Matt Quotes in Sicario (2015)

Matt: You saw things you shouldn't have seen.

Matt: Medellin refers to a time when one group controlled every aspect of the drug trade, providing a measure of order that we could control. And until somebody finds a way to convince 20% of the population to stop snorting and smoking that shit, order's the best we can hope for. And what you saw up there, was Alejandro working toward returning that order.

Kate Macer: Alejandro works for the fucking Colombian Cartel.

Matt: He works for the competition. Alejandro works for anyone who will point him toward the people who made him. Us. Them. Anyone who will turn him loose. So, he can get the person that cut off his wife's head, and threw his daughter into a vat of acid. Yeah. That's what we're dealing with.

Kate Macer: [after an illegal gun battle] What am I doing here?

Matt: What you're doing here is you're giving us the opportunity to shake the tree and create chaos. That's what this is! In the meantime, just sponge everything up you see. Learn! That's why you're here.

Kate Macer: You used me as bait.

Matt: Nah, you used yourself as bait.

Kate Macer: Are we going to Tucson?

Matt: Yeah, you gotta learn how to sleep on a plane. They let me on the base when you need a ride, don't they?

Reggie Wayne: [to Kate as they approach] You okay?

Matt: She's fine.

Reggie Wayne: I didn't ask you.

Matt: And yet I answered...

Matt: Fausto Alarcon "El Verdugo". Every day across that border, people are kidnapped or killed by his hand or with his blessing. To find him would be like discovering a vaccine. You understand the value of that?

Matt: [after interrogating Ted] You know what the beauty is of you being so beat to a pulp? 'Cause no one's gonna notice a few more scratches.

[Matt and Spence are helping Rain]

Rain: When I get outta here... think I'm gonna get laid.

Matt: Yeah, you might want to clean up a little bit first.

Matt: [held down] You can't do this!

Rain: [removing gas mask] Blow me.

Matt: What the fuck was that?

Sebastian: Did you ever hear the one about Superman and Wonder Woman?

Matt: Stop clowning around

Sebastian: No come on this is a good one. Superman's flying around metropolis and he's horny as hell. He's checking out the rooftops and all of a sudden he sees Wonder Woman sunning herself on the roof of the Justice League. I mean she is lying there buck naked and spread eagle. Looks like she wants to get fucked right? So Superman starts thinking to himself, "Man I gotta get myself some of that wonderpussy." and then he realizes that he can fly down, do a little fast pumping and be gone before she even sees him. Because he's Superman. he's faster than a speeding bullet, right? So Superman, he swoops down, he fucks her so quick, she doesn't even see him. Wonderwoman sits up and says, "What the fuck was that?" and The Invisible Man says "I don't know but my asshole is killing me." That's funny right?

Matt: hmm

Sebastian: C'mon, guys. That's funny.

Matt: My 5th grade teacher told me, that "Genius is the ability to go from A to D without having to go through B and C." Sebastian can do that, but for me, I gotta have the B and C.

Matt: How did we let him talk us into this?

Linda: Can we talk about it later? I'm trying to make love to you.

Linda: Did you see that?

Matt: Sebastian, can you hear me?

Sebastian: ...The lights! Turn off the... lights!

[Linda and Matt turn the lights]

Sebastian: I can't close my eyes.

Linda: You can, but your eyelids are transparent.

Sebastian: It's weird. I feel the same, but I'm not here.

[Linda pushes on Sebastian's chest]

Linda: You're here.

Matt: Any last words?

Sebastian: Yeah! If I die, pretend the last words I said were real deep and clever.

Matt: Any last words?

Sebastian: Yeah. If I die, pretend I said something deep and clever.

Matt: Sarah's on the warpath, so I suggest you play nice.

Sarah: This is bullshit, Sebastian, bullshit.

Sebastian: Good morning to you, too!

Dr. Kramer: I'm going to call out the scientific council.

Matt: Is there anything we can do in the meantime?

Dr. Kramer: How about clearing out your offices?

Linda: For what is worth, we're both very sorry.

Dr. Kramer: It's a little a late for apologies.

Mrs. Kramer: What's the problem?

Dr. Kramer: Just a screw-up at work!

Mrs. Kramer: How bad?

Dr. Kramer: Bad enough to wake up a few Generals.

[Isabelle has been made visible and put in her cage]

Matt: Man, look how peaceful she is.

Sarah: Yeah, if I didn't know better, I'd say nothing happened to her.

Sebastian: Yes, so let's schedule a vivisection for Monday. I want to check her neural pathways.

Sarah: You just brought her back, and now you're gonna slice up her brain?

Sebastian: I'm not runnin' a goddamn zoo! All right?

Sarah: You're a fucking unethical bastard.

Matt: Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's kidding.

[to Sebastian]

Matt: Tell her you're kidding, right?

Sebastian: Right. I don't want to cut her up for another few weeks.

[last lines]

Matt: What are you doing?

Jessie: I thought I'd drive you for once

Matt: Okay then... let's go

Matt: [to his kid brother] I do have a job... taking care of you

Tai: WarGreymon!

Matt: MetalGarurumon! Why won't he answer me Tai?

Tai: Keep trying Matt. Listen, I don't have a whistle to wake you, but I want you to know you're not alone, ok? And the mail keeps coming, it won't stop, kids from all over the world are writing to you. Feel their hope, feel their strength!

WarGreymon: I feel them!

Tai: Hey Matt, who are all these weird people?

Matt: They're not weird. They're my best friends, considering this is the only computer in town.

Matt: For the love of donuts, let's go!

Matt: Would you like a falafel with that?

[to Jessie]

Will: Is there anything you can't do?

Matt: She can't sing.

Will: Really?

Matt: Nope. Not a note. Sounds like a coyote in a trash compactor.

Matt: WOLVERINES!

Matt: We've got a full HMI plan.

Will: HMO... H... M... O

Matt: No, it's different than that.

Matt: Hey, those are fighting words.

Matt: I don't know what those guys are talking about in there... Corey ripped our map... Would you like a falafel with that?

