Mrs. Baker Quotes in Garfield (2004)

Happy Chapman: I believe you've found my dog. He answers to Odie.

Mrs. Baker: Odie?

Happy Chapman: Family name.

Sophie: I'm sure Mr. Taplinger doesn't believe in the unseen world.

Sophie: On the contrary, I always thought the unseen world was a good place to open a restaurant.

Mrs. Baker: Um, time to go, Sophie.

Stanley: The spirits have to eat somewhere.

Mrs. Baker: [interrogating Jill about being divorced] How long were you married?

Jill: Six days.

Mrs. Baker: And on the seventh day you rested?

Jill: No, I split.

Mrs. Baker: [talking about Ralph's play] I do not intend to pay money to see nudity, obscenity and degeneracy.

Ralph: Mrs. Baker, these things are all a part of life.

Mrs. Baker: I know, Mr. Santori. So is diarrhea, but I wouldn't classify it as entertainment.

Mrs. Baker: [trying to make Don come home] If you insist on staying here, I will not support you.

[Don goes to the phone]

Mrs. Baker: What're you doing?

Don Baker: Calling The Chronicle. What a story! 'Florence Baker Refuses to Help the Handicapped!'

Mrs. Baker: Donnie, I'm serious.

Don Baker: Oh, well, then I'll call the New York Times.

Mrs. Baker: What are you going to do for money? The little you saved must be gone now.

Don Baker: I can always walk along the streets with a tin cup.

Mrs. Baker: Now you're embarrassing me.

Don Baker: Oh, no, I'll stay away from Saks.

Jill: [talking about auditioning for the play naked] I don't think anyone could call me a prude.

Mrs. Baker: [mock outrage] I'd like to see them try!

Jill: Well, at first I hated the idea of getting completely undressed, but there were, like, twenty or thirty actors all around me, all naked, and I was the only one with clothes on! How would you feel?

Mrs. Baker: Warm, all over.

Don Baker: [phone rings] I'm fine, thank you. How are you? It's warm here. How is it in Hillsborough? Well, it's warm here too.

[picks up phone]

Don Baker: Hello, Mother.

Mrs. Baker: [on the other end] How did you know?

Don Baker: When you call, the phone doesn't ring. It says 'M is for the million things she gave me. O is for... ' I forgot what O is for.

Mrs. Baker: You seem to have forgotten a lot of things lately. How are you feeling?

Don Baker: I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

Mrs. Baker: Very well. How's the weather?

Don Baker: It's warm here. How is it in Hillsborough?

Mrs. Baker: Warm.

Don Baker: Well, it's warm here too.

Mrs. Baker: [looking around Don's apartment] Where did this furniture come from?

Don Baker: Some of it came with the apartment, the rest I picked up at a junk shop.

Mrs. Baker: Well, don't tell me which is which, let me guess.

Mrs. Baker: And what is that on your head?

Don Baker: [wearing the hat he bought with Jill] French foreign legion cap.

Mrs. Baker: Oh, have you enlisted?

Don Baker: No, I was drafted.

Mrs. Baker: [Jill says she has to go to an audition] Then you're an actress?

Jill: Well, yeah.

Mrs. Baker: Might I have seen you in anything, besides your underwear?

Jill: Um, not unless you went to Beverly Hills High School. I was in The Mikado. I played Yum-Yum.

Mrs. Baker: [laughing] Yes, I'm sure you did.

Don Baker: I don't want you talking to my friends when i'm not around.

Mrs. Baker: I'll make a note of that.

[Don and Mrs. Baker are arguing over his decision to support himself as a singer]

Mrs. Baker: May I ask how you arrived at this brilliant decision?

Don Baker: It was elementary, my dear mother - by the process of elimination. I made a lengthy list of all the things I couldn't do... like commercial pilot. I don't think TWA would be too thrilled to have me fly their planes... nor United... nor Pan Am. Photographer? A definite out, along with ball player and cab driver. Matador didn't strike me as too promising. I half-considered becoming an eye doctor, but that would just be a case of the blind leading the blind.

Mrs. Baker: Don't you think that it makes more sense to wait until after we move to the new place before we get the dog? I'm just thinking of the dog that way he won't have to relearn a new house, a new neighborhood, and all that other... newness.

Owen: We had a deal, Mom.

Mrs. Baker: We did. We sure, we sure, we absolutely did.

Owen: [quoting Mrs. Baker] "The best way to achieve your goals, Owen, is to make a plan, work hard, and always keep your eyes on the prize."

Mrs. Baker: That's an exact quote, isn't it?

Owen: I want my prize.

Mrs. Baker: You ain't shit. You just like your daddy. You don't do shit, and you never gonna amount to shit. All you do is eat, sleep, and shit.

[after all the men shove their way past the women to get to the food first]

Tre Styles: Hey, hey! Why don't you all act like gentlemen and let these ladies eat first.

[He motions to Doughboy for assistance]

Doughboy: Yeah. Y'all act like you ain't never had no barbecue before. The ladies eat. Ho's gotta eat too.

Shalika: Wait a minute, niggah, who you callin' a ho? I ain't no ho!

Doughboy: Oh, I'm sorry bitch.

Mrs. Baker: [She smacks Doughboy] Hey, hey! Watch your mouth.

Doughboy: I'm just playin'!