Phoebe Quotes in San Andreas (2015)

Serena Johnson: Are you saying you think the whole San Andreas fault might go off?

Lawrence Hayes: Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

Phoebe: Who should we call?

Lawrence Hayes: Everybody.

Mike Howell: You know what skives me out, Phoebe?

Phoebe: What?

Mike Howell: That car down there has moved so much. Like, it was built in a factory, you know, on a production line. And then it was like, shipped here.

Phoebe: And then, like, this guy drove it all over the place.

Mike Howell: Yeah, exactly. But all the time, like for years, or really for, like, decades really, this one tree has been sitting in this one place not doing anything until tonight when it, like, stopped the car.

Phoebe: Yeah?

Mike Howell: Okay, so this car is always going. And that tree is always just, like, stopping. You know? Like, it's just been stopping there for years until tonight when it met something that it didn't want to keep going, and it was just like, "mmm-mmm! No! You're stopping, too"

[crying]

Mike Howell: And then this tree that has never done anything is fucking, like, destroying this beautiful, really beautiful fast-moving thing.

Phoebe: Why are you crying?

Mike Howell: Because, Phoebe, like... am I that tree?

Phoebe: No. No!

Mike Howell: I think I'm that tree. And I think you're the car and I think I'm stopping you.

Phoebe: You are not the tree.

Mike Howell: Okay.

Phoebe: I love you.

[from trailer]

Mike Howell: I just killed two people!

Phoebe: That's awesome.

Mike Howell: They had guns and knives and they were being total dicks!

Mike Howell: I really am sorry, Phoebe. I really thought I could beat the panic attacks this time.

Phoebe: It's okay.

Mike Howell: It's not.

Phoebe: No, it's fine.

Mike Howell: No, it's not fine. This is something I really wanted to do for you. Then I ruined it and now we're going back home.

Phoebe: You didn't ruin this.

Mike Howell: Yes, I did. It's my fault. You should be mad at me. Why not?

Phoebe: No. You can't help it, Mike.

Mike Howell: Okay. Thanks.

Phoebe: It's not gonna be like this always, you know? Mike, you're like the strongest, kindest person I've ever met in my whole life. I fucking love you. You're a fucking mess, man.

Mike Howell: I know.

Mike Howell: Yo, Phoebe, where are we going?

Phoebe: We are leaving. We are getting the fuck out of town!

Mike Howell: No, I can't leave town. You know that.

Phoebe: Well, you didn't have people trying to kill you before, I was thinking maybe that could motivate us here.

Mike Howell: Okay, fine, so where do you want to go?

Phoebe: Oh fuck, I don't know!

Mike Howell: Alright listen. We'll take my car and we'll go to Rose's house, okay?

Phoebe: What? You want to get high right now? Mike?

Mike Howell: No! I don't want to get high. Rose has like guns and shit, okay. He can help us hide out and I'm still in handcuff.

Phoebe: Okay, you are not in any position to be making the plan right now.

Mike Howell: Really? Well, who is? The cops are all dead.

Phoebe: The guy in the thing. In the cell thing, doesn't see the gun, You don't point at it and go, gun!

Mike Howell: Okay, no I recognize that now as, like, a faux pas. I'm sorry.

Phoebe: And if someone who's trying to kill you goes "wait!" You don't go, oh what do you want to talk about?

Mike Howell: Okay! You're right. I'm sorry. Please just don't yell at me, okay?

Adrian Yates: Uh, your girlfriend's here. Would you ever like to see her alive again?

Mike Howell: I don't know.

Adrian Yates: So if I just took out my gun and blew her fucking face off, you'd be cool with that?

Mike Howell: No, that wouldn't be cool. Is she really there with you?

Phoebe: Mikey? I'm sorry. But I'm the tree. I've been the tree the entire time, you're the car. Okay? I love you. So you can leave. You can go wherever you want and they will fucking never...

Adrian Yates: [hangs up] That was really fucking lame.

Phoebe: Okay, so just lead me through this one more time. Just so I'm clear.

Mike Howell: Um, I hit him with a spoon and his lungs exploded.

Phoebe: It wasn't his lungs.

Mike Howell: No, that's what happened. Because he couldn't breathe because I got him in the neck.

