Janey Quotes in Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

Janey: [talking about her dead mom] I remember it like it was yesterday, Christmas 1989, Dad had just gotten fired from the Zippo factory, Mom was still pulling in tricks to make ends meet, Daniel Day Lewis won an Oscar for "My Left Foot", and all I wanted was one of those little Betsy Wetsy dolls.

Jake: I remember those. Push her belly and she'd piss all over herself.

Janey: She said she was going out to get my Dad a bottle of gin, but, I knew she was going to get me that present. It was raining really hard that night, the roads were... slippery.

Jake: Janey... a car accident.

Janey: No. Cancer.

Jake: [Looking at stick figure drawing] Who's that?

Janey: It's my mother.

Jake: You have her eyes.

Jake: Hey Janey. What's up?

Janey: Excuse me?

Jake: So listen, you ever wondered what it'd be like to be the most popular girl in school?

Janey: You mean anorexic, superficial, a bitch, a whore who lacks any real long-term goals?

Jake: Uhhh ha ha... exactly. So, if you're interested, I thought that maybe we could go out sometime, be seen in public together.

Janey: You haven't spoken to me in, like, four years Jake.

Jake: Actually, it's more like six, because the time you're referring to when we were standing in line at that movie theater, I was actually saying "hey" to the person right behind you.

Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique rebel.

Mitch: It sounds more like you're a lesbo.

Mr. Briggs: Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone.

Janey: Thank you, daddy.

Mr. Briggs: If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision.

Flight attendant: OH GOD! Ugh! I can't believe you fell for that crap! That's from 'Pretty In Pink!'

Janey: Are you sure?

Flight attendant: Trust me!

Jake: Excuse me, what are you doing?

Flight attendant: Let me give you a little piece of advice here, Jake. Why don't you lose the "I'm the cute and sensitive, popular boy with the big side-burns routine. It's just too pathetic! And for once tell Janey what's true in your heart. Stop being such a little bitch! And you Janey! Little miss other-side-of-the-tracks awkward rebel girl with the pseudo-intellectual glasses, why don't you wise-up to Jake's bullshit! Stop being such a dumbass!

Janey: Jake! How did you get in here? I thought Dad bolted the door.

Jake: There's a big hole in the side of your house.

Janey: I knew it. That's a line from "She's All That". I masturbate to that movie.

Jake: [to nosy Flight Attendant right behind them] Do you mind?

Airline Clerk: Not at all, I think masturbation is very healthy.

Janey: [Talking about after her mom's death] It was so hard. I had to take on all of her responsibilities. Cooking... cleaning... breast feeding Mitch.

Janey: You never noticed my glasses and my ponytail.

Jake: And don't forget the paint-covered overalls.

Janey: Right... you never noticed those either.

Janey: Daddy, there's this boy, Jake...

Mr. Briggs: [Concerned] Oh, honey, Jake knocked you up!

Janey: [Horrified] What? No!

Priscilla: Think you'II be prom queen? WeII, think again, Janey. You put the ass in embarrassment. The boo in taboo. And the suck in Iiposuction.

Janey: Is that the best you can do?

Priscilla: No. You aIso put the brat in bratwurst. And the eew in jujitsu. And the ism in, This is aII just a defense mechanism.

[about a motorcycle]

Janey: Is it safe?

Drew: It's the safest thing you'll ever have between your legs.

Janey: What?

Drew, Jeff: Nothing!

Janey: Do you have a date or something?

Lynne: No I wish, I just know I must be horny.

[Being told to tell about herself and her interests]

Janey: Army bases are pretty dead, unless you're in the Army. So I always had a lot of time to daydream, and my daydream was always the same - that some day, I was going to get to Chicago, because that's where they make Dance TV.

Janey: I love to dance!

Jeff: So I tried to call you yesterday... to see if you wanted to reherse, I mean.

Janey: Oh, ummm... well my dad made us all go to the airshow.

Jeff: Was it fun?

Janey: 200 people standing around like this

[looks up at the sky and sarcastically says]

Janey: It was a blast!

Janey: I can't believe that in two weeks I'm going to be dancing on DTV!

[calms down from the excitement]

Janey: I bet I'd get hit by a car!

Jeff: What?

