Shatner's voice] Very well Mister Spock. Gentleman, set your phasers on stun.

Tim: Ha Ha!

Phil: [still in William Shatner's voice] George, on behalf of my entire crew, Spock, Bones, Scotty

[makes the hand motions for emphasis]

Phil: We'd like to present to you a little gift we picked up on Rigel 4. It's our way of saying, good luck out there in the world. God Speed, show 'em what you're made of mister!

[salutes]

Tim: [makes the Vulcan hand sign for greetings and goodbye]

Phil: [still in the William Shatner voice] Live Long and Prosper! Go where no *man*, has... gone before!

Therapist: Phil, for God's sakes! Put a sock in it, will ya?

Phil: I was simply sayin...

[trails off and sits down as he finishes the last word, like a toy with its battery pulled]

George: [George begins to open the tall box Phil placed on his lap] I can honestly say I didn't expect to get...

[opens the box]

George: a hat!

[the gift is a tall top hat much like Abe Lincoln wore during his presidency]

Tim: It's an Honest Abe hat.

Brad: Yeah, its to house your mickey, after a busy day of lyin'!

Therapist: I know it doesn't look like much George, but the fellas did work pretty hard on it.

George: I'm not ashamed of this hat! Far from it! I'm gonna wear this hat! I'm not afraid anymore!

[stands]

George: I'm ready for my new life!

Therapist: Then say it, George!

George: I'm a ready teddy yo!

Tim: I burned all the skin off my hands. I can barely curl my fingers now.

Francis Doyle: There goes your sex life.

Joey Anderson: It's Major Screw going at it with an evil warrior babe.

Tim: Going at what?

Joey Anderson: 69.

Wade Scalisi: That looks more like 47.

Tim: Alright, seems like the perfect spot for deciding what you really want in life.

Francis Doyle: My own comic book bigger than anything that Marvel or DC has.

Tim: No, I'm talking about what you really want right now, like revenge on the one legged bitch in black and white!

Francis Doyle: [yells] Margie Flynn!

Tim: Shit. I knew it, Margie Flynn.

Tim: Risk leads to greatness.

Father Casey: Jesus H Christ!

Tim: What does the H stand for Father?

Tim: Are you with me here, altar boy?

[first lines]

Francis Doyle: Tell me again why we're doing this.

Tim: Homework, Francis. Your future's built on it.

Francis Doyle: [whispered] Right.

Francis Doyle: That's all?

Newsie: Man, that's enough to melt an elephant.

Tim: Excuse my friend. He thinks he wants to melt two elephants.

Sister Assumpta: Blake. A little advance don't you think?

Tim: Not really Sister. It's written simply enough for a six year old.

Sister Assumpta: So are the instructions for a handgun.

Tim: Don't you ever tell me to get real. I know what fucking real is okay.

Tim: Serious trouble beats serious boredom.

Francis Doyle: ["Not everyone has to make up trouble for themselves, just so they're not bored!"]

Tim: ["at least I'm doing something. What are you doing, Francis? What exactly do you do?... Have you done anything with Margie yet?"]

Francis Doyle: ["You don't know anything about that!"]

Tim: ["Oh, so you haven't done anything with Margie. Maybe I'll just write her another note, so that you can have a lot more time doing shit like this!"]

Tim: Mine was shit by the way. Thanks for asking.

Vivienne Mae: Oh, sorry, love. How was your day?

Tim: I thought you were at rehearsals.

Vivienne Mae: So did I.

Tim: Yeah, well, it's Friday, you mad cow.

Tim: "Don't let the bastards grind you down."

Vivienne Mae: Oh, that was his favourite quote, even when he was ill.

Tim: Karl Marx?

Vivienne Mae: Yeah, well, it's actually got a lot more impact in the original German.

Tim: [while exercising Jimmy's ankles] Do you want to go around walking on your toes the rest of your life?

Jimmy: [In pain] If you keep that up I'll be walking on my knees!

Benji Roberts: Say Tim.

Tim: Sorry, I don't dance.

Tim: I got it. What do zombies look most like?

Vanessa: Keith Richards.

Tim: No, corpses. We look like corpses.

Tim: I don't feel like a zombie.

Nick Steele: Yeah, well idiots don't feel stupid but they are.

Cindy: [as Mike and Tim give her and Vanessa infected ice cream to eat] Is this green?

Tim: It's just the light in here.

[Tim is explaining his "telescope" to Danny]

Tim: It's, you know, so she won't look out the window and see me and get scared.

Danny: Great, so, instead she'll be scared she's going to be hit by a torpedo!