Phoebe: Yeah, your lungs aren't in your neck, they're in your chest.

Mike Howell: I know that, Phoebe. No, I don't know that. No, I do. Phoebe, it doesn't even make any sense to me.

Phoebe: Okay. Okay, so you said something about a lady. What did she say to you?

Mike Howell: Okay, so she said. I don't know what she said. Like, some bullshit. I don't know what she said.

Phoebe: Babe. We're in jail. So maybe just try and remember and focus and put it together. What did the lady say?

Mike Howell: Okay, she said Mandelbrot set is in motion. Echo Choir has been breached. We are fielding the ball.

Phoebe: Mike, what the fuck does that mean?

Mike Howell: I don't know. Phoebe, I don't know but I remember it like it just happened. I remember every single thing that happened to me in the last 94 minutes. 94 minutes? How did I even get that number, Phoebe? I remember literally every single thing that happened. I can picture it all.

Phoebe: Babe, I'm not going to sit around and wait on the judgment of your drug dealer. Okay!

Mike Howell: Leave me alone! Get off of me!

Phoebe: Mike, relax!

Mike Howell: Look, I just need to know. Am I real?

Phoebe: Yes, you're real.

Mike Howell: Are your parents really dead? Okay, how much of everything that you've ever told me is just a complete lie?

Phoebe: Not everything is a lie.

Mike Howell: No, please don't use your grown-up voice with me. No, I was in love with you. I am in love with you. I don't even know who you are!

Phoebe: [crying] Fuck, Mike!

Mike Howell: No, you don't get to fake cry with me, okay. They probably train you how to do this, don't they? To fuck with my emotions. Okay, well stop it. Please stop it. Hey! Stop it, okay! Fucking stop it!

Phoebe: I'm not lying anymore. Just give me one chance. I'm not going to lie to you anymore.

Mike Howell: Get out. Get out of my car.

Phoebe: No. No, Mike. I can't!

Mike Howell: Get out of my car, okay!

Phoebe: It's my fucking car!

Mike Howell: Then get out of the car! Okay!

Phoebe: How did this happen? How the fuck did this happen?

Mike Howell: I shot those guys in the head. And that guy, I like, I spooned him in the neck and his shit just, like, ended.

Phoebe: You just killed two guys?

Mike Howell: They were trying to stab me, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Why are people trying to stab you?

Mike Howell: I don't know! Shh! I don't know, but I am, like, freaking out all over the place. Babe, I have a lot of anxiety about this.

Sheriff Watts: [sirens wail] Get your hands in the air!

Phoebe: Oh, fuck me. Yup.

Sheriff Watts: Oh, God, it's Mike.

Mike Howell: I'm sorry!

Sheriff Watts: How many times have you been in this station, Mike? Since you were 22? Your probation officer must be the Michael Jordan of bullshitters because I've never seen you gone more than a couple of hours. Mike, tell me you didn't kill these people.

Phoebe: They attacked him. He was defending himself.

Sheriff Watts: Excuse me?

Phoebe: What was he supposed to do?

Sheriff Watts: You're his girlfriend. You're his mom. You're his maid. You're his landlady. Now you're his lawyer?

Mike Howell: It was just a thing. It was just a thing that happened. I didn't mean to.

Sheriff Watts: You didn't mean to? Two men are dead, Mike. There's no walking away this time.

Phoebe: Hey. Hey, you seem, like, spooky quiet.

Mike Howell: I am spooky quiet. I'm like, I think I'm in the anaphylactic shock.

Phoebe: That's not what that's called.

Mike Howell: I'm trying to think of stuff, you know. Phoebe, I can't remember anything. I can't even remember where I went to school. Did I go to school?

Phoebe: Maybe don't think about it.

Mike Howell: Did we even talk about my parents?

Rose: Crazy is as crazy does and you dragged crazy here. And I don't even know what that does or what that is. You see what I'm saying?

Mike Howell: I don't know, Rose. We just thought it would be, like, safer here.

Rose: Safer from what?

Mike Howell: Wait, why do you think it's dangerous?

Phoebe: Yeah?

Rose: Like I said to you before, because of the monkeys. The monkeys!

