Hel Quotes in Bitch Slap (2009)

Trixie: Oh, my God. You're a wicked-cool covert operative masquerading as a sex-toy tycoon?

Hel: Mm-hmm. My mission was retrieve that... a weaponized vial of synthetic nano-swarm that Gage hijacked from a CIA convoy. It's filled with trillions of self-replicating robo-viruses that latch onto any living organism and suck the carbon out... 'til you, me, even the cockroaches are nothing more than gray goo.

[last lines]

Hel: Go to hell, Trixie!

Trixie: Last one in's a rotten egg.

Hel: Open wide psycho slut.

Camero: Lube my boob skank twat.

Trixie: 35.34.8.81 N...

Camero: What?

Trixie: Gage wrote it on a photograph - some kind of desert picture from space.

Camero: And what good does that do us?

Hel: They may be vector co-ordinates. You're sure about those numbers?

Trixie: I'm positive. I have a photo-journalistic memory.

Trixie: My God, they're gonna lock us up forever!

Camero: Shut up, ax wound!

Trixie: [hesitantly] You shut up!

Camero: What did you say?

Hel: Back off, Camero!

Camero: No! Why don't you let Gland Canyon stick up for herself?

Deputy Fuchs: How, uh... how did you ladies end up out here anyway?

Hel: Well, Officer, it's "quite" a story. See, my sisters and I are members of the Sacred Girls Virgin Choir out in Sand Dab, Arizona. We were supposed to perform a cantata today out in Mojave. Since we were so far from home, the local parish director kindly suggested that we stay as his guests. Well, after we were all snuggled into our one little bed for the night, we heard loud music and laughter coming from outside! We peeked our heads out, only to discover the entire congregation dancing and... and laughing, and smoking something that may not have been tobacco! They tried to fondle our num-nums, and even convinced Bambi Lynn here to shoot Communion wafers out of her... Anyway, we got out and ran to our car, but they chased us. Well, thank the Lord that Cheyenne here can drive and Bambi Lynn can gyrate because we lost, 'em! By then, well, it was after 3:00 a.m. and... and dark. And we were scared. And someone's not very good with directions. And... well, we ended up here. And now, if you can belive it, our car is dead.

Deputy Fuchs: [after a pause] I see.

Hel: We tried to jump her, but we just couldn't get her off. That's why we're all dirty... and desperate. You must think the worst of us.

Deputy Fuchs: Let me take a look at her; sometimes you just gotta know how to finger those old beauties.

Trixie: [seeing the underground arsenal of weapons] Whoa! Looks like Gage was ready for war!

Hel: K-14 Corsair rail gun... carbon fiber mounts... hellfire damping system... and Zion laser scope. This is some serious and classified hardware.

Trixie: How do you know all that?

Hel: [realizing she's revealed too much] Uh... my father was a part of the CIA's Ghost Recon Group in the '80s.

Trixie: You know, I've been thinking...

Camero: [annoyed] Christ.

Trixie: Is stealing from a criminal any better than just being a criminal?

Camero: I got a better one for you, Princess. What's the most outrageous place you've ever been key-holed?

Trixie: Why do you wanna know?

Camero: Just curious. It says a lot about a woman.

Trixie: Hmm. Either a bumper-car three-way with some guy and girl at the Redlands County Fair, or... on top of a horse-drawn buggy in Amish country with Jakey Stalfoos.

Camero: Hel?

Hel: Let's have a little less chit-chat and a lot more digging, huh?

Camero: I'm gonna grind those secrets out of you one day, Hel.

Hel: I don't have any secrets.

Trixie: Well, what about you, Camero?

Camero: My best bang was a contortionist out behind the freak show tent at Circus Nudeius. I couldn't stand straight for days. Never did get her name...

Hel: [about to fire a rocket at Camero] Ram this in your clam bake, bitch cake!

Hel: I'm through being Foxy 69. But you can't just walk away from Flesh Force Foxy with a wink and a hi-dee-ho.

Trixie: Why are you dogging on me all the time?

Camero: Coz you're a slapper: a woman whose only purpose is to serve men and get their dicks hard!

Trixie: I don't serve men! I serve myself. I do what I do to gain power and control to be considered sexually desirable. I'm the one using them.

Hel: She's right, Camero, she can make men do whatever she wants with nothing more than just a glance or a well timed bend over. It's her gift.

Trixie: Darn tootin!