Tim: If your brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your ass.

Tim: I have no idea why I'm going to Canada.

Mort: Naked women, Tim. You love naked women.

Tim: What if something goes wrong?

Florence: Things don't go wrong, man - they just go.

Tim: This is one bad-ass Christmas!

Alonzo Harris: [after killing Roger and framing Jake] Congratulations, son. You're gonna get a Medal of Valor for this.

Jake Hoyt: But I didn't shoot him.

Alonzo Harris: A roomful of cops said you did.

Jake Hoyt: But I didn't. You did.

Alonzo Harris: A Los Angeles Police Department Narcotics officer was killed today serving a high-risk warrant in Echo Park. Gimme the bitch. LAPD spokesperson says the officer is survived... by his wife and infant child. Shit gets deeper. You get the picture?

Jake Hoyt: Yeah, I get it.

[Jake grabs gun from Alonzo, the crew points guns at Jake]

Jake Hoyt: That's the second time you pointed a gun at me. There will not be a third!

Alonzo Harris: Goddamn, boy! My nigga, are y'all watching this? That's it!

Paul: It'd be my pleasure to put a hydrashock in that melon...

Alonzo Harris: Wait, wait.

Paul: But naw, I'ma be cool. Now drop the fucking gun now!

Jake Hoyt: You wanna shoot me, Paul, go ahead. But I'm taking him with me.

Mark: I'm going, Alonzo.

Paul: This motherfucker's a fed.

Alonzo Harris: Naw, he ain't no fed. He's just a choirboy that got the drop on all you fools.

Jake Hoyt: You can't put this shit on me. I did not sign up for this!

Alonzo Harris: I understand your anger. Everybody, put your guns down.

Tim: [shouts] Hell, naw!

Paul: Choirboy first.

Alonzo Harris: [shouts] Everybody, put your guns down! That's an order.

[shouts]

Alonzo Harris: Put 'em down!

Alonzo: [after killing Roger and shooting Jeff] It's not what you know, it's what you can prove. Mark and Paul, you kicked the door down. Jeff's the first one through. Roger hits Jeff twice.

[to Jeff]

Alonzo: What's the matter, one go through?

Tim: Yeah, you shot him.

Jeff: You fucking shot me, man!

Alonzo: Don't worry about it. You'll get a medal.

Jeff: Get me an ambulance!

Alonzo: Hey, hey, hey. You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Let me quarterback this thing. Mark, Paul, you kicked the door down. Jeff's the first one through. Roger shoots Jeff twice, bang bang. Our new guy, Hoyt, he's in second. Drops Roger with some fine shotgun work. Now who shot Roger?

Mark: New guy, came in spraying.

Alonzo: Who shot Roger?

Paul: Boot did it.

Alonzo: What did you guys see?

Tim: Hoyt blasted him.

Jeff: Hey, fuck Hoyt, all right? Ambulance time!

Alonzo: Done. Paul, call 'em up.

Paul: 11-49-98 Shots fired. Officer down. Repeat. Officer down. 5951 Baxter Street.

Tim: Get your nunchuks and your dad's car. I know where we can get a gun.

Tim: You pothead fuckbrain.

Brenda: Steve Larwitt loves me too. The one thing in his life that stops him going to pieces is me. I just can't let him down.

Tim: No, you can't...

Lambeau: [in a gentlemen's bar, attempting to prove to Sean that his interest in Will is not about fame] Tim, can you help us? We're trying to settle a bet.

Tim: Uh-oh.

Lambeau: Ever heard of Jonas Salk?

Tim: Sure, cured polio.

Lambeau: And you've heard of Albert Einstein?

[Tim laughs]

Lambeau: How about Gerald Lambeau? Ever heard of him?

Tim: No.

Lambeau: Thank you, Tim.

Tim: So, who won the bet?

Lambeau: I did.

[Tim walks off]

Lambeau: This isn't about me, Sean. I'm nothing compared to this young man.

Sean: [in a gentlemen's bar] Put it on my tab

Tim: You ever plan on paying your tab?

Sean: Yeah, chief. I've got the winning lottery ticket right here.

Tim: What's the jackpot?

Sean: Twelve million.

Tim: I don't think that will cover it.

Sean: Yeah, but it'll cover your sex change operation!

Justine: I was just thinking - what if instead we try and sell you to the public, Jack? Well then, surprisingly, I'd arrive right back where I started from - at nothing.

Tim: "Nothing." It's not such a bad tagline, Jack.

Jack: Would my newly pledged A.D. please expand a little on her thoughts of the tagline?

