Judd Altman Quotes in This Is Where I Leave You (2014)

Judd Altman: It's hard to see people from your past when your present is so cataclysmically screwed up.

Judd Altman: Three months ago I had a great job and a nice apartment and I was in love with my wife.

Wendy Altman: No, you weren't.

Judd Altman: No?

Wendy Altman: No. She was sleeping with somebody else for a year and you never noticed... How in love could you have been?

Judd Altman: Yep... That's fair.

Paul Altman: Dad always had a soft spot for him.

Judd Altman: I think he liked us because we're a lot like him; he liked Phillip because he's nothing like him.

Penny Moore: You used to laugh at my jokes.

Judd Altman: No, I didn't.

Penny Moore: Yes, you did.

Judd Altman: Yes, I did, but your jokes used to be funnier.

Phillip Altman: Dad was a stoner?

Judd Altman: No, it was probably medicinal.

Phillip Altman: It always is.

Horry Callen: Brain injury. There are things I can't do.

Judd Altman: Like what?

Horry Callen: Like remember what the hell it is I can't do.

Judd Altman: I'm gonna have to forgive her for the sake of that kid, aren't I?

Phillip Altman: Well, I'm no expert... but I think you're gonna have to make much larger sacrifices down the road.

Phillip Altman: Sorry I'm late

Judd Altman: You're a dick.

Phillip Altman: Yeah, tell me something I don't know.

Judd Altman: Your shirt is on inside out.

Phillip Altman: That, I did not know

Judd Altman: What's the matter with you. Do you ever think before you speak?

Phillip Altman: No, that would take all the fun out of it.

Judd Altman: I don't understand the Shiva. Mom's not even Jewish, and dad was an atheist.

Wendy Altman: A Jewish atheist, and this is what he wanted.

Judd Altman: You can't possibly know it' mine.

Quinn Altman: Trust me, it's yours.

Judd Altman: Well, strangely, trust is not the first impulse I have when it comes to you.

Paul Altman: [On phone to Annie] Calm down... Calm down... CALM DOWN. I'm coming home, I'm coming home.

[to everyone]

Paul Altman: I have to go have sex.

Judd Altman: Oh.

Wendy Altman: You know, in some cultures, people actually enjoy sex.

Paul Altman: Well, not when it's on a schedule.

Judd Altman: We've come apart there Mom. Could you please close that robe, please. Cover it!

Hillary Altman: They are just breasts, Judd. The same ones you suckled at.

Judd Altman: No Mother, those are not the same breasts you nursed us with. Those are... those are... you've got bionic breasts now.

Hillary Altman: Your Father didn't see it that way. He used to like to put his penis...

Judd Altman: Jesus Christ, Mother. Thank you

Penny Moore: You coming in?

Judd Altman: Should I?

Penny Moore: I would.

Judd Altman: It's not a good time, Wendy.

Wendy Altman: Dad's dead.

Judd Altman: [Taken aback] What?

Wendy Altman: [Crying] He died about an hour ago.

Judd Altman: They said he had more time.

Wendy Altman: Yeah, well apparently, he didn't.

Judd Altman: Shit. How's Mom?

Wendy Altman: She's Mom. You know, she asked me how much to tip the nurses. Listen, there's something else. Dad wants us to sit Shiva.

Judd Altman: Dad's dead.

Wendy Altman: Yeah, apparently that's the optimal time to do it.