Herb Quotes in San Andreas (2015)

Margie: I told you we should've gone the other way.

Herb: Because you knew this was gonna happen?

Carl Denham: Bring the tripod and all of the film.

Herb: Want to switch to the six-inch lens?

Carl Denham: [considering Kong, who only he has seen] The wide-angle will do just fine.

[Later in the day, Herb is digging a hole in the sand while Putnam rests and drinks a beer]

Putnam: Herb?

Herb: Yeah?

Putnam: What are we gonna do with that son-of-a-bitch?

Herb: Who?

Putnam: You know damn well what I'm talking about. That cowboy at the Palomino Club.

Herb: I don't know what you can do about it. What can we do, man?

Putnam: You mean to stand and tell me you'll let him get away with it?

Herb: Well, Putnam, you got anything in mind?

Putnam: What I got in mind is to break his stupid head.

[Herb is exhausted from digging]

Herb: Whew! Hey, listen, you sure that thing works?

Putnam: Sure it works. Just keep digging.

Herb: Besides, you don't even know where to find him.

Putnam: Don't worry. I'll find him. I've got a plan.

Herb: What's that?

Putnam: I'll use my medical leave.

Herb: [laughs] You mean to say that you're gonna spend your two weeks medical leave looking for him?

Putnam: I'll spend the next two years looking for him if I have to.

Herb: [to himself, about Putnam] My white boy's one crazy motherfucker!

[LAPD Officers Herb & Putnam are at Santa Monica Beach with a metal detector]

Putnam: This machine is very sensitive.

Herb: What you think you can find out here?

Putnam: You never know what you're gonna find out here. Just listen. It picks up all kinds of metal: Swiss watches, expensive foreign cameras, silver dollars. Gold, man!

Herb: Gold?

Putnam: Yeah.

[Putnam & Herb arrive at Ma's house; Putnam knocks on the screen door]

Ma Boggs: Who is it?

Putnam: Police.

Ma Boggs: I'm coming. I'm coming, goddamn it! What do you want with an old lady?

Putnam: Ma'am, we're looking for Philo Beddoe. Our records say he lives at this here address.

Ma Boggs: Well, your records are wrong. He lives at that address in the back. What do you want him for?

Putnam: Just lookin' for him, ma'am.

Ma Boggs: Well, he don't live there anymore. He's gone off. Took that son-of-a-bitch Clyde with him.

Putnam: Clyde?

Ma Boggs: His ape!

Herb: His ape?

Ma Boggs: You heard me. What you making me repeat myself for?

Herb: Do you know where he's gone?

Ma Boggs: Oh, who gives a damn? Stealing all my Oreos, crapping all over the place. 12 ribs, my ass.

Herb: Uh, thank you very much. Sorry to bother you, ma'am.

Putnam: Good night, ma'am.

Ma Boggs: Yeah, I'm sorry too. S-see, leave an old lady alone, fending for herself, no protection. You just don't see...

[Herb is near the lake looking for his partner]

Herb: Putnam! Big dumb galoot. Putnam, where are ya? Dummy.

[the camera pans up to Philo, who is crouching on a pine branch. He then jumps right on Herb, blowing a few punches at him. Philo then victoriously raises his hands up and down repeatedly and make the famous "Tarzan Call", which can be heard throughout the entire lake, where Orville and Echo are fishing at]

Echo: What was that?

Orville Boggs: I think he's spending too much time with Clyde.

Stu: So I thought what the hell I'm a big celebrity now, I can get all the chicks I want. Why get married? But on the other hand if you are married, no more stink eye. Plus they can't testify against you.

Herb: Testify about what?

[last lines]

Stu Miley: [Buster runs over to Stu, who is near a fountain] Hey buddy! How are ya?

[chuckles]

Stu Miley: How are ya?

[Stu stands up and sees Julie, who is by the fountain]

Julie: [looks into Stu's eyes] Is it you? Is it really you this time?

[they kiss and the camera turns to Herb, who is in the water near the fountain]

Herb: [to the camera] People, for the love of God, take off your clothes. Take *off* your clothes!

[the scenery turns to cartoon, Herb flies away, a number of people remove their clothing and become monkeys]

Herb: When *was* the last time you fucked your wife?