Justine: Nothing is too much for you, Jack. I hate you and your firm so deeply I couldn't find the words to describe it. You are a despicable power-hungry little man, Jack.

Jack: Is that a resignation? Because they aren't too many jobs out there, I tell you.

Tim: The way I see it, you're now short of a boss and a husband, could I, in all humility, offer my services? You have the ideas. I have the head for business. We could be the perfect couple. We've had good sex.

Justine: I don't think that's a very good idea.

Tim: No. No.

[from trailer]

Tim: For fifteen years, everybody told me I was making it up. Everyone said it was just a story. There's no such thing as the Boogeyman. But I was right.

Tim: When you're afraid, close your eyes and count to five. Sometimes it works for me.

Franny Roberts: What happens when you get to six?

[from trailer]

Jessica: Hey, you're not getting weird on me again are you?

Tim: No.

[from trailer]

Tim: It's just hard to get back.

Kate: It takes a while.

[from trailer]

Tim: Do you want to tell me why you're following me around?

Franny: I wanted to ask you something. Is it true, the Boogeyman took your Dad? Are you scared?

Tim: One, two, three, four, five, SIX.

Damien: How many British soldiers in the country, Tim?

Tim: Too many.

Damien: How many?

Teddy: About ten thousand, Damien.

Damien: Ten Thousand. Tans, artillery units, machine-gun car, cavalry...

Teddy: And many more besides. What's your point, Damien?

Damien: It's young men like Micheail we're talkin' about, Teddy.

Teddy: Micheail was a real Irishman, Damien.

Ned: You're a coward, Damien.

Damien: I'm a coward? And you're a hero, isn't it, Ned? You're gonna take down the British army with your hurley, is that it?

Rory: For Christ's sake, Damien. What about Micheail?

Damien: Look, Micheail was killed because he wouldn't say his name in English. Is that what you call a martyr, Teddy, is it?

Sinead: So we should all buy a one-way ticket to London, is that it, Damien?

Ginger: [to Ben and Tim] Hey, you guys seen Jason?

Ben: [notices blood on Ginger's forehead] Umm... you got a little...

Ginger: You guys going to the greenhouse bash tonight?

Ben, Tim: Yeah.

Ginger: I'm in charge of the prizes.

[she flashes them]

Ginger: You, too, could be a winner.

Mr. Wayne: [Coughs] Ginger. My office. Now.

Jeff: Nothing ever changes, man. Fifty years from now we're all gonna be dead. And there will be another group of people standing here drinking beer, eating pizza, bitching about the price of Oreos and they'll have no idea we were ever here and fifty years after those suckers will be dust and bones and there'll be all these generations of suckers, all trying to figure out what the fuck they're doing on this fucking planet and it'll all be full of shit. It's all so fucking futile.

Tim: If it's all so fucking futile, what the fuck are you so fucking upset about, fuckhead?

Bee-Bee: Didn't you see their video on MTV?

Tim: No, I shot my TV.

Tim: Well, dad, she said she wanted to suck my cock.

Pony: Oh. Uh-huh.

Tim: She said you wanted to suck my cock, too.

Pony: I think I gotta go.

Tim: Don't go! You're not gonna suck my cock?

Buff: Hey, I've been making these tapes, you know, video tapes. I ripped off a camcorder up at the mall and I thought, you know, it could be something that I do, be a video artist, you know.

Tim: Ladies and gentlemen, Buff, the postmodern idiot savant. He willl outdo us all.

Tim: I expanded my horizons, you know, served my country, saw the world, you know. I've gained wisdom and now I'm back, baby, back from the road, me and Jack Kerouac.

Tim: There are two ways to solve one's problems: either shut up and do nothing, or shut up and deal with it yourself. I pick the second one.

Tim: We all failed Francis. I failed him.

Tim: Fuck you, Jeff.

Tim: You fuck lots of women. Have you ever truly loved one?

Richard: I love them all. Can't love them all if you only love one.

Tim: If that's true, that's interesting.

Richard: Yeah. You want to know what I think, Timothy? When they really get to see me, I don't like what they see.

Tim: You make sure of that.

Captain Bob: So, this is a reunion, huh?

Tim: We all went to college together. Johnathan and Richard have known each other since grade school. We meet every year, somewhere.

Captain Bob: It's nice, it's nice... It's good to catch up.

Tim: Sure is.

Captain Bob: I left school when I was 14. Sea kept me moving so I never had any reunions. Except with my wife after long fishing trips. She died 11 years ago. Cancer. So I spent most of my days out here, just drifting around trying to figure things out. I realized I was lucky to have felt something that looked or smelled... or resembled real love. Most folks never taste that.

