Lesley Quotes in Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)

Jake: Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?

Lesley: We share a vagina.

Lesley: Why don't I have any self respect?

Laura: You're an actress, honey.

Jake: Ask me if he sells tickets.

Riggan: Does he sell tickets?

Jake: A shitload of tickets! Now ask me if the critics like him?

Riggan: Do they like him?

Jake: They want to spooge on him.

Riggan: [Indicating there's a lady in the room] Hey.

Jake: Lesley...

Lesley: Right on his face.

Lesley: I'm pathetic. You know, I've dreamt of being a Broadway actress since I was a little kid. And now I'm here. And I'm not a Broadway actress. I'm still just a little kid. And I keep waiting for someone to tell me I made it.

Laura: [Sincerely] Hey. You made it.

Lesley: I did?

Laura: Sadly it was with Mike Shiner, on a fake motel bed.

Lesley: Mike's available.

Riggan: I thought he was doing the thing...?

Lesley: He was. He quit... or got fired.

Riggan: Which is it, quit or fired?

Lesley: Well, with Mike it's usually both.

Mike Shiner: Lesley?

Lesley: What?

Mike Shiner: I think I'm hard.

Lesley: No, you're not. It's just that sometimes you don't consider other people's feelings, that's all.

Mike Shiner: No, no, no. I'm getting hard. Feel that.

Lesley: He tried to fuck me in front of the entire audience.

Lesley: [after accidentally bad-mouthing Sam in front of her] How is it that you always manage to find a new way to humiliate me?

Mike Shiner: Oh, to be fair, you make it really easy.

[Mike got an erection on stage and actually wanted to have sex]

Lesley: You've got to be shitting me. You can't get it up in six months, and now you want to fuck me in front of 800 strangers?

Lesley: What are you doing?

Mike Shiner: I'm waiting on Larry.

Larry: I'm finished.

Mike Shiner: Then I'm just standing with my cock out.

Lesley: Well, get dressed. Riggan's daughter's hanging around, and I don't need her to...

Mike Shiner: Lesley?

Lesley: ...walk in here. No, Mike, you haven't seen her. She's always hanging around, watching everyone, like Little Miss Creepy.

Mike Shiner: Mm-hmm. Les?

Lesley: I don't know if it's the drugs that fried her brain or what, but I just don't want her running to her father saying you showed her your junk.

Mike Shiner: Then we should ask her to leave.

Lesley: [mortified] Oh, god. Really?

Lesley: [about Mike] He's such an asshole.

Laura: What'd he do now?

Lesley: Oh, nothing. He just tried to fuck me in front of an entire audience.

Laura: Oh, my god.

Lesley: Right?

Laura: That's kind of hot.

Lesley: [Laura looks as if she is about to kiss Lesley] What are you doing?

Laura: Nothing.

[Laura kisses Lesley]

Lesley: Do it again.