Matt: Chuck, chuck, bo buck, banana, fana, fo fu-

[car stops]

Matt: AH!

Matt: Greetings from the interior.

[Dustin and Eric are having a serious conversation when someone farts]

Matt: Greetings from the interior...

Eric: Matt!

Sweet Lou: I think I can taste that one...

[Another fart is let loose]

Eric: MATT!

Matt: That wasn't me.

Bell Clerk: Sorry, that was me. Whoo! Can I have my underwear back?

[Guys take off in van]

Matt: It's the honeymoon suit.

[makes porn music sounds]

Matt: [Matt touches Dustin's nipple and Dustin punches him]

Eric: So there's only one bed and there's four guys.

[Matt and Dustin race to the bed where they start to pillow fight]

Dustin: This is my side. Get off me.

[Dustin pulls something from under the sheets]

Dustin: Ah! Man-ties!

[Dustin puts tighty-whities on Matt's head]

Matt: AHHH!

[matt pulls them off and throws them across the room while Dustin laughs histerically]

Matt: You did not just find those in that bed!

[Dustin and Matt go on Jimmy's tour bus to put their demo tape on there]

Matt: I've been holdin' it for two days, dude. It's about to go downtown.

Dustin: That's a good idea; why don't you take a crap on his bus. He'd appcreciate that.

[Matt enters bathroom while Dustin changes tapes]

Dustin: [Matt starts to sing while he's pooping]

Dustin: Dude, let's go.

Matt: Whoa-ho! Dude, I might not get a piece of Jimmy Wilson, but he sure got a piece of me!

Dustin: Dude, that smells like hermit crap.

Dustin: So to recap, um, we smell like turds, we have no car, no Jimmy Wilson, and I'm broke. I guess you could call me stupid.

Matt: Hey Stupid.

Dustin: What?

Matt: [after seeing the hideous scar on Jimmy Wilson's bus guard] No.

Eric: Excuse me sir...

Scabby Security Guy: [turns around to reveal a nasty scab on his face]

Dustin, Eric, Matt: Good lord

[everyone screams, Matt grabs his own face]

Eric: Get it away

Scabby Security Guy: Yeah, what do you want?

Dustin: Excuse me sir we are just here to see Jimmy. Is he in the scar, the car, the bus is that where he is?

Scabby Security Guy: Thats a big no on Jimmy.

Dustin: Good, thank you.

Scabby Security Guy: [to Matt] What are you looking at pin-head.

Matt: No.

Matt: I'm in a dry spell, man.

Dustin: To be in a dry spell you've have to had been in a wet spell.

Matt: I've had sex.

Dustin: Yeah, with a human, though.

Matt: Who's making up all these rules, man?

Dustin: Dammit! Why?

Matt: Dude, I didn't even know it was going.

Dustin: Okay, you know what? I just got peed on.

Matt: Sweet Lou, my sister wanted me to give you this. It's her nose.

Matt: You know what? I just got violated by a lizard, man!

[pause]

Matt: Actually, that felt pretty good.

Matt: [after punching clown] ... I Hate Clowns

Matt: Chilli, chilli, chilli, chilli, chilli...

Matt: [while changing blown tire on the van while Sweet Lou and the girl are in the van and it is rocking] Sweet Lou's all over this chick.

Dustin: Why does that bother you so much?

Matt: Because it's not happening to me.

Dustin: Dude, maybe if you changed your clothes like one time there might be a... I don't know.

Dustin: Guys, what are we doing in a clown college?

Sarah Jensen: [Female clown appears] Matty!

Matt: Hey, Mom.

Sarah Jensen: We missed the hell out of you!

Sweet Lou: Those are Matt's parents?

Dustin: They really are clowns.

Sarah Jensen: [Gets away and rubs her nose] You reek!

Matt: Hey, Dad.

Denise: [Girl appears] Matt?

Matt: What's up?

Denise: You smell funky.

[Making fun of him]

Denise: Wait, wait, don't tell me. Give me a second. I'm really good at this.

Matt: I'm covered in shit.

Denise: Oh!

Matt: But then Samnang won't get his money!

Kelly: It's funny, you say that like I care. I don't give a shit!

Matt: Oh! What the hell Bianca?

[attempts to cover bulge in underwear as Bianca enters the lockeroom]

Bianca Piper: Kinda looks like a penis, only smaller.

Bianca Piper: [aftering punching Wes in the face] Why is your hand messed up?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Believe me. You're not the only one running around, punching people today.

[Cutaway to Wes slamming a teammate against the wall]

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: No one sees that video again! Got me? You tell everyone!

Matt: I don't know that many people.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Well, make some more friends, and tell them.

[Wes walks away]

Matt: [confused] What?

Jenna: You want to know a secret?

Matt: Yeah.

Jenna: You're the sweetest guy I've ever met.

Jenna: I love you, Matt. You're my best friend.

Matt: ...Jenna, I've always loved you.

Jenna: Matty.

Matt: Yeah?

Jenna: Arrivederci.

Matt: I'll see you.

Jenna: Matt!

Matt: Yeah?

[she gives him a look]

Matt: Au revoir.

Matt: You can't just turn back time.

Jenna: Why not?

Matt: Jenna, what are you... Why are you here?

Jenna: Matty, I told you - something really weird is happening. Yesterday was my 13th birthday and then, and then today I woke up and I'm this, and you, I mean - you're that! You get it?

Matt: [long pause] Are you high? You been smoking pot? Doing X? Fallen into a K-Hole? You doing drugs?

[last lines]

[spoiler]

Jenna: A Razzle, Mr. Flamhaff?

Matt: Thank you, Mrs. Flamhaff.

Jenna: Hey! You got arm hair!

Matt: Never got quite that reaction before.

Matt: It doesn't matter what Lucy said. I stopped trusting her after she stole my poprocks in the third grade.

Jenna: What happened?

Matt: I don't know. I can pretty much peg it to your 13th birthday party, when you were in the closet playing that game. Spin the Rapist?