Tim: I tasted it, and it made every day annointed. Nothing mattered when we were together. And when we were apart, I felt him. I felt him, like my own breath.

Captain Bob: Do you believe in heaven?

Tim: I wish I did.

Tim: What the fuck are you doing?

Jeff: [Presses play on tape recorder]

Jigsaw: Hello, Jeff. If you are listening to this, that means that the confrontation you so long dreamed of... is finally unfolding. In your head, he is a cipher. A symbol of your life changing. A symbol of death. I present him to you now, as a simple human being. His name is Timothy Young. He's 27 years old. A medical student with a mother and a father, just like you. A man who's life also changed the day your son died.

[Flashback]

Jigsaw: That day he made a terrible mistake. You believed he didn't pay for that mistake. And now is your chance to make him pay. The device Timothy is strapped to is... my personal favorite. I call it "The Rack".

Tim: [Screams]

Jigsaw: The human body is a miraculous creation. Ever wonder how far an arm can twist? This device is going to start twisting. There is a chance he might live though, with your help. To your right is a box. At the back of the box, is a key. It is tied to the trigger of a shotgun. The question you'll have to ask yourself, is this. Are you willing...

Tim: Have mercy!

Jigsaw: ...To take a bullet for the man who killed your son? Does "do on to others as you would have them do on to you" apply here, Jeff? Make your choice.

[device begins to twist]

Tim: God, I'd like to fuck up that kid's day.

Scott: I'd like to drive a chainsaw right through his face.

Tim: I wonder how it feels to get a concussion and lose your mind.

Bob: You ought to know; you've been doing without one for years.

Tim: Oh, is that so! Well, I'm the brains of this outfit.

Bob: Well, tell Miss Penny what we're here for, Brains.

Karl: [Roy is faking unconsciousness] Look, he doesn't even move.

Hugh: Must be in a comma.

Tim: Comma! Looks more like a full stop.

Tim: I've decided to go back to my first love... me.

Tim: In the future people stop having sex? Kill me now.

Tim: Hey, Sheriff, let us out of here! I wasn't raised to be a convict.

Sheriff Benton: Hey! If you don't stop that racket I'll...

Tim: Aw, you'll do what? Throw us in jail, I suppose.

Roy Rogers: [singing about Mr. Moreland] Living in the open ought to do him lots of good, for...

Roy and Pioneers: [singing] He should be a Vaquero!

Lloyd: He never gets out!

Tim: He's lame, no doubt!

Karl: He's got the gout!

Hugh: He's much too stout.

Roy Rogers: [singing] What do you think we ought to do?

Roy and Pioneers: [singing] Why, he should be a Vaquero!

Tim: All through senior year Rand dates the same girl. And a week before the prom she dumped him. So it's a week before the senior prom and she says to Rand 'We should go as friends'. But Rand agrees. It gets to prom night. They've got tuxedos, limo, great reservations. Then when 7:00 rolls around, no Rand. 8:00 no Rand. 10:00 no Rand. And I can see it, mom and dad have the camcorder out, the sister gets to stay up late to see the big sister go to her prom. 11:00 no Rand to be found. But he went to the prom. But he actually took a hooker. Not one of those high-priced ones either, I'm talkin' an 'I will suck your dick for a crock rock, ten buck, on the street corner WHORE. She's wearing this corsage ordered specially for Wendy. It was Wendy's favorite. But nothing is as priceless as the prom picture. YUGH. He sitting there toothless with this FAT FUCKING WHORE. Wendy was so mortified she actually missed the last two weeks of school. She had to go to summer school to graduate. He fucked that bitch UP. Rand definitely had a mean streak in him.

Rand: [Pointing a gun at Tim] Don't worry, they'll dedicate a ward in the psych department to you, you sick fuck.

Tim: This isn't going to work! You can't shoot me, you morons! It has to look like a suicide!

Chris: [Feigns shock] Oh, fuck! He's right!

[Rand and Chris push Tim off the cliff]

Tim: [Chris is standing over Rand's unconscious body] Hey Chris? Should I bash his head in with a rock? You know, just to be sure? I should, right? That would be cool! YEAH!

[Chris looks away and throws up]

Tim: [reads from the suicide note he wrote for Chris] "To whom it may concern. I, being of sound mind but broken spirit have decided to take my own life. There is no one to blame but a society that has pushed its youth too hard and too fast without ever giving them a parachute if they fail."