Mike Howell: How did you know what that gas was?

Phoebe: Okay... I...

Mike Howell: No, no, no. What's going on? How do you know what that gas was?

Phoebe: I don't know what's going on. But, listen. Baby. Mike, Mike, hey. I don't know what's going on! But I do know what's going on with you, okay? If you just listen. Listen!

Mike Howell: Okay, tell me then.

Phoebe: It's not going to make any sense right now.

Mike Howell: What is going on with me?

Phoebe: I'm your handler. I was assigned to you five years ago. Please understand, I'm CIA. Okay?

Mike Howell: You're what?

Phoebe: Listen to me. It's okay. I've been trying to tell you this for so fucking long.

Mike Howell: Phoebe. Are you not my girlfriend?

Phoebe: Of course I'm your girlfriend, babe. That's what I'm telling you.

Mike Howell: Please stop it. No. No, I can't even look at you. I gotta go.

Adrian Yates: Well, if it isn't Miss Stockholm Syndrome 2010.

Phoebe: Yates. What the fuck are you doing here?

Adrian Yates: Whoa. That's unprofessional.

Phoebe: Who's running this operation? Since when did desk jockeys like you run field ops?

Adrian Yates: Well, I guess that's the problem with going dark for five years. You kinda fall out of the loop on a couple things.

Phoebe: Do you have authorization at all? Where's Krueger?

Adrian Yates: Phoebe Selburg. She who'd rather suck some stoner's cock than turn herself in for debrief, is going to question my authorization? I've read your file. You have no secrets from me! Your boyfriend isn't real. We made him. Oh, I'm so sorry that some lab-rat made you cum a bunch of times in the back of a Taco Bell. Yeah, that's probably a good reason to throw away your entire life! I guess it all worked out because look where I am now. In charge of a major operation. And look where you are. Under departmental arrest for insubordination, and your face is all messed up. And I'm going to get a promotion.

[SPOILERS]

Mike Howell: [after Phoebe agrees to marry him] She said yes!

[Mike leans in to kiss Phoebe, but is tasered unconscious by a SWAT trooper]

Phoebe: Man, come on, just give us, like, one...

[SWAT tasers her too]

Phoebe: [Phoebe stands between Jake and an angry Tyree] Nothing happened, Tyree. This is my job.

Tyree: Shut up.

Jake: I don't believe a lady has to explain anything to a man this ugly.

[Two deputies come up behind him, but he doesn't seem to notice]

Paden: [Comes up behind Tyree] What's the trouble here?

Tyree: Stay out of this, Paden.

Stella: He can't do that, Tyree. Cobb's hired him.

Tyree: That's Cobb's mistake.

Stella: Come on out of there, Phoebe, you've done enough.

[Phoebe moves to leave, but Tyree pushes her back. Paden takes Tyree's gun and points it at him]

Paden: Go on home, Jake.

Jake: All I did was kiss the girl.

Paden: That's what you said in Turley. Remember how that ended?

Jake: What's the matter, Paden? You afraid I couldn't get those two behind me?

Paden: I don't want you getting anybody in my place.

Jake: [Takes his hat, faces the deputies, and points a finger at them] Boom.

[He leaves]

Tyree: [to Paden] I should've killed you a long time ago.

Paden: [Offering Tyree's gun back to him] Why not now?

[Tyree takes the gun and holds it under Paden's chin]

Stella: Don't do it, Tyree. I just lost one partner. If you kill him, I'll never get anyone to work in here.

Tyree: You better start looking.

[He takes the gun from under Paden's chin and leaves]

Stella: You really are a gambler, aren't you?

Paden: [Walks up to the bar] Give me some of the good stuff.

Phoebe: [outside the tree house, wanting to join the club] Mom says you have to let me in or else it's prescription!

Sean: That's 'discrimination' jerkoid! Prescription is drugs, which you're on if you think you're getting in here!

Horace: [about Scary German Guy] Maybe he's a spy.

Sean: Oh good idea! We're not at war with Germany.

Phoebe: We were at war with Vietnam.

Sean: What?

Phoebe: It's in Rambo!

Phoebe: Did you want me for anything, Mrs. Collingwood?

