Lisa DePardo Quotes in Labor Pains (2009)

Lisa DePardo: It smells like something died in here.

Thea Clayhill: It did... my soul.

Greg: You know, I find it fascinating that Kristin is only a month further along than you, and yet she's the size of a school bus while you're still over here looking like Kate Moss.

Thea Clayhill: Uh, different strokes, I guess.

Greg: Perhaps it's easier to feel the bump than to see it.

[reaches for Thea's stomach, Lisa swats at his hand]

Greg: What's the big deal? Everyone likes to touch a pregnant stomach.

Lisa DePardo: Because you're a gross weirdo, Greg.

Thea Clayhill: And the baby doesn't like gross weirdos, Greg!

Thea Clayhill: I look rediculous. These jeans are elastic on the top. I feel like I'm wearing a condom on my stomach.

Lisa DePardo: Trust me, you don't look like you've been anywhere NEAR a condom.

Lisa DePardo: I need you to say 'My Name is Thea and I am NOT pregnant.'

Thea Clayhill: Do you think he'll ever forgive me?

Lisa DePardo: Do you want me to be honest? Or do you want me to make you feel better?

Lisa DePardo: Pregnant. It's brilliant. Where'd you come up with that?

Thea Clayhill: Oh, I saw it on an episode of law and order. Yeah, you can't fire a pregnant women. Discrimination, lawsuits, bad mojo... whatever.

Lisa DePardo: Smart.

Lisa DePardo: If you want people to think you're pregnant, you gotta start talking the talk and walking the... waddle.

Lisa DePardo: Ew. Look at those nipples!

[reading a pregnancy book]

Greg: Congratulations, Thea.

Thea Clayhill: Thank you, Greg.

Greg: You really think you can get to the top by playing games, don't cha? I know what you're up to, Thea. And I think that it stinks. It super stinks.

Lisa DePardo: Hm.

Thea Clayhill: Well, really? Do you think that it stinks that I wanna hire you to be my assistant?

Greg: Really?

Thea Clayhill: You'll start first thing Monday after I put the paperwork through.

Greg: Oh wow, Thea. Thea, thank you so much. I- I could kiss you right now.

Thea Clayhill: You don't have to do that.

Greg: I'll see you later, boss.

Thea Clayhill: He's actually kinda cute, though. Don't ya think?

Lisa DePardo: Who?

Thea Clayhill: Um... Nick.

Lisa DePardo: Um... No.