Ed: You're a classy guy, Herb.

Herb: There's a girl there who will do *anything you want* for fifty dollars an hour.

Ed: Like what?

Herb: Anything! If you want she'll dress like Santa Claus!

Ed: Will she bring me a pony?

Charlie: Be careful! Some of the big fish can swallow you whole.

Herb: Swallow my what? You're not helping.

Herb: [to Gil Godwyn while in the lifeboat] /Listen to me, you sniveling little brown-nose. I have lived for 71 years, I've fought a war, I've buried my wife and I've survived 48 white sales at Gimble's. So if you think a little fop like you is gonna stop me, you've got another think coming!

[Herb and Charlie have successfully left the ship in the lifeboat]

Gil Godwyn: [furiously] I hope your boat capsizes and you drown like bloody rats!

Charlie, Herb: Bye!

[Ellen Carruthers walks in at this point]

Gil Godwyn: When that old bag makes me VP, I'll see to it you two never work on a cruise ship again as long as you LIVE!

[turns around, sees Ellen]

Gil Godwyn: [shocked, but tries to save face] Good evening, Ellen.

Herb: Look at the size of this room! A good fart will give you a concussion!

[after seeing their cabin]

Herb: Cozy? A good fart will give you a concussion!

Herb: Listen, I'm not authorized to throw your ass over board, but I will!

Herb: I'll tell you the truth, Gil, I lost my wife not too long ago...

Gil Godwyn: Oh, good. Good! Tell it to the ladies. They eat it up.

Gil Godwyn: We shall have to call the Guinness Book of Records about your friend Charlie.

Herb: What? Now what?

Gil Godwyn: Oh, he's taking the longest piss in freaking recorded history

Charlie Gordon: Why are you sterilizing your trousers?

Herb: [Annoyed] I'm *steaming* them.

Charlie Gordon: Oh, then what are you gonna' do, eat 'em with garlic butter?

Herb: It takes the wrinkles out, you imbecile!

Charlie Gordon: Huh! When a man is steaming his pants at midnight, it generally means there's a broad.

Herb: No broad!

Charlie Gordon: Well, that's too bad, 'cause I got one lined up: rich... "Texas rich." With an ass so beautiful, it's a shame she has to sit down on it.

Herb: Will you do me a favor and just knock that stuff off?

Charlie Gordon: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you were cooking.

Charlie: [Seeing Vivian entering the dance area] So... it's the broad that stole our airplane seats.

Herb: [Annoyed] That "broad" happens to have been an editor at Doubleday.

Charlie: Who cares?

Herb: All I was, was a clerk at Gimbel's.

Charlie: And Secretariat was just a horse. Go on, ask her to dance!

Herb: Oh, it's too late, Charlie.

Charlie: There's no such thing as "too late". That's why they invented death!

Herb: [Last lines] You're not getting' a nickel out of me, Charlie!

Eric: It was an accident, and I have the right to a fair trial.

[to Herb]

Eric: Herb, judge.

Herb: Only if I can wear the wig.

Eric: Deal.

Elizabeth: [Herb is putting on a wig] . Herb, what are you doing?

Herb: This is a democracy, weird things happen.

Consuela, Ramona: Ha ha ha ha!

Ralph Hollio: Mam! aw some congratulations sir.

Consuela: Alright!

Carl Solborg: The party starts here sure. Ha ha ha ha! Alright Rock uh good.

Consuela: Ummm!

Ralph Hollio: I Went to a party at the county jail.

Carl Solborg: Come on let's go.

Ralph Hollio: Were going to make it.

Carl Solborg: Were going to be casting off.

Ralph Hollio: Okay!

George: I think we bought us some trouble Solborg's first mate is the same guy I saw busted the airport the stories right there in the paper on top of that he Captain broke him out of jail.

Morgan Frye: So we go ourselves a convict drug felon on board ah wonderful.

George: Do you want I to go after him.

Sally Cantrell: You going to have a lot of trouble with Solborg, and who's going to sail your boat.

Morgan Frye: Now we just got to make sure that we're on the docks when are ship comes in.

Ralph Hollio: Woo wee! I looks really great huh! You know I have been watching that compass all night long, and I can't help but notice that were heading on a course straight west without changing where are we going anyway?