Mrs. Kate Collingwood: That's Phoebe. You're, eh, putting too much merchandise on display, Phoebe. You better cover some of that up before you come down with pneumonia.

Phoebe: Isn't this a sweet lookin' boy.

[Walks towards Homer on his horse]

Phoebe: Wouldn't you like to come inside, honey? You'd be surprised how nice we got everything fixed up.

[Homer, scared, rides off on his horse]

Mrs. Kate Collingwood: Well, I think that Homer just saved himself a dollar.

Malcolm: Phoebe - how would you like to supervise our Sidney for a month or two?

Phoebe: No way.

Malcolm: Go on; you'd be a good influence on the boy. Why not?

Phoebe: Infectious hepatitis, loony girlfriend, drugs?

Malcolm: Boys will be boys.

Sid: [in a taxi on the way to the airport] I wish we wasn't breaking up.

Phoebe: Well it's a bit late for that isn't it? Paul and Steve are flying to Rio, Malcom's in London, John's in New York.

Sid: Yeah, great. What am I gonna do?

Phoebe: Anything you like; you're a free agent now.

Sid: I'll go home; see Nancy.

Phoebe: Yeah, well do that.

Sid: Master Kung Fu.

Phoebe: Look try and get off the heroin OK? Come on promise.

Sid: Ok.

Phoebe: And cut back on the drinking all right?

Sid: Yeah all right, all right I promise! Cross me heart and hope to die

[he smirks]

Joseph: [to Phoebe] Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.

Phoebe: [to Kimble] Well, I see you've covered the basics.

Phoebe: Well, what are you going to do? Handcuff her to the bumper of your car and take her for a ride?

Detective John Kimble: Let's just say I'm not going to offer to cook her dinner.

Eleanor Crisp: [Eleanor Crisp enters locker room, where she finds and unloads Kimble's gun, and also finds her dead son's bullet-ridden body and Kimble slumped and bleeding on floor against the shower wall] Where's my grandson?

Detective John Kimble: [gasping] I don't know!

Eleanor Crisp: [Eleanor fires gun into wall, just inches above Kimble's head, hissing] Where's... my... grandson?

Detective John Kimble: [gasping continues] Go to hell!

Eleanor Crisp: That's exactly where you're going, you son of a bitch!

[moves towards Kimble and taking aim with pistol, suddenly accosted by an injured and bat-wielding Phoebe, who strikes her in the shoulder and knocks her to the floor]

Phoebe: You're not so tough without your car, are you?

Phoebe: [advising Kimble on how to be a teacher] Look, you've got to treat this like any other police situation. You walk into it showing fear, you're dead. And those kids know you're scared.

Detective John Kimble: [looks at her a moment then nods] No fear.

Phoebe: No fear.

Jack: [Phoebe pokes him with a stick] Ow, don't!

Phoebe: Are you a freak?

Jack: No.

Phoebe: Oh. Well Jane says that you're a freak.

Jack: Who's Jane?

Jane: I'm Jane and I think you are a freak. Look at your hairy arms and your eyebrows and...

Phoebe: Yeah, he has receding hairline.

Jack: Well, I'm not a freak.

Phoebe: You don't look ten. Look, you've got the hairy arms. You've got hairy knuckles.

Jane: You look a lot older than us.

Phoebe: It looks like you shaved there.

Jack: Yeah, I do. So?

Phoebe: A ten year old doesn't shave! So then you can't be ten.

Jane: Yes, you can't be ten if you shave and you have hairy arms and you're tall, really tall, and you're bigger.

Jack: So, I'm big for my age.

Phoebe: Yes, my tits are fake. That's what happens when your real ones try to kill you.

Phoebe: My last boyfriend was an alcoholic and I promised myself I would never date an addict again.

Adam: I'm not an alcoholic.

Phoebe: I just ran a 10K.

Adam: Okay, my... my initial reaction is to say, "well, I just ran a marathon", but I can't tell if you're joking or if you're serious.

Phoebe: I'm as serious as cancer.

Adam: Oh no, our reservation!

Phoebe: Oh, it's fine. We still have like 28 minutes.

Mike: I cannot believe you are voluntarily going to swim in the Hudson fucking river.

Katie: Mike!

