Hospital Nurse Quotes in Ghost Town (2008)

Hospital Nurse: [after Bertram's colonoscopy] Come back soon.

Bertram Pincus: What a terrible thing to say in a hospital.

Hospital Nurse: When was the last time you ate?

Bertram Pincus: A pertinent question at last. Yesterday, lunchtime. Thanks for asking. I had a tuna sandwich. Toast was soggy, but...

Hospital Nurse: Did you drink the laxative solution?

Bertram Pincus: Yes.

Hospital Nurse: Did it work?

Bertram Pincus: It was as advertised.

Hospital Nurse: Did you evacuate your bowls?

Bertram Pincus: I drank copious amounts of drain-cleaning fluid. What followed was fait accompli.

Hospital Nurse: Sir, what I'm asking is if you were...

Bertram Pincus: I shat. Okay? Good. Again and again. It was like a terrorist attack down there in the darkness and the chaos,the running and the screaming, okay?

Hospital Nurse: Fine with me.

Bertram Pincus: Good.

Bertram Pincus: Gross invasion of my privacy, this.

Hospital Nurse: Date of birth?

Bertram Pincus: Why?

Hospital Nurse: What day were you born?

Bertram Pincus: No, I understood the question. Why do you need to know that?

Hospital Nurse: Let's leave it blank. Weight?

Bertram Pincus: Last night or this morning?

Hospital Nurse: You pick.

Bertram Pincus: Hundred eighty-two pounds.

Hospital Nurse: Number of alcoholic beverages consumed per week?

Bertram Pincus: Why do you need to know that?

Hospital Nurse: Well, they want to know.

Bertram Pincus: Well, I'm sure "they" want to know a lot of things, but I don't want my intimate details auctioned off to the highest bidder, willy-nilly.

Hospital Nurse: I'll put zero. Marital status?

Bertram Pincus: Pass.

Hospital Nurse: Profession?

Bertram Pincus: Irrelevant.

Hospital Nurse: Food allergies?

Bertram Pincus: I'm not going to be eating here.

Hospital Nurse: Are you allergic to sticking plaster?

Bertram Pincus: What a ludicrous question. I'm not answering any more of these, really.

Hospital Nurse: Do you smoke?

Bertram Pincus: Stop it.

Hospital Nurse: Do you wear dentures?

Bertram Pincus: Madame, listen.