Carl Solborg: Sure were going to the states.

Ralph Hollio: What do you mean where going to the states, and how are we going there by the way of Japan.

Carl Solborg: Why don't you go below, and find some Scotch then pull all of the charts for course in Hawaii in three weeks to Kahana Bay.

Ralph Hollio: Kahana Bay!

Carl Solborg: Well Hawaii is the states you know.

Herb: Woah! Ha ha ha ha!

Doris: You got him Herb keep him steady, and can I get you anything, a tuna fish sandwich, I got tuna, bologna, and some nice lean corn beef.

Herb: Water, and no talk.

Doris: Right, Herb, right. Herb, Herb!

Herb: Shut Up Doris!

Doris: There some people there in a life boat out there, Herb there's some sitting in the middle of the ocean.

Herb: Ohhhh! Got dam it!

Doris: We got to help them Herb god know how long there just sitting there.

Herb: Got dam it, I am not going to lose this fish shut up. Ohhh!

Doris: Listen to me Herb.

Herb: Ohhh!

Doris: Ohhh! You lost it.

Herb: Dam it, dam it, okay Doris what to want me to say, got dam it.

Hijacker, Hijacker: Thank you!

Doris: Okay, give me your line relax.

Herb: What the hell's the matter with you people what are you doing.

Hijacker: We were out there for three days with no water, Jesus man, Jesus.

Herb: Got dam natives.

Doris: Okay! Here let me help you careful of the bags.

Herb: What the hell were you sailing around if you don't know what your doing?

Hijacker: What the hell do you expect on this here Hawaiian kid he's just a little kid.

Doris: What's going on, what is this?

Herb: You get off my boat you already lost me a beautiful Marlin, no overboard your going to pay for this, pay for this, got dam you, got dam you.

Secretary: Good morning sir, Mr. Gordon's waiting, and your coffee is going to ready in about five minutes.

Ray Hollister: You look beautiful today.

Secretary: Thanks!

Ray Hollister: Can you get your feet off my desk, and your butt out of my seat.

Agent Gordon: Do you want the bad news, the worst news, and the contasfee.

Ray Hollister: I want you out of the seat, let's go, and move.

Dan: I just wanted to come here.

Herb: To Winkie's?

Dan: This Winkie's.

Herb: Okay, why this Winkie's?

Dan: It's kind of embarrassing.

Herb: Go ahead.

Dan: I had a dream about this place.

Herb: [sighs] Oh, boy.

Dan: See what I mean?

Herb: Okay, so you had a dream about this place. Tell me.

Dan: Well, it's the second one I've had, but they're both the same. They start out that I'm in here, but it's not day or night. It's kind of half-night, you know? But it looks just like this... except for the light. And...

[shaking his head]

Dan: I'm scared like I can't tell you. Of all people, you're standing right over there... by that counter. You're in both dreams and you're scared too. I get even more frightened when I see how afraid you are and then I realize what it is. There's a man... in back of this place. He's the one who's doing it. I can see him through the wall. I can see his face. I hope that I never see that face, ever, outside of a dream.

[Dan looks down and shakes his head again, clearly terrified of the memory, and sniffs, as though close to tears. Herb cocks his head, waiting for more. The background music becomes increasingly ominous]

Dan: That's it.

Herb: So... you came here to see if he's really out there.

Dan: [leans in] To get rid of this god-awful feeling.

Herb: [nodding] Right, then.

[Herb rises and goes to pay the bill at the counter. Dan turns and looks, and his terror increases as he sees Herb standing in the same location as in his nightmare. Dan turns back to his uneaten breakfast, then turns again to see Herb say silently, "C'mon." They exit to investigate the back of the Winkie's restaurant]

Reno: [to Sharpy and Herb] You see, boys? He's a fanatic. He won't talk to me.

[He slugs Bailey]

Herb: Take it easy, Reno. You trying to kill him? He's gotta be in condition to talk.

Reno: The guy's a fanatic. You can't talk to fanatics. Fanatics won't talk!

Herb: What does he mean your body is a perfect alphabet? That doesn't even make sense. Is this guy loony tunes or what?