Jenna: Seven Minutes in Heaven.

Matt: [confused look] You're not Chinese.

Matt: I can't tell you how s-Sorry and ashamed I am. I thought I could do it. I thought I could be the guy that I told you I was going to be. And then, somewhere along the way... I thought I was losing you. But it was actually me. I got lost. It's a confusing world out there, and who I am got messed up for a minute. And now I'm watching you ready to give all this up for me. I will not let that happen. I love you, and I will do so much better if you'll let me. Please, Jules. Let me make it right again.

Jules: [crying her eyes out] You know what would be good? If you carried a handkerchief.

Matt: We're like your sister wives.

Matt: Hey, Hope.

Hope: Take these.

Matt: Okay.

Hope: Any new stuff in the back?

Matt: Yeah, totally. It's supposed to be bomb-ass shit. He said it was government grade. I don't know if that means that the government grows it, or maybe they just grade it?

Hope: Stop you right there. Do not talk about politics. It's crass. You're gonna lose a lot of customers.

Matt: But you don't... You don't pay me.

Erica: If I told you, "Don't think about the color red", what would you think about?

Matt: Sex.

Ryan: [upon learning Matt's given up sex for Lent] One - you can't do it. It's j... This isn't a personal attack towards you, I'm just saying that no man can do it. It goes against nature. The male was biologically designed to spread his seed, Matt. You're gonna piss off the seeds, man! You're gonna... It goes against science! You wanna be the guy who goes against science?

Matt: [patiently] And two?

Ryan: Two - are you out of your fucking mind? You're the guy who can't finish a sandwich! You think you can go 40 days? Four... Do... This isn't normal. Did your brother put you up to this or something?

Matt: No. You know what? He's about as supportive as you are. And what do you care, anyway? This doesn't affect you in any way.

Ryan: You... This affects everyone.

Matt: Hey, have you ever noticed the crack on my ceiling?

Ryan: Dude, you're action-packed with issues.

Matt: You stupid, stupid... silly little person.

Matt: You gotta help me. You gotta light a candle for me or something.

John Sullivan: I'm not lighting a candle so you can feel better about getting laid!

Matt: Listen, isn't part of the priestly thing giving relationship advice?

John Sullivan: Relationship advice, yes - sex advice, no. Part of the priestly thing - and stop calling it that - is not to have sex, remember?

Matt: Now, it's funny - I didn't say a thing about sex.

John Sullivan: Sure you did.

Matt: No, I didn't. I guess thinking about sex *is* part of the priestly thing - at least for some.

John Sullivan: Get out.

Matt: Fine.

Susie: [after Matt badly fakes an orgasm] What the fuck was that?

Matt: W-what?

Susie: Did you cum?

Matt: Yeah.

Susie: No you didn't. You faked it.

Matt: No, no, no. What're you... Guys don't fake it. I don't even think that we can.

Susie: You faked it.

Ryan: Look, Matt, I know you're still trying to work out your Nicole issues with the big black hole, but trust me, trust me...

Matt: I don't have any Nicole issues.

Ryan: ...you...

[Ryan picks up an old picture of Matt and Nicole]

Ryan: 'Hi, I'm one of the many pictures of Nicole that infest Ryan and Matt's apartment after six months.' And she's hot, Matt, I don't mind looking at her. I'm just saying you have issues.

Matt: [suffering through his 40th day of sexual abstinence] I almost fucked an outlet today.

Ryan: So you're not into her?

Matt: Oh, I'm totally into her.

Ryan: So how can you not want to fuck her?

Ryan: This is a photocopy of Candy's ass?

Matt: Yup.

Ryan: You're gonna call her, right?

[gets no reply, returns to the picture]

Ryan: Obviously, you're gonna call her.

Matt: Everything was going great until you had to... I stopped having sex, I'm totally falling for Erica, and I'm finally over Nicole

Ryan: [doubting] You really think you're over her?

Matt: Fuck yeah! Bitch.

[in the toilet, Matt discovers Jerry is in the next booth masturbating]

Matt: Jerry?

Jerry Anderson: Uh, Jerry's not here right now. May I take a message?

Erica: Don't you ever feel like you just keep meeting the same exact people over and over? You know, like people that went to *this* kind of college and...

Matt: And now in *that* kind of job, right?

Erica: Yeah. I wanna have a party with a list on my door of all my friends and friends of friends, and if you're on that list, or know somebody on that list, then you cannot come in.

Matt: How do you know I am not on that list?

Erica: Nobody on that list would have talked to me like you did last week. Or *not* talked to me.

Nicole: You never think about me anymore? Not even just a little?

Matt: Let me put it this way: I have thought about you - about us - a lot, but tonight, when you came in, was the first time I didn't get all fucked up about it.

Ryan: [Ryan enters Matt's bedroom wearing rubber gloves and carrying a portable ultraviolet light] Surprise inspection.

Matt: What the hell's that thing?

Ryan: It's a special light that allows me to see if any fluids have been liberated.

[Examines Matt's bed, finds nothing]

Ryan: Keep up the good work.

Matt: [bursting into his brother's chamber] You gotta help me!

John Sullivan: You gotta knock!

Matt: I'm seeing things! I swear to God, everywhere I look I'm seeing tits and ass. When I came in here, I swear to God, I thought I saw you kissing a nun. Oh, my God! You *were* kissing a nun!

Matt: Yesterday, I was fine. I mean, physically speaking, I was fine. But today? I'm not fine. This morning at the coffee shop they were unofficially sponsoring Hot Women Wearing No Bras Day.

Matt: [Tripping out on his 40th day of sexual abstinence, Matt wistfully rubs his thumb over the breasts of a Mrs. Butterworth syrup bottle] She's filled with Heavenly sweetness.

Ryan: [taking the bottle away] I somehow don't think *Mr.* Butterworth would appreciate that very much.

Matt: The media, the press, they're disgusting! I mean, if only they were as honorable and conscientious as YOU are, then the world would be a better place.

Nancy: Thank you...

