Deputy Fuchs Quotes in Bitch Slap (2009)

Deputy Fuchs: You aren't supposed to be out here. Government used to test nukes. Stay too long, and you'll grow a third eye.

Deputy Fuchs: How, uh... how did you ladies end up out here anyway?

Hel: Well, Officer, it's "quite" a story. See, my sisters and I are members of the Sacred Girls Virgin Choir out in Sand Dab, Arizona. We were supposed to perform a cantata today out in Mojave. Since we were so far from home, the local parish director kindly suggested that we stay as his guests. Well, after we were all snuggled into our one little bed for the night, we heard loud music and laughter coming from outside! We peeked our heads out, only to discover the entire congregation dancing and... and laughing, and smoking something that may not have been tobacco! They tried to fondle our num-nums, and even convinced Bambi Lynn here to shoot Communion wafers out of her... Anyway, we got out and ran to our car, but they chased us. Well, thank the Lord that Cheyenne here can drive and Bambi Lynn can gyrate because we lost, 'em! By then, well, it was after 3:00 a.m. and... and dark. And we were scared. And someone's not very good with directions. And... well, we ended up here. And now, if you can belive it, our car is dead.

Deputy Fuchs: [after a pause] I see.

Hel: We tried to jump her, but we just couldn't get her off. That's why we're all dirty... and desperate. You must think the worst of us.

Deputy Fuchs: Let me take a look at her; sometimes you just gotta know how to finger those old beauties.