[Tries to stop Mike saying curse words in front of Phoebe]

Mike: This isn't what...

[to Katie]

Mike: I know that she is a big girl.

[to Phoebe]

Mike: Sorry about the language.

Phoebe: That's okay. I accept your fucking apology.

Katie: [Phoebe cries] Hey, what's wrong?

Phoebe: I just think I'm worried about this whole addict thing, you know.

Katie: Mmm-hmmm.

Phoebe: I mean I just... Do you ever worry that you'll be just humming along and then, he's just gonna veer off back into the darkness?

Katie: In my experience, the only way that I can do this is just to keep the focus on myself.

Phoebe: Meaning?

Katie: Meaning... ummm... What about my side of the street? What are my issues that I have to deal with? After all, I picked an addict... Says something.

Phoebe: It ended up that the killer was the shy 14 year old girl that everybody picked on. Only this girl, she wasn't a girl. She was really a he. His aunt had been dressing him up like a girl ever since he was four years old. They found him naked on the beach holding the chopped off head of another camper. About 30 people were killed and the camp had to be closed down.

Phoebe: My birth control pills!

Julian Peters: I never thought I should say this, but there is a time and and place.

Phoebe: There're in my suitecase that I left back at the villa!

Julian Peters: So?

Phoebe: My name's on the prescription label!

Julian Peters: You've got a problem.

Phoebe: We have to go back.

Julian Peters: What? Are you insane? The police are probally swarming the place by now!

Phoebe: If the police are there, we'll leave. If not, we have to get my suitcase back.

Julian Peters: What about the killer?

Phoebe: Do you think the killer is just going to hang around the scene of the crime all night?

Julian Peters: I don't know. I don't know what his social life is like.

Julian Peters: Let's call a truce what do you say?

[Phoebe does not reply]

Julian Peters: Okay, how's this for an idea. After we get the reward money, I'll take you back here. Well have a nice moonlight dinner, a little champagne...

Phoebe: Look, Julian, don't waste my time. There is absolutely no chance I'd get involved with you. This is a business deal. Let's stick to business. Okay?

Julian Peters: Who said anything about getting involved? Lady, I'm on the ropes and the last thing I need is to be seen walking around with a lady wearing tights who should know better.

Phoebe: Do you ever shut up?

Julian Peters: Ooo, what a wit!

Phoebe: [singing] As the shadow falls and the daylight slips away to the night -- the night that lasts forever -- the night that is your friend, a friend of pain and pleasure. And when the night, the night you hear it calling -- calling out your name, you will never ever be the same!

Phoebe: And as for the father of our country, let me tell you, he may have been hell on the battlefield, but in bed, he was as wooden as his teeth!

Phoebe: Well, you can say that the night is full of danger, but you know, to the night, you're not a stranger. You know what I mean?

Phoebe: Honey, could you do me a favor and lock up tonight? I have a date with a very nice man.

Ralph: Who is it this time, mom?

Phoebe: Well, I'm not sure yet, but I will know him when I see him.

Addison DeWitt: And what's your name?

Phoebe: Phoebe.

Addison DeWitt: Phoebe?

Phoebe: I call myself Phoebe.

Addison DeWitt: And why not? Tell me, Phoebe, do you want someday to have an award like that of your own?

Phoebe: More than anything else in the world.

Addison DeWitt: Then you must ask Miss Harrington how to get one. Miss Harrington knows all about it.

Phoebe: Gilles de la Tourette syndrome. It's a beautiful name I think. I was born with it. Starting now. It'll get worse before it gets better. My shoulders, my fingers, and imitating. Spitting. It's a voice in your head that makes you do the opposite of what you're supposed to. It makes you break rules. But sometimes breaking rules is good. So I like to think about it that way.

Jamie: How'd your audition go? I think mine went well. I practiced forever. I was better at home. Auditions are stressful. When I wanted my baking kit, I prayed to God every night for a whole month to get it.

Phoebe: Is that what you have to do?

Jamie: Well, if you want something really bad, you have to pray. Or do something you hate, and God will see you deserve it.

Phoebe: I don't believe in God.

Jamie: Me neither, but I did get the baking kit.