Matt: Mmm-hmm.

Nancy: I think. Or f-you? Thank you or f-you, I never know.

Matt: So are you like the disgruntled one, always a bridesmaid, never a bride?

Nancy: No! I mean, I was an outstanding student, obviously. You know, I was head of our yearbook committee and newspaper editor. I was Vice President of the senior class. That was great! I had to get votes for that.

Matt: So a giant dork.

Nancy: I hate you.

Nancy: She's just such an evil bitch!

Matt: You do recall that this poor woman is looking for her missing child?

Nancy: Yeah. And I feel terrible for them. And I'm gonna be all over the story and do everything I can.

Matt: Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

Matt: I'm closer to you than you are to me.

Kris: How the fuck does that work?

Matt: Can't you just relax and enjoy the moment?

Gwyn: No, I'm a middle child. I always think the really good moments are happening to someone else.

Matt: Why do you always assume the worst about people!

Gwyn: Statistics!

Matt: [after he gets caught singing a show tune by Cooper] Oh fuck me!

Cooper: What were you just doing?

Matt: What? Nothing!

Cooper: Oh no, don't tell me nothing, you were just singing a show tune!

Matt: You're crazy, I'd never do that.

Cooper: You can't be suicidal if you're singing show tunes!

Matt: I am suicidal.

Cooper: You're not even depressed!

Matt: Of course I'm depressed, look at me.

[hunches over]

Matt: I'm very fucking depressed.

Cooper: You fucking poser!

Matt: [loses his accent] Hey man, I'm not a fucking...

Cooper: You're not even British!

Matt: [singing] My words in my sperm, spewing forth my tragic...

Matt: What the fuck do you two what?

Josh: Are you a musician?

Cooper: Are you in a band?

Matt: Kiss... My... Arse.

Josh: What?

[Josh and Cooper look at each other puzzled]

Matt: That's the name of the bleeding band.

Josh: Oh, you're gonna be playing the big pre-finals party.

Matt: Yeah, that's right - if I'm still around.

Cooper: What do you mean?

Matt: And who the fuck are you? Fucking Kurt Loader!

Matt: WOULD YOU PISS OFF AND SHUT MY FUCKING DOOR!

[Josh and Cooper hurriedly close the door, but remain in the room]

Matt: Piss off!

Josh: Oh, Piss off.

Cooper: [On the way out of the room] What the fuck does piss off mean?

Nicole: Do you want to take a shower with me?

Matt: Yeah uh... see actually I'm good right now. I just actually... I took a shower.

Jacob: [Listening in from another room with Zack and some other friends] Come on.

Zack: [Drops head onto arms] I hate - I hate him.

Zack: [laughing at Matt]

Matt: [Shaving his pubic hair] Why is that funny?

Zack: It's not a massage. You rub it around the fucking hairy parts, not your whole dick, you weirdo.

Matt: Okay, what if after all that, I um... fuck the taste out of your mouth. That's good?

Becca: What? What...

[scratches head]

Becca: Okay. Tell me, why would I need the taste fucked out of my mouth. I don't... what does that mean?

Matt: [Stutters] Well, I... If you need... If, like... I don't know.

Becca: Do you think I need the taste fucked out of my mouth?

Matt: I don't think... No. I don't think you need it. I'm just saying that maybe it's, like, a...

Becca: No?

Matt: No. Just forget I said it. Let's start at the beginning. Sorry.

Matt: Alright. I sucked... her tits.

Zack: $2500, and all you did was suck her tits?

Matt: We were the wonder couple. We were going to be like... Fantastic Four minus two. Fantastic Two. I just want to get back together with you.

Zack: You just need to promise me you'll tell me one thing. Just one thing, that's all I want to know.

Matt: I'll try. I will.

Zack: Does she squirt?

[Matt looks dumbfounded]

Zack: Did she have a geyser? 'Cause she totally looks like...

Matt: Yeah, yeah.

Zack: Her vagina was like Old Yeller.

Jacob: No, not Old Yeller. Old Yeller's a dog. Yellow, you're thinking of...

Zack: Yellowstone Park.

Jacob: Yeah.

Zack: Old Geyser.

Jacob: [laughs] No, not...

Matt: Old Yeller. Old Yeller was the dog.

Justin: Old Yeller is the dog.

Matt: What's the name of the geyser?

Zack: Old Geyser.

Matt, Jacob, Justin: No.

Justin: Old Face...

Matt: Face/Off!

Zack: [while on his knees, shaving Matt's pubic hair] So, when you're fucking her tonight, you know what you should say? I was thinking about this last week. You should say, "Girl, I'm gonna fuck the taste right out of your mouth."

Matt: No. No, I'm not saying that to anyone.

Zack: It's classy.

Matt: It's not classy.

Zack: It's very classy. That's like holding the door for a woman.

Matt: Saying that I want to fuck the taste out of someone?

Zack: Absolutely.

[Admires the shaving work he's doing]

Zack: I am good at this.

Matt: I'm a guy. I can put it in anything.

[Courtney is panicking over a horrific vision]

Matt: I'm gonna go call the cops.

Sheila: Ohh, God. Anybody got any tranqs?

Jon: I'm gonna be your sister-in-law, have you thought about that?

Matt: Jesus, every night.

Felix Bean: Well, there's no way she heard that.

Zach: How do you know?

Felix Bean: She would have called by now.

[Phone begins to ring]

Felix Bean: I'm not here.

Grogan: Me neither.

Zach: Me neither.

Freaky Reaky: Me neither.

Matt: Me neither.

Grogan: [On answering machine] Greetings earthing. At the lazor please record your communication... And take me to your leader

[Lazor sounds on recording]

Matt: That is the funniest message I've ever heard.

Matt: [Discussing the six digit phone number a girl gave Zach] Maybe it's one of those love numbers.

Felix Bean: What like I want to be with you 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year

[Matt nods]

Zach: Yeah, but these numbers are 213147.

Felix Bean: Oh well I guess she wants to be with you three days a week 21 hours a day 147 days a year.

