Jason Kelly Quotes in Dirty Grandpa (2016)

Jason Kelly: [shows up in a yellow sweater and plaid slacks] Well, how do I look?

Dick Kelly: Like the keynote speaker at a butt-fucking convention.

Jason Kelly: Being a corporate lawyer is awesome. I get to handle SCC compliance...

Dick Kelly: No shit.

Jason Kelly: Yeah, yeah.

Dick Kelly: You handle SCC compliance?

Jason Kelly: LP agreements...

Dick Kelly: Oh, man! I didn't know that!

Jason Kelly: LLC agreements...

Dick Kelly: You're shitting me.

Jason Kelly: Being a corporate lawyer, you know, it's got its upsides.

Dick Kelly: You know what I'd rather do?

Jason Kelly: What?

Dick Kelly: I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon.

Cousin Nick: Fuckin' sucks dick about grandma, huh? Old woman fuckin' murdered like that.

Jason Kelly: I think she had cancer.

Cousin Nick: We'll never know the truth.

Jason Kelly: We absolutely know the truth. Grandma had cancer for ten years.

Cousin Nick: You don't just die from cancer, Jason.

Dick Kelly: We have a long standing bet - who's the better golfer. Obviously I've got the bigger three wood.

Lenore: Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina.

Jason Kelly: Holy shit.

Jason Kelly: I don't think you're very popular here, Grandpa.

Dick Kelly: You're the one that's going to have to watch out. You might get Oreo'd.

Jason Kelly: Oreo'd?

Dick Kelly: That's when two black guys fuck a white guy. You're the cream in the middle.