Matt Arnold Quotes in Big Trouble (2002)

Geo Salesman: Sweet little vehicle. Just get divorced? Ah, it doesn't matter. Forty-two miles to the gallon, AM/FM radio. I'll even throw in the undercoating. Anything else you'd like to know?

Matt Arnold: Yeah. How many clowns can it hold?

Eliot Arnold: Strip poker. Strip poker. Now, that's a good game.

[Grabs a squirt gun away from Matt]

Eliot Arnold: This is a stupid game.

Matt Arnold: Dad, no offense, but only a moron would mistake that for a real gun.

Eliot Arnold: You could've been killed. And where's your partner in crime?

Matt Arnold: Andrew?

Jenny Herk: He ran the other way.

Eliot Arnold: Did anybody call the police?

Matt Arnold: Uh, Jenny's mom opened the door, and I came running up to squirt her. And then, uh, Mrs. Herk jumped me... or jumped ON me. And, uh, and then I went down on Jenny... or I f-fell on Jenny.

Jenny Herk: You, don't look at my ass when I walk away.

Andrew: I can't make that promise.

[leaves]

Andrew: Whoa. "You can squirt me tonight down at Bayside." You're gonna remember that line when you're an old dude, dude.

Matt Arnold: Are you looking at her ass?

Andrew: Yeah.

[Matt and Andrew are getting prepared for a big water gun war at their friend, Jenny, in her home]

Andrew: So, what's the plan? Through the front?

Matt Arnold: [sarcastically] Yeah. "It's Matt Arnold. I'm here to kill your daughter, Jenny."

[truthfully]

Matt Arnold: No, we gotta go over the wall, dickweed. I just she doesn't see this stupid turdmobile.

Matt Arnold: How about I shoot you in the hand?

Jenny Herk: My first hand job.

Matt Arnold: I hope they don't have a dog.

Eliot Arnold: [narrating] As it turns out, the Herks did have a dog. His name was Roger and he was the random result of generations of hasty, unplanned dog sex.

Matt Arnold: Dad, the goat kicked your Geo's ass.

Eliot Arnold: The car is a piece of shit, OK?