Janey: No, things are going to well. I mean besides DTV, I have a best friend, and I mean, I'd never dreamed in a million years that I would have a boyfriend!

Lynne: Hi! We need fifty of these right away.

[she hands Natalie's invitation to clerk at copy store]

Janey: Lynne!

Lynne: There's a few people Natalie forgot to invite.

Janey: [to clerk] Make it a hundred and fifty.

Maggie: [claps] Yea!

Lynne: We're so cool.

Janey: If I win I'm going to be on TV alright?

Col. Glenn: Negative!

[Janey is asking her father for permission to audition for DTV]

Col. Glenn: You're too young to go out at night, except for the occasional supervised school activity. When you're eighteen, then you're entitled to some nightlife. Now we had a deal, remember?

Janey: We made a deal when I was seven and a half and night life was The Muppet Show!

Col. Glenn: Don't sass me!

Janey: I'm sorry, sir.

Jeff: So where were you last night? I waited out there for an hour and a half!

Janey: Well I tried to tell you that I couldn't go, but you hung up to fast.

Natalie: Excuse me! Do either one of you have change for a twenty?

Janey: [sarcastically] Gosh, I dont' have anything smaller than a fifty.

[Janey looks at Jeff as if asking him if he has change]

Janey: Sorry.

Natalie: My Loss. Have fun.

Janey: This is really embarrassing.

Janey: Woo!

Janey: He's just uh! You know. I mean uh!

Lynne: Is he gonna call you tomorrow?

Janey: Yeah, I think so.

Janey: There's this really big Latin test on Monday and, um, I'm way way behind.

Col. Glenn: Since when do you take Latin?

Janey: Since last week which is why I'm way behind.

Lynne: My name's Lynne Stone.

Janey: Hi.

Lynne: But I'm gonna change it as soon as I'm old enough.

Zach Glenn: We have met the enemy and she has B.O.

Janey: Zach!

Janey: Jonathan and Lisa are definitely my favorite couple. You know his birthday is the same as mine almost.

Janey: We're gonna make this place into our new sorority house.

Orville Ketchum: Well then, you ladies are gonna be needin'... this.

[reaches hand in pants; the ladies gasp; he pulls out a key]

[after the ouija board's planchette inexplicably flies off of the board and into the fire, which erupts in flames; the girls scream]

Suzanne: Hey, fuck this!

Linda: This is getting too weird.

Kimberly: I mean, really, what was that?

Janey: Look, lightning must've hit the house and caused a huge electrical charge, or something.

Linda: Yeah, right, that explains everything.

Janey: We're gonna turn this into the best sorority house in school!

Janey: I never really told you guys why we got the place so cheap.

Janey: It's because you're still a virgin that you're so upset.

Christie Cromwell: I'm upset because my stepfather just tried to kill my mother.

Josh Dealey: No shit.

Christie Cromwell: I'm not kidding, your father's over at our house investigating it right now.

Lyn Lesley: Go back to Chicago. Find another bar. Find another girl.

Jed Towers: And find another wedding ring? Marriage isn't the answer to everything you know.

Lyn Lesley: Who's talking about marriage?

Jed Towers: Weren't you?

Lyn Lesley: No. But I'm sure that's all you thought I had on my mind. That's where you're wrong. That's just the point. I wouldn't want to marry you.

Jed Towers: Why not?

Lyn Lesley: It's something to do with the way you are.

Janey: They're all finished Mr. We got a new process that develops them right away.

Janey: This fish has got big floppy lips. Floppy lips. Fishy kissy fishy lips.

[Oliver edges away]

Janey: Don't forget your hatred of lentils.

Oliver: I'm sorry?

Janey: Putting the noodles and the dumplings together was a bad idea. They'll fight!

[Oliver runs off]

Janey: Don't leave the duck there! It's totaly irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have more fun.

[a thoughtful pause before Janey quacks]

Janey: I'd like to have some nice photo's.

Jim: Why?

Janey: 'Cause I want to.

Ed: What for?

Janey: My portfolio.

Ed: Why do you need a portfolio?

Janey: I don't know.

Ed: What would you do with a portfolio?

Janey: I think it'd give me good confidence.

Ed: I didn't think you needed it.

Ed: Take that to your mother, please.

Janey: She's got legs.

Ed: Take it to her anyway.