Matt: Well hey, Sara.

Sara: Hey, Matt. Grogan's so funny.

Matt: Yeah. Hey, sounds to me like you like him.

Sara: Well...

Matt: Wow. You and Garbage Dick. That's great, I mean he was just saying that...

Sara: Wait, what did you say?

Matt: I was just saying how Garbage Dick told me how he thought you were...

Sara: Garbage Dick?

Matt: Yeah. Oh, no, no. It's no big deal. I mean, that was at least a year to two ago, anyway.

Sara: Wait, what does that mean?

Matt: Ah, I wouldn't worry about it. Besides, everyone wears condoms these days, right?

Matt: Like Edison said, if you want to have a good idea, have a lot of them.

Matt: A guy in a bar told me once; if you wonder what God thinks about money, look at who he gives it to.

Matt: I love Sam like a brother, but he drives me crazy. Not a word goes into his head that doesn't come out of his mouth.

Sam: You know what we're good at.

Matt: Lately, not a whole lot.

Gina: No, Matt, I've been up since six.

Matt: I've been up about a minute and a half.

Sam: No, listen; JJ has been making a fortune going out to the desert and swiping saguaros.

Matt: So we're getting our seed money from committing a felony.

Matt: If this old bed could talk, huh? You do remember all that stuff, right?

Ryan: What were we thinking, huh?

Ryan: What if I'm not stuck. What if I like workin' outside? What if I like knowing the people I see on the street and goin' to the same church I grew up in? How do you know this isn't what I want my life to be?

Matt: Because of all those nights we spent talking about getting out, all of those things you said. That's how I know.

Ryan: People change, Matt. You sure did. You come back here like you've got it all figured out, but do you? What about all that shit you said, like you'd always have my back, we'd always be tight, you'd always be there. Was that only supposed to be when we were fucking?

Clay: [waking up under the same blanket with Matt] Please tell me you're not spooning me.

Matt: [mostly still asleep] Hm? Mm. Five more minutes, man.

Clay: Shit, dude. You've got morning wood.

Clay: You make me feel like a real man. M-maybe my whole life has been a total lie and I'm not gay. I think I'm in love with you.

Clay: [stroking Matt's cheek] Now make love to me. Please.

Matt: I think I'm gonna puke.

Clay: Dude, this is what all ladies really dream about - the fag who's not afraid to eat his best girlfriend's pussy.

Matt: You don't know shit about being gay.

Clay: Oh, yeah, well, there's a campus sexual identity support group meeting this afternoon. Get my gay on there.

Matt: Do you have any other goals in life besides getting laid?

Clay: You mean like writing the great American novel, making a million dollars, stopping world hunger, that sort of thing?

Matt: Exactly.

Clay: Dude, I'm a B-student from Wisconsin, okay? My... my mom drives a school bus. My dad manages a Target store. Now, future happiness for guys like me means Saturday afternoon BBQ's, a sweet deal on a new civic, and the occasional blow job from my wife. And until I take that sad journey into cultural purgatory, my goal in life is - yeah - to get as much ass as I can.

Clay: Should I get my nipple pierced?

Matt: Is there any part of you that sees how immoral this is?

Clay: [at a frat party populated by plain girls] Oh, my God, man. Look at these chicks. We're surrounded by "before shots."

Matt: I thought the ugly ones were easier to lay.

Clay: It's a myth, my friend. The unattractive ones think that their insides are really beautiful, so you gotta waste a lot of time and energy makin' them think that you're attracted to their personalities.

Clay: [seeing his dead roommate wheeled away] So when you movin' in?

Matt: I'll get my stuff.

Clay: Look, if we're gonna mate with that species of girl, we just need to become a superior breed of male.

Matt: So we should... go to the gym or somethin'.

Clay: No, we should become frat boys, dude. I mean, what better way to fortify our masculinity than with some classic male bonding.

Sterling Scott: [after Bob's and Brendan's night together is revealed] Bob?

Eric: Brendan...

Matt: Eric!

Aunt Alice: Brendan?

Carol: Sarah...

Sarah: Brendan?

Celia: Celia!

Beth: Matt?

Matt: Brendan...

Beth: Whoa!

[Sterling and Sarah faint]

Matt: The only reason you stay here is so you can fuck my mother and eat her food. MOTHERFUCKER. FOOD EATER.

Clarissa: You didn't have to call me a stupid bitch.

Layne: You would of driving right past us. We had to yell something.

Matt: You yelled it Layne.

Clarissa: I got a name you know. You're lucky I didn't just drive right home.

Layne: OKay, okay, okay. I'm sorry *Clarissa*, but you've got to understand that in a time like this where every fucking second counts, a man can't waste his time choosing words.

Matt: You respect an adult? I really *do* need to get stoned...

Bennett: Did the sight of this dead girl move you in any particular way?

Matt: I don't know.

Bennett: Were you shocked, angry, saddened? Did the sight please you?

Matt: I don't know how I felt.

Bennett: You knew this girl?

Matt: Yeah.

Bennett: How did you feel about her?

Matt: I don't know.

Bennett: Hey, I'm getting sick of "I don't know". Do you hear me?

Clarissa: [he's climbed out of Layne's car as well] What's with you?

Matt: I don't know. I figured I'd walk you home.

Clarissa: I can make it on my own.

[sighs as he hesitates]

Clarissa: Well, come if you're gonna come.

Matt: [catching up with her] You want my coat or something? You look kinda cold.

Clarissa: [shakes her head] No, I'm okay.

[as they walk along:]

Clarissa: You agree with him, don't you?

Matt: Layne? Not really.

Clarissa: You probably do. Everybody goes along with him, like he's got some special power or something. I think he's totally wrong.

Clarissa: [as they walk along] Layne brags about me, doesn't he?

Matt: What do you mean?

Clarissa: About getting me. I know he does, so don't even say he doesn't.

[no response]

Clarissa: Doesn't he?

Matt: Not to me.

Clarissa: [smiles] You look kinda cute when you lie, you know that?

