Dick Kelly Quotes in Dirty Grandpa (2016)

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Dick Kelly Quotes:

  • Jason Kelly: [shows up in a yellow sweater and plaid slacks] Well, how do I look?

    Dick Kelly: Like the keynote speaker at a butt-fucking convention.

  • Lenore: For what it's worth, I still really wanna fuck you.

    Dick Kelly: Oh, we're gonna fuck.

    Lenore: Yeah, we are.

    Dick Kelly: We're gonna thunderfuck.

    Lenore: You're gonna tsunami on my face.

    Dick Kelly: You're gonna flood like the Nile.

    Lenore: Yeah, I guess the drought in my pussy is finally over.

    Dick Kelly: The villagers will finally eat.

    Lenore: If you're gonna die while you're eating me out, I want your last breath to be in my pussy.

    Cody: Lenore, you're such a slut!

  • Lenore: I like your pull out couch.

    Dick Kelly: Yeah? Well, I got news for ya. That's the only thing that's gonna be pulling out tonight.

  • Jason Kelly: Being a corporate lawyer is awesome. I get to handle SCC compliance...

    Dick Kelly: No shit.

    Jason Kelly: Yeah, yeah.

    Dick Kelly: You handle SCC compliance?

    Jason Kelly: LP agreements...

    Dick Kelly: Oh, man! I didn't know that!

    Jason Kelly: LLC agreements...

    Dick Kelly: You're shitting me.

    Jason Kelly: Being a corporate lawyer, you know, it's got its upsides.

    Dick Kelly: You know what I'd rather do?

    Jason Kelly: What?

    Dick Kelly: I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon.

  • Dick Kelly: We have a long standing bet - who's the better golfer. Obviously I've got the bigger three wood.

    Lenore: Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina.

    Jason Kelly: Holy shit.

  • Dick Kelly: Look... I'm sorry, I don't know if I can do this. I haven't done it for a long time.

    Lenore: I want you to tear open my bra like it's a social security check

    Lenore: Tell me you've fallen and you can't get up.

    Dick Kelly: I've fallen and I can't get up.

    Lenore: Tell me how things were better under Eisenhower.

    Dick Kelly: Things were better under Eisenhower.

    Lenore: We like Ike!

    Dick Kelly: [yells] We like Ike! We like Ike! We like Ike! We like Ike!

    Lenore: Are you cumming or dying?

    Dick Kelly: I'm not sure, maybe both!

  • Dick Kelly: I'm gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? You want summa dat drank? Summa dat purple draaank? Summa dat purple ass mother fuckin' pip dick draaank?

    Tyrone: Who... the fuck... are you?

  • Dick Kelly: Party till you're pregnant!

  • Dick Kelly: I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

  • Dick Kelly: Hey, you know your cigars! What are you, half Cuban or something?

    Lenore: Actually I am, Professor.

    [bends over]

    Lenore: The bottom half.

  • Stinky: [indicating Jason] Who's the lesbian?

    Dick Kelly: My grandson, Jason.

    Stinky: Is he here to scissor with me?

  • Jason Kelly: I don't think you're very popular here, Grandpa.

    Dick Kelly: You're the one that's going to have to watch out. You might get Oreo'd.

    Jason Kelly: Oreo'd?

    Dick Kelly: That's when two black guys fuck a white guy. You're the cream in the middle.

  • Lenore: Hi, Professor.

    Dick Kelly: Well, there's the prettiest little girl on the beach.

    Lenore: Thank you.

    Dick Kelly: I was actually talking to him.

    Bradley: Yup, immediately offensive. I'm going back to the hotel.

    Dick Kelly: Just try not to join the cast of "Rent" on the way back.

  • Dick Kelly: The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.

Browse more character quotes from Dirty Grandpa (2016)

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Characters on Dirty Grandpa (2016)