Thea Clayhill Quotes in Labor Pains (2009)

Lisa DePardo: It smells like something died in here.

Thea Clayhill: It did... my soul.

Greg: You know, I find it fascinating that Kristin is only a month further along than you, and yet she's the size of a school bus while you're still over here looking like Kate Moss.

Thea Clayhill: Uh, different strokes, I guess.

Greg: Perhaps it's easier to feel the bump than to see it.

[reaches for Thea's stomach, Lisa swats at his hand]

Greg: What's the big deal? Everyone likes to touch a pregnant stomach.

Lisa DePardo: Because you're a gross weirdo, Greg.

Thea Clayhill: And the baby doesn't like gross weirdos, Greg!

Thea Clayhill: I look rediculous. These jeans are elastic on the top. I feel like I'm wearing a condom on my stomach.

Lisa DePardo: Trust me, you don't look like you've been anywhere NEAR a condom.

Nick: [Thea kisses Nick] I've been wanting to do that for a really long time now.

Thea Clayhill: Actually, I did that.

Nick: Right.

Thea Clayhill: Do you think he'll ever forgive me?

Lisa DePardo: Do you want me to be honest? Or do you want me to make you feel better?

Lisa DePardo: Pregnant. It's brilliant. Where'd you come up with that?

Thea Clayhill: Oh, I saw it on an episode of law and order. Yeah, you can't fire a pregnant women. Discrimination, lawsuits, bad mojo... whatever.

Lisa DePardo: Smart.

Greg: Congratulations, Thea.

Thea Clayhill: Thank you, Greg.

Greg: You really think you can get to the top by playing games, don't cha? I know what you're up to, Thea. And I think that it stinks. It super stinks.

Lisa DePardo: Hm.

Thea Clayhill: Well, really? Do you think that it stinks that I wanna hire you to be my assistant?

Greg: Really?

Thea Clayhill: You'll start first thing Monday after I put the paperwork through.

Greg: Oh wow, Thea. Thea, thank you so much. I- I could kiss you right now.

Thea Clayhill: You don't have to do that.

Greg: I'll see you later, boss.

Thea Clayhill: ...No, I didn't finish college.

Nick: Oh, why not? Too boring? Not 'Joan Jett' enough for you?

Thea Clayhill: He's actually kinda cute, though. Don't ya think?

Lisa DePardo: Who?

Thea Clayhill: Um... Nick.

Lisa DePardo: Um... No.

Emma Clayhill: What is THAT?

[seeing Thea's pregnant stomach for the first time]

Thea Clayhill: Just because you don't like my dress doesn't mean you have to be rude.

Thea Clayhill: [Thea cleans Greg's glasses and puts them back on him] I hope you don't mind. I just couldn't take it anymore.

Nick: Oh wow. Wow, I can see. Oh my god, Thea. I don't know if you know this but y- you're pregnant.

Thea Clayhill: Your sense of humor really takes a dive after 9 o'clock, huh?

Nick: Is it after nine?

Thea Clayhill: Yea.

Nick: Oh my god. I'm slave-driving a pregnant woman.

Kristin: I don't know what to do. I mean, this was Dan's idea. He was all like, "Let's have a baby. It'll be so cute." You know? I was like, "Really? Really? Well, let's strap 50 pounds of cement to YOUR torso and see how fun it is then!" You know, I just...

Thea Clayhill: Yeah, I know. I understand.

Kristin: I just need a drink. Or some weed.