Matt: What?

Clarissa: You should see him though when there are no other guys around, and he thinks he might get lucky. Shakes like a leaf. Always has to be drunk too. He's like "Layne - Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic." They could make a movie, I don't know.

[they reach her house]

Clarissa: Do you have to be drunk to kiss a girl?

Clarissa: [as Layne drives] I feel real twisted right now. Twisted, like I should just go to the cops, and just tell them where John is.

Layne: [holding up a finger] I wouldn't even joke about that, Clarissa.

Clarissa: What would you do, kill me? You'd love that, I'll bet. You and John could run off and be outlaws together. But first, to show off to your friends, strap my dead body to the top of your car and drive all over town.

Layne: [causing him to slam on the brakes] Get out!

Clarissa: What?

Layne: You don't understand a goddamn thing, do you? Jamie is dead, dammit! And there's nothing that we can do to save her. Now I happened to like Jamie. But John is still alive. Don't you see that?

Clarissa: And who's next on his list?

[exasperated, Layne reaches over, and throws open the door for her]

Clarissa: You're just gonna leave me here? What if John's around?

Layne: [giggles] Ask him to forgive you. Here... here's your money. We don't need this shit.

[she climbs out]

Matt: [leaning over from back seat] We can't just leave her alone like this.

Layne: Okay. Fuck!

[glaring at him in rear-view mirror]

Layne: You stay here, and you protect her. I should have known that I was the only one that can handle a crisis. Do you want your money back, too?

Matt: Keep my money, Layne.

[climbs out]

Tony: Gimme a cigarette, man.

Layne: You fucking gave up cigarettes.

Tony: I gave up yesterday, not today.

Layne: I gave up lending.

[hands over the cigarette anyway]

Layne: Learn some self-control, you're interrupting.

[to Matt:]

Layne: Go on.

Matt: I don't know. I just figured we could dump this place, you know? Go up there, and if we like it, we stay, don't come back.

Clarissa: [not impressed] Where did you get Portland?

Matt: Well, nobody knows us up there.

Clarissa: People know us here?

Layne: [mimicking Sonny & Cher, his hand wandering] I know you, babe.

Clarissa: [brushing him off] That's really annoying, Layne.

Layne: [to Matt:] So what, man? We could be lumberjacks or something?

Matt: There's other things to do.

Layne: Like what?

Maggie: Like getting stoned.

[laughter]

Layne: It almost sounds like a plan. Except we're all broke, and I'm the only one with a car.

Tony: We could just take all our parents' money, take off, discover America, and make like we're Easy Rider plus five.

Clarissa: [checking Maggie's wristwatch] Shit, I gotta go. Burkewaite's gonna have a spaz attack if I'm late again.

Layne: [taunting] She's in love with his middle-aged ass.

Clarissa: He's not middle-aged, asshole.

[to new arrival coming up:]

Clarissa: Hi, John.

Layne: [to Samson] Didn't think you'd make it today. Where's Jamie?

Samson: I killed her.

Clarissa: [to Maggie] She's gonna be in big trouble if she keeps ditching like this.

Maggie: [to Samson] You what?

Samson: I killed her.

Maggie: [decides he's talking nonsense] You're strange, John.

[the two girls walk off to class]

Matt: Do you wanna know why our son is dead? Do you really wanna know? He went there not because of me. He was with her not because of me. He went there because of you. Because you are so controlling, so overbearing, so angry, that he was it! That he was our only son!

Ruth: That is not true!

Matt: Oh, yes it is. Yes, it is. Ever since he was little, you were telling him how he was wrong. I remember, one time you yanked him out of a little league game and sent him home, for throwing his glove in the dirt. He was what? Nine years old. Everything he did was wrong. Well, what was wrong with him, Ruth? You are so unforgiving. You are. That's what he said. And now you're pulling the same shit with me, and that's a horrible way to be. It's a horrible. You're bitter, Ruth. And you can point your finger all you want at me, but you better take a damn good look at yourself first.

[after Matt shoots and kills Richard]

Willis Grinnel: Matt! What did you do? This isn't what we talked about!

Matt: He... he tried to run.

Willis Grinnel: We were going to wait and take him out in the woods.

Matt: I couldn't wait.

Matt: I know what you think, that I was too lenient, that I let him get away with...

[Ruth interrupts him, smashing a plate on the floor]

Ruth: EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!

Matt: [pulls out hamburger buns from paper bag] Oh, Ruth hates these.

Willis Grinnel: What?

Matt: I got the wrong kind of buns.

Willis Grinnel: Maybe we can borrow hers.

[points towards Natalie, who is bending over and feeding Duncan]

Willis Grinnel: Ah, what I would give to have back my youth.

Matt: Yeah, well, Willis, you never had that in your youth.

Matt: [greets Frank on the dock] How'd you pull?

Frank Fowler: Not too bad, about 40 pounds.

Matt: I haven't caught sight of you in days.

Frank Fowler: You know where to find me.

Matt: When are you coming home?

Frank Fowler: Has it come to this?

Matt: Come to what?

Frank Fowler: You having to run errands for Mom.

[Matt laughs silently]

Frank Fowler: I'm thinking of building a couple hundred more traps. See if can do better than break even.

Matt: It'll take you more than two years to get a license to fish off-season.

Frank Fowler: Right. Unless Henry takes me on as his sternman.

Matt: Do you think he would do that?

Frank Fowler: Maybe. It's as good a life as any. It was good enough for your father, and sometimes things just skip a generation.

Matt: You don't think... You don't think that you might need something more?

Frank Fowler: Why... so I can have an Ivy League education like you, and... Christ, if it's so great, how come you sneak out of your office every day to come down here?

Matt: I like spending time with my son.

Frank Fowler: Uh-huh.

[Matt sits down next to Frank]

Frank Fowler: I don't know, Dad. It's just- I don't know. She is a wonderful girl, and that's what I see.

Matt: [Last line in the film after Matt has killed Richard] "I don't know."