Miss Reiter: [to the class] What do we know about Good Job Jenny?

Phoebe: [under her breath] She deserves a slow and painful death.

Dr. Miles: Have you told anyone about the Red Queen?

Phoebe: My mother. It made her nervous.

Dr. Miles: Do you hide things from your parents if you think it'll make them nervous?

Phoebe: Of course.

Dr. Miles: What do you and the Red Queen talk about?

Phoebe: Wonderland. How nice it is to have a place where things aren't fixed. It's all the opposite there, you know. It'd be nice if...

Dr. Miles: If?

Phoebe: If it were the same here.

Principal Davis: She spat, Mrs. Lichten, she spat.

Phoebe: Spat, spat, water rat.

Principal Davis: So I thought you could come in and we could chat about it.

Phoebe: Tommy spat first!

Principal Davis: Phoebe, perhaps you should let your mommy and daddy and I talk alone about it. Here, you can have a candy.

Hillary Lichten: Phoebe is imaginative and sensitive and passionate and if she did get excited about the gerbil, I'm sure she was provoked. You heard her, that other terror spat first.

[last lines]

Caterpillar: Who are you?

Phoebe: I hardly know, sir, right now. At least I knew who I was when I got up this morning. But I think I've must have changed many times since then.

Caterpillar: Explain yourself.

Phoebe: I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly, for I can't understand it myself to begin with. And being so many different sizes in a day, it is very confusing.

Caterpillar: It isn't.

Phoebe: Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet, but when you have to turn into a chrysalis - you will some day, you know - and then into a beautiful butterfly, I think you'll feel a little odd.

Caterpillar: Not a bit.

Phoebe: Your feelings may be different. All I know is, it would feel very strange to me.

Caterpillar: You? Who are you?

Phoebe: [just stares brightly]

Jamie: I have Mary. She's a Patriot Girl too, except British. She escaped the bombing of London during World War II.

Phoebe: I know who she is. She's a loser.

Jamie: You think?

Phoebe: What are you looking for?

Jamie: Money. Yesterday I found a dollar. I'm saving up for Sings With Birds, the noble Sioux girl growing up in 1732.

Phoebe: Do you want my Catherine doll?

Jamie: Thanks, but I have her.

Phoebe: Why'd she take off her dress? If I had a dress like that, I'd never take it off.

Olivia Lichten: You'd have to, to wash it.

Phoebe: No, because maybe if I wore it long enough, one day I'd wake up and I'd be that person.

Hillary Lichten: You'd have to choose your part carefully.

Phoebe: Oh, I would. Believe me, I would.

Phoebe: Where's Daddy going?

Hillary Lichten: He had some work to do.

Olivia Lichten: But it's Halloween. What are you doing?

Phoebe: Take my candy.

Olivia Lichten: Why?

Phoebe: It's my fault... Daddy leaving.

Hillary Lichten: No, he had work to do.

Peter Lichten: Why do we have to go to the principal's office?

Phoebe: I spat at the other kids. I couldn't help it.

Peter Lichten: Phoebe, what do you mean you couldn't help it?

Hillary Lichten: She means she couldn't help it.

Phoebe: Please tell Mr. Davis I couldn't help it.

Phoebe: Are you always supposed to feel hope?

Phoebe: I can see myself wrecking and ruining. But I can't stop myself.

Phoebe: Ask if she's seen any of "Sorry, Haters". It's my biggest hit. It's about how rich and famous people spend their money on the most ungodly cars and houses and diamond-studded scooters, just so everyone who can't get that stuff feels like nobodies.

Phoebe: He got my daughter and the house and a nice fat allowance to share with his little yellow Yoko.

Phoebe: Don't get me involved and then expect me to just roll over because some Jew-boy doesn't want to do his job. Ashade, you hate Americans don't you?

Phoebe: There's not a soul alive that gives a hoot about me, except my dog. So I think maybe all I can say is that I just... I hate me.

Phoebe: It's just, that day I wasn't a failure, okay? I was not a nobody. I wasn't powerless because everyone was powerless. Everybody. I just wanted that day back. I just wanted it back.

[last lines]

Ashade: What is this?

Phoebe: Something my parents gave me. And for some reason I want you to have it...