Fred Simmons Quotes in The Foot Fist Way (2006)

Fred Simmons: I'm so hungry I could eat a grown man's ass right now!

Fred Simmons: If you were in prison, you'd be raped because you exude feminine qualities. You're also a big ole fat piece of ass.

Fred Simmons: Let me think about that for a second. Ok, I've thought about it and I think my answer to that question would have to be "fuck you". I don't care if you wake up in a ditch with grown men shitting on you and jumping on top of your head. Maybe your nose will turn into a big ole dick and you can stroke that all the time. I hope your hair turns into dog shit one day. You wake up and you run your comb through it and all that it is, is little trundles of dog shit. The worst shit that you could imagine. AIDS... it's cool. Everything comes around sweetheart.

Julio Chavez: Who do you think would win in a fight between Bruce Lee and Chuck the Truck?

Fred Simmons: What are you kidding? The Truck - easy. He's the eight year undefeated kickboxing champion. Can Bruce Lee say that? No. Bruce Lee is dead.

Fred Simmons: Your weakness is disgusting to me.

Fred Simmons: Dentistry? I can't even believe that's something that's real.

Fred Simmons: Derek, have you got your cup on? Because I will hit you there.

Fred Simmons: Fuck it. Get Ready.

Fred Simmons: No, jujitsu sucks.

Fred Simmons: Meditation is terrific and all, but I've never heard of it saving anyone from a gang rape type situation. Meditate on that. Rape.

Fred Simmons: Tae Kwon Do is terrific for keeping in shape, but it's also a deadly serious killing system.

Fred Simmons: Julio, of course, is up to nothing.

Fred Simmons: Well, get un-tired... cause it's 2-for-1 crab legs night... at Captain Orlander's.

Fred Simmons: Julio, will you answer the FUCKING phone!

Fred Simmons: Oh shit! We forgot to say grace.

Suzie Simmons: [Walking in wearing a leotard] Hey you guys are stretching? I just finished doing that.

Fred Simmons: You just get back from working out?

Suzie Simmons: No, I just got back from church you fucking retard!

Fred Simmons: Okay,and that's wonderful language that my wife uses in front of my friends.

Fred Simmons: Boom got him. Gotcha didn't she rick?

Rick: No, i was just doing what you told me to do.

Fred Simmons: Okay, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Rick, you think you can beat this combination? Marge & I here think differently don't we Marge?

Marge: Yes sir.

Fred Simmons: Okay Rick, I want you to come at Marge with everything you got no holds barred full contact. & I'm gonna warn you. I don't think you're gonna like how this ends hotshot.

Fred Simmons: Marge, ready stance!

Marge: Yes sir.

Fred Simmons: & remember Marge, the distracting backfist, that's the key. Koonyay... seechack!

Fred Simmons: [after seeing Rick uppercut Marge and kick in the stomach while she's down] She still alive? Will someone please check her pulse?

Fred Simmons: [Suzie arrives home, walks to the kitchen, and Fred comes around the corner with a knife] Fuck you!

Fred Simmons: Well, I rebuilt the engine about a year ago. New tires, new brakes. Gotten this baby up to 157 on the open highway, plus there were 2,000 rpm's left. It's a very special car. It means a lot to me. And sure I wanna sell it, I wanna get rid of it, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna unload it on any little yahoo that comes in here off the street, thinking this car's neat-o. I wanna check your credentials. I gotta know what kind of man you are. Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?

Man Who Buys Car: Well, I've always wanted to drive a car like this, since I was a teenager. I've got two kids, and I've got debt up to my ass. My wife said she'd divorce me if I wasted my money on this. I don't care, I want it anyway.

Fred Simmons: I hear what you're saying. And I like it. You got yourself a deal.