Ruth: He needs his head in school, not in her.

Matt: So to speak.

Ruth: Oh, come on, you've heard the same things I have.

Matt: You seem to forget, I don't take my lunches in the teachers' lounge.

Matt: Hélène! Hélène! Hélène! They've all been charged, even the general. The magistrate didn't back down. You see? It's as if he were still alive. It's a real revolution. The government will fall. The extremists will be swept away. The elections will be a landslide victory.

Matt: You know, if people don't get this, it's gonna backfire so hard.

Matt: Give me the keys you cocksucker motherfucker!

Matt: Owen: This is sick! This is sick how you act like this all the time now. Matt: What are you talking about? Owen: How it's always a movie for you, how you're always acting. It's pathetic!

Jack: "The world breaks everyone, and afterwards, some are strong at the broken places"-Ernest Hemingway.

Matt: Wasn't he the one who shot himself?

Matt: He's the crazy one who has buried money in his backyard Gar, and he got drunk and talked about it.

Bridgette Bachman: So, how about that interview you still owe me?

Matt: The interview. DID you know... that Gar loves you? My man, Gar, loves you, and he's probably going to be famous someday. Probably the next Hemingway. So think about that.

Matt: yeah jimmy you said extra, i thought you meant like 50!

Jimmy: 50 is the regular fucking price asshole!

Matt: Exploring the Antarctic is like exploring space. You enter a void, thousands of miles, with no people, no animals, no plants. You're isolated in a vast, empty continent. Claustrophobia and agoraphobia in the same place, like two people in a bed.

Matt: [narrating] Lisa didn't want to go to the gig that night, so I gave her ticket away. Five thousand people in a room and you can still feel alone.

Matt: [narrating voice over] She was twenty one, beautiful, egotistical, careless and crazy.

Matt: There was only a week before her flight home. She was like a tourist on holiday in London. She bought souvenirs and Christmas presents. She was happy to be leaving.

Matt: The Antarctic is the planet's memory, a memory of a time before there were people.

Matt: The Antarctic 13,800.000 km2 square Km's of ICE. A continent of ICE. A place where no man had ever been until its 20th century.

Lisa: You look like a gangster like that.

Matt: I'm trying to look like a gangster.

Lisa: You look ugly.

Matt: I'm trying to look ugly.

Lisa: Those glasses look so ugly.

Matt: I'm trying to look ugly.

Lisa: They look stupid.

Matt: I'm trying to look stupid.

Lisa: [after taking some speed] You are so boring today. Boring... bo-ring... I'm sure there's someone named Bo... Bo Ring. Bo Derek...

Matt: You're so fucking interesting when you start taking pills at this time of day.

Lisa: You know what, I haven't even taken any fucking pills at this time of the day. That I take every day, that I've been taking since you fucking met me.

[when Matt indicated to the bottle of pills she just took]

Lisa: I haven't taken any of those pills. Did you see me take any of those pills? You've been sitting right in front of me. Are you sitting in front of me not even looking at me? Don't even pay any fucking attention to me.

[Lisa is standing in front of a mirror looking at her naked, skinny, flat-chested body]

Lisa: Do I look like a boy?

Matt: [sarcastic] Yeah. That's one of the reasons why I like you.

[first lines]

Matt: When I remember Lisa I don't think about her clothes, or her work, or where she was from, or even what she said. I think about her smell, her taste, her skin touching mine.

Matt: [to Lisa] Forget who you are. Forget where you are.

Matt: [to Lisa] I love you.

Matt: The ICE sheet can be 4 km a date. The ICE found that can be half-million years old. The air trapped in the ICE. We called the climate when the ICE was formed. The Antarctic is a planet's memory. A memory of time before there were the people.

Matt: That you fly over the continent you see the journey of the ice in reverse. The sea, the Iceberg, the see Ice, the Ice-shelf and the Ice sheet. Each year the Ice inches its way from the heart of the continent to the see into which it finally melts.

Laura: Woo! Who wants to see my butt? She's going to see my ass tonight!

[points at a female partygoer]

Matt: Yeah! I'm going to see your ass tonight too Laura!

[moves in over a now lying down Laura]

Matt: [Leaning over a passing out Laura] I Need you to get out of here!

Laura: [Placing his hand against Matt's face and closing eyes laying down upon steel chair bench] Shh, I'm going to bed.

[first lines]

Matt: I love you. And I have a condom.

Matt: I'm not staying in this fucking town with these asshole people, okay? There is like a world out there, outside this town.

Leigh: The world is full of assholes.

Anne Marie: Just tell me what to do... please.

Matt: You want me to tell you what to do?

Anne Marie: Yes.

Matt: You know what to do.

Anne Marie: No. Matt... I don't.

Matt: Just be the girl I met on the beach.

Anne Marie: Who? Who was she?

Matt: The kind of girl who wouldn't ask a guy what to do.

Matt: Wait, are you wearing my cologne?

Matt: You're a girl that doesn't ask a guy what to do...

Matt: Hey, I think you're forgetting something.

[Shows her her bra]

Carrie Davis: They're from Africa. I'm sure they're not gonna care.

Matt: I never met anyone like you before. You're totally different. You're compelling.

Matt: I have to do it.

Sandra: Do what?

Matt: Fuck a corpse.

Matt: He's also at the Wallis Funeral Home. Now, did you sleep with these two guys?

Sandra Larson: You know, I don't fuck everything that's dead.

Matt: That's not what I meant.

Casey: Matt, I have a question for you.

Matt: Uh huh.

Casey: If you were able to know when you were going to die, would you want to know?

Matt: I feel like an idiot.

Casey: You look like an idiot.

Matt: I am an idiot.

Matt: We're hundreds of miles away from home, what are we supposed to do?

Casey: Tap our heels three times?

Matt: You think I'm crazy?

Casey: You're asking me?

Matt: You pulled the alarm?

Casey: Yeah.

Matt: What are you nuts?

Casey: Yeah.

Casey: I don't want to be sick anymore, okay?

Matt: You don't have to.

Casey: I don't want to live like this!

Matt: You don't have to!

Casey: They'll lock me up.

Matt: No... no, I'm not gonna let 'em... alright? But you can't do this yourself. Neither can I... I tried, okay? I can't do it.

Casey: Well then go... if it's too much for you to handle.

Matt: I can handle it, alright? I mean I'm here, aren't I? I'm here right now! I'm not leaving!

Joanna: Are you going to have sex with her?

Matt: What do you know about sex?

Joanna: Enough. Don't change the subject.

Rex: [Matt pulls a gun out of the package] I know what this means. I know... fucking cocksuckers.

[looks at the camera]

Rex: I know what this means, fuck you. Do your fucking research okay, 'cos him doing that to himself was the best thing that ever fucking happened to me. Fuck you.

[looks back at the others]

Rex: What?

Matt: [indicating the gun] I'll put this out of harm's way.

[goes over to Rex]

Matt: Come on, lets go upstairs.

Rex: What? They think they can fuck with me now?

Charlie: His dad, right?

Rex: [pretending the two dolls are Matt and Emma having sex] Oh Emma! Yes Matt? Oh Emma! Matt! Emma! Matt! Emma! Emma! Emma! Oh Emma! Oh Matt! Oh Emma! Oh Matt! Oh Matt, Matt wait, wait! What? What? Matt! What? That's my ass! I know Emma, I know!

Matt: Grow up, Rex

Rex: Don't gimme that nice-guy bullshit! You don't wanna fuck? Don't gimme that nice-guy thing! Oh Matt... Matt! You... You don't have a dick! Why don't you have... You don't have a... a dick?

Danny: [naked in an uncovered exterior shower, watching the Red Cross trucks pass] That's the Red Cross...they only do it for officers.

Matt: If you don't put your uniform on, they'll never tell the difference.

Matt: One last goodbye, forever, my former love... kiss...

Matt: This thing's gonna kill us, isn't it?

Kyle: Probably.

Matt: All this over a fuckin' tooth.

Matt: You're crazy, Walsh.

Kyle: Crazy isn't what it used to be.

Matt: Batten, see what that was.

Officer Batten: No, you go see.

Matt: I outrank you.

Officer Batten: Lead by example and see what it was.

[first lines]

Matt: Hey, hey! Hello, mate.

Luke: Oh, it's good to see you.

Matt: You too.

Luke: How are you?

Matt: Great!

Matt: [sees Jack cut the yellow ute's front right tyre] what does that achieve?

Jack: Nothing, but i feel better eh? Come on, let's have a beer.

Matt: [to Chuck] You know you're an asshole?

[motions Chuck closer]

Matt: You really are.

[motions Chuck even closer]

Matt: I mean it.

[both laugh]

Matt: If we get through this, I'm taking you out to a nice dinner.

Megan: And "nice dinner".

Matt: In the Bahamas.

[last lines]

Megan: What are you thinking about?

Matt: The Bahamas.

Megan: Me too.

Scott: Pay attention kiddies 'cause your about to get a lesson from the master.

Matt: Masterbater maybe!

Scott: Hell yeah... three times a day!

Matt: I keep telling you, I don't groom... I merely guide.

Ed: First rule: Never be far from your car.

Matt: Ahh, we should have made up that rule five minutes ago.

Claire: [speaking on cell phone] What I mean is, that he jumped into the lake, drowned, and woke up trying to save Jennifer.

Matt: Isn't Jennifer dead at this point?

Kevin: Dude, you're busted.

Matt: I may be busted, but I'm out of school, baby.

Kevin, Matt: The beer is good, the sex is fine, we're the Class of 2009!

Shelly: You guys are full of shit.

[Matt and Kevin propose a road trip]

Matt: Anyways, we came up with this idea when we leave here we have no idea where we're going.

Tracy: And that's different from any other time how?

Kevin: No, see that's the fun part. Just get in the car and go - it don't matter where. That's what makes it fun.

[the gang finds Michelle's car abandoned on the side of the road]

Tracy: What are we going to do? We don't know where she is.

Matt: We don't know where *we* are.

[Jerry finds an old but servicable vehicle under a tarp in the "abandoned" western town]

Kevin: Awesome, dude! Let's go for help.

Matt: Awesome, dude! Let's go to jail for grand theft auto.

Kevin: Dude, it's a clunker. Who's going to care?

Shelly: The owner?

[Kevin has just lost a quick draw contest with "the sheriff"]

Matt: He's dead.

Tracy: What?

Matt: He's bleeding. He's really fucking dead!

Shelly: I thought you said that they were just... blanks.

Victoria Bailey: Honey, your friend did have blanks, but my husband uses real bullets.

Matt: Go fuck yourself, Kelvin.

Kelvin: I frequently do! And I fucking enjoy it!

Craig: He kept calling me queer!

Matt: For fuck's sake, Craig, that's what you are, a queer! Just deal with it!

Troy: Baby, I smell some gossip. I smell big, fat, stinking, juicy gossip.

Matt: Troy, my friend, you have no idea.

Matt: [at the water cooler] What's wrong, pal?

Parker Concorde: [sigh] Sam left me.

Matt: Oh, come on, Park. There's PLENTY of guys out there for ya.

Parker Concorde: Sam's a girl.

Troy: [entering] Woo, a girl?

Parker Concorde: I like women!

Troy: Good, good. That's what I'm talkin' about! Join the club! See, that's what it's all about.

Matt: I like 'em, too.

Troy: Yeah. Does... does Jack know about this?

Parker Concorde: I went out with Jack to avoid Tom.

Matt: Yeah, but you and Tom were so... so cute together.

Parker Concorde: My girlfriend set me up, so I HAD to go out with Tom.

Kim: [joining in] Why would your girlfriend set you up with a guy?

Parker Concorde: She thought I was gay.

Matt: Kinky.

Matt: If you were 30 years younger, I'd pull out every hair in your head.

Cyclone Kenyon: When I was 30 years younger, my wife beat'cha to it!