Wendy Altman Quotes in This Is Where I Leave You (2014)

Judd Altman: Three months ago I had a great job and a nice apartment and I was in love with my wife.

Wendy Altman: No, you weren't.

Judd Altman: No?

Wendy Altman: No. She was sleeping with somebody else for a year and you never noticed... How in love could you have been?

Judd Altman: Yep... That's fair.

Hillary Altman: You can't leave this house; we're sitting shiva.

Wendy Altman: Mom, you're sitting in the exact same spot we put our Christmas tree.

Wendy Altman: Don't worry about Chelsea. Philip's skanky ex-girlfriends are a dime a dozen.

Tracy Sullivan: Do they all have to look like Victoria's Secret models?

Wendy Altman: She's not that hot.

Tracy Sullivan: Oh, come on! I would do her.

Wendy Altman: Yeah. I wouldn't say that in front of my brother.

Wendy Altman: You need to put a baby in that woman, like yesterday.

Paul Altman: I'm working on it.

Wendy Altman: Have you had your man parts checked?

Paul Altman: Come on, not now Wendy.

Wendy Altman: You may have emptied them over the years... My room was next to yours... My room was next to yours.

Judd Altman: I don't understand the Shiva. Mom's not even Jewish, and dad was an atheist.

Wendy Altman: A Jewish atheist, and this is what he wanted.

Wendy Altman: So, you are going to sleep with Penny, so you can forgive Quinn, and then get back on the road more traveled, and forget you ever got off.

Paul Altman: [On phone to Annie] Calm down... Calm down... CALM DOWN. I'm coming home, I'm coming home.

[to everyone]

Paul Altman: I have to go have sex.

Judd Altman: Oh.

Wendy Altman: You know, in some cultures, people actually enjoy sex.

Paul Altman: Well, not when it's on a schedule.

Judd Altman: It's not a good time, Wendy.

Wendy Altman: Dad's dead.

Judd Altman: [Taken aback] What?

Wendy Altman: [Crying] He died about an hour ago.

Judd Altman: They said he had more time.

Wendy Altman: Yeah, well apparently, he didn't.

Judd Altman: Shit. How's Mom?

Wendy Altman: She's Mom. You know, she asked me how much to tip the nurses. Listen, there's something else. Dad wants us to sit Shiva.

Judd Altman: Dad's dead.

Wendy Altman: Yeah, apparently